BOFH: Lock and reload

The BOFH rides again - this time with CASH in mind

Awsome... could of used some gratuitus violence but still a classic Trav read

Novel strategy...

Neat idea - instead of merely setting in motion a chain of events which lead to the Boss having an unfortunate (and usually deadly) "accident", keep him alive but milk him for every £ he's got...

But always keep the "unfortunate accident" plans handy for if he gains a clue and starts getting suspicious of the off-site hosting company...

Oh this one...

..is sure to run and run :-)

Paris: We'd all like to run and run with this one

Inspired by...

... recent FastHosts lawsuits perchance? (Shirely Shum Mishtake?).

Quality as always.

-- Richard

A real BOFH!

This one can go in the books as a classic case of BOFH! Absolute genius! Making a rule for yourself to run RELOAD every time you get a cup of coffee, and realizing seven cups later that ít's a lot of coffee... I almost spilled mine :-D

Can today get any better?

Woke up happy

4 coffees for breakfast

great dlr journey

30 mins outta the office for a fire alram

a great bofh

and its pub time

thumbs up

well, that sure took it's time to be written, good form though, i laughed my arse of.

For a minute there...

...i recognized somewhere I used to work!

Expectations and expectations

One of MY expectations is that a new BOFH will be worth reading. So far, I've yet to be diddled on that one! :)

Does anybody still use...

...rs232 terminals, or even TTY emulators, to manage routers? Surely, SNMP, bespoke applications and web-based access rule nowadays. Can you even buy asynchroneus terminals anymore?

Oh well, must be the recycled stuff from the bin that they managed to re-use and sell back again.

I need my coat, it's raining here!

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Could save us a lot of wondering if you'd post a "No BOFH" on the weeks Simon has too much time in at the pub, I mean holiday. I'm off...

Cheers,

Mike

@ Vince sanz

I think the grammar you're looking for is "... could HAVE used some..." or even "...could've used some..."

Grrrrr @ the use of the word "of" these days.

@ Sarah Bee

I see Mike's point, it would save a lot of reloading the BOFH page, while waiting on a friday...

Then again, I see your point. I know I'd have put on an angry comment demanding a new BOFH... After all, Simon is a slave to the BOFH now, and he gave up any right to a personal life as soon as it was added to El Reg... Didn't he?

Methinks the Moderatrix has been on holiday for the past couple of weeks so he has had a rest from the whipping and chaining and thought he'd just have a break. It's just not cricket, old bean! Mr Travaglia ought to be lashed with the "Cat", then thoroughly beaten with a stick, then made to write the next 10 BOFH's so that if ever he happens to be incapacitated due to the punishment dished out by said Moderatrix, er, I mean on holiday due to overwork *ahem* we don't go without our fix!

;)

PS Excellent episode... When is the TV serial coming? And*, not really wishing to restart the old debate, but who would play who? I've always thought Adrian Edmunson needs some decent material to get his teeth into, after the Young Ones and Bottom, he's been a bit pants ever since...

(Indeed, one is aware one should not begin a sentence with a preposition, but language is *organic* and one does so like to play)

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"Ooh yes, because I'd love to have to deal with the angry "what's the point of this? WHERE IS MY BOFH? YOU'RE JUST RUBBING IT IN!" comments"

Sarah, Sarah, take a leaf out of the BOFH's book. Leave the complaints to the beancounters and remember - don't get mad, don't get even, get AHEAD.

For example, you get a "WHERE IS MY BOFH? I WIL NEVR READ EL REGISTRY AGAIN!1! UR ALL LAMERZZ!!!" email from whinging_luser@hotmail.com .

Do you delete it? No.

Do you reply with, "FOAD?" No.

Do you reply and say, "very sorry, please keep reading, Simon will be back next week?" Yes.

Having done that, do you then feel guilty for letting your loyal readers down? No. Do you record the complaint? No.

You

(a) clickety-clickety s-u-b-s-c-r-i-b-e w-h-i-n-g-i-n-g-_-l-u-s-e-r-@-h-o-t-m-a-i-l-.-c-o-m l-i-s-t-s-e-r-v-.-b-e-s-t-i-a-l-i-t-y-.-d-o-n-k-e-y-s;

(b) put whinging_luser@hotmail.com into your address book, track him down on MySpace, Bebo and Facebook and ask him to be your friend. You, of course, use the profiles on those sites that you created specially, and which are full of porn, warez and every bit of malware you can find;

(c) register whinging_luser@hotmail.com on piratebay.org, hezbollah.org and every website recorded in your little black book that spews out terabytes of marketing information every day;

(d) register whinging_luser@hotmail.com as the owner of an eBay shop selling his unprotected backside for £10 an hour.

We need a horned telephone icon :-)

@sarah Bee

You know its only a ruse so we can all post messages to you, so you can feel special and wanted ;)

goes and hides mod poking stick in coat of next poster, and runs to the pub

@Sarah Bee

Assistant? The PFG (Pimply-Faced Girl) perhaps?

@Sarah Bee

> I'd need an assistant.

Where do we apply?!

(The queue starts behind me!)

/me joins the queue

Sounds like a fun job!

Excellent episode as always - I <3 Simon =)

On the queue

BOFHing people as a job? Where do I sign in?

By the way, it's good to read BOFH again after all this time. I was almost feeling... strange. A little nicer, gentler and kinder to other people. I was almost giving a crap abou my coworkers feelings!

But, thanks to Simon, everything is back to normal now. I think I'm gonna push someone down the stairs to celebrate this day.

TV serial

@Louis:

"When is the TV serial coming?"

I'm trying to do exactly that, but it's not as easy as one might think. As I think I've said elsewhere on El Reg, most of BOFH these days is predicated on a dramatic irony that needs a good technical knowledge to appreciate. Having said that, things are slowly taking shape. The tricky part is treading the line between writing mainstream rubbish and calling it BOFH and putting in too much technical stuff.

I'm putting together a set of scripts for a TV series, plus a Christmas special, all based on the stuff Simon's turned out over the years. If - IF it works and if Simon's happy with it (I wouldn't dream of plagiarising his work) then we'll have the minor challenge of getting the thing made. We can only try :-)

@Simon (if you're reading): I've got two weeks off work now to concentrate on it. If it looks like it'll work, I'll be in touch towards the end of the month.

Late but worth the wait

Dead on Simon. This was way to long coming but made my morning as always, cheers.

Mine is the one with the "insulation tester" in the pocket.

@Sarah Bee

"YOU'RE JUST RUBBING IT IN!"

oooohhh, really asking for it with that one.

Think I'll just get me coat and keep on going.

@NEMO

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/08/15/bofh_2008_episode_28/

@Sarah Bee - old style

When he was younger, the BOFH did this a lot...

"Hi Sarah, I will be glad to check on where the current BOFH issue is. What is your user name?"

-Clickty clack clickty clack-

"Hmmm.... I cannot seem to find that user name in the system..."

-Clickty clack-

"Or even any files or emails with that user name..."

I wonder where his holiday will be

That he will use all that holiday money for... I bet he won't even have to pay the airfares, It must be junket time again, what convention is currently on in Vegas?

NEUKlearer Bombes aWAI .... http://www.w3.org/WAI/

"Heh. If I were to undertake to BOFHinate everyone who crossed me, I'd need an assistant." .... By Sarah Bee Posted Friday 5th September 2008 14:08 GMT

Semms like El Reg Hosts an AIRmy of XXXXProfessional Volunteers .... True Amateurs ...... Lovers in The Ultimate Craft .....BetaTesting/Master Piloting Space Time Continua Machinery ....... for Virtual TelePortation into Any Known Dimension ........ and there will be as Many as you can Imagine, IT's True.

Love the TV Series Idea. ....... That's a very Naughty Idea/Gravitational Waves/EMP :-) An In House Styled Master Peace.

And that is NIRobotIQs Proposal. Something for Holywood to Facilitate and Direct?..... or would Produce to Master Script be Easier with Current Feeds and Established Trusted Sources ...... Life Long Friends and Lovers too, Naturally. :-)

Either amfM is feeling better...

...or I am. I've actually been able to understand him for at least a couple of weeks now. Good to see the man back to his old rambling, incoherent self.

/smiley because there's no *phew* icon

//if we had as many icons as Reg readers think we need, the comments module would take 5 minutes to load on 10MBps cable.

Ca Ira.

"I've actually been able to understand him for at least a couple of weeks now. Good to see the man back to his old rambling, incoherent self." .... By Nat C.

Posted Saturday 6th September 2008 21:03 GMT

Welcome to the Beautiful Confusion that is Orderly Control of and in Probably Certifiable Madness in ChaotIQ Alter-Egos .... In Sanity's Total DisRegard of Unnecessary Haste ...... IDSuperEgo

Just BetaTesting AIdDeeper Waters, Nat C. In Order to See who Swims There too.

Heavenly Pools In Deed, indeed. Seventh Heaven Safe Havens .... Piloting the Mysteries and Mastering the Programs which Rule with Covens.

Men are from Mars and Women are the Priceless Source of Infinite Mystery which Drivers/Servers with Them. ....... which would be NEUKlearer White Heat ...XSSXXXXually Transmitted Treatise for AlienContactFusion ....

For a Brave New World, and NeuReally Virgin, in which to Build and Live in the Future....... and All Simply dDelivered with the Power of Words Shared........ Speech.

And Nations Shall Speak Peace Unto Nations..... Again.

Hey Dude, Let IT be ................. Catch ITs Gravitational Wave and Enigmatic EMPulse......... which would be no Less than a Universal HeartBeat and a Breath before Action? :-)

And I would just wish to draw your attention to the Dali Contention, which I could not Possibly Disagree with ....... "The only difference between a Madman and me, is that I am not Mad." Thus is it to IT a Vulnerability and a Weakness to Process Further So. Such a Conscious and Deliberate Mistake is XXXXStreamly Costly and Would be Punishingly So 42 Compensate with Exemplary Damage and DeConstruction Costs.

Re: @Sad, Sad Peter Gathercole

> To the best of my knowledge, no company has EVER sold an asynchroneus terminal.

VT52s & 100s? Wyse? Newbury?

I remember the days when my asynchronous terminal had more processing power (a Z80 in the monitor and another in the keyboard) than the RML380Z it was connected to...

@AC

I was only wondering...

And yes, I have managed routers and terminal servers, but not for about 15 years! And even then, it was mostly telnet and latterly SSH. This is why I asked.

I probably have as much RS232 terminal experience as anybody, having been in tech. support for 25+ years, and having been SME on terminals whereever I was for much of that time.

I even wrote a complete (and I mean complete, every function coded as per the DEC documentation) VT52 emulation and a TEK4010/4014 emulation for the Beeb (did not do a VT100, as commercial products like Computer Concepts Communicator and Acorn Termulator came along that did a reasonable, although not perfect job).

Yes, Newbury, DEC VTxxx (40 through 420 including REGIS graphics), Wyse 50 and 60, HP2394, IBM 3151 (spit, bloody compatibillity [or lack thereof] cartridges), 3152, 3153, Beehives, TTY43, IBM Golfball Selectric typewriter conversions, Tektronix 4010-4125, AT&T 5412, 5620 BLIT and 630s, plus a huge number of compatible and near compatible terminals that I can not even remember. I could go through the BSD Termcap source and tick off having used or seen a significant number of the terminals listed therein!

And... I am still intrigued as to whether people still use that RS232 port on the back of the router.

Mine has the 1980 copy of the DEC Terminal hanbook falling apart in the pocket.