back to article US bus passenger cracks one off for three hours

A passenger aboard a Megabus service to Coralville, Iowa, was cuffed on arrival on Sunday after cracking one off for three hours in the mistaken belief that a female fellow traveller appreciated his marathon five-knuckle shuffle. Telly Shadell Corey, 41, allegedly kicked off by playing with his todger in his sweatpants but " …

  1. David Webb

    Really?

    The most apt word to describe that bloke? Tosser.............

    1. MrRimmerSIR!

      Re: Really?

      If he were British, he'd be a w*nker.

      1. Annihilator
        Thumb Up

        Re: Really?

        More specifically, he's a bus wanker...

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1V_qz9I1Nk

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Really?

      Three hours for the pop shot, a career in porn beckons.

      1. e^iπ+1=0

        Re: Really?

        "Three hours for the pop shot, a career in porn beckons."

        Hmm, I don't think you understand porn. Sounds less interesting than the average 'watch paint dry' film to me.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Really?

          Sounds less interesting than the average 'watch paint dry' film to me.

          No, no, you don't have to watch it *dry* as well. Sjeez..

          :)

      2. Someone_Somewhere

        Re: a career in porn beckons.

        You're a consumer, not a producer, aren't you?

        Time is money in porn, as in every other commercial enterprise - the quicker you come up with the goods, so to speak, and get to the 'money shot', the less the producer has to pay for crew, electricity, the location, etc. and the quicker they can start the next production.

        The rest can be made up with previously recorded material and/or cheaper 'actors' whose faces needn't be seen for the close-up gnarly.

        So guys who come quickly are in demand, not guys who take forever to get the job done.

    3. J. R. Hartley

      Re: Really?

      Wait til Bigus Dickus hears of this.

      1. Stevie

        Re: Bigus

        Yes! Welease Todger Wodger!

  2. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Coat

    The Smoking Gun

    Really ?

  3. 2460 Something

    What muppet thinks this kind of behaviour is acceptable? Maybe they ought to start enforcing tougher penalties. Such as castration. That should make the pervs think twice :D

    1. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge

      What sort of muppet sits there for three hours without complaining? While the accused shouldn't have started in the first place he might actually have some mitigation in his claim that he thought she was enjoying it.

      I'm surprised at his managing a three hour wank. I usually pass out after two.

      1. Tessier-Ashpool

        Well, I sat through this in its entirety without pressing charges.

        1. Juan Inamillion

          Superb find!

      2. mad physicist Fiona

        What sort of muppet sits there for three hours without complaining? While the accused shouldn't have started in the first place he might actually have some mitigation in his claim that he thought she was enjoying it.

        So you have a man who has already started with at least lewd conduct and probably indecent exposure, presumably already acknowledged in some way the woman who was supposedly "enjoying" it and it will never cross the mind of the woman that he is some deranged and quite possibly dangerous rapist fantasizing about her. He doesn't have a defence there: even if if the unlikely event she had explicitly instigated the action by asking "Excuse me, can I watch you have a wank" his actions would still be criminal in pretty much any jurisdiction.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          "would still be criminal in pretty much any jurisdiction."

          True, but was this woman so terrified that she sat there immobile for three whole hours without complaining to the driver?

          1. quattroprorocked

            It's the USA of A, maybe he had a gun in his pocket

            He was clearly nuts, and she didn't want to do anything to escalate it. A valid approach in the circumstances.

            1. AIBailey
              Coat

              Re: It's the USA of A, maybe he had a gun in his pocket

              Nah, he was just pleased to see her.

            2. Lusty

              Re: It's the USA of A, maybe he had a gun in his pocket

              If she'd had a gun though...

              ;)

      3. LoveS

        okay then

        First, sometimes the humans are shocked by lewd behavior - and an honest reaction to shock is uncomfortable inaction especially when the options of action are not clearly a solution. Many humans (and other mammals, for sure) who are harassed end up with debilitating stress reactions from the inability to have an appropriate reaction at the time of the original harassment. PTSD. Also, the females of the humans sometimes experience a reaction to their complaints of sexual harassment from the other humans and many of the pods which is basically to "blame the victim." We can see here that it is a true concern. He's wanking in front of her. She can realistically be concerned of what other weird, insane sh*t he is capable of doing. And also, maybe she paid money to get someplace in 3 hours. Maybe she couldn't move seats because the g--damned bus was full. And who is she really going to complain too? "Excuse me driver, could you stop the driver of this bus from wanking in front of me?" The situation is a perfect example of how a creepo in a position of power and (temporary) immunity gets jollies by not just wanking but by enjoying his distorted perception of her reaction.

        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

          Re: okay then

          "Excuse me driver, could you stop the driver of this bus from wanking in front of me?"

          That's pretty much what I was thinking, yes. Maybe the US is different, but most UK long haul coaches have toilets and tea/coffee/snack facilities. There are plenty of reasons why people get up and wander around a bit, so using that as an excuse to report his actions to the driver who can then phone the police and arrange to meet a police car at the next services or junction down the road seems to be perfectly reasonable course of action.

          1. swarfega

            Re: okay then

            "long haul coaches" -> long tug coaches

  4. Novex
    1. BurnT'offering

      The IT angle?

      It's digital

      1. Bluto Nash

        Re: The IT angle?

        The IT Angle?

        Guessing around 60 degrees?

        1. Natalie Gritpants

          Re: The IT angle?

          Is that you bro?

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Rob Daglish

      No IT Angle.

      That's why it's in "Bootnotes" - are you new here?

      1. Anonymous Blowhard

        Re: No IT Angle.

        Shouldn't it be in DevOps?

    3. kryptonaut

      IT?

      It was a SCSI bus

      1. Dwarf

        Re: IT?

        No, it can't be SCSI, because they would all be firing at the same time as each other, presumably you mean USB where they fire one after the other

      2. JLV

        Re: IT?

        >It was a SCSI bus

        Pronounced scuzzy? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=scuzzy&defid=185272

    4. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      IT Angle

      I'd be outraged if I found an IT angle in bootnotes!

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      He was counting the strokes with his new apple watch bus trip ham shank tracker app.

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Facepalm

      > IT?

      So the article could be summed up as "Man caught wanking on the bus".

      Top notch reporting by the Register.

      Sometimes, I wonder why I even still come here.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Sometimes, I wonder why I even still come here.

        To read and comment on articles that can be summed up as "Man caught wanking on the bus", it would appear?

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Say again?

        Come?

      3. Kane

        "Sometimes, I wonder why I even still come here."

        That's a good point, maybe you should leave?

      4. earl grey
        Unhappy

        Man caught wanking on the bus"

        Was he wanking ON the bus, or while riding in the bus? No, I don't really want to know.

    7. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Thumb Up

      Surely we (ahem) come to El Reg for things like the excellently chosen article picture. And of course, the sense to inform us that the arrest took place in the perfectly named Johnson County. Unless the Americans have a town called Todger Springs...

      Does Lester ever write sensible articles?

      1. gd47

        They might not have a "Todger Springs", but there is a "Gobbler's

        Knob", in Pennsylvania!

        It's where the annual groundhog event takes place.

        1. x 7

          " but there is a "Gobbler's

          Knob", in Pennsylvania!

          It's where the annual groundhog event takes place."

          Are you sure its not the site of the annual Turkey Stuffing Championships?

  5. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    Yes I fail to see the IT angle. Perhaps he was masturbating to pictures of an AOL connection screen?

    1. james 68

      As previously stated by BurnT'offering - It's digital

      5 digits to be precise.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm unsure as to the laws in America on these things but If he gets charged will it stand up in court?

    1. Bub

      He'll put it in the hands of his attorny

    2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      Could end up serving a stiff sentence

      1. Fink-Nottle

        He won't get off.

        1. Updraft102

          You don't think he will beat the rap?

        2. Anonymous Blowhard

          "He won't get off"

          Well, not for three hours anyway...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yes I fail to see the IT angle

    Sigh...how many times....

  8. Yugguy

    3 hours?

    Chafe.

    1. Kane

      Re: 3 hours?

      "Chafe."

      Lubricant.

  9. sisk
    Facepalm

    How in the hell do you 1) think this is a good - or even acceptable - way to pick up women or 2) fail to immediately notice that the woman you're trying to impress this way is not enjoying the show? Some folks are just too damn dense to be allowed to reproduce.

    1. Mark 85
      Coat

      Some folks are just too damn dense to be allowed to reproduce.

      Which is probably why a) he was on bus in Iowa, and b) why he was cranking one off on a bus.

      Icon --------> appropriate attire for bus travel.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      the woman you're trying to impress this way is not enjoying the show?

      Obviously someone doesn't know much about women if they think a 3 hour wankfest on a bus might charm one.

  10. fidodogbreath

    "...and booked into the Johnson County jail..."

    For this guy, Johnson County is a state of mind.

  11. Alister

    Johnson County eh?

    You couldn't make it up...

    Johnson: [Noticing Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar] Colonel, you better have a look at this radar.

    Colonel: What is it, son?

    Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant--

    Jet Pilot: Dick.

    Dick: Yeah?

    Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.

    Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge--

    Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.

    Bird-Watching Man: [raising binoculars] Ooh, Where?

    Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker, it looks like someone's--

    Army Sergeant: Privates! We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with--

    Baseball Umpire: Two balls.

    [looking up from game]

    Baseball Umpire: What is that. It looks just like an enormous--

    Chinese Teacher: Wang, pay attention!

    Wang: I was distracted by that giant flying--

    Musician: Willie.

    Willie Nelson: Yeah?

    Musician: What's that?

    Willie Nelson: [squints] Well, that looks like a giant--

    Colonel: Johnson?!

    Johnson: Yes, sir?

    Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Obligatory Ivor Biggun (NSFW)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4iItGNCHsw

  13. thomas k

    Wot?! No pics?

    Three hours and she didn't think to grab a couple shots with her mobe? For evidentiary purposes, of course.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Wot?! No pics?

      The vid is on p*rnhub; unfortunately the battery in her mobe died before the c*mshot.

  14. Herby

    Did he...

    Post it to You Tube? that would make an interesting video (which wouldn't last long) and would be satisfactory to have an IT angle.

    He might have said: "Look at the megabus!!"

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Yes, Megabus eh?

    Suddenly the grin on the Dara O'Briain pic looks much more sinister.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    News you can use?

    What was the bus number? And remind me to stand the next time I am onboard that one!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's nothing....

    My old boss was a constant wanker for years.

  18. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge
    Coat

    This must be ...

    ... where the rubber meets the road.

    Sorry about that. I'll just get my trench coat.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The amazing thing was...

    The amazing thing was that he was still able to drive the bus with the other hand.

    ;-)

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    He thought the victim was enjoying it.

    What an idiotic line of defence. He should have claimed to be of Australian decent and that to arrest him was an affront to his cultural heritage in which such behaviour is an acceptable way to pick up women. In evidence he could have shown a youtube video of Rolf Harris doing his Jake the peg routine.

  21. JJKing
    Coat

    It's the USA of A, maybe he had a gun in his pocket

    Or he was just pleased to see her.

  22. chivo243 Silver badge
    Holmes

    Isn't cracking one off

    the end? A Happy ending? A three hour orgasm? Who has enough tissues for that?

  23. Tom Chiverton 1

    Faces ?

  24. x 7

    only a five knuckle shuckle? He should have changed hands every two hours - could have kept going indefinitely then

  25. Alfred
    Coat

    Mised headline opportunty

    "Marathon five-knuckle shuffle finishes on the cuff" surely?

  26. FrankAlphaXII

    Three hours?!?

    Someone's not strokin' it right.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Loony

    You can clearly see the guy's nuts...

    Already leaving.

  28. kain preacher

    There is a porn site called bangbus.

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