back to article What do Angolan rebels, ISIS widows, Metallica and a photographer have in common?

It's an unfair stereotype that America is the home of crazy lawsuits. Which is why we proudly present to you four lawsuits – all of which have emerged in the past few days – that put the stereotype proudly back on the map. You remember that lovely Angolan rebel chief Jonas Savimbi? You know, the one who was a Marxist and …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Murdered?

    "before finally being murdered by government troops in 2002"

    Killed is the word you want here, I think. Murder is something defined by a government or rather, generally speaking, the judicial bit of the body that runs a state. OK, the connotation behind the word murder is "wrongly killing someone" and wrongly is usually enshrined in some form of law or in the absence of a legal system: a belief system (or both)

    1. Steven Roper

      Re: Murdered?

      It's only murder if it violates the government's monopoly on violence.

    2. Amorous Cowherder
      Facepalm

      Re: Murdered?

      The media language of propaganda these days is utterly ridiculous.

      "Pacifying Falujah" - Bombing large Eastern town back to the stone age.

      "Civilian casualties" - Innocent people killed

      "Liquidation" - People killed.

      "Expedited removal" - People killed faster.

      1. BurnT'offering

        Re: Murdered?

        it's just a matter of time till we hear something like, "We hunted down the heinous terrorists and then we gave them some hurty-poos until they went sleepy-dead"

        1. Crazy Operations Guy

          Re: Murdered?

          For the most part, its 'Neutralized a terrorist threat'. No need to make it even sound like a human was involved, much less killed. You also have the option of just saying "Terrorist plot foiled" and the public will just picture some turban-wearing, faceless guys in a cave full of AK-47s and suicide vests getting shot by a heroic square-jawed group of Gi-Joe style Marines.

          1. DocJames

            Re: Murdered?

            the public will just picture some turban-wearing, faceless guys in a cave full of AK-47s and suicide vests getting shot by a heroic square-jawed group of Gi-Joe style Marines

            You missed the adjectives "brown" and "white" out of the above sentence. I'll let you work out where they go.

      2. TeeCee Gold badge

        Re: Murdered?

        "Pacifying Falujah"

        Some time ago I had a long drink into the wee hours with a US officer who'd been at Falujah. I think he just needed someone to talk to where it wouldn't come back on him later.

        He reckoned it was waaay more even than portrayed in the press and he lost more than a few men (let's just say that the official casualty figures are understated). The opposition were hamstrung by material and technological disadvantage. They were hamstrung by rules of engagement that, in effect, said they weren't allowed to shoot at anyone without receiving permission in triplicate for each round fired first......

        It didn't help, of course, that shooting the wrong arsehole waving an AK47 was highly likely to land you in the shit, as was shooting the right arsehole when he was standing in the wrong place. The other guys had the massive advantage of being allowed to shoot at anything that moved, regardless of what it was, who it belonged to, which side it was on or where it was standing at the time.

      3. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

        Re: Murdered?

        The media language of propaganda these days is utterly ridiculous.

        "Pacifying Falujah" - Bombing large Eastern town back to the stone age.

        "Civilian casualties" - Innocent people killed

        "Liquidation" - People killed.

        "Expedited removal" - People killed faster.

        You could add:

        "Revoked", you know, k-i-l-l-e-d: revoked

        Alternatively "inhume" is popular with the guild, or "inhume with extreme prejudice" if you want to make a clear statement

        Doffs hat to the late, great Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett

  2. MT Field

    I think its still the case that cover bands have to pay royalties to perform songs in front of a paying audience. They go to the music publisher and the credited writers. Not sure if the costumes, make-up and hair are also covered in some way?

    1. Jonathon Green

      Cover band royalties

      Generally royalties for performing straight covers of a song are collected by the venue and paid through the relevant collection agency (PRS in the UK, ASCAP in the USA). If it's a big venue hosting big shows they'll have to submit a set list so that the right amount of money goes to the right media conglomerate, if it's your basic pub (or whatever) gig then it's a fixed fee and the money goes into a big pot to be divvied up according to some arcane formula which ensures that the lawyers and accountants get most of it, a few big players get most of what's left, and those who actually need the money and would benefit from it get bugger-all as is traditional in the music industry.

      Where things get complicated is where you move from just playing the songs to a complete act with costumes, props, and look-a-like logos coming into play (like serious tribute acts) at which point, depending on what you're doing, how you do it, and how close to the object of devotion the overall effect is you might need to license the whole shooting match...

  3. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    "Jonas Savimbi?" "big halfwit who wants to kill everybody"

    Sounds about par for the course for most of these murderous dictatorial f**kwits.

    I guess the families flogged the last of the blood diamonds and looking for a source of revenue.

    1. anothercynic Silver badge

      Re: "Jonas Savimbi?" "big halfwit who wants to kill everybody"

      Except, @John Smith 19, Savimbi never was a dictator. Dos Santos, who's been in charge in Angola since '79 (who was Savimbi's nemesis throughout most of the Angolan civil war) is one in all but name... The man (with his cronies) controls much of what happens (or doesn't) in Angola.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Jonas Savimbi?" "big halfwit who wants to kill everybody"

        A colleague who had the (dis)pleasure of visiting "boom town" Luanda described Angola as a giant family business...

  4. Teiwaz

    Jonas Savimbi

    His family probably never saw his, erm, Professional personality.

    Metallica - Scary

    "permanently ice fishing in Alaska." So are we to expect archeologists to find him in a block of ice in 1000 years?

    1. agatum

      Re: Jonas Savimbi

      > So are we to expect archeologists to find him in a block of ice in 1000 years?

      Considering it's a lawyer I sincerely hope they will not find it at all.

  5. Midnight

    If anything goes wrong, just blame the lawyer for being overzealous.

    Exit, light /

    Enter, night /

    Take my hand /

    We're off to sue a cover band. o/~

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If anything goes wrong, just blame the lawyer for being overzealous.

      Apparently Lars called them on the phone to personally apologise on behalf of the band

      1. Sandtitz Silver badge
        Joke

        Re: If anything goes wrong, just blame the lawyer for being overzealous.

        Metallica isn't as trigger-happy with the lawsuit now that Lars gained his golden swimming pool.

  6. Mondo the Magnificent

    Jonas Savimbi

    UNITA's Jonas Savimbi was a competent leader and respected military commander who was a devout anti-Communist.

    He fought staunchly against the Marxist MPLA government's FNLA army and their thousands of Cuban and Russian support troops in Angola.

    In fact, the U.S. Reagen administration funded and equipped UNITA, providing them with Sidewinder missiles to bring down Cuban MI-24 choppers and MIGs, thus restricting the FNLA's air superiority in many areas.

    Enter democracy in South Africa and the U.S. Clinton Administration, who signed an oil deal with Angola's Marxist despot government headed by Jose Eduardo De Santos.

    With the Cubans now out of Angola, Dos Santos' rule was in jeopardy as UNITA were better equipped and trained and stated they would not respect any mineral treaties signed by the MPLA government

    The Angolan government then hires "Executive Outcomes" (EO) a private army of former South African and Namibian troops (who were once upon a time Savimbi's allies and foes) to help eradicate UNITA

    South Africa's first democratically elected president, Nelson Mandela gave his blessings for Eeben Barlow's EO to help train and aid the Angolan government eradicate the majority tribe in Angola

    EO trained and aided the MPLA government's FNLA army to crush UNITA, even with ex SADF servicemen flying MIGs and choppers sorties.

    There are many rumours around Savimbi's demise, but those "in the know" (ex EO upper ranks) eventually stated publicly that Savimbi was executed while unarmed as there was a "no prisoner" clause in the EO contract with the Angolan government. They wanted him dead....

    An FNLA soldier took the credit for killing Savimbi and was hailed a "national hero"

    Thereafter UNITA fell apart, was disbanded and their former foot soldiers were disarmed by the UN and placed into Angolan government "re-education" camps where tens of thousands of these former UNITA foot soldiers were systematically starved to death before Angola's first "free and fair elections" All this while the world turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to UNITA's politicians who protested these actions...

    So, call Savimbi a "warmonger" if you please, but his demise was also the demise of his tribe in the African tradition of clandestine African ethnic cleansing.

    NB: I served in the SADF as an immigrant conscript and was in Angola. I've been in Jamba (which was UNITA's HQ) and he was a giant of a man, well educated, well spoken and respected by those who were fortunate enough to meet and speak with him in person. I didn't speak with him, but he was always waving, greeting and very accommodating to those who helped him in his quest to prevent Angola turning into another Soviet Union puppet state

    The bottom line, there are no losers and winners in war, only those who die or survive...

    1. GrumpenKraut

      Re: Jonas Savimbi

      > UNITA's Jonas Savimbi was a ... devout anti-Communist.

      While having no sympathy whatsoever with communism, "devout anti-Communist" in the US sense doesn't give me warm and cozy feelings, as human rights violations on a massive scale are likely around the corner when you hear that. Think Pinochet.

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Unhappy

        "devout anti-Communist" ..human rights violations on a massive scale are likely around the corner

        Too right.

        The Formosas running Nicaragua as their personal property.

        Noriega of Panama. Less a "Cold warrior" and more a "Booty warrior" by some accounts.

    2. DocJames

      Re: Jonas Savimbi

      "Soviet Union puppet state"? Really?

      It's more of a muddle that the usual cold war mess, given the Russians weren't interested, the US were but were hiding behind apartheid South Africa, the Cubans were supporting democracy and the problem arose when the Portuguese withdrew from their empire (yes, this was the late 1970s, not the 1500s!).

      It would have been better to have allowed democracy but the risk of a left wing (to the US) black (to S Africa) government was anathema. I don't think anyone emerges with glory.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Jonas Savimbi

        If you call the mass slaughter of Portuguese civilians in 1975 and massive tribal ethnic cleansing by the MPLA and their Cuban allies carried "supporting democracy" in Angola then so be it...

        History shows that the MPLA government, Cubans and Russians got their backsides kicked in Angola by Dr Savimbi's rebels and the S.A. army..

        The Castro government were so "desperate" to "support democracy" that they had their Cuban General in charge of the Agola campaign, one Arnaldo T. Ochoa Sánchez executed...

        1. Charles Manning

          Re: Jonas Savimbi

          " Dr Savimbi's rebels and the S.A. army.".... and the CIA.

          Ultimately it was the CIA playing puppetmaster behind the scenes. The time I spent in brown for the South African army I was really just working a CIA mission.

          Arms (like Stingers) going to Savimbi were being shared with South Africa and no doubt partially used for "inspiration" when South Africa started making its own. Yet at the same time we (South African Army) could not get Polaroid film for making Id cards.

          Crazy: We don't like you so you can't have some film. But here are some Stingers."

          The Russians/Cubans were doing exactly the same. They really did not give a shit about the local populace. They just wanted their proxy war.

          1. anothercynic Silver badge

            Re: Jonas Savimbi

            *ding* *ding* Winner!

            The support in the wars in Angola and Namibia was all about winning the continent for either the US or Russian side... That said, for Namibia it worked out reasonably ok (thank you UNTAG, thank you Germany), the 'management' in charge at the moment tends to be educated to a high standard and understands the difficulties of reconciling the past (both of the South African stewardship and the German colonisation before that) with the pragmatism of the reality of the present day.

            Unfortunately, for Angola this means that upper echelons of management (i.e. prez, vice prez etc) have not changed in 30+ years and it is unlikely that's going to change either... But since the West *loves* the mineral riches the country has, it's easy to legitimise that government for the sake of oil from Cabinda and diamonds and minerals from the interior...

      2. x 7

        Re: Jonas Savimbi

        "the Cubans were supporting democracy.........."

        what??????????

        1. DocJames

          Re: Jonas Savimbi

          The US (and in this case South Africa) are not renowned for supporting democracy when it gives the "wrong" (ie not right) result.

          Doesn't mean that the Cubans were well behaved or we should consider them as morally superior in this situation. Like I said, even messier than the usual cold war mess.

          1. Charles Manning

            Re: Jonas Savimbi

            "The US (and in this case South Africa) are not renowned for supporting democracy when it gives the "wrong" (ie not right) result."

            Democracy is a cute Western idea for the affluent. You can't eat it. You can't burn it. It does not keep the rain off your head..... But, hey you can vote and if someone finds out - or thinks - you voted for the wrong party you and your family will be hacked by machete.

            Angolans were a lot better off when the Portugese were running the show. After 55 years of guerilla and civil warfare they might have the vote, but they're only now getting on their feet.

            1. DocJames
              Facepalm

              Re: Jonas Savimbi

              Maslow's hierarchy does suggest that food, shelter etc are more important than self determination. But once you've got those other things, you'll want self determination. And much of the world does seem to be interested in determining their own direction - Myamar for example, or Iran, to use examples that are a bit of a shock to a Western sensibility. Or you could consider Japan of 75 years ago - the chances of democracy would have seemed remote.

              I agree with your statement about the affluence needed; I don't think it's a specifically Western idea.

              And with regard to your final para, I'm not sure what this means other than interventions leading to civil war are bad. I can't see the relevance to a choice between democracy or colonisation.

  7. Defiant

    ISLAM

    ISLAM

    1. x 7

      Re: ISLAM

      is evil

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    our attorney can be found at SFO catching a flight to go permanently ice fishing in Alaska

    It'd be great to see their attorney now serving suing Metallica for breach of contract and / or defamation...

  9. haaz
    Pint

    The band Beatallia met a similar fate

    That is to say, they're still alive and rocking.

    Beatallica brilliantly fuses The Beatles and Metallica into such easy-listening ditties as "Blackened the U.S.S.R.," "Leper Messiah," and the timeless classic "Hey Dude."

    A few years ago a lawyer from Metallica's record label — surprisingly, perhaps, not The Beatles' — sent them a cease and desist letter along with threat of a multi-bazillion dollar lawsuit. In the end, Lars Himself intervened, and saved Beatallica from an ungodly end.

    Beatallica is going to play at Club Garibaldi in Milwaukee on 25 Feb '16, so if you're in the neighborhood, swing by and rock out. They're online at http://www.beatallica.org/.

  10. Pat Att

    I call bullshit on Metallica's side of the story. I reckon they just miscalculated the ire that their actions would cause, and backtracked. They probably gave the attorney a nice bonus for taking the rap too - allegedly of course...

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