back to article Spoilsport scientists unstick Spider-Man

A team of scientists from the University of Cambridge has disagreeably grounded Spider-Man after concluding that were the arachnohuman crimefighter to use gecko-style sticky pads to scale buildings, they'd need to measure 40 per cent of his body surface.* That's because the bigger the animal, the less surface area versus …

  1. phil dude
    Coat

    olbigatory....

    It's a COMIC.

    P.

    1. dan1980

      Re: olbigatory....

      But also, it's been strongly hinted that Spiderman's powers are somehow mystical in nature.

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: olbigatory....

        ??? Bitten by a radioactive spider. Doesn't sound very mystical to me. 'nuff said...

        1. Jedit Silver badge
          Gimp

          "Doesn't sound very mystical to me."

          Listen, bud - he's got MYSTICAL radioactive blood.

  2. Camilla Smythe

    Spidey is Descended From Nuclear Genetics.

    Not so clever now are you Boffins?

    Anyway... we knew all that size, mass, surface area stuff ages ago. Fooking Biologists.

  3. MrDamage Silver badge

    In other news

    Scientists explain that even if you wear your underpants over the top of your trousers you still cannot fly.

    1. dotdavid

      Re: In other news

      These scientists might say it depends on how big your underpants are.

      1. Fungus Bob
        Boffin

        Re: In other news

        Don't forget wind. There has to be a considerable amount of wind in the underpants too.

  4. Midnight

    If you're wondering how Spiderman climbs walls

    And other science facts

    Then repeat to yourself "It's just a show,

    I should really just relax."

    (La la la)

  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    In other news

    Several el Reg commentards miss the biological point about convergent evolution.

    1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: In other news

      "Missing the point" is a feature that many commentards have convergently evolved.

  6. mr. deadlift

    and yet

    no one's completely explained why larger animals require less energy and live longer.

    there's a correlation, certainly.

    i would suspect there would be something to do with energy requirements and telomeres and things.

    anyway i find it fascinating the smaller you are (ant man) the more magical things you can seem to do.

    sustain huge drops, lift amazing (proportionately) mass.

    but you pay the price, as you lose volume ergo heat quicker you need a metabolism to cater to that, etc etc. utterly fascinating causal relationships.

    SCIENCE!

    1. Steven Roper

      Re: and yet

      Smaller creatures are also more susceptible to low-level radiation than large ones - ISTR seeing that in one of those "if humans suddenly vanished" documentaries that came out a few years ago. When our nuclear reactors break down, leaking radioactive shit all over the countryside, the show pointed out how small creatures like mice, birds and squirrels would be affected more than large creatures like moose or bears.

      1. Norman Nescio Silver badge

        Re: and yet

        @Steven Roper,

        that may be true for mammals, but certainly not true if you include other small creatures. Cockroaches have a reputation for being radiation resistant but other creatures fare far better:

        http://indianapublicmedia.org/amomentofscience/cockroaches-radiation-wins/

        abc.net.au/science/articles/2006/02/23/1567313.htm

        http://wannabeentomologist.com/tag/insects-resistant-to-radiation/

        So the bacterium Deinococcus radiodurans and the Parasitic Wasp (Habrobracon) will inherit the earth after nuclear war.

        1. chivo243 Silver badge
          Happy

          Re: and yet

          Yes, yes there will be ginormous cockroaches driving Dodge Darts long after humans have become fertilizer....

    2. Charles 9

      Re: and yet

      I think it's difficult to properly correlate size with lifespan. It basically depends on different biological factors. I mean, certain breeds of smaller birds like macaws can live for 50+ years. For an animal that can stand on your arm, that's a pretty long time. So who's to say what can live how long?

  7. Chairo
    Coat

    Whoa

    Next you'll tell me that Cyclops laser eyes won't work. And what about Thor's hammer?

    Mine's the one with the cape...

    1. Fungus Bob
      Coat

      Re: Whoa

      Thor doesn't actually have a hammer, he's borrowing Grabthar's...

      Mine's the one with Maxwell's silver hammer in the pocket (Maxwell doesn't know its missing yet).

  8. sabroni Silver badge
    Happy

    It's for kids.

    Grow up!

  9. Jagged

    Media bait

    The reference to Spiderman is purely there to pull in the media for an otherwise dry and dusty paper. A tactic that worked perfectly.

    <citizen kane gif here>

  10. Mystic Megabyte

    pah!

    I have completely stopped elephants from climbing onto my roof by rubbing the walls with lard.

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: pah!

      I have completely stopped elephants from climbing onto my roof by rubbing the walls with lard.

      Works for Muslim burglars, too :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: pah!

        Any suggestions for stopping burglars, rapists, murderers, child abusers and paedophiles who profess themselves to be of the Christian faith?

        1. TeeCee Gold badge

          Re: pah!

          Painting pentagrams on your walls in lamb's blood?

        2. Fungus Bob

          Re: pah!

          Lard is quite universal in it's crimefighting properties. Not only does it work on the aforementioned elephants and Muslims, but also works on Christians, Mormons, Pastafarians and talk show hosts. It does attract flies, though.

  11. ukgnome

    Wellllll

    For a start he doesn't use gecko sticky pads - rather a type of barbed hair follicle and a form of electromagnetism. This is why Elektro could disrupt the wall crawling ability. Although, if Spider-Man ever stood next to Donald J Trump then can you imagine how much he would frizz that piss coloured foppish hair?

    Also, super heroes often exert powers that are difficult to replicate because.....fiction!

  12. Jess

    How would the pads work through his gloves and boots?

    Anyway according to the comics it was static electricity. (Unless they've retconned it) They should have proven that impossible rather than gecko style pads.

    1. Charles 9

      Re: How would the pads work through his gloves and boots?

      They may have retconned it as science marched on. I mean, we didn't understand how the gecko stuck to walls using van der Waals forces until recently.

  13. Yugguy

    At least

    Black Widow's arse really is that good in real life.

    So that's nice.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What's that feet(size) in inches?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Oh bugger...

    ...so this is an illusion then?

    http://physicsbuzz.physicscentral.com/2014/11/gecko-style-climbing-becomes-reality.html

  16. JustNiz

    Don't worry Spidey fans

    This all presumes he is using the same technology that geckos use, he weighs the same as a normal human, and has no supplementary assistance from other sources or technologies.

  17. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

    volume?

    The article1 rather muddles volume and mass, or at least assumes density is fairly constant among animals.

    And, yeah, to a first approximation that's generally OK, because a lot of that volume will be water and blah blah waving hands.

    But Spiderman, particularly in the horrible newspaper comic, is clearly compose of at least 50% hot air by volume, and thus has much lower density.

    1Can't be bothered to read the original paper because doing so might interfere with commenting.

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