back to article Of course you can text and call while driving – it's perfectly safe

We are often lectured not to talk or text while driving, yet increasingly, our cars are doing it all the time. The connected car is finally here, and it is the ultimate distracted driver. While getting you from A to B, it is also monitoring its own tyre pressure and adjusting its suspension accordingly. It is ready to call the …

  1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Best security for the connected car - the unconnected car

    I am preparing for several years of massive clusterf*** until the dust settles and the car manufacturers come to grip with the idea of security and attack from the media unit and the "connected" part. This adds to the perfect storm of emission scandals, new mandatory fuel economy specs and generation change in the hybrid/electrical and fuel economy tech.

    As a result I decided that it is the right time for my primitive and unconnected vehicles to get an overhaul, full underbody restoration and a blanket gadget uplift to quell any peasant uprisings in the rear seats (including internet on the go of a TP-link 3020 running OpenWRT). Yeah, sure, the car looks dated outside and the wife is grumbling from time to time about that. So what? I can now observe the clusterf*** from the side lines.

    Once the IoT and emission dust has settled in ~ 4 years time I will be looking for a new vehicle. Prior to that, err... no... thanks. Pass the popcorn please.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Best security for the connected car - the unconnected car

      Once the IoT and emission dust has settled in ~ 4 years time I will be looking for a new vehicle. Prior to that, err... no... thanks. Pass the popcorn please.

      4 years? That quick? Really? Maybe 10 but given the history of things... it might be longer unless something really goes bad and really big.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Security costs money...

    So yeah... It's going to take a while until car makers take it seriously...

  3. Laura Kerr
    Devil

    "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

    Oink, flap. Oink, flap. Glad you said 'ideally', but we all know it won't happen.

    Of course the engineers will want to build reliable, safe and secure systems, but they'll be over-ruled by manglement, who will insist on getting the new shiny on sale as soon as possible.

    All joking apart, this article has got me thinking very seriously about what lies ahead. I'm starting to look for a bike and a car, but I'm really put off by the increasing lack of direct control and (IMHO) unnecessary complication. I'll probably end up going retro and getting a VW Campervan (ideally a split-screen model) and a Jota.

    Or perhaps a Defender to dampen the effect of shinies' brakes being hacked.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

      "and a Jota."

      Am I misremembering, or is the Jota the one that you could cyberattack with a small downpour?

      1. Laura Kerr
        Thumb Up

        Re: "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

        "Am I misremembering, or is the Jota the one that you could cyberattack with a small downpour?"

        That's the one; however there was a patch available at the time. Installing the Enterprise Edition of iNsulatingTape would block all but complete saturation attacks.

        Thankfully, you can get better replacements these days. I always thought that Italian electrics made the jokes about 'Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness' seem rather unkind.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

          Jokes about Lucas are unkind. Lucas fans joke about Wipac. The memories of my D7 Bantam and its Wipac Rectified that kept blowing up batteries Shudder.

          My Jota was brilliant in the rain. Never stopped but it did have liberal spraying of waterproofing over its sensitive bits.

          Now if yuo were to talk about MV Electrics then I'd agree with you.

          Currently restoring a Guzzi Le-Mans

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

            "my D7 Bantam and its Wipac Rectified that kept blowing up batteries."

            Was that the oblong rectifier hidden behind the little toolbox? Someone stole the rectifier off my dad's Banty in the works car park and because it was normally invisible anyway he didn't notice until he touched the horn button and the bike stopped because the battery was so low.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up..."

          "I always thought that Italian electrics made the jokes about 'Joseph Lucas, Prince of Darkness' seem rather unkind."

          They varied. I had a Ducati and a Benelli which could both keep going in torrential rain, though my ability to do so was limited. But now I think about it, I replaced the Ducati handlebar joke electrics with those off a Yamaha, because a switch that consisted of two bits of metal and a bit of riveted laminated paper didn't appeal to me. The ignition and alternator were fine.

          [flamebait]

          The perfect bike, of course, has British frame design, Italian engine design, German electrics and brakes, and Japanese attention to quality. The worst bike imaginable has Chinese frame design, a Russian engine, British electrics and Italian attention to quality. I remember once seeing an MV at a bike show in London. The chrome was already peeling off the exhaust flanges. [/flamebait]

  4. YorksinOaks

    Sweet Spot on Pricing?

    Not sure that I fully understand the claim of $20Bn telemark cs market.

    OnStar offers a good deal of this, but charges £70 per annum after the first year. How many people will pick this up? Then Wi-Fi is chargeable on top. In the US this is $50 per GB.....

    1. YorksinOaks

      Re: Sweet Spot on Pricing?

      Telemetry market of $20Bn.

      Seriously Google, you thought I wanted Telemark?

  5. User McUser
    Go

    Encryption and digital signatures help stop parts being replaced with malicious counterfeit components, improving driver safety and protecting from malware embedded in non-authorised equipment, for example.

    Just so long as after-market part manufacturers aren't locked out giving the manufacturers a lucrative parts monopoly.

  6. Mud5hark

    G-force sensor to airbags "Crash! crash! crash! - forward deccel 15g!!"

    Airbags to G-force sensor "I'm sorry - your message is not authorised right now"

    G-force sensor to airbags "But the authorisation service is offline right now... oh never mind" CRUMP!

  7. Alistair
    Windows

    *Cough* *choke* *gasp*

    "car vendors do to make their vehicles more secure? Ideally, they’ll design security in from the ground up, creating a system in which devices"

    Hehehehe

    Thanks for the joke of the day .....

    Its *far* far far too late for that to happen.

    <sorry - the cynic in me is fighting not to fire off a round of I told you so's on a particularly similar front right now>

  8. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    “New business models could see you get the car at a reduced rate and then pay as you drive, on a per-mile basis,”

    I half believe this - the added pay-per-mile costs half.

  9. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    Tin-foil hat time?

    Use bits of it to block these devices from 'phoning home'?

    Anyway, who pays the bill for all this data slurping? I certainly won't...

    I saw the adverts for the On-Star feature for Vauhalls. That made me cross them off my ever shrinking list of possible replacements for my aging motor.

    I am Not a Number

  10. Tikimon
    FAIL

    "regularly updated to make them better..." NO THEY ARE NOT

    "Smart phones are regularly updated to make them better than when they were purchased."

    I beg to differ. Randomly moving standard features around is not making anything better, only different. I have to help my users change their e-mail passwords on their (company issued) phones because every stupid update changes that setting again. Every. Stinking. Time. It used to be four levels deep under Settings, then EIGHT levels down a different path (better?), now it's four levels down in the Mail app itself, not under Settings anymore. NO, NOT BETTER.

    Drivers need to learn and reliably know where functions are. Moving them around is a recipe for a crash.

    1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: "regularly updated to make them better..." NO THEY ARE NOT

      No - moving the car around is a recipe for a crash.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With any luck...

    ...Darwinian process will eliminate the clueless and those who willfully sell unsafe personal transportation systems to gullible consumers.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: With any luck...

      "Darwinian process will eliminate the clueless"

      Sorry, it won't work that way. We're talking about tons of metal hurtling along at close proximity to each other.

      So the clueless and careless are more likely to take out anyone around them, regardless of "fitness".

  12. joed

    getting better over time, sure

    "Smart phones are regularly updated to make them better than when they were purchased. Cars will require the same capabilities."

    From experience it looks more like every phone gets slower/worse with OS updates (with extra unusable functionality crammed onto outdated "engine"). I bet everyone asked for the same to afflict their vehicle. Good for automakers, not sure about consumers.

    1. Roland6 Silver badge

      Re: getting better over time, sure

      Well from the recent VW exposé, having an always connected car, will provide even more opportunities for fun and games regarding emissions testing etc.

      However, as a customer I would be very wary of over-the-air software updates, particularly given VW's current thinking which is to reprogramme the engine management systems to drastically reduce performance and fuel consumption so that they satisfy a non-real world emissions test. It is bad enough running a car who's management system will happily warn you that you have 50 miles left in the tank, but actually you will be lucky to do 30 before it starts showing zero. But to have a car where you don't know what state it will be in when you next get into it would be much worse...

  13. nilfs2
    FAIL

    Self driving cars and be done with it

    Before putting more driver distracting crap inside the vehicle, make the car self driving, they are doing it wrong!!

  14. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Unhappy

    It's getting worse

    I'm already annoyed by my car's engine management system. The 'feature' that especially annoys me is where you are gently going down hill in a line of slow moving traffic. The line speeds up enough for you to change gear, at which point the engine revs up and pulls you forward almost into the car in front, then drops back to the near idle speed you actually wanted.

    Apparently it's for stall prevention. Well it's not going to stall going down hill, and how does that account for the fact it eventually settles to the speed I wanted?

  15. Yugguy

    problem is

    Soon you won't be able to get ANY car that isn't bloody connected. And the none-connected ones will be too old to be a reliable daily driver.

    Then what?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: problem is

      "Soon you won't be able to get ANY car that isn't bloody connected. And the none-connected ones will be too old to be a reliable daily driver."

      I suspect a real Porsche 911 with aircooled engine will continue to be sufficiently reliable for as long as you can afford to maintain it. There's a reason why they cost more than the pretend ones.

  16. This post has been deleted by its author

  17. Wayland Sothcott 1

    Vaxhall TV advert

    The neighbors boy complements the man's car and asks if it has a twitter account and a MySpace webpage or something. The bloke seems disheartened that his car does not have an Android app. "Didn't you want all that shit?" the boy asks.

    I wanna know what car he has because that's the one with out the CAN bus vulnerabilities. You don't want someone doing a Michael Hastings or a Paul Walker style assassination on you. It's mad enough battling Merc drivers in a 20 year old Peugeot. Ah maybe I need a powerful microwave oven element as a WiFi booster sending out scrambled data. That would disable a Merc.

  18. Vinyl-Junkie
    Stop

    You can have...

    my 1990. completely unconnected, Defender when you pry it from my cold dead hands...

    And I'm not entirely sure I'm joking!

  19. esucmn

    "Encryption and digital signatures help stop parts being replaced with malicious counterfeit components, improving driver safety and protecting from malware embedded in non-authorised equipment, for example."

    Meaning no third party suppliers, otherwise known as a cartel. And when they don't want to supply parts after 5 years, you have to buy a new one...

    Blah blah usual DRM bullshit. I'm hanging on to my real car.

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