back to article SETI Institute damps down 'wow!' signal report from Russia

The killjoys at the SETI Institute -- killjoys all over the world, really -- are damping down wild speculation that a Russian instrument has seen a “possible” alien transmission. Right now, as it happens, nobody knows what was spotted by the RATAN-600 telescope in Russia, partly because its operators kept the observation under …

  1. arctic_haze
    Alien

    Has SETI been taken over by the Greys?

    If so, we're doomed, doomed!

    1. Scorchio!!

      Re: Has SETI been taken over by the Greys?

      "If so, we're doomed, doomed!"

      Noooo, relax hum been; I Duddits!

  2. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

    A Lawnmower

    That's what it might be.

    (see recent story on here about the Northern Lights)

    1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: A Lawnmower

      Or time to replace the microwave oven in the break room.

    2. Huey

      Re: A Lawnmower

      Don't be daft it's just Leonard outside with the can opener!

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Paging Mr. Niven...

    Assuming the 'signal' came from the distant star system in question, it looks very dubious for several good reasons.

    BUT, if we assume an approaching fleet that inadvertently broke radio silence...

    1. Baldy50

      Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

      A transmission of four seconds, so just a quick text to the lead ship saying "Keep away from that blue planet!" Few!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

        "Keep away from that blue planet!" Few!

        Would that be Phew ?

        1. muddysteve

          Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

          >"Keep away from that blue planet!" Few!

          >

          >Would that be Phew ?

          They're aliens - they spell it differently.

          1. Inventor of the Marmite Laser Silver badge

            Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

            They use phewer letters for some words

            1. Sir Alien

              Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

              I'm pretty sure us aliens can spell. English (or Engrish) is not to difficult to learn.

            2. vir

              Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

              Pfhewer, maybe?

              1. Fink-Nottle

                Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

                Actual message was "Keep away from that blue planet, Pugh." - Pugh being a common name among the Trumptonites of HD164595.

                1. DropBear
                  Alien

                  Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

                  But, but, but... what if in the alien language it takes exactly four seconds to say "Tora! Tora! Tora!"...?!?

        2. FIA Silver badge

          Re: Paging Mr. Niven...

          Would that be Phew ?

          That would be 'Admiral Few!' to you. Puny Human!

  4. Chris G

    A cunning plan

    Now we know, aliens are using lawnmower interference to cover their stealthy takeover of planet Earth.

    I'm sure if you look through old National Enquirer back issues you will find a " Aliens stole my lawnmower" article.

  5. Ru'

    I'm not saying it's aliens, but...

    /meme

    1. Blank-Reg
      Go

      "Your explanation for anything slightly peculiar is aliens, isn't it? You lose your keys, it's aliens. A picture falls off the wall, it's aliens. That time we used up a whole bog roll in a day, you thought that was aliens as well. "

      "Well we didn't use it all, Lister. Who did? "

      "Rimmer, Aliens used our bog roll? "

      1. Radio Wales
        Stop

        Aroused - but in a shy way.

        It's definitely not aliens in these circumstances. I - I mean - we, have been studying the science of Parallel Universe Breakthrough for years, and can confidently discount aliens from these scenarios.

        The situation where you return to the room you have just left because you forgot to pick up your keys - whatever, and despite having seen them less than five minutes ago, they have vanished - seemingly into thin air. You widen your search in ever increasing desperation, muttering to yourself - they were right here, I saw them/it dammit!

        The usual scene plays out before your confused and angered eyes, as you return to the room yet again, and to your utter disbelief, There they are right there where you left them. It's even worse when your irritated partner strolls in just before you and picks said keys up saying "I thought you said you couldn't find them?" Adding a sarcastic "If they had teeth, they would have bitten you".

        Yes, we've all been there. it is a worldwide phenomenon and of course has a earthly boring answer.

        It is the Breakthrough Effect, where you - in a different dimension where slightly out of step with yourself and your phantom self did not forget their keys, so of course they're not there. Obviously! After a while the temporary rent repairs itself and disappears. leaving your keys where you left them. Normality is restored and leaves you muttering to yourself about how things seem to have a mind of their own and maybe you need glasses... And then you forget about it - until the next time.

        Nah, nah, nah, nah.........

  6. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coat

    Vogon constructor fleet?

    Sorry, I'll get me coat. The one with the HHGTTG radio play on cassette tapes in the pocket, please

    1. Afernie
      Alien

      Re: Vogon constructor fleet?

      At least we probably know where the planet with the planning office is now - Proxima B. Now we just need to develop interstellar travel in time to a lodge an objection...

  7. Rainer

    Have they thoroughly analyzed it?

    Maybe it has a secret message modulated onto it, with a plan of an advanced device to access secret Einstein-Rosenberg bridges for access to shortcuts in the space-time continuum?

    1. TheOtherHobbes

      Re: Have they thoroughly analyzed it?

      Or maybe plans for a quieter mower.

    2. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: Have they thoroughly analyzed it?

      "Maybe it has a secret message modulated onto it,"

      We can't tell because the bandwith of the telescope is so huge it would have the carrier and every sideband between here and Alpha Centauri.

    3. Tom 7

      Re: Have they thoroughly analyzed it?

      Alien porn!

    4. W4YBO

      Re: Have they thoroughly analyzed it?

      @Rainer

      Carl Sagan would probably agree with you.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just like home

    Or perhaps it's because aliens only feel the need to communicate with each other every few hundred years or so? It might only be humans who feel the need to chatter constantly.

  9. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    Shhhhhh

    Keep the radio noise down! Otherwise the humans will want to talk to you and you know what they are like. Once you acknowledge their existence you will NEVER get them to shut up. Just look at their excessive EM emissions,....like anybody cares whether The Trump beats The Clinton or vice-versa. <sigh>

  10. Ashton Black

    I for one...

    Welcome our vaguely implied, mysterious, signal generating overlords.

  11. Mage Silver badge
    Alien

    Most likely

    If it's real and more than 20 LY away, then it's natural.

    In the unlikely event that it's artificial, then it's rather close (like Proxima B etc).

    The Cosmic Background Radiation, Inverse Square Law and Thermodynamics (Shannon-Nyquist Law) mitigate against any distant artificial radio signals. We need to concentrate on Spectroscopy.

    I hope the James Webb project is successful.

    Note that the purpose of the Radio Telescopes isn't to look for alien transmissions but signals from stars, which are incredibly powerful radio sources compared to any possible artificial radio signal. Clue in name.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Most likely

      Of course, if it's a "wild" signal by a tech at the alien equivalent of the non-steerable Aricebo or the Chinese FAST, using a very tight beam and every bit of power she/he/it/whatever could scrounge up before the Men In Black stopped she/he/it/whatever then we'll never know. Of course, being non-steerable, there may not be another alignment for a very, very long time.

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Most likely

      Thermodynamics (Shannon-Nyquist Law)

      I don't see what a theorem about the sampling rate necessary for reconstructing an analog signal has to do with Thermodynamics, or interstellar communication for that matter.

      Also, the "Cosmic Background Radiation" is strongly above 11 GHz (centered at ~160 GHz). Actually 11 GHz seems to be still a quiet region.

      We need to concentrate on Spectroscopy

      What? I don't suppose you mean optical SETI...

      Note that the purpose of the Radio Telescopes isn't to look for alien transmissions but signals from stars

      I don't see anyone who disputes this but one can always piggyback for some signal processing goodness now that the CPUs are cheap and plentiful.

  12. jbstarbug

    Orders of magnitude

    "(1 GHz bandwidth is “a billion times” the bandwidth typical SETI searches use)."

    1GHz is 1 Billion Hz, so normal SETI searches only have a bandwidth of 1 Hz?!?!!

    Or maybe someone got their orders of magnitude wrong.

  13. sitta_europea Silver badge

    Curiously I can find no description of this 'signal'.

    Does anyone have any idea what it was?

    A modulated carrier?

    A couple of Morse code letters?

    A few seconds of The Archers?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      My guess is it's a snippet of a televised speech by Adolph Hitler.

      1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

        Hillary will be thrilled!

  14. Version 1.0 Silver badge

    Hacked?

    It was probably a script-kiddy trying to hack an ATM and typed the wrong IP address - ended up hacking the SETI database instead.

  15. Slx

    Apparently the Russians picked this up last year and kind of went "Damn alien signals messing up our readings!" and didn't tell anyone, assuming it wasn't all that big a deal.

    1. Primus Secundus Tertius

      When Cambridge University discovered the first pulsar in the mid 1960s, thay kept it secret for six months. Subsequently they defended this by saying they would have been besieged by all the world's nutters at the prospect of an alien signal.

  16. Mage Silver badge

    Nonsense in the Media

    A lot of silly speculation in the Guardian and UK Independent.

    "He wrote that the strength of the signal might suggest that it came from a Kardashev Type II civilisation." Because actually if it is from 90 M LY away, it can't be an artificial signal using any physics we know. How likely is it that it's even a directional signal? It will be something generated by the star, if it's real at all.

    The Kardashev scale is science fiction, a nice idea with no basis in fact or science, that E. E. "Doc" Smith would have been proud of.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Nonsense in the Media

      Misread "Kardashev Type II civilisation" as Kardasian Type II civilisation, because let's be honest, the Kardasians are definately a type II civilisation.

      1. Teiwaz

        Re: Nonsense in the Media

        "Misread "Kardashev Type II civilisation" as Kardasian Type II civilisation, because let's be honest, the Kardasians are definately a type II civilisation."

        Even pack mentality 'spoonheads' would be preferable to 'Kardashian type II civilisation' which of late we appear to be (if one looked at certain transmissions on the western hemisphere of earth).

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Nonsense in the Media

          Hot gaseous galactic arses!

          1. W4YBO

            Re: Hot gaseous galactic arses!

            Actually, I think his name is West.

    2. Andrew Jones 2

      Re: Nonsense in the Media

      Well to be fair.... www.observer.com/2016/08/not-a-drill-seti-is-investigating-a-possible-extraterrestrial-signal-from-deep-space/ he did name the scale after himself.... but I have to admit - when I read this:

      "In his acclaimed work “Transmission of Information by Extraterrestrial Civilizations,” Soviet astronomer Nikolai Kardashev explained that a Type II civilization would be able to harness the energy of their entire host star. The most common hypothetical example of this would be a Dyson Sphere—which is a massive artificial structure that could completely encapsulate a star and transfer the energy to a nearby planet."

      I couldn't help but think - I've just finished Binge Watching Star Trek: TNG on Netflix and I'm pretty sure they had an episode about the Dyson Sphere.... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relics_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

      1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

        Re: Dyson Sphere

        Ok ok, so it might not be a lawnmower, but in galactic terms there's not that much difference between a lawnmower and a vacuum cleaner.

  17. Dr. E. Amweaver
    Black Helicopters

    MIBs not happy either way

    The signal apparently occurred in a range used by military comms and satellites, so it might be an undisclosed satellite.

    Or it could be "EARTH TAKEN OVER BY FLOOD ORGANISM MASQUERADING AS TRUMP-UNIT. COMMENCE HALO PURGE IMMEDIATELY".

  18. lukewarmdog

    "signals from stars"

    Ah, the Streisand effect then.

    Maybe that four seconds was her next album being transmitted to her.

  19. Joerg

    As usual they cover up everything. "Aliens do not exist" so they have to tell the human population... lies nothing more than silly pathetic lies for ages.

  20. Stevie

    Bah!

    Idiots! You'll be laughing on the other side of your faces when your chests are bursting open and space weasels are leaning out for a look from between your nipples!

    1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Bah!

      nope, those ones mostly come out at night.... mostly

    2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge

      Re: Bah!

      Idiots! You'll be laughing on the other side of your faces when your chests are bursting open and space weasels are leaning out for a look from between your nipples!

      Well no, I have the perfect Alt-Right recipe for keeping Liberals at bay!

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Amused to Death

    The signal could have been caused by aliens amusing themselves to death...

    And somewhere out there in the stars

    A keen-eyed look-out

    Spied a flickering light

    Our last hurrah

    And when they found our shadows

    Groups 'round the TV sets

    They ran down every lead

    They repeated every test

    They checked out all the data in their lists

    And then the alien anthropologists

    Admitted they were still perplexed

    But on eliminating every other reason

    For our sad demise

    They logged the only explanation left

    This species has amused itself to death

    No tears to cry

    No feelings left

    This species has amused itself to death

    Amused itself to death

    1. Hargrove

      Re: Amused to Death

      SPLENDID! Just splendid. Sincere compliments.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Amused to Death

      This species has amused itself to death

      Yeah, overcome by progressivism.

      It's actually sad that Waters got all of it arse-backwards. In the same album Watching TV we read in particular: Her grandpa fought old Chiang Kai-shek That no-good low-down dirty rat. Who used to order his troops To fire on the women and children.

      Makes me puke. Sorry, Waters old chap, but here grandpa would have fought FOR Chiang Kai-shek and AGAINST Mao who REALLY did much worse than order his troops to fire on the women and children (but mainly against the Japanese, who are not even mentioned. Imagine that, Imagine that!)

  22. Hubert Thrunge Jr.
    Joke

    An old signal you say?

    Mork calling Orson, come in Orson....

    Exodor... is that you?

  23. Hargrove

    W/ 'umble apologies

    (1 GHz bandwidth is “a billion times” the bandwidth typical SETI searches use).

    Sorry to inject a technical note.

    That would make the bandwidth "typically" used by SETI 1 Hz. No wonder they can't detect anything.

    The good news is that we can all leap to the conclusion that the universe is awash with intelligent life that we haven't detected.

    The bad news (need I mention Donald and Hillary?) is that we in the States do not appear to be among them.

    I'm of the Don Henley school of thought: "There not here; they're not coming."

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