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back to article Navy SEALs look to grapple with Brazilian

The US Navy has faced up to the fact that enormous guns, nuclear missiles and an array of Top Gun navy fliers aren't the be all and end all when it comes to facing down the world's bad guys. The Naval Special Warfare Development Group at the U.S. Special Operations Command - formerly known as SEAL Team 6 - has issued a request …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    And when the net ninjas discuss this...

    Ju-Jitsu? Pfft. That's just rolling around in pyjamas, Commando Krav Maga is for real soldiers!

    Commando Krav Maga is for pussies. Real men do Shorinji Kempo.

    Shorinji Kempo? What are you? A kangaroo? Do Taekwondo for the win.

    TKD? You total spazzer. Like the guy is going to stand their and let you win-up a flick kick; doofus.

    Yeah? I'd beat you ass any day.

    Naw, you'd just beat off TO my ass. Gayer.

    And so on the net ninja* trolls will roll.

    I would have thought the Seals would have wanted to avoid hand-to-hand on the ground; especially in a multiple-combat situation.

    *No offence to nin-jitsuka meant, it's just most of these faceless freaks seem to consider themselves the ultimate stealth warrior or something.

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Gokor!

    Try Gokor & Gene Lebel's academy.

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  3. Liam

    what about Capoeira

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capoeira

    some of the best fighting you will ever see from that art. its amazing to watch :)

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  4. Sweep

    BJJ

    It's only gay if you make eye contact

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  5. Mike Crawshaw
    Pirate

    Like AC above (16:35)...

    I wait with bated breath for the "expertise" of all those Genuine Ninjas(TM), whose training experience extends to having read the back cover of one of Frank Dux's books (before realising it used difficult words like "multiple" and giving up) and having watched a bunch of 80's films that have "ninja" in the title.

    Maybe one or two of them sent off for a "Genuine Ninja (TM) Training DVD - You TOO can become a faceless assassin in just 3 hours!!!" (I can't help wondering if Computeach are aware of this market potential?) and maybe they even switched it on before they realised that even this half-arsed method of Really Bad 'Training' would require them to get off their sweaty arses and switch off Virtua Fighter to do anything with it.

    And a 5-day course? WTF?

    (disclaimer: I am a martial artist of over 20 years of actual real-life training, in-a-dojo, with an accredited master. I also love those dodgy ninja films, they're hilarious.)

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I for one ...

    understand the SEAL's wish to spend an all expenses paid week in Brazil. Beats the smelly local fitness club for sure.

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  7. Sam Turner

    And this week's award

    for bravado misuse of a random latin phrase in an attempt to seem clever goes to ... [crinkly envelope sound effect] ... sine qua non

    "That word you keep using ... I don't think it means what you think it means."

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Ju-Jitsu for aquatic mammals?

    What a waste of taxpayer's money.

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  9. James Thomas
    Coat

    Hmm

    MY Jitsu sensei has 25 years+ experience hell I have 13 years but I suppose come to rainy cardiff doesn't appeal as much!

    I'll get me gi.

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  10. Tanuki
    Thumb Up

    How passe.

    If you really want 'terrify your enemies and amaze your friends' powers, you need go no further than to study Llap-Goch, the traditional Welsh martial-art.

    http://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

    http://www.ppsa.com/magazine/llap.html

    I've never known it to fail.

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    Re: what about Capoeira

    Y'know, I thought exactly the same thing when I saw 'Brazilian ju-jitsu' (nb: it's been a long time since I practiced any martial art, but having seen a capoeira demo a little while back I can attest to the fact that it's amazing to watch)

    'Course, if the SEALs decide to fight like ninjas, all an enemy needs to do is send a crack squad[*] of pirates into battle against them. Yaaarrr!

    :-)

    [*] - what *is* the collective noun for pirates?

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  12. Thomas Baker
    Paris Hilton

    I think it's a Chest of Pirates isn't it?

    But I could be mistaken.

    There's another good place for SEALS in San Francisco: Pier 39 - they should go there, it's not touristy at all...and they'd probably get some free fish. I don't think any of the seals were navy though, more sort of grey/brown. They might feel left out and have their feelings hurt, you know how sensitive those types are.

    I'm guessing there'll be no elite forces frmo the UK going to a Brazilian arse-kicking school though as there may be some pay-back waiting...cough.

    Paris, because I mentioned chest, arse and fish in one post.

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is it just me...

    ...or does anyone find it very strange that hardened martial arts masters are hanging around on a tech web site?

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  14. Hobbes
    Coat

    Re: Pirates

    "[*] - what *is* the collective noun for pirates?"

    Its a 'Torrent' or Pirates, surely?

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  15. Steve Roper
    Coat

    What they really need...

    ...is a good session of Ecky-Thump. Beating someone about the head with a blood-sausage trumps all else!

    Mine's the one with the brace of sausages and the stack of old Goodies VHS tapes in the pocket, ta.

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  16. Paul

    @Daffy the Duck

    No, not at all. There are quite a few martial artists in the tech field. (Or a bunch of techies into martial arts, whichever.) There were a whole mess of them in the dojo I went to.

    But regarding the story, 30 hours isn't very impressive. I'm sure they've found somebody who will skip straight to the rip-a-man's-heart-out-and-show-it-to-him-before-he-dies type techniques and not bother with the usual niceties, but still, you can't expect to get really good at something by spending less thana week on it.

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  17. jake Silver badge

    Llap-Goch?

    Ecky-Thump kicks Welsh butt, Taffy[1]!

    Although in reality, the USMC is probably better at Tae Kwan Leap ...

    [1] No actual Welsh person has been insulted, some of my best friends, etc.

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  18. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Re: Is it just me...

    "...or does anyone find it very strange that hardened martial arts masters are hanging around on a tech web site?"

    Not really.

    When I was at university I used to hang out with a bunch of computer scientists - two of them were dan-level judoka and one was a dab-hand at aikido, and a contemporary in the physics department taught Shotokan Karate. The practice of martial arts seems to be quite common amongst techies - handy when dealing with recalcitrant lusers, I suppose :-)

    Re: Hobbes

    A Torrent of pirates? Works for me :-)

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  19. Mike Crawshaw

    @ Daffy

    "Is it just me...or does anyone find it very strange that hardened martial arts masters are hanging around on a tech web site?"

    I assume you're referring to the people who've stated they have some form of experience (a few of us above)?

    Well, I never qualified (or tried to qualify) as a master, I just like the training, which I've been doing since I was a kid. It's a pastime, in the same way as people go running or whatever - jogging five times a week for 20 years doesn't mean you're an Olympic athlete, just like training in martial arts for 20 years doesn't mean you're a "Master".

    Also, teaching as a F/T career doesn't pay very well unless:

    a. you're very lucky

    b. you throw "ethics" out the window and work on conning people with flashy tricks.

    c. you lie about how much you earn whilst you're actually flipping burgers.

    The people I know who make a full time living out of teaching do so because they enjoy it (and they consider enjoying their work to be the most important thing), not because of the fantastic money. Apart from the "big names", most of the good ones are on moderate incomes, which can fluctuate wildly from one month to the next. Not what you want if you're trying to pay a mortgage and raise a family, really. You also need to be a very specific type of person to effectively teach AND make a business out of it AND put up with all the shit from your students - or 'customers', as they are these days, who expect "service" in the same way as they do at a restaurant

    For me, I don't have the patience - which is why I went into a career that rewards grumpy surliness...

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who said they were a master?

    A black belt just means you know the basics - nothing more. (Which comes as a crushing blow to the ego!)

    And as for martial artists hanging about on tech sites - not all geeks are nerds. :oP

    (I am no master, although I do wear a black belt)

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  21. Sweep

    Re: what about Capoeira

    Capoeira? dancing and ridiculous high kicks?

    Hmmmmmm. Could work- The "insurgents" i suspect these guys are training to fight seem to consider a shoeing a grave insult, maybe getting kicked in the face by a dancing SEAL wearing flippers would be especially demoralising?

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  22. Master Baker
    Black Helicopters

    I'm a Master too

    And so's my wife.

    Really, I am a master. I'm a master of the self-raising loaf, which I bake and I bake until it's stiff like a English French Loaf.

    Carl Cestari was quite scary in his dvd's. Pretty much everything he instructed was for taking someone out as quickly as possible and with least effort. Nothing magical, just nasty stuff like eye gouges and testie-crushing. The strangest thing I saw him do was on a dvd for body conditioning where he smacked himself full-on on the chin/jawline with a metal bar. He's died of cancer now though.

    Going back to the point of the combat training-for-purpose though, surely for 'those types of terrorist' all the Americans would need to do is drop a load of shoes and comic's into the target area. The 'terrorists' would likely riot and kill each other before the SEALS got there.

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  23. Dave

    Training

    I'm thinking that it is rather unlikely that the SEALs in question will be starting from the basics. Far more likely, the very specific requirements are down to a desire to compare techniques for COMBAT, not just learning how to win a local tournament. Remember the Indiana Jones bit, where he is facing down a guy with a sword, and just pulls out his pistol and shoots him? That is the kind of pragmatism that the SEALs will be after, not the orchestrated chivalry that they could expect in Wales - the Portuguese > English translator might not be too much use either; would need an English > American one instead.

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