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back to article US nuclear bomb lab develops 'self-warming' hand cream

A New Mexico cosmetics entrepreneur has collaborated with a US government nuclear weapons lab to deal with one of the great scourges threatening society today, that of chilly handcream fresh from the jar. The solution: high-tech "personal care lotion" which warms itself up as it is "gently rubbed" on. According to the Sandia …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Explosive hand cream?

    Oddly enough, I have a need for just such an item, for a Christmas present of sorts, for an... um... "colleague".

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Old invention

    There has been a certain 'intimate lubricant' that does the same thing for years (aka warming gel).

    I even tried out a free sample that they gave me!

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  3. David Willis
    Happy

    'self-warming' hand cream’

    if its from the nuclear bo,mb lab does it glow in the dark?

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I wonder, did they use any self-creaming hand-warmers

    while thinking this one up?

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  5. Stuart
    Coat

    Already been done?

    I'll apologise if I'm wrong but hasn't this already been done in such beauty products as a "Warming face wash" by using chemicals such as anhydrous copper sulphate I do believe from memory. Tiger Balm ftw!

    Mine's the glowing jacket....

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Deep Heat?

    That was pretty warming last time I used it

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  7. Dave
    Flame

    Hmmm Hot Hot Hot!

    Not that novel, self heating stuff (Usually based on anhydrous formulations has been around for a while. They either use shedloads of glycols (Glycerine, Butylene Glycol etc) that warm up when water is added, or the other method is tiny zeolite particles that generate heat when they take up water.

    So how is this nuke powered version different?

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  8. Fluffykins Silver badge

    Is this some kind of

    Nuclear Balm?

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  9. Hywel Thomas
    Coat

    An excuse at last…

    It can't be any hotter than this unfortunately named product, surely ?

    http://www.aveda.co.uk/templates/products2/spp.tmpl?CATEGORY_ID=CAT8137&PRODUCT_ID=PROD76203

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  10. Gabor Laszlo
    IT Angle

    Wait till the TSA hears about it

    they'll be banning handcream next, because it's possibly a two-component explosive.

    And, well IT? My servers are plenty toasty already.

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  11. Iain
    Boffin

    Heat v 'heat'

    The existing creams like deep heat don't actually warm the skin, it is more a perceived effect of the ingredients reacting with the skin/muscle which gives the effect.

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Dave

    "So how is this nuke powered version different?"

    The chemicals required for the reaction are *BOTH* present in the cream, in microcapsules, as opposed to formulae that require an external chemical input (i.e. adding water).

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    a "Warming face wash"?

    I've seen a website all about those...

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  14. Rob Sked
    Boffin

    So if it warms up by rubbing . . .

    . . . . what happens if you shake it excessivly?

    "Darling, your cream seems a bit sloppy, it's all over the *bang*"

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  15. Chris Pasiuk
    Coat

    mmmmmm-k

    I'm not so sure I'd be willing to use this so-called hand cream. I can see it now, "Gee, honey, your hands have this lovely glow about them... and they can cook a turkey in 7mins."

    Are they encapsulated with U238 or Pu239 particles? :P

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  16. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @fluffykins

    (in best Terry Jones, woman's voice) :

    A balm?, what do you want to give him that for! that's a dangerous animal, or at least I thought it was?

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  17. Secretgeek
    Coat

    Don't rub too fast.

    How much heat will rubbing this cream this generate? Is there a risk of sensitive parts bursting into flames during an intimate cream related moment with the missus?

    Mines the one with 'Please loosen your grip babe' printed on it.

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  18. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Doesn't K-Y sell this already?

    Only they are more honest about the "for the hands" part.

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  19. Peyton
    Happy

    In tomorrow's news

    "Self-warming hand cream linked to increase risk of *everything*"

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  20. Tim Schomer
    Happy

    re : Hywel Thomas

    Even better, they advertise a 'Breast cancer awareness' version beside it. Best laugh I've had all day.

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  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of

    http://www.machall.com/view.php?date=2006-08-28

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  22. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Not quite there yet.

    Warms the hands really well, but you probably don't want to be pointing a geiger counter anywhere near them.

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  23. James O'Brien
    Coat

    Warm?

    How about a glowing rod after a lonely night?

    /Mines the one with the lead shielding. Yes I know its heavy hand it over

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  24. raving angry loony

    @AC: Machall

    How in hell did you REMEMBER that? Oh, and well done, definitely fits.

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  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    One question...

    How long until they develop some kind of tissue-enabled "clean up" robot to help get rid of the mess afterwards?

    Paris - for obvious reasons

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  26. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    @Old invention

    I've had the mispleasure of having some of that warming 'intimate lubricant' on me in an intimate situation.

    Fucking dreadful.... it's like deep heat on your cock.

    Reminded of the morning I woke up to put my deodorant on, but picked up the deep heat instead.

    hmm flames or paris..?

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  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    warm before it comes out...

    What we need is a cream or gel that is warm BEFORE it comes out, so I don't squeeze freezing shower gel all over myself!

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  28. Zmodem

    will it beat red heat

    i know when im old. i`ll be sitting in my armchair in fuel poverty rubbing red heat on my feet like a desert marine

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  29. BioTube

    @AC

    Making it heat up(or at least start to) before it hits the hand is simple: if the nozzle(or whatever you call the part the cream comes out of) features a small enough bottleneck, some of the microcapsule will pop and warm it up a bit(the rest would still need your hand pressure).

    Of course, the other option is the stick some plutonium in the sides of the jar and keep the cream warm for years to come(not to mention a self-powered nightlight).

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