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back to article Watchdog snarls at Commando Krav Maga

The Advertising Standards Authority has ordered Combat Survival Inc, trading as Commando Krav Maga, to stop claiming its main man Moni Aizik is a terror-busting, "Ex-Israeli Special Forces Commando" human death machine. For those of you not au fait with what experts in doing other people bodily harm apparently consider "the …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Llap Goch?

    http://www.llapgoch.org.uk/

    That's all I have to say

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  2. Chris Miller

    I laugh at Llap Goch

    Even a master of the noble Welsh art is powerless against:

    http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Ecky-Thump

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  3. Master Baker
    Thumb Up

    You should always run away from someone who has a weapon

    Unless you have a bigger one, in which case smash their face in.

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hardest Man Ever

    If Chuck Norris sneered in the general direction of the Shaolin Temple Kung Fu Monks, and they would all turn to stone on the spot;

    This Ex-Israeli Special Forces Commando would have no chance!

    Chuck Norris doesn't need no coat! The cold eminates from him!

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  5. Richard Dyce
    Thumb Up

    Nope, what you want is 'Run-Lak Fekh'

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A649749

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  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pah...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morris_men

    And no, it's not men with an interest in old cars.

    To dress like that and prance down a street in England, shows a total fearlessness, a love of violence, and poor fashion sense.

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  7. MattG
    Coat

    Marital Arts [sic]

    Pretty much all of the martial arts are mired in petty in-fighting and general bitch-(slap)-iness.

    Mine's the one with the throwing knives in the inside pocket(s).

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  8. Andrew Macdonald
    Go

    Moni Azik

    versus Optimus Prime - Playmobil time I think.

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  9. ian
    Linux

    Arrh!

    Trial by single combat! Bring it on, ye krav maga wussies! Me penguin'll send yas packin'.

    Arrrh!

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  10. George
    Paris Hilton

    And so goes on the lies...

    There is no one TV today that wasn't in the 'elite' special forces or whatever.

    It's funny though the guys (and possibly girls these days) that did/still do those jobs never tend to talk about it and with good reason, there are rules.

    I worked for a defence contractor and met a detachment and I found how so many were on TV...they were PT trainers.

    Paris....because she is all real!

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  11. Mark Berry
    Paris Hilton

    I know a couple of ex SAS guys....

    And it took a long time before I found out about it from them.

    If they are quick to talk/brag about it, they are probably bullshitting.

    Paris, 'cos she knows all about going undercover, commando, etc.....

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  12. Chris G

    Who 'r you lookin' at Jimmy? I'll skwerble yer thrussocks

    Regardless of the kind of training received,or the style of martial art, there is no man more fearless than a Glaswegian on a Friday night with ten pints inside him ( 'course it doesn't mean he'll win though).

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  13. Sean Casaidhe

    1st rule of Krav Maga...

    Defence against guns, knives and baseball bats? I learnt the following rules for dealing with such;

    Guns;

    1. Run Away

    2. If you can't do 1, give up

    3. If you can't do 2, accept you're probably going to die and have a go

    Knives;

    1. Run Away

    2. If you can't do 1, give up

    3. If you can't do 2, accept you're probably going to get badly hurt, and have a go

    Baseball bats;

    1. Run away

    2. etc. etc.

    We practised running away a lot.

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  14. Thomas Baker
    Coat

    Because the Israeli army...

    ...have started many wars, have conquered many enemies, have defeated many heavily-armed, hugely outnumbering foes...oh wait a minute, no, no they haven't. Oh well. I'd rather learn a system of martial arts from Switzerland, at least they've been *close* to a proper war, with only a toy knife to protect them instead of 500 gigabazillion dollars' worth of free army, navy and air force gear from America. My Mum could kick anyone's arse with that kind of arsenal. It's easy being tough when some giant super-power's got your back.

    Did you hear about the botanist who placed a Moss Ad?

    I'll get me' coat...

    Aaaaannnnd *cue* death threats.

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