back to article No means no: Windows 10 nagware's red X will stop update – Microsoft

Microsoft will change the controversial way it has been force-feeding people Windows 10 upgrades. The Redmond spreadsheet maker said that when someone clicks on the red "X" to close its infamous your-Windows-10-upgrade-is-ready pop-up, they will actually hold off the installation rather than accept it. One-way dialog ... The …

  1. Jan Hargreaves

    "The new experience has clearer options to upgrade now, choose a time, or decline the free offer," Myerson said in a statement to The Register.

    "If the red-X is selected on this new dialog, it will dismiss the dialog box and we will notify the device again in a few days."

    - Sorry but what has changed? It is not clear at all. Where is the button saying I don't want to upgrade or No Thanks?

    - Clicking the red x closes the window - how is it intuitive that this means you are declining the offer?

    - So you are declining the offer for a few days then they offer it to you again?

    FFS... I was a Macintosh user from around 1992 to 2005. I then switched to Windows but this year I'm planning to switch back. This sort of behaviour is driving users away and they STILL can't see it.

    1. a_yank_lurker

      @jan Hargreaves - Slurp's behavior has driven away former paying customers and is making many others consider their options. I personally know of several in both camps. W7 has a few more years so many can linger on without making a final move for awhile.

    2. veti Silver badge

      It's different, because dismissing the dialogue box does not mean "OK" (something that, according to Microsoft's own UI design rules for Windows, should NEVER EVER have been allowed to happen in the first place). Also because there is - if you actually read the message in full - a transparent way to cancel the whole thing, which there wasn't in the previous generation.

      Too little, too late. ("Having to read the message in full" is still a pretty outrageous requirement.) But it is something.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        Re: "according to Microsoft's own UI design rules"

        Indeed, but those rules were not top priority when deciding the functionality of the dialog box.

        The only way to explain the decision to make the 'X' actually accept the upgrade is to consider that, when discussing that point, it was decided to ignore the UI rules in favor of a higher priority - getting Windows 1 0 out on another machine.

        Because after a full year of free upgrade availability, this latest version has still not even hit 20% market share (as of this writing).

        There is no way to explain that away other than with the words "dismal failure".

        1. Test Man

          Re: "according to Microsoft's own UI design rules"

          The X on the old dialog was dismissing the dialog without change. The thing is the upgrade wasn't scheduled by any action in that dialog box, it was automatically scheduled before that dialog box appeared, that's why the X doesn't cancel the schedule.

          In other words, Microsoft WERE following the UI design rules but were definitely bending the rules in order to get more upgrades scheduled.

          Instead of tricking users, Microsoft have stopped setting the schedule before the dialog appears, and now explicitly sets the schedule IN the dialog box, when someone clicks the "Upgrade now" button . Therefore clicking X will dismiss the dialog and an upgrade won't be scheduled.

      2. Gotno iShit Wantno iShit

        @veti

        I agree, this is now correct behaviour. The dialog presents options do, schedule or FOAD. Cancelling the dialog means a choice has not been made and so asking again is the correct behaviour. Those saying cancel should mean FOAD are as bad as Microsoft in making cancel=do. But haters are gonna hate and this is probably going to be a downvote record for me.

      3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        "It's different, because dismissing the dialogue box does not mean "OK" (something that, according to Microsoft's own UI design rules for Windows, should NEVER EVER have been allowed to happen in the first place)"

        Absolutely this!!!!!

        The fact it's even possible means all those people getting spammy/malicious pop-ups in browsers now have no idea if it's safe to dismiss them with the X/Close button.

    3. oiseau
      Linux

      "I then switched to Windows ..."

      Why in heaven's name would you ever do such a terrible thing to yourself?

      1. Anonymous Coward
    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      FFS... I was a Macintosh user from around 1992 to 2005. I then switched to Windows but this year I'm planning to switch back. This sort of behaviour is driving users away and they STILL can't see it.

      Interesting - that's around the time I reluctantly bought a MacBook for research, thus using a Mac for the second time. The first time was at work in the 90s, but I really didn't get on with OS 9 so my expectations were low (also because I used Linux at home). I wasn't prepared for how good OS X was, but I've stuck with OSX since, and so have my customers - none want to switch back.

      That said, OSX is IMHO strictly a desktop OS, I'm not a massive fan of OSX server when compared to what you can do with Linux and the BSDs.

      This is why I sort of understand Microsoft's desperation. By making MSOOXML an ISO standard (OK, a pretend one, but they had to partially open the hatch here) they've opened the door to competition on the Office front. Worse, ODF is already an EU government standard, and you can get free software that does the job just fine unless you're in the minority that uses deep, complex spreadsheets. On the OS side, there are desktops around that are cheaper, and that have a better integration with mobile, both at a better price point. Leaving aside for a moment the price of personal information, you can get by with what Google offers, or you can go to the Apple camp which costs more in hardware, but professional software is far cheaper and far more user friendly (read: more efficient) which makes for a favourable TCO.

      Next, they botched their eternal get-out clause. Before that fateful day, if something didn't work it was always you fault for buying the wrong hardware. Linux users already knew that to be a load of baloney, but at the golf course level the excuse worked. Unfortunately, they then brought out a device where they fully controlled both the hardware and the software, at a price point where it would only ever land on the desk of a decision maker - and they STILL couldn't get things to work properly. Oops..

      If Microsoft don't get people locked into a subscription model for both OS and Office pretty damn quick they will lose all their victims customers to the more appealing alternatives for the two most important sources of income for the company. In other words, it's now of never. That's also why they're cosying up to Linux - notice that they don't enhance any Linux components, but try to get you to run their stuff on it? The recent .NET offering is a good example of that: abandon established frameworks, please use ours. I'd be very, VERY careful with that.

      In summary, Microsoft do not have much of a choice. And thus, neither have you if you want to continue suffering Windows. You will either have to go along with it all - or do what many others have already done. Given the current stress levels, it is unlikely that those who jump ship will ever return to Windows. It's a good thing they still have golf buddies, "friendly" government officials and an advertising budget that can buy favourable press..

    5. TVU Silver badge

      "FFS... I was a Macintosh user from around 1992 to 2005. I then switched to Windows but this year I'm planning to switch back. This sort of behaviour is driving users away and they STILL can't see it."

      I agree because what happened was unethical trickery since the top right 'x' symbol pretty much universally means 'Close this box' and not 'Please automatically install the Windows 10 NSA Privacy Intrusion Special Edition operating system'.

      At least they appear to be amending their bad ways but it took a shed load of criticism to get them to do the right thing. Can't wait until the joyous end of their free upgrade offer.

  2. raving angry loony

    Postpone?

    No, 'X' means "fucking cancel it". It does not mean "postpone", it does not mean "nag me again".

    What they need is a "fuck off and die" button. Not that they'll ever provide the obvious. Their "anything goes" attitude to forcing people to "upgrade" to Windows 10 has gone from silly, to stupid, to annoying, to downright evil.

    1. Charles 9

      Re: Postpone?

      "No, 'X' means "fucking cancel it". It does not mean "postpone", it does not mean "nag me again"."

      Not if "X" ALSO means "I want to get pwned." I mean, how soon will Microsoft stop Win7 updates to "encourage" upgrading? It's not like their deadline's set in stone by contract, is it?

    2. dave 81

      Re: Postpone?

      GRC - Never10.

      Nuff said.

    3. Stuart Castle Silver badge

      Re: Postpone?

      No, the "X" can mean one of two things. Bring up another dialog (usually "Are you sure" but not limited to that), or cancel it. That is what (IIRC) is defined in the UI guidelines, and certainly how most Windows and Application dialogs function. It is, therefore, reasonable for the user to assume that the Windows 10 upgrade prompt will act the same way.

      It doesn't mean "Oh, Go ahead. I want Windows 10." as Microsoft appear to think. There is also no requirement that the user read the full text of the dialog before hitting it.

      I have to admit, I like Windows 10. Not as much as 7, but certainly more than 8. I don't like the tracking it does by default, and I don't like the way Microsoft are trying to foist it on their users. I feel if they are going to offer a free OS, they should do it the way Apple have. Apple require that users take a very definite series of actions to download any upgrades. They require that you go to the App Store, sign in (if you haven't already) then go to the OS Upgrade page, and click Install. Finally, they need to run the Installer manually. There is no way the user is going to accidentally upgrade their machine to an OS that potentially doesn't work, and certainly no way they are going to switch on the computer to find it's been upgraded (possibly torpedoing some software they need in the process).

      I don't particularly like the Windows App Store, but I'm not opposed to Microsoft using it in the same way Apple do to provide OS upgrades.

      That said, I run Windows 10. I'm also on the fast ring insider preview, so my computer gets upgraded every couple of weeks, regardless of whether I want it to or not. I'm an experience computer user though. I usually know what to do if my computer software (Windows or any application) fails as a result of a bad upgrade. if I don't know, I can usually work it out or find it out quite quickly. I'm also not in the position where I rely on my computer for my business, so I won't be out of pocket if it's off line for a few days while I fix it.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Postpone?

      I did find out one thing over the last week. You aren't allowed to set your password to "FuckYouMicrosoft" on your Microsoft account.

      No joke.

  3. Ole Juul
    Linux

    Just say NO

    (my personal opinion, of course)

    1. raving angry loony

      Re: Just say NO

      Sadly, folks without some level of more advanced technical skills CANNOT "just say NO". That's the main problem here.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Just say NO

        No, it's part of the problem. The other is Microsoft not taking no for an answer.

      2. wolfetone Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Just say NO

        "Sadly, folks without some level of more advanced technical skills CANNOT "just say NO". That's the main problem here."

        But couldn't they just go to Apple? You know, because it "just works"?

      3. raving angry loony

        Re: Just say NO

        To the folks who voted down (both of you) Sadly, folks without some level of more advanced technical skills CANNOT "just say NO". That's the main problem here.

        Could you perhaps expand on why you thought the post was shit? I'm curious as to what might pass for logic in such a decision.

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Halcin
    Big Brother

    Too little, too late.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Begun, the lawsuits have.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge
        Trollface

        Yup, and what a timely coincidence.

        I'm sure the two are absolutely not, in any way whatsoever, related.

      2. cybersaur

        Windows 10 lawsuits

        Microsoft invited lawsuits when their software started acting like malware.

  5. Palpy

    Yes, I know, but Apple --

    -- has a similar upgrade-to-Yosemite dialog which cannot be permanently dismissed. Except by disabling automatic updates. Unless I'm mistaken.

    Of course, the Linuxian method appears to humbly offer an update icon, which never does anything without asking first. Pah! But what do expect from free operating systems?

    1. a_yank_lurker

      Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

      My very limited experience with Apple is that updates are handled much more gracefully than I have ever seen with Slurp. Linux probably does updates and upgrades the best way; notify the user with a list of all the packages to be updated and wait for permission.

    2. Montreal Sean

      Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

      Apple's upgrade notification is just that, a notification.

      If you dismiss it it goes away. It comes back after a few days or weeks, but it never tries to install itself.

      Is it annoying? Yes, because you should be able to tell it not to bother you again.

      So, not as nice as Linux but way ahead of MS.

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

        "If you dismiss it it goes away. It comes back after a few days or weeks, but it never tries to install itself."

        Well that's bullshit. Every fecking day I go to my iPhone and it'll say "Oh I need to update. Do you want me to update?". So you press later, then it wants to know a time when it can remind you.

        I AM THE ONE WHO TELLS YOU TO UPDATE!!!

        1. Fitz_

          Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

          "Well that's bullshit. Every fecking day I go to my iPhone and it'll say "Oh I need to update. Do you want me to update?". So you press later, then it wants to know a time when it can remind you."

          This is happening because it's already downloaded the update and is wanting you to kick off the installer. If you don't want this to happen:

          Settings -> iTunes & App Store -> Turn off 'Updates' to prevent updates automatically downloading in the background.

          After that, Settings -> General -> Storage -> Manage Storage -> tap the update, delete it.

          It won't bug you any more.

    3. Charles 9

      Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

      "Of course, the Linuxian method appears to humbly offer an update icon, which never does anything without asking first."

      But then Sid Stupid doesn't realize this, the update goes uninstalled, and he gets pwned due to a wild exploit the update would've quashed. What's one of the common headlines here at El Reg? People get pwned because updates go uninstalled.So we have hard evidence of people really being that stupid, so what do you do in such an environment where prompting doesn't get results?

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

        "But then Sid Stupid doesn't realize this, the update goes uninstalled, and he gets pwned due to a wild exploit the update would've quashed."

        There are a couple of issues here.

        Firstly, IME, Windows updates take a very long time to install and give the user very little feedback if they want to see it whereas Linux updates, again IME, are applied quickly and, if you're interested, tell you what's going on. This is exacerbated by Windows updates being saved up for big monthly releases while Limux updates are released as available so the updates, although more numerous, are individually smaller.

        Secondly Linux updates do not call for reboots. If software for an individual service is updated the service is stopped and restarted whilst the rest of the system continues to run. Even if the kernel is updated the original kernel is left in place and running until such time as the user finds it convenient to reboot in order to run the new kernel - in some distributions there are even live kernel updates.

        Taken together these mean that there's no particular incentive to bypass Linux updates.

      2. Paul Crawford Silver badge

        Re: Charles 9

        Eh? You can, and generally should, set Linux to automatically install security updates.

        Unlike the "new Microsoft", that does just that patches stuff without major changes (like the old MS). If you actually want to do the equivalent of an OS upgrade you can (though it is not 100% successful in my experience when unusual partitioning / RAID is in use, etc). You are warned to back up and be sure before starting, etc, etc. Or you can simply tell it never to offer such an upgrade again.

    4. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

      > Apple has a similar upgrade-to-Yosemite dialog which cannot be permanently dismissed. Except by disabling automatic updates. Unless I'm mistaken.

      Android is the same way. My Nexus 6P constantly hammered me about an update, which I couldn't accept because the phone is rooted. The only way I could stop it was by denying notification privileges to Android Play. Very annoying.

    5. I am the Walrus

      Re: Yes, I know, but Apple --

      Is that really happening to you? From my experience OSX will only give you notifications of point updates to the current version of the OS you're using regularly. It won't harass you with notifications that there's a new version of the OS unless you actually go to the Store, where it's then featured quite boldly. It may have changed as Apple try to get people who aren't currently on El Capitan to upgrade so I don't know for sure but as I said, I've never seen this before and I camped on both Snow Leopard and Mavericks for a very long time.

      1. M7S

        Bad Apple

        Alas Apple are not immune from unwanted consequences and then being arrogant about it. The upgrade of their OS to Yosemite wiped the Server applications from our test machine. The one sold as a server (before they deleted the line as well) with that software installed as standard.

    6. tekHedd

      "Control" was a differentiator.

      I liked the control I had in Windows where I didn't have it so much with Apple. Microsoft removed my biggest objection with GWX and their spyware. Had my Macbook for a few months now and I've never liked a computer better. Sure I lose some control and updates are pushed somewhat aggressively, but it's not like MS is better and OSX comes with a proper shell. And git comes preinstalled.

      The way I see it, MS forced me to buy a Mac.

  6. Jeffrey Nonken

    If you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you.

    GWX Control Panel FTW. I have it installed pretty much everywhere.

  7. Mark 85

    "Sir, the Klingons wish to parley. They say they are changing their ways."

    "I don't believe them, Chekov."

    "But sir, they promised."

    "A rattlesnake is still a rattlesnake. Shields up, power up all phasers and photon torpedoes."

  8. Carl D

    You should have included Terry Myerson's full statement in the article.

    "We started our journey with Windows 10 with a clear goal to move people from needing Windows to choosing Windows to loving Windows. Towards this goal, this week we’ll launch a new upgrade experience for millions of PCs around the world. The new experience has clearer options to upgrade now, choose a time, or decline the free offer. If the red-x is selected on this new dialog, it will dismiss the dialog box and we will notify the device again in a few days. We continue to recommend all of our customers upgrade to Windows 10 before the free upgrade offer expires on July 29."

    Loving Windows? Yeah, right. Just shows how out of touch Terry and his ilk are these days.

    Love is supposed to mean two people loving each other. At least it used to. It is not meant to apply to anything else. Especially computer operating systems.

    Liking Windows? Maybe. But, MS's behaviour over the past 12 months with Windows 10 makes it difficult to even do that.

    And, we also have this quote:

    " If the red-x is selected on this new dialog, it will dismiss the dialog box and we will notify the device again in a few days."

    In other words, they still won't take NO for an answer. F_ off and die, MS.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Linux

      I LOVE Italian food.

      I HATE Windows10

      Insisting love is only for people is a very Eastern European outlook, where are you from Carl?? Is BREXIT worrying you??

      I love penguins - they taste like chicken.

      1. Carl D

        Hi, Ian.

        I was born in Halifax, Yorkshire, England but I was brought to Perth, Western Australia in 1961 when I was 4 years old.

        Been here ever since except for a short 2 week holiday to Singapore and Penang in 1977.

        And - NOTHING will ever make me love Windows 10. But, I'm really beginning to LIKE Linux Mint.

        Just waiting for the new Linux Mint 18 "Sarah" to get out of Beta testing and I'll be installing it (at least with Linux they make a genuine effort to make it as bug free as possible before releasing it).

    2. hplasm
      Gimp

      Love Windows-

      Or it will stalk you.

      And rape your computer if you don't give in.

      Nice.

    3. Dan 55 Silver badge
      Big Brother

      Learn to love Windows 10... is that like learning to love Big Brother?

    4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "We started our journey with Windows 10 with a clear goal to move people from needing Windows to choosing Windows to loving Windows."

      It seems to have moved some people from needing Windows to realising they don't need Windows.

      1. H in The Hague

        "It seems to have moved some people from needing Windows to realising they don't need Windows."

        Yup. After 25 years or so of using Windows one of my colleagues has just bought a MacBook Pro.

        I've just rejuvenated an old XP laptook by installing Ubuntu on it and that looks pretty good. Might be an option for our production environment, just have to sort out the proprietary software we use.

        Neither of us would have considered those alternatives to Windows had it not been for the W10 nagware. Somehow that seems a strange marketing approach by MS.

    5. Nolveys

      You should give Terry Myerson credit where it's due, it's got to be hard to make such a coherent statement while simultaneously shoving a box copy of Windows 10 up the arse of a screaming, kicking donkey.

  9. Sebastian A

    Oh I'm sure they're gutted at having to change this. The damage is already done. Everyone who was going to get upgraded despite x-ing out already has been. What an utter pack of slimy filthy buttnuggets.

    High fives all-round at Redmond I'm sure.

  10. Flocke Kroes Silver badge

    Windows 7/8 log in form after July 29

    Credit card number: ____________________* CSV ____*

    [Upgrade] to Windows 10 for £99. [Shutdown]

    (* required field)

  11. Mike Echo
    FAIL

    Gun, meet foot

    MS really are very, very silly sometimes. Windows 10 is probably not too awful an OS (I'm still on 7 as I have no need to upgrade just yet) but instead of letting customers upgrade IF and WHEN they want, they try to trick people into upgrading just so MS's numbers look good. Now I don't care what you say about the red X, it has always meant cancel ever since I have used a Windows OS so pretending otherwise is just pixie dust. Episodes like this show that MS really have very little respect for their customers (you know, the people who pay their salaries). Idjits.

    1. Charles 9

      Re: Gun, meet foot

      The ONLY way Microsoft will lose serious Windows uptake is if there are alternative apps available for those other OS's waiting for the defectors. Otherwise, it's a captive market.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Gun, meet foot

        @Charles 9 - (cough) cloud (cough) - companies switching to Salesforce and the like to do their business , it doesn't matter much what OS the company PC's are on, as all they need are web browsers. With Libre Office, an email client and a calendaring application, you can do pretty much all that folks running WIndows with MS Office can do, aside, perhaps, from Powerpoint users.

        I'm fairly sure the company I work for could ditch at least three-quarters of their Windows licences, possibly as much as 90% of them , the remainder only being kept so as to ensure perfect (as against very good) ability to read Word Documents and Powerpoint presentations created by advanced users from associates our company deals with.

        I think it;s possible that with the advent of the cloud, MS realised this and that's why they went so aggressivel with Windows 10, to try to give them some breathing space whilst they worked out what teh heck to do long-term.

        1. Charles 9

          Re: Gun, meet foot

          Web browsers get pwned more easily than custom software. Didn't the Target and Home Depot attacks teach them anything?

          As for LibreOffice, that's all fine and dandy unless you use a lot of macros and other stuff Libre doesn't do very well (if at all, like macros).

          And that still leaves the end-users for which software on anything but Windows is incredible scarce, and they lack the know-how to find it anywhere but a B&M store.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            Also VMs for stuff you can't convert.

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            "Web browsers get pwned more easily than custom software. Didn't the Target and Home Depot attacks teach them anything?

            As for LibreOffice, that's all fine and dandy unless you use a lot of macros and other stuff Libre doesn't do very well (if at all, like macros)."

            Macros get pwned more easily than custom software. I'm not sure about Target & Home Depot but in a lot of cases the attack that came in through a browser and/or email was actually in a Word document with a malacro (TM) in it.

        2. Baldy50

          Re: Gun, meet foot

          Yep I generally use Libreoffice and it can access a PUB file no probs and export it to PDF, for a free word processor it is outstanding.

          If a company looked at It's IT requirements and cross plat formed It's purchases based on what It's employees requirements to do do work tasked to they could save a lot of money on software licenses and hardware.

          Somebody just mainly doing the word processing, data base tasks doesn't need a eight core work station but the person doing CAD does, powerpoint of course a Windows machine, tablets and Mac's for sales staff on the road for portability and anyone just doing basic admin, emails and mooching on the Net Linux machines would be my choice and a machine purchased without an OS is a lot cheaper.

          Walk into any retail outlet that sells computers and ask for a bare machine, you'll be given a choice of Windows or Mac and get a really confused look from the sales person 'What no OS'?.

          The friends and family I have partially converted still use Windows, but love Linux too.

          1. Charles 9

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            "Walk into any retail outlet that sells computers and ask for a bare machine, you'll be given a choice of Windows or Mac and get a really confused look from the sales person 'What no OS'?."

            Because that'll be the day. We're not most people. Most people don't care much about the OS, only that it runs the software they want, and when it comes to applications, Windows still wins. Not even Valve can convince the game developers to support SteamOS properly (when companies like Bethesda basically swear it off).

          2. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            "a machine purchased without an OS is a lot cheaper."

            I'm not sure about that. The Windows free-trial bloatware can more than subsidise the Windows, at least that used to be the case - I haven't looked a buying anything new for some time.

          3. SleepGuy

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            Agreed Baldy50. 98% of the 250 computers in my company use LibreOffice, those that don't are the bean-counter types that need Excel functionality. We also dumped our terminal servers (Server 2003) when the cost to update them was just shy of $500k of licenses. Switched to web-based services, implemented a desktop management system and we're done with it for 1/3 the cost...also no more single-points-of-failure since the data center is no longer mission critical for the other 30 offices to keep working.

            I too (as an IT manager) love Linux. It's been my desktop OS for going on 5 years, many of our on-premise servers run on it (time clock, webdav, etc) and Linux-based office PC's are in beta testing.

        3. ma1010
          Gimp

          Re: Gun, meet foot

          LibreOffice users don't need PowerPoint, either.

          For years, I've used LibreOffice Impress for giving presentations. It may not have all the bells and whistles in PP, but it works quite nicely. And there's also the Impress Remote for Android. You install it on your phone and use it as a remote via Bluetooth to your laptop. I've given many hours of presentations without a hitch using this combination and highly recommend it.

        4. BigAndos

          Re: Gun, meet foot

          "I'm fairly sure the company I work for could ditch at least three-quarters of their Windows licences". I definitely agree with you here. Even though I'm relatively favourable towards MS (I'm a SQL Server BI dev) I think this is definitely the way things are going.

          Our company switched from Lotus Notes (shudder) to Google Apps for business a while ago and we haven't looked back. The majority of people here now work in Chrome for most of the day, either using the excellent Google app suite or one of our internal applications which are now largely web based and even (shock horror) mostly run in browsers other than IE. The collaboration facilities in Google apps are a dream compared to the horror of SharePoint.

          It is only really our IT staff, data analysis/reporting teams (like mine) and graphic designers who need a full fat desktop OS. The designers mostly use Mac OS anyway. I'm stuck with Windows whatever for now as I need to use Visual Studio and SQL Management Studio. Increasingly we are moving to Linux for severs so this probably won't continue for too much longer unless MS pull their finger out!

          The two things I do at home which keep me on Windows are gaming and Photoshop. Photoshop I could do on a Mac but gaming isn't really there yet. Although I think Windows 10 is actually pretty decent (privacy issues aside) MS really need to come up with some good reasons to stick with it long term pretty sharpish or else their lunch will get eaten. This is why they have resorted to devious tricks to get you on W10 - the writing is on the wall!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Gun, meet foot

            Our company switched from Lotus Notes (shudder) to Google Apps for business a while ago and we haven't looked back. The majority of people here now work in Chrome for most of the day, either using the excellent Google app suite or one of our internal applications which are now largely web based and even (shock horror) mostly run in browsers other than IE. The collaboration facilities in Google apps are a dream compared to the horror of SharePoint.

            I suspect we'd be using Google apps as well if it weren't for two problems:

            1 - Privacy and confidentiality. Google can say what it wants, we have a user base that wants privacy done right, and that means no Google. Anywhere.

            2 - Dependency on Net connectivity. Doing anything with Google makes your connectivity pretty much critical to operations, which is why we keep services inhouse, with only a few non-critical facilities outsourced like public webhosting (see point 1 - we segment our networks so anything critical is at least 2 layers removed from the Net).

            If you don't have those needs, I guess Google stuff is enough which is bad news for Microsoft - provided the desktops used to access it are not Win 10, of course :).

    2. King Jack
      Big Brother

      Re: Gun, meet foot

      It is not just about numbers looking good. M$ wants windows 10 everywhere to make their wet dream of spying on everyone a reality. They even advertise a 'crime free' future with windows 10 with the ability to shutdown 'criminals' before they commit crimes. They will only accomplish this miracle if everyone runs the spyware that is windows 10. That is why there is a push for domination.

      I really hope that M$ get fined VW style, where they have to pay for new kit for everyone they have wronged. We can only live in hope.

  12. Oengus

    Just on one month to go...

    With the July 29 deadline for the end of the free offer approaching, does this mean an end to the nagware or will it take the obvious route of changing from a free update to a ransomware one that requires a credit card number be entered before you can dismiss the nag screen?

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Just on one month to go...

      There might be one last option on the 30th... "That's a nice PC you have there and it would be a shame if something were to happen to it and all it's data."

    2. Michael Thibault

      Re: Just on one month to go...

      What I'm expecting thereafter is a gradual, teeth-gritting-but-no-screaming turning of the screws with a view to getting users of all stripes to begin paying. For something. Anything. It's going to be fascinating to see how much more abuse MS can dish out, and the forms that that will take, and even more fascinating how much such abuse Windows users will take before something breaks.

  13. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Shaun, "stop" is not the same as "postpone". Just sayin'.

    Looks like Nancy Reagan was right after all - just say 'no'.

    1. Charles 9

      Trouble is, as later drug ads showed, "They don't take no for an answer."

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        'Trouble is, as later drug ads showed, "They don't take no for an answer."'

        I see you've understood the analogy.

  14. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Loving windows?

    Can we have some of where this fool is obviously smoking. It must be real powerful stuff.

    Sorry MS. Far too late.

    I did try W10 but sorry, it is a POS Operating System even when 'fixed' as much as I can.

    As a result, I will never use it.

    I paid for a lot of older versions of Windows but from now on, my wallet stays firmly shut when it comes to buying anything from MS in the future. Your stupidity has lost me as a customer and I know from comments here that I am not alone.

    One question comes to mind though. How many defectors will it take for MS to wakeup and see the errror of their ways.

    1. GrumpenKraut
      Coat

      Re: Loving windows?

      Another example how Redmond doesn't get it. I have met Windows fan boys in real life (yes, they exist, and yes, boys only). But "loving Windows" is not to be found even among the more rabid ones.

      Mine is the one with the book "Learn to love your operation system in 1729 excruciating steps" in the pocket.

    2. Charles 9

      Re: Loving windows?

      When there are more mainstream GAMES for Linux than for Windows, THEN they'll pay attention. Otherwise, they pretty much have a captive market.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Loving windows?

        "When there are more mainstream GAMES for Linux than for Windows, THEN they'll pay attention. Otherwise, they pretty much have a captive market."

        So what you're saying is that Windows is only fit for playing games? For real work something else is better?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Loving windows?

          So what you're saying is that Windows is only fit for playing games? For real work something else is better?

          You didn't realise that? Where have you been for the last few years? :)

      2. Mephistro

        Re: Loving windows?

        "When there are more mainstream GAMES for Linux than for Windows, THEN they'll pay attention"

        No need for that! Linux, a windows 7 VM without access to the Internet for most 'serious' stuff and lightweight games, plus an alternative Windows 7 boot without Internet access for very demanding games and you're good to go until 2020 at the very least. And thanks to MS and Windows 10, by then many many more serious apps and games will have been ported to Linux.

        1. Charles 9

          Re: Loving windows?

          That still means you need a Win7 install for the machine, most games REQUIRE Internet access to run (usually because it's an online-oriented game). Plus more games going forward will be oriented toward DirectX 12, which is Win10-ONLY.

          And if you think more apps will be ported to Linux after this, you forget the face you're one smart vote surrounded by ten stupid votes. You're hoping too much.

          1. Mephistro

            Re: Loving windows? (@ Charles 9)

            That still means you need a Win7 install for the machine..

            Yes, the one you already have, plus another one from a retired PC (lots of those out there, if you know were to look), or a discounted one from some vendor getting rid of their stock, or in desperate cases one of those 'activators' (illegal, but what the hell!).

            Plus more games going forward will be oriented toward DirectX 12, which is Win10-ONLY.

            Only three years ago many games suffered the consequences of jumping to DirectX 11 too soon, and I don't think the game makers have forgotten that expensive lesson. And take in account that DirectX 12 support doesn't only depend on having the right OS, but also on having the right graphics card.

            most games REQUIRE Internet access to run (usually because it's an online-oriented game)

            A set of firewall rules allowing the system to access only the affected game servers and game update servers will fix that part.

            ...you're one smart vote surrounded by ten stupid votes...

            Yeah, but regarding this issue, smart votes count much more than stupid ones, as these smart votes belong to power users and IT professionals, the guys that give advice to users and enterprises on IT policies and spending. As proof of my statement, please consider the market penetration (<20%) of W10 after one year of MS giving it away for free, FFS!. If Satya Nadella was Japanese he'd have committed seppuku sometime around February this year! :-)

            1. Charles 9

              Re: Loving windows? (@ Charles 9)

              "As proof of my statement, please consider the market penetration (<20%) of W10 after one year of MS giving it away for free, FFS!"

              I'd actually call that damn good because (a) Enterprise users, which you represent, are immune. In fact, Microsoft can't TOUCH these due to contractual concerns (for those business users that get the forced update, those weren't using true enterprise versions), and (b) many home users wouldn't know how to update if it slapped them in the face AND lack someone in the know to guide them through it. They're the type who think the computer is just a TV with a keyboard. Most of them are probably on XP or Vista because that's the system the computers came in. Those PCs are too old to get the update. The ones on 7 (not 7 starter) will probably jump en masse in the coming month as the updates come due.

              PS. As for DX12, this is a whole different jump than to DX11 (which just added more features). DX12 makes graphics coding more efficient because it's closer to the metal. I would think game developers craving performance would jump on this. Plus it'll help them coding for the Xbox One.

  15. bombastic bob Silver badge

    The free upgrade will be withdrawn on July 29

    Promise???

    or will GWX demand my credit card number to purchase the "up"grade I didn't want, now that it's no longer "free" ???

  16. chivo243 Silver badge
    Flame

    there aren't enough 4 letter words!

    So, I have a user that brings in their Wintop for updates, Win7pro on a domain, guess what I got yesterday?? I only clicked on check for "UPDATES" not upgrades, and was presented with the pick a time to commit suicide dialog box. It was at 4:30 or so, I shut down, pulled the power adapter, pulled the network cable, got out the faraday cage... I am curious to see if Win10 is now installed?!

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: there aren't enough 4 letter words!

      It'll start installing as soon as you turn the computer on past the install time. You better hope that's not past and run GWX Control Panel ASAP.

      Maybe if the time has passed you could try safe mode with the aim of getting to the desktop without the installer firing up. Just an untested idea.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "If the red-X is selected on this new dialog, … we will notify the device again in a few days."

    Err no, it should dismiss the dialogue box FOR GOOD. Not notify me in a few days, if I want it, I'll go download the tool that triggers the OS update.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Best solution is linux mint, and only use win 10 for the few programs that won't run on linux. The one good thing about it is that ms can't read ext4. No snooping.

    I have one windows 10 dual boot system for gaming - and I've removed everything except the games. Runs much faster now. Most of the time I'm on linux mint 18 which although only in beta, looks more polished and stable than windows 10.

    1. Charles 9

      "Best solution is linux mint, and only use win 10 for the few programs that won't run on linux. The one good thing about it is that ms can't read ext4. No snooping."

      ext4 is open source. Microsoft probably already have a tool to snoop on ext4 volumes. They just don't release it publicly. They probably also have ways to sniff out the passwords for encrypted volumes and so on to sniff them, too. Remember, VeraCrypt was once hosted on CodePlex...

    2. Roo
      Windows

      "I have one windows 10 dual boot system for gaming - and I've removed everything except the games. Runs much faster now. Most of the time I'm on linux mint 18 which although only in beta, looks more polished and stable than windows 10."

      I upgraded the kid's boxes from Win 8.1 to 10 over the weekend. It was a long & awkward process due to having to run the Windows Update Troubleshooter multiple times before and after the upgrade on all three machines.

      Our eldest asked "Why is it different ?" and then asked "Can I have Linux Mint like your machine because it's easier to use ?". As it turns out all her favourite games now run under Steam on Mint just fine, so Win 10 will be gone at the first sign of trouble in this house. I lie, 10's Windows Update has already failed three times resulting in a few lost hours... Win 10 will be gone at the second sign of trouble... :)

  19. Wolfclaw

    Probably worried hat now that 1 person has won a case against Microsoft, a class action is on the cards if they bork thousands of pc's with unwanted upgrades.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "a class action is on the cards if they bork thousands of pc's with unwanted upgrades."

      They'd almost certainly prefer that to a death of a thousand cuts in the small claims courts. They'd be able to settle a class action with a big payout to lawyers, and either peanuts to the losersplaintiffs or a donation to EFF or maybe a charitable organisation of their creation choice.

  20. LiarLiarLiar
    FAIL

    Fuck microsoft

    I'm sure by now it has infected all the simple folk it could with it's malware type infection

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With no one buying new PC's, what will happen after the 'offer' ends next month?

    Good news said a Microsoft representative, because of the overwhelming demand we've seen for upgrades to Windows-10, we've decided to continue the offer indefinitely... Have a nice day!

  22. Retired Ninja

    Stop nagging me!

    I would like to recommend grc.com/never10 as a very useful little tool. I have used it on a few computers/laptops and it has prevented the nag to "upgrade" and also finds and gives the option of deleting the hidden upgrade files that have, in all likelihood, been downloaded.

  23. s. pam Silver badge
    Mushroom

    What part of this is fucking rubbish?

    All of it Microsoft -- there's a reason why I have a TXT file on the Admin desktop on my 82 yr old Mum's computer called MSFT_SUCKS. It contains a list of all of your supposed OS-updates that bring along the Windows 10 virus.

    Oh and I turned on Family accounts, and took Mum's ability to install anything which further screws you from ramming the Windows 10 virus into her PC.

    You lot are naughty, evil f3cktards for your deception.

    1. CompUser

      Re: What part of this is fucking rubbish?

      the textfile on my desktop is "Microsoft Malware.txt" and has a related bat file to make sure no malware gets through.

  24. Milton

    MS leaving a bad taste in the mouth ... again

    Having been caught out and heavily criticised for transparently, egregiously deceitful behaviour, Microsoft corrects it—and then expects a pat on the back. I wonder what goes on in the minds of people who think this stuff up, when they catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror?

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Re: MS leaving a bad taste in the mouth ... again

      "when they catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror?"

      I very much doubt they have reflections.

      1. Fred Flintstone Gold badge

        Re: MS leaving a bad taste in the mouth ... again

        I very much doubt they have reflections.

        Comment of the year IMHO :).

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

  25. M7S
    Stop

    Upgrade

    "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"

    Vengefully yours

    Inigo Montoya

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Windows 10 offers improved security, better performance and much better notification support. Yes it has telemetry enabled, but that is easily switched off and helps provide valuable feedback on how people use the OS so Microsoft can improve it even more.

    While a lot of people on here may be techies and good with computers the average punter isn't, so they should be encouraged to upgrade, so they see the benefits from things like improved security rather than leaving them on Windows 7 with updates blocked leaving them vulnerable to new attacks and exploits or even worse putting linux on. There is nothing wrong with Linux, but if you can't help them and they need support they are snookered. PC world wouldn't touch it and neither would most computer shops.

    It'll be a shame for these people when they realise they should've upgraded to Windows 10 and the free download has expired next month. They should be getting upgraded now

    1. Roo
      Windows

      "There is nothing wrong with Linux, but if you can't help them and they need support they are snookered."

      The same applies to Windows. I see plenty of snookered people running XP, Vista, 7, 8.1 and 10. PC World can't really fix stuff like drivers not existing for their old peripherals for example.

    2. Sir Runcible Spoon
      Trollface

      @OP

      If you're going to troll, at least do it without being AC, otherwise what's the point?

    3. Paul Crawford Silver badge

      "valuable feedback on how people use the OS so Microsoft can improve it even more"

      Ah yes, so that is why Windows 8 & 10 are so much loved and respected by the users?

      As for blocked updates for Win7, if the fsckers had not been abusing the update mechanism for this there would NOT be blocked!

    4. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "Yes it has telemetry enabled, but that is easily switched off and helps provide valuable feedback on how people use the OS so Microsoft can improve it even more."

      1. What's easily switched off is easily and surreptitiously switched back on by the next unavoidable update.

      2. If the telemetry is so harmless, not to say benign, why do MS's T&Cs make no attempt to exclude themselves from recording what's none of their business? If you don't believe me go and read the privacy policy for yourself and try to find the bit where it confines their rights to recording transactions and access credentials to those relating to themselves.

    5. Roland6 Silver badge

      Windows 10 offers improved security

      Does it?

      Looking at the malware that has been produced since the launch of Win10, there have been very few exploits that have been targetted at pre-Win10 platforms (note, I'm referring to malware that exploits Windows without Flash installed); all seem to work against Win10.

      Also I'm not sure if we have seen a reduction in the amount of malware being produced, so it would seem the added security features of Win10 aren't preventing malware writers from finding exploits...

      As for There is nothing wrong with Linux, but if you can't help them and they need support they are snookered. PC world wouldn't touch it and neither would most computer shops. don't see what's wrong with that, seems like the type of business model every business aspires to and was largely the situation before PC World et al launched Geek Squad in the UK in 2006...

    6. This post has been deleted by its author

  27. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Windows

    well

    at least we can safely turn updates back on on july 30th........ although no doubt that july 29th refers to Seattle time...... so lets wait until Aug 1st to be sure...

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Re: well

      I think I'll give it another couple of weeks on top - just in case :)

      1. Captain Badmouth
        Happy

        Re: well

        I think I'll give it until hell freezes over, to be absolutely sure.

    2. ITS Retired

      Re: well

      "at least we can safely turn updates back on on july 30th........ although no doubt that july 29th refers to Seattle time...... so lets wait until Aug 1st to be sure..."

      No, not Seattle time, Hawaii time. Better wait till August 2, just to make sure... With MS, that is still a maybe.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Oh come on

    They were asking for it going round dressed in Windows!

    Sure I know they said "no" (smirking) but ask any other large morally corrupt corporation if they would do the same thing and you know what they'd say, amirite!

  29. Florida1920
    Joke

    I don't understand the problem

    You all are complaining because when you ticked the "X" it went ahead and installed the Wonderful Windows 10 anyway. Did you forget that "X" is the Roman numeral for "10?"

    Next you'll be telling us you expect your car to stop when you push the brake pedal. Where's the adventure in that?

  30. Bob Camp

    Subkey: HKLM\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\WindowsUpdate

    DWORD value: DisableOSUpgrade = 1

    Subkey: HKLM\Software\Policies\Microsoft\Windows\Gwx

    DWORD value: DisableGwx = 1

    The first one disables the auto upgrade of Windows 10. The second one gets rid of the notifications. No need for special software.

    I do agree there should be a "no and don't ask again" option.

    1. Mark 85

      I thought I read (or maybe I'm having a senior moment) where one their "cute" KB's reset that bit of the registry. I'll have to do some searching.

    2. Roland6 Silver badge
      Headmaster

      Re: DWORD value: DisableOSUpgrade = 1 etc.

      However, your Windows product and licence key shows that you are running a consumer version of Windows, hence expect GWX to reset these settings to the one's "more appropriate" to consumer versions of Windows...

      Hence why I run GWX Control Panel in monitor mode...

      Pedant icon, because as we are seeing MS are being pedantically creative about finding ways to forcibly upgrade existing users. Not checked the relevant KB, but expect it isn't explicit as to which versions of Windows it applies to, only that as it it aimed at enterprise deployments, it can be assumed MS could interpret it as only applying to versions supplied under a volume licensing agreement...

  31. Tim Brown 1
    Joke

    In other news...

    The EU has decided to get Microsoft to design some nagware to get the British Government to invoke Article 50.

    An EU spokesman said "We're seriously fed up that the British PM keeps clicking 'not just now thanks' on the reminders we've sent him so far"

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I have never see this dialog...

    ...because one of the first things I do after getting a new PC up and running is to disable Windows updates.

    On more than one occasion I've seen family/friends have their PCs stuffed because Windows has automatically installed an Patch Tuesday update that has launched them into an endless reboot cycle or summoned the BSOD.

    I keep an eye on the more highly-publicised updates and install them if I think I want them and I believe them to be safe.

  33. Zakhar

    Only one way to say NO!

    All those persons complaining about M$ but staying with them make me want to say: you had it coming.

    In fact the only way to make them understand what "NO" means is to say it with your wallet, that is: stop buying any of their products at once!

    It is the only thing they understand.

    That is what I did 8 years ago, and oh boy, I'm more and more pleased every day with all this flow of news that now make me laugh!

    1. A Ghost
      Stop

      Re: Only one way to say NO!

      I admire your general sentiment, but please don't be so passive-aggressive.

      The whole 'you had it coming' attitude helps no one.

      I suppose I had it coming too for sticking so long with windows, eh?

      Trouble is, I have software that will only run on a microsoft os. You might have heard of that little eventuality if you worked in the tech field somewhere. I don't, personally, but I do use windows only software. It really is not unheard of. You display your ignorance. There are also many cases of industrial and whatnot uses of the software tied to hardware, and they also do not have a choice.

      Wishing ill on these people in some kind of software justice warrior stance, will not gain you many friends around here.

      The only reason anyone at all is still running windows is because they have to, around here at least. So stop it with the ranting to the converted, please.

      I run linux too. It's great when it's good. Very often it does not work. You need to get your head down and dig in for a few days. I spent a whole working week getting pulse audio to work for amarok in kubuntu. But quite often, problems are above your ability, and should you dare post on some of the linux forums, you will be ripped apart whilst still alive. Ho hum. NO point in saying your rtfm, or anything. You're a noob. You are dead meat. Not all linux forums are like this, just most of them. :-) Still love linux.

      I posted the other day on another forum about being confused about the options for the brexit debate. I got a 'people like you - you deserve what is coming to you' couple of posts in response. The internet is not for debate anymore it would seem. It is for impotent people to take out their excess energy on those that do not think like them, and even when they are asked for their genuine opinion, the opportunity to just go rabid on someone, is too much to resist.

      It's the end of days, it would seem, and just when we were all starting to get going as well.

      Oh, dear.

      Taking delight in others misfortune, because they did not lobby in your favour, is a sign of a weak minded individual. I knew the fate that would befall my crack-addicted friend, but did I rejoice in him having to make his mother sell her and his home to pay a crack debt, so that they were both not murdered?

      I'll leave that as a rhetorical question for now.

      NEARLY ALL OF THE FUCKING AUDIO AND GRAPHICS SOFTWARE IN THE WORLD ONLY RUNS ON ONE OPERATING SYSTEM - WINDOWS!

      As far as the average home user is concerned, anyway, which is what, 90 percent of the market? No idea. Please educate me. If you want to make music, you have a choice, PC or Mac? Pretty much mostly PC for most people. Some stuff runs in linux, but you can't get hardware to work in it so efficiently, yet.

      There is a reason why most (in fact all) audio developers keep out of arguments like this. Microsoft is not their friend, but they are married to them and it's too late for a divorce. Are they deserving of the fate that is about to befall some of them?

      But yes, I do agree with your general sentiment. Would that is were so simple.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Only one way to say NO!

      "In fact the only way to make them understand what "NO" means is to say it with your wallet, that is: stop buying any of their products at once!"

      Good luck when it comes with your system (try buying a bare-bone system from a brick-and-mortar store; you won't find it) AND is the only system that'll run that software you use everyday AND won't run on a VM OR WINE. Plenty of us in the world are kinda locked in. So what do we do now? Just go somewhere and DIE?

  34. dwonk786

    ...and a worldwide conspiracy.

    This is my wedding anniversary week (32), but next week I will post a correspondence with Asus that clearly indicates their knowledge of Microsoft's hacking of old versions of Windows. Asus even installed a new, super-basic BIOS that would not allow booting from other devices!

    I will post the URL of the correspondence here.

    NOTE: I have evidence that several semiconductor companies in the U.S. and elsewhere conspired with Microsoft. I even reported it to the U.S. Department of Justice, which did not reply. Things are changing now. Microsoft, being in violation of the rotten Patriot Act, is doomed. The worldwide economic structure will be shaken severely.

  35. A Ghost
    Terminator

    Meanwhile, in other news

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-36657889

    "Customer satisfaction is at an all time high," Mr Mehdi told me.

    "We've had over 135 billion hours of usage since the launch."

    And that's just the stupid fuckers who keep pressing the big red X thing in the corner thinking it will cancel the install, the mugs. Real world usage is through the roof. Literally. The amount of people that have chucked their laptops skyward in protest is phenomenal. It's almost as if they are so annoyed that they don't care about wrecking a perfectly good machine in anger.

    It's almost like we have driven them in to some kind of nervous breakdown, where destroying their own property, that they will have to later replace (and not forgetting annoying their neighbours [who likes getting a 5lb object chucked repeatedly at their floor by the people downstairs?]) because they can't control their actions anymore as they are too emotionally incensed, is their only last course of action.

    Basically, they are just going off the fucking rails. I would say this is a good day for Microsoft. If we can drive them to real life live suicide via Skype, I would say my job here at Redmond is done. Said Dr. Swhediforyourheadi.

    I have completed the work that amateurs like monkey boy Ballmer only ever dreamed about. Developer, developers, developers, my little pink and brown arsehole! It's all about the updates, the updates, the updates!

    Top that motherfuckers!

    "I have personally had several personal hand-written letters from parents giving birth to their new children, and do you know what they ask me? I will tell you. They ask me if they can name their new-born not just after me - Mr. Mehdi - but can I actually call my son 'Microsoft' and my daughter 'Microsoftelle' - yes they do - they really bloody do, it's true I tell you. Of course, I personally answer each and everyone of these individuals, all 56,00000 of them, and tell them 'By all means, go forth and multiply with the name of the good lord, by his works ye shall know him, and by his name will be your protection'. Honestly. I really do. Yep."

    I really don't see how things could be going any better at all for the folks at Redmond. Can you?

    They've cornered the search market with Bing. They've cornered the phone market with the er, winphone thingie. They've cornered the advertising and social media market with Google, no wait, that actually was Google, oh well. Can't have everything I suppose, but data-raping all our customer's machines is a start!

    But god damn it, they have absolutely cornered the OPERATING SYSTEM market, with Win X. Yes they have. And the best part is, most of the mugs don't realise that they will have to start paying for it soon, or else they lose their work. Wait until you see their little faces when the photo they took of their little 4 yr old ends up on a kiddie porn website and THEY get the blame! My aching sides. Can you imagine trying to 'sell' that one to the neigbours? No, me, neither.

    One day soon, the magnificence of Microsoft will be truly known. A few more weeks and a few more days, and I get to wear my T-Shirt: "I fucking told you so, ya mugs".

    This party hasn't even started to get warmed up yet...

    The revolution may not be televised, but if it's on the internet, I'll be watching it, on Linux!

    ....

    Meanwhile, reality sets in for the two most dangerous patients at the secure medical facility in the underground bunker at Redmond. A slow-trudging nurse, resigned to her fate, but good at her job, does the thing she does 3 times a day, 5 times a week, 48 weeks of the year - she reaches into her little stash-cart and deposits the little blue eggs into the little plastic cups that she gives to her patients. "MOTHER!", they cry out, but sadly, it is not Mother, it is nurse Microsoft, and her little helper. "Bill, would ya like to help me out here mister and administer this here extra-dosage to this very disruptive individual?" Bill's eyes light up. "Oh yes, excellent!" he says as he rubs his hands with glee. "I want Melissa to experience this too".

    Mr. MehdiHeadiReadyFreddy takes his medicine like a man. He smiles, it's almost as if he enjoys it. "Don't worry, my child, I've scheduled you in for a visit from big Steve next week", he says, not menacingly at all, as he soothingly pats back the hair on his brow. Dr. MehdiReadySteadyFreddy dribbles, but smiles. He knows what this means.

    "You really need to do better with those press releases, don't you?"

    "Gurgle. Splat. Globules."

    .............

    This was the insane hell that had become Microsoft by the beginning of the 21st Century.

    It had quite obviously stopped being about OPERATING SYSTEMS by this point.

    [yours, an anonymous insider]

    "Mother!!"

    "Yes, my child."

    "Customer satisfaction is at an all time high."

    "Yes it is my child, shush now, it's alright, customer satisfaction, all time high, yes my child, yes, yes, customer, satisfaction, all, time, high, shoosh, shhhhhooooooshhh now."

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon
      WTF?

      Re: Meanwhile, in other news

      just...wow.

  36. A Ghost
    Happy

    I had fun writing it

    But even more fun reading it.

    Not going for any jobs at Microsoft any time soon.

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