DARPA demands brand-new command … IN SPAAACE! DARPA wants to out-Star-Trek the Trekkies and create the kind of flight deck it reckons it'll need to cope with a future when hostilities could extend to space. The problem, the US military's blue-sky skunkworks says, is that there's already too much stuff in orbit (most of it junk). The high-tech-looking rooms full of screens …
With a douchebag in it shouting at several people with an iPad pro each.
Kirk: All power to the engines. Warp factor 9 Mr Scot.
Scottie: The damn ship is upgrading to iOS 27 and the 16GB of space can't handle it. Plus battery life is at 9%.
Kirk: Bones I need you to assist ASAP.
Bones: Damn it Jim im a Fandroid not a Fanboi.
Kirk: Checkov what do you suggest?
Checkov: Kiptin eef only we use leeeneex. I hev livecd in drive booting.
Kirk: *facepalms* Ok...Mr Scott sudo pacman -S all power to the Linux.
Scott: Aye captain. Repos synching...she's gonna make it.
*ship goes into warp*
*warp drive fails*
Scott: Installation failed captain. One of the dependcies has a hyphen in the version number.
Kryten: Mr Kirk your lobster and ketchup sir. *head explodes*
Ace Rimmer: *beams in kicks Kirk out his chair* Mr Scott, Ace Rimmer here. How the devilbare you?
Scott: Thank god! We're having dependency issues Mr Ace.
Ace Rimmer: Not a problem you magnificent bastard have you considered trying the snap package.
Scott: Aye sir. But theres a chance the loop devices wont unmount properly and the packages wont remove.
Ace Rimmer: Don't worry Mr Scott we've been assured by The Canonicals that this will be fixed soon. Just gonfor it.
Scott: Aye sir. systemctl enable snapd. systemctl start snapd. Service enabled and started sir.
Ace Rimmer: snap find the right package then snap install that tricky blighter.
Scott: Package installed. But we now have an extra core down here captain. Its gonna go critical!
...to be continued
I only stopped because my train arrived.
If I could find an illustrator id totally be up for giving a crack at the ongoing tech problems plaguing the enterprise.
The Reg bites the Hand that feeds IT but I think its time somebody lived long and mocked IT.
Reg? Gief money plz.
All we need are lots and lots of laser pointers ... and more power ...
Remembering those HUGE power boats, Handling Ships at Port Areas. Maybe Ion Powered (and Rechargeable)?
As for debris: What about iron embedded in every material (even paints (why are paints used))? Then just turn on your MTesla magnets. Inspired on Astronaut comment on how everything loose ends at ventilation screens ;)
Well commercial satellite operators probably already have such systems to inform them of nearby objects, after all once you have the kepler data of those objects (which is usually freely available) you can just predict where they are. Or they just don't care about small objects as those aren't in the databases anyhow.
Furthermore, satellite operators can actually look up and see what's going on there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIesWBTUeiI
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