3,000 policewomen
Are you sure those figures haven't been massaged?
Wünderbra! German policewomen take 'Action Brassiere'
In news that gladdens the heart, not to mention the boob, German police are being issued with bullet-resistant bras*. According to the Telegraph, female cops were complaining that while bullet-proof vests did their job adequately, they had the unfortunate side-effect of pushing the treacherous underwires and fixings of normal …
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Monday 4th August 2008 13:40 GMT Jasper
Wuh?
They have ADDED the word "Police" to reduce the chance of the bras for saucy play? Ummm... if certain chaps (and ladies) get all overheated at thesight of someone in uniform, what will be the effect of Bras printed with the word Police on them be?
Mine's the one with the matching latex balaclava... I have removed the word gimp, since it prevents naughty thoughts in others
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Monday 4th August 2008 14:28 GMT Anonymous Coward
Der Polizist
I would worry if I got a girl's kit off and saw that printed on the bra: you'd have to check downstairs that she wasn't in fact nominative masculine singular.
Polizistin might be a bit closer to the mark. I can't believe you missed the joke about "Halt oder ich schieße!" though.
Cheers
Mike
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Monday 4th August 2008 14:38 GMT Anonymous Coward
err....
So... a sports bra, then? With 'police' written on it?
wow.
oh and bad as my german is, "Kugelsicherebusenhalte" occurred to me too - only shouldn't it be "Kugelsicherebustenhalter"?
LOL, the main thing I remember about using OS's auf deutsch were how damn *wide* all the menus had to be for the enormous compound words ;-)
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Monday 4th August 2008 14:38 GMT Christopher Rogers
Funny!
"I guess the author thought they were being funny with the SS comment. Exactly the reason i don't live in this small minded country anymore! Grow up!"
You don't live in *this* small minded country? Are you here on holidays then? If so, why? Why come back if you can't take some gentle nationalist banter? Are you in fact so devoid of a sense of humour that you upped sticks and moved your entire life? Do you have any friends? Are you even a nice person?
Because frankly I think your ignorance shows you to be the idiot you are.
P.s. I'd be more concerned about the trajectory angle of a ricochet from a substantial set of firm guns... that would have everybody ducking!
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Monday 4th August 2008 14:44 GMT Sarah Bee
Re: SS
I'm sorry if that offended you, Tom. It was just a throwaway, self-consciously bad quip, of the kind I'm pretty sure satirical convention permits.
However, being the only vaguely Jewish member of staff at the Reg, I kind of take offence at your rather off-colour presumption that by accident of birth and membership of certain section of society I should be offended. Y'know?
I'm flattered that I can pass for 17 though. Yep, still got it.
Also, thanks for the sorting-out of that portmanteau - I do love German but am nicht so gut at it.
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Monday 4th August 2008 15:10 GMT Steffen Schubert
It isn't, actually
"* Should you need to know for your next trip to Berlin, the German for 'bullet-proof bra' is, delightfully, 'der Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter'"
Well, "Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter" has actually no meaning at all in German. "Proof" can be, depending on context, mean "Beweis" (=Evidence) but it this case, it obviously doesn't. It seems, AltaVista translators didn't do a good job for the author of the article ;-)
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Monday 4th August 2008 15:30 GMT Mike Flugennock
Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.
It's really friggin' hilarious that they think that printing the word "POLIZEI" across the front of a bulletproof sports bra is going to _prevent_ its use in kinky sex...Shirley, any mature person must realize how many people are actually _turned_on_ by that whole uniform/badge/gun thing -- even though this whole story _does_ somehow sound like the premise for an old Benny Hill sketch.
As far as various Reg hacks' proficiency in German: I myself am American, third-generation German immigrant descended, and when attempting to re-learn my grandfather's language back in high school, was amazed by the number of German words which are basically short descriptive sentences without spaces between the words -- such as the original German model name for the famous '70s Volkswagen "Thing": "Panzerkampfwagen". I must admit with embarassment, though, that I learned the German word for "brassiere" from -- that's right -- an old Benny Hill sketch.
PS@Sarah: No need to apologize, imho; I thought that was quite a clever quip, and not at all offensive, considering that John Cleese blazed that trail long ago in his famous Fawlty Towers' "Whatever you do, don't mention the war" episode.
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Monday 4th August 2008 15:34 GMT Sarah Bee
Re: Bad German, Bulletproof Sports Bras, Kink Prevention, etc.
Well, I guess I'm in good company then, Mike. (Please tell me 'fledermaus' is correct though, I shall be most upset.)
I was kind of being facetious about the kinky thing, though - as in, of course adding 'police' is going to make matters worse (or indeed better, depending on your preferences). I doubt they've addressed the issue themselves, I'm sure they're just getting on with it - that inference was all my doing. Because I am a bad person.
Meheh.
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Monday 4th August 2008 16:08 GMT Sabine Miehlbradt
Why not all at once?
What if the German police do employ Werewolves, too? That makes for exactly 3 bras.
And it should be bulletproof bra, if that odd thing was a Babelfish translation of "kugelsicherer Büstenhalter".
@Mycho - Nope they are only certified for protection against stabbing weapons. For bullets we just hide behind our male colleagues conceit.
The SS crack was lame, nothing more..
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Monday 4th August 2008 16:08 GMT Anonymous Coward
Germans, they don't like it up 'em
The problem is, neither does anyone else.
In all fairness, Il Registro should redress the balance with a stereotype-laden article featuring eel pies, morris dancers, Essex girls, and The Sweeney*. That would trounce touchy types' tribulations toward Teuton-teasing text. Once the air had been cleared, it would be open season on the French, Dutch, Swedish, Irish, Scots, and of course Belgians.
Not talking the first step, however, simply confirms the dim view of England that most non-English people have of it; a view I would say, that is ill-perceived and unjustified.
[*] I am half-English by law, and a quarter by genetics. I say it's a fair cop, guv.
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Monday 4th August 2008 18:12 GMT Sam
Picture the scene
"You vill give it upp!"
"Nein, niemals!"
"Ve haff eine well armed cutie (not that makes any difference unter European law, disclaimer,) hier!"
"wo ist sie?"
(dominatrix type bird);"Hier"
"Aaah...I haff been ein naughty boy"..(discarded weapon clatters on cobbles)
..."You must tweat mich woughly"....
Der leather mit der rubber fastenings, danke.
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Monday 4th August 2008 19:58 GMT vonBureck
Not bulletproof... no need apparently - see photo :P
Having delved into the subject elsewhere (go on, say you haven't), I can say it seems the uberbrassieres are not actually bulletproof - just a comfy and extremely un-kinky sports-type undergarment to be worn underneath the bulletproof vest.
Even found a photo of one in action... http://m.onet.pl/_m/c50971f91e08dd1685f3513b079e6f34,24,1.jpg
Admittedly, it does seem the uberbosoms can cope well enough with most conventional projectiles, vest or no vest :)
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Monday 4th August 2008 23:18 GMT Armin
Grr...
My dear friends,
it's always a nice read when you're ranting about Germany and our nice little language. As we Germans are able to practice self-criticism and -at the same time- laugh about ourselves, this is always a welcome read.
However, on this article, there is a little downer. I'm going on about the 'SS' bit. Please just leave out the Third Reich next time, as none of your readers could possibly be held responsible for this any more and it just spoils the atmosphere.
Please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not pissed off, just a little concerned.
Best regards
Armin
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 00:01 GMT Andras
Actually, this isn't a compound word
You still have it wrong. It would be "der kugelsichere Büstenhalter". It's easy to come up with long German compound words, but this isn't one, sorry. :)
BTW, I agree with Armin that 3rd Reich jokes spoil the atmosphere, but I don't expect anyone who is British to understand or respect that. A penchant for telling jokes that are in bad taste and meant to offend seems to be part of the national character, is referred to as "irreverence" and is to all appearances generally considered a good thing. We bloody foreigners will just have to learn to like it or ignore it, I guess. (Thankfully, though, there are many exceptions to the rule.)
(Oh, and btw, I'm neither German, nor Jewish, nor British, nor even American, not that it matters.)
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 08:43 GMT Anonymous Coward
@Xenophobia
Ageist!
Phobia means fear, to take the mickey out of something, doesn't always mean fear. And leaving the country - you don't have something against us do you?
Seriously, unless you are going for one world with no nations, no leaders, no hierarchy, no law, no families, no groups you are going to play straight into hypocrisy.
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 08:43 GMT Anonymous Coward
To compund noun or not to compund noun das is die Frage
To be frank, I always thought that German compound words were made up on the fly so to speak so der kugelsichere Büstenhalter or der Kugelsicherebüstenhalter it does not matter. Interestingly, for those who did not know, it is DER Büstenhalter the word is masculine. Nuf said.
I am sure this article has generated more response than normal. Just goes to show what we are like. German, female, uniform, underwear. Hits all the right buttons.
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 08:43 GMT Martin Maloney
An alternative...
...to the bullet-proof bra is the bullet-firing bra, as worn by Ursula Andress in "The 10th Victim."
I saw that film in early 1965, during its theatrical release. To this day, that scene, well, words fail me...
I just added the DVD to my Netflix queue.
Martin
P. S. What is German for "ballistic bosoms?"
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 09:39 GMT Nemo Metis
Where are the pics?!?!?!
You could at least have obliged us with someimages, even if they were only of 'Allo 'Allo's Helga.
As for those twits complaining about the SS joke: grow up and get a sense of humour.
Black helicopter because the Thought Police will be coming any moment for those of us with a sense of humour....
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 09:39 GMT Chris G
Ta
An entertaining article and comments.
Irreverence is, like a stiff upper lip, an essential part of the British character and serves as a test of both the perpetrator and the object of the irreverence. Being too serious about things is a weakness that leaves you open to attack and disturbs your equilibrium. If you really want to offend a German, mention 1966 or just say Five - nil
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 09:39 GMT Astarte
RE: Humour und 'Allo 'Allo
The original version of 'Allo 'Allo is to be screened later this year - dubbed into German of course. ProSiebenSat1 TV has purchased all eight series, that's 85 episodes. It will be very interesting to see how well it's received. ‘Good Moaning’ will become ‘Guten Magen’ = ‘Good Stomach’, we’ll see about the rest when the time comes. I for one hope it’s a success.
BTW the short form for 'der Büstenhalter' is 'BH', maybe the earlier comments about sizes were misunderstood - they probably meant 'Super Sexy'.
I thought the article claimed only that the Bras were 'Kinfe-proof' in which case the translation would probably be something like 'Der Messertdicht BH'.
Hand me the radio will you, it's under the leg of your mother's bed.
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 11:21 GMT Robin A. Flood
What, no Max Mosely ?
I must express my rage, disappointment, surprise etc., to read all these comments and find not a single tie-in about "something new for the Head of the FIA for use in his sex orgies".
Remember this phrase for winter holidays in Germany:
"Ich habe die Heizung gern auf Volldampf, aber sieh' Deinen Kugelsicherer BH aus wenn's Dir zu warm ist".
Prost !
RaF
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 11:23 GMT Andras
It's not about being offended
Just to clarify: SS jokes don't offend me, I just think they're out of place. To the people who say "get a sense of humour and quit whining": it's a bit like walking into a room where people throw cream pies and think it's funny. Even if you're not the one hit by a cream pie, you'll probably still think it's gross. I'm certainly not taking lectures on a sense of humour from people who still think pouring whitewash down someone's trousers is funny. :)
It's no use arguing about humour, of course: what's funny to one person isn't necessarily funny at all for the other. The question is what they do about it: respect each other (refrain from making that kind of joke on the one side, refrain from being offended and politely explaining it's not funny on the other), or not (putting on the arrogant face and knocking the other person's lack of a sense of humour on the one side, getting all uppity on the other).
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 11:23 GMT Michael O'Malley
Boring English obsession
For foreigners like me, it is frankly boring that English people cannot refer to anything German without referring to the Nazis and World War Two.
Yes, the Nazis were vicious mass murderers, and we have to remember what they did. Every child should be shown what the concentration camps did.
But it's just boring to perpetually treat their grandchildren and great-grandchildren as if they too are Nazis. It actually downgrades the memory of the Nazis' evil.
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 11:51 GMT Anonymous Coward
Missed opportunity
You guys should really learn some german.
"Die Kugel" translates as ball, sphere, globe - as well as bullet. Not that the germans use the word for a guy's balls - they're referred to colloquially as Die Eier - eggs. So there's a missed trick, if ever I saw one. A ball-proof bra....
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 12:50 GMT Anonymous Coward
I for one
welcome our SS joke making overlords.
Oh and Michael O'Malley:
It's not just WWII, we often point out 1966 as well. However if you think we are bad about the Germans you have obviously never heard English people talk about the French. Or the Welsh. Or the Scots. Or people from Northern England. Or people from Southern England. Or Scousers. Everyone hates Scousers. Even other Scousers.
If you don't like it, and it bores you may I be the first to welcome you to stop reading English websites, I am pretty sure no-one makes you do it.
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 13:47 GMT Peyton
Funny thing is...
There's a cheesy/facetious American comedy about police called "Reno 911!" that did an episode *exactly* on this very subject - complete with the female members of the cast sporting their form-fitting protective gear throughout the episode. As I recall, a side effect was that miscreants were only to happy to submit to arrest by the lady officers ;)
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 14:07 GMT TanithR
Not quite...
> Gewehrkugelbeweisbüstenhalter ??
> GTF !
> Kugelsicherebusenhalter if you please.
No. A bit closer than the previous try, but still not quite. That would be "Der kugelsichere BH" (The bullet-proof bra), or "Ein kugelsicherer BH" (A bullet-proof bra).
Yes, capitalization and spaces do matter, in German as much as in English. Or would you tolerate "The Mostlyfunnyregister" instead of "The mostly funny Register"? See...
Besides, what is it with you Britons and the Nazis? The Nazis are long gone, and we have currently no intent of invading England. Why would we want a country with even more rainy days than Germany anyway? ;-)
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Tuesday 5th August 2008 20:36 GMT Michael
@ Andras
The problem is when, after walking into the cream-pie-tossing room, one determines that they are *obligated* to tell the participants that what they're doing is gross.
It's simple really. If a joke isn't funny to you, don't laugh. I don't see why it's a neccessity to comment about how it's not funny (to you). Just seems like flamebait, if you ask me.
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Wednesday 6th August 2008 09:27 GMT Andras
@Michael
Sure, ordinarily I wouldn't have commented on the Nazi joke; I wrote my comment to point out that "[der] Kugelsichere BH" wasn't a compound word.
A discussion about the merits of Nazi jokes was already in progress, with some people missing the point (in my opinion anyway), and it was my solemn duty to enlighten them, of course.
http://xkcd.com/386/
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Wednesday 13th August 2008 16:17 GMT Adam Clarke
hmmmm
One thing I have noticed here is that most of those complaining about the whole PC thing are never a member of the group concerned. I remember once seeing a comedian making some jokes at a group of disabled in wheelchairs and they were the ones laughing the loudest... until an able bodied PC with a beard and vegitarian footwear complained. I don't understand why people will complain about something offending someone else. All this palaver over "Political Correctness" is a big pile of organic horse droppings to be honest. And there is another thing, organic vegatables/fruit/crops... Can someone PLEASE show me a non organic plant???
Very amusing article, put a smile on my face anyway.
HAs to be the black helicopter as the thought police are here(in their bulletproof bras no doubt) to take me away....
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