back to article Ukraine has a Eurovision pop at Russia

Ukraine looks set to put the Boom Bang-a-Bang back into the Eurovision Song Contest with a jolly ditty about Stalin's forced relocation of Crimean Tatars. According to the BBC, chanteuse Jamala's 1944 is "about the tragedy that befell her great-grandmother, when the dictator sent 240,000 Tatars on crowded trains to barren …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Looking forward to it.

    I'm at work and hearing the same 20 or so songs that I always hear in my workplace. Eurovision is welcome therapy in the form of a handful of entirely new songs that will happily FUCK OFF in a few days.

    If only more songs would extend that courtesy.

    1. BurnT'offering

      Re: Looking forward to it.

      Want them to turn the music off? Sing along loudly and, when told off, apologise for having an unconquerable OCD trait that forces you into song.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Looking forward to it.

        So that's why my manager does that...

        1. Roq D. Kasba

          Re: Looking forward to it.

          Give PRS a call - unless the workplace is paying them off, they'll present a chunky invoice to which most sensible companies respond by turning off the radio.

          Peace be with you, brother.

  2. wolfetone Silver badge

    I'm sure Putin is bothered.

    1. James 51

      Perhaps like Marlow and Barksdale in The Wire they are bothered by it even when they shouldn't be.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      As they say in that part of the world

      Хрен редьки не слаще.

      Approximate English translation: "Any expectations that horseradish is sweeter than radish are unwarranted".

      Neither are expectations that red-and-black flag waving members from Right Sector will treat you differently if you happen to be Russian (or a Jew).

      However, truth should never ever stand in the way of propaganda.

      1. BurnT'offering

        Re: As they say in that part of the world

        I'm almost certain I would disagree if I had a clue what you meant

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: As they say in that part of the world

          Approximate idiom - The grass is always greener over the fence.

  3. Arthur the cat Silver badge

    As Clausewitz didn't say

    Eurovision is the continuation of war by other means.

    1. Semtex451

      Re: As Clausewitz didn't say

      Which finally explains why I feel shell-shocked any time I'm put through it.

    2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: As Clausewitz didn't say

      Which is why

      Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

      Goes some way towards explaining a lot of the voting patterns.

      If we leave the EU do we have to continue to fund the trash that is Eurovision?

      If not it might be enough to make me vote for out.

      Or could the BBC put it on BBC-3? That way no one but the addicts will watch it.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: As Clausewitz didn't say

        "If we leave the EU do we have to continue to fund the trash that is Eurovision?"

        The EU and the EBU are two very different things.

        This whole farce of in/out the EU is concerning because no one is saying what they want to pull out of. The UK are members/partners of a number of European institutions. Leaving one still leaves us members of others and that is going to come as quite a shock to many NO voters if NO wins.

        1. MonkeyCee

          Re: As Clausewitz didn't say

          "This whole farce of in/out the EU is concerning.... "

          It really isn't, much like Scottish independence wasn't going to happen.

          It allows politicians the chance to get all shouty about a perceived issue, and usually (assuming they aren't letting a good crisis go to waste) allows them to achieve some other objectives. For Scotland it seemed to be building SNP support at the expense of Labour, which suits a certain blue party just fine.

          UK is not leaving the EU/EC/EEC/NATO etc. The idea that something like a plebiscite is going to stop the Euro project is laughable.

        2. Chris Parsons

          Re: As Clausewitz didn't say

          True, so true. I bet an awful lot of 'outers' think it will rid them of the ECHR. Surprise! It won't.

  4. Tony S
    Joke

    I thought that there was going to be a referendum on the UK pulling out of Eurovision.

    1. BurnT'offering

      Boris said he would pull out

      "I've heard that one before" said an ex-mistress

  5. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    So, Russian subs in the skerry-coast off Stockholm (like in the 1980ies)?

    1. Vulch
      Megaphone

      Ah, Billy Bragg to do the UK entry then?

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe she'll make up for it

    By covering "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in the next round.

  7. druck Silver badge
    Coat

    Terry's gone now...

    ...just let it die with him.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Terry's gone now...

      Terry Wogan hasn't been presenting on Eurovision since 2008 - where have you been?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Terry's gone now...

        In a better place, given that there's clearly no Eurovision.

        1. arctic_haze

          Re: Terry's gone now...

          "In a better place, given that there's clearly no Eurovision."

          No, he has not moved to North Korea.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A riff on the Craggy Island boys

    "My Lovely Hearse"......Jamala's going to be needing one, soon.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe that lovely singer

    will get even further back into the history and sing us a song about the constant raids of Crimean Tartars into the Danubian principalities and Poland-Lithuania in the XV - XVI century when they were looking to capture and enslave local people.

    From Wikipedia :

    [Quote]For a long time, until the early 18th century, the khanate maintained a massive slave trade with the Ottoman Empire and the Middle East, exporting about 2 million slaves from Russia and Poland-Lithuania over the period 1500–1700. Caffa (city on Crimean peninsula) was one of the best known and significant trading ports and slave markets. In 1769, a last major Tatar raid saw the capture of 20,000 Russian and Ruthenian slaves.[/Quote]

    But of course we can't hold the ancestors responsible for whatever happened in the past and unfortunately this works for the ancient Soviet Union too.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe that lovely singer

      That's a good point, I was going to write a song about Italy because of the Roman Empire and all the atrocities they committed but then someone had to ask what they ever did for us and I gave up.

    2. Mark 85

      Re: Maybe that lovely singer

      But of course we can't hold the ancestors responsible for whatever happened in the past and unfortunately this works for the ancient Soviet Union too.

      It's been pushed some here in the States for some things. We (the government) finally agreed to the Japanese Interment reparations. There's now the movement slowly rising to pay reparations for slavery which may get through after all the BlackLivesMatter and Confederate flag crap ends. But, the problems were acknowledged long after the fact... but then, it's about money these days.

      There's a lot of other countries that don't even acknowledge the things they've done in the past.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Maybe that lovely singer

      The city of Caffa has a very long history - and definitely impacted Europe. The black death came to Europe from Caffa when it was besieged by the Mongols.

      It was founded by the Greeks sometime before Socrates and Plato, and was name Theodosia - the gifts of the gods. It was a essentially colony and trading city with the Scythians (and Aryan-Iranian nomadic tribes). Since that time, like the rest of the peninsula, it has been occupied by pretty much everyone in Eurasia - the Romans, the Goths, the Byzantines, Kaumyks, the Venetians (yes, Italians), the Mongols, everyone. In the 18th century a linguist identified a group speaking "Crimean Gothic" - a germanic language that had remained for over a millennium in the peninsula.

      In the 15th century the Tartars finally set up shop there, only to have Peter the Great of Russia take it from them a couple of centuries later. The descendants of these invaders are the Crimean Tartars.

      After the Russians took over, the city was renamed Feodosia.

      Josef Stalin was a truly evil bastard, and usually he had objectives in the evil that he committed. The exile of the Tartars from Crimea was a form of communal punishment for almost all the male population of Crimean Tartars joining the SS to fight the Soviet Union. So when joining with an evil bastard, just hope you have joined the winning side, and hope that the evil bastard will show some gratitude and not kill you anyway.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Maybe that lovely singer

        Dear fellow AC, thank you for an informative comment. :-)

      2. Not That Andrew

        Re: Maybe that lovely singer

        Possibly the Ukrainian holocaust in the 30's may have had something to do with a large number of the tartars fighting for the Nazi's?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Maybe that lovely singer

          The only problem with this assertion is that Crimea was not part of Ukraine in the 1930s - it was put into the Ukrainian SSR by Khrushchev in 1954. Also, at the time it was predominantly ethically Russian, with the Tartars being the next largest group.

          The holodomor (Ukrainian word for famine, and for this rather disgusting episode) was not confined to Ukraine - it also caused many deaths in Southern Russia around Sochi.

          Crimea was one of the least affected the Holodomor - the Tartars probably did not like the communists and the violence done to their communities by the closing down of mosques, demonisation of Islam, goaling of imams and all those other things that the EDL do or would like to do. So given a chance, and since the SS has recruited Bosnians, they took the imprudent decision to join up.

  10. All names Taken
    Alien

    Dear earthlings

    Dear earthings

    When you find that your system of governance, perchance with a propensity to dominance, is prepared to poorly represent other nations of humans or other ways of being then you should be either very, very worried about it and do something about it OR do nothing about it and continue to have a wholesome and fruitful existence.

    No?

  11. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Mushroom

    That's going to flame harder than Right Sector burning Russians in Odessa

    Yeah, someone will come up with Banderistas doing the Jewish population in such ways that even German Nazis started to retch and there will be fisticuffs and worse in front of the Eurovision venue.

    Not bringing popcorn to this one.

    More like something that can stop russian 7.62x39

  12. Richard Simpson

    Rules is rules

    If Eurovision has rules forbidding songs with an overt political agenda then is should enforce them equally on all contesting nations irrespective of how popular or otherwise the political agenda in question is.

    The resulting contest will, as always, consist entirely of bland drivel, but surely that is what Eurovision viewers want and expect.

    1. LucreLout
      IT Angle

      Re: Rules is rules

      @Richard

      If Eurovision has rules forbidding songs with an overt political agenda then is should enforce them equally on all contesting nations irrespective of how popular or otherwise the political agenda in question is.

      On one hand I agree with you.... on the other, well, all the actual voting appears to be politically driven to the point of absurd predictability.

      I can't possibly imagine the populace of all these countries just happen to vote along geopolitical lines, and can only conclude the whole charade is fixed.

      1. Richard Simpson

        Re: Rules is rules

        Whilst I agree that there is a considerable amount of politically driven voting, I have yet to be convinced that it has a big effect on the answer. The last ten contests have been won by nine different countries (Sweden won twice) although with also one win each for Finland, Norway and Denmark it does appear that Scandinavia does rather well, but OTOH none of the Scandinavian countries have been runner up in the last ten years and if they had an advantage you would expect them to do well in second place as well.

        Also, if it was true that there is a big dislike for Russia throughout Europe, they wouldn't have won once and come second three times in this period.

        I find myself of the view that the effect of political voting isn't enough to produce a serious distortion in the results and this has been helped in recent years by the semi-finals. After all, if your political buddies don't get through to the final then you can't vote for them and have to give your douze points to someone else.

        One final thought. There are about 40 entrant counties each year, so if the mechanism was completely fair the UK would expect to win once in every 40 years!

  13. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Alert

    WTF?

    The Eurovison Song Contest still exists!? People still watch it!?!? And not as some form of forced torture!?!?!??! Nothing typifies the pointless corruption, barely hidden nationalism and mediocrity of the European project more than the Eurovision Song Contest. I would suggest all Boris has to do is play this Ukrainian "tune" along with the other entries at every Out of Europe meeting to ensure a near 100% rejection of Europe in the coming referendum.

    1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

      Re: WTF?

      "The Eurovison Song Contest still exists!? People still watch it!?!? And not as some form of forced torture!?!?!??!"

      More people watch the Eurovision final than the Superbowl. By a long way.

      C.

      1. Mark 85

        Re: WTF?

        Whew.. I thought only we Americans were drawn in mass to such things. I think I still don't feel any better about it for some reason.....

      2. heyrick Silver badge
        Stop

        Re: WTF?

        "More people watch the Eurovision final than the Superbowl. By a long way."

        And I'm one of them.

        To all the detractors: I'll tell you what. I'll happily let Eurovision (which is maybe in the region of ten hours per year) die quietly if you extend the same courtesy to all the bloody football on TV.

        Wait, what? You're hovering the pointer around the downvote button? Well, before you click it, just accept that there are some things on TV that may not be to your taste. That you don't like it doesn't mean nobody likes it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: WTF?

          heyrick,

          have an upvote :-)

        2. DropBear

          Re: WTF?

          Okay, you may or may not like it, I may or may not like it - fair enough. But do please point out _one_ independent critic with some integrity who honestly says any of those songs are any good whatsoever. I'll wait...

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: WTF?

            But do please point out _one_ independent critic with some integrity who honestly says any of those songs are any good whatsoever

            Don't be silly. No songs are any good whatsoever and anyone who says differently is either being paid to, salting their own sense of self importance, or being duped into it. Any self-styled critic makes money or boosts their own ego by making up reviews out of thin air and convincing the consuming public that they know what they're talking about.

            1. Kurt Meyer

              Re: WTF?

              @AC - "No songs are any good whatsoever and anyone who says differently is either being paid to, salting their own sense of self importance, or being duped into it."

              "Waterloo" would probably not make the list of "The World's greatest songs", but I liked it, and I've liked ABBA ever since then. I'm not paid, important, or duped, I just like their music.

              @heyrick - "...just accept that there are some things on TV that may not be to your taste."

              I do accept that, yours is an emminently sensible comment, and I will give it the upvote it deserves immediately after I watch Barca put the boot to the Arse.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: WTF?

        Eurovision proves that there is no accounting for taste.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: WTF?

          Eurovision proves that there is no accounting for taste.

          And wouldn't it be a horrid world if there were? If things being popular was a measure of their quality and not watching all the shit on television was a sign of a problem that needed electroshock therapy to treat?

    2. Kane
      Joke

      Re: WTF?

      "The Eurovison Song Contest still exists!? People still watch it!?!? And not as some form of forced torture!?!?!??!"

      -

      -

      -

      "'Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of a diseased mind.'"

  14. itzman
    Paris Hilton

    if Brexit....

    Does this mean we never ever have to watch this appalling display of banal vulgarity ever again?

    Even by accident?

    Has to be the best reason to leave the EU, EVER.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: if Brexit....

      but the chief purveyor of banal vulgarity is in favour of "Brexit", isn't he? At least, that's what his tabloids look like ...

    2. Uffish
      Facepalm

      Re: if Brexit....

      I've got good news for you - you don't have to watch it, it's not compulsory, your job prospects are not affected if you don't watch it. And it has sod all to do with the EU.

    3. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: if Brexit....

      "Has to be the best reason to leave the EU, EVER."

      Holy shit, and people like you get to vote?

      You can't vote to leave Europe. It's a geographical definition and the UK is part of that geography. No amount of voting will change that.

      That makes just about as much sense as your post and has as much relevance. It must be right. It has "Euro" in it so must be the same thing.

    4. arctic_haze

      Re: if Brexit....

      The problem with Brexit supporters is they will not be satisfied with their success, even if they achieve it. The world problems will still exist. The Polish plumbers will still be there. The Eurovision will still be there. Even worse, Britain will have to abide to rules created by various international bodies.

      So the next thing they will demand would be for Britain to leave the United Nations or the Soar System.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: if Brexit....

        I would vote to leave the solar system. What's it ever done for us?

  15. x 7

    now all we need are the Armenians to sing about what a bunch of murderous bastards the Turks were, with the Greeks helping on backing music and the Circassian Sisters singing harmonies and we'll have a complete Black Sea war ready to go.

  16. Stevie

    Bah!

    Good, about time someone put balls back into the Eurovision Song Contest and picked up the torch first raised by Cliff Richard when he sang that rousing protest against social injustice "Long Live Love".

    Though I predict the namby-pamby judges will go all "nool pwan" when it comes down to choosing sides.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Re: Bah!

      Also, I've got plans for a song about the Hundred Years War. Can't yet decide whether to go for a cricketing metaphor (bound to attract votes across Europe!) and call it 'Black Death Stopped Play'. Or just go for simplicity and call it, 'That's Why I Hate the French'.

      'Toasting Our Marshmallows On St Joan' perhaps?

  17. Yag

    Oh, by the way, a little detail...

    Our old friend Staline was born in georgia, not in russia.

    1. Turbo Beholder
      Devil

      It's context-dependent.

      When he is remembered doing something descendants of his International pets don't approve, not only he was born in Russia, but Besoshvilli is an ancient Russian surname.

  18. Turbo Beholder
    Holmes

    > While Eurovision rules do not allow songs with "lyrics, speeches, gestures of a political or similar nature" - and indeed Georgia's 2009 entry We Don't Wanna Put In got into trouble

    Therefore... uh... is there any possible conclusion other than "some biological objects are more equal than the others"?

    > "This song is precisely what we are all suffering in Ukraine today."

    So... did the strangers come to her house and kill her all, or did she simply ate her cake and then bemoan being robbed of it too? Please clarify.

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