back to article New low for humanity: ONE BEELLION lost souls log on to Facebook in one day

Humanity reached a new low point last Monday, 24 August: on that day a billion of your fellow homo sapiens logged on to Facebook, which subsequently decided humans can't be trusted to do their own shopping. Mark Zuckerberg, founder of the free content ad network announced the landmark on Facebook, of course. Zuck wrote: “This …

  1. T. F. M. Reader

    New low indeed...

    Everybody logged to Facebook to see who of their buddies found what in Ashley Madison dumps?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: New low indeed...

      Do you really think people that use facebook can view the AM dumps?

      You give those simpletons more credit than they are due.

      I mean really, who on this planet buys a new baby shoes, it's not going to be walking for at least 8 months and it will have outgrown them by the time it is and when did shoes not fall in the "clothes" category or not the thing parents buy exclusively to have as a keepsake.

      1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

        Re: who on this planet buys a new baby shoes

        Sorry ?

        We have an article telling us that Zuckerberg is planning to allow Facebook to automatically order and pay for stuff in our name and without our consent* and you're up in arms about baby shoes ?

        Wrong priority, man.

        * yeah, I'm sure there'll be opt-out in some version of an upcoming change to the T&Cs but, from the article, it sure doesn't sound like Facebook is going to pop up a confirmation request every time

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: New low indeed...

      BS on that billion number. For example I know the fake account making fun of Zuckerberg (which has no public posts and one like of the MichaelBayIsAHack page) that I logged into yesterday solely for posting on other sites shouldn't really count but it does.

  2. frank ly

    Internet of Transactions?

    ... it “can actually complete tasks on your behalf. It can purchase items, get gifts delivered to your loved ones, book restaurants, travel arrangements, appointments and way more.”

    I'm looking forward to stories about this going horribly wrong.

    1. auburnman
      Trollface

      Re: Internet of Transactions?

      If you're on a night out and you leave your phone unattended the SOP is for your mates to post "I AM GAY FOR DOGS" or something equally hilarious in your name. Will this be superceded by ordering a box of dildos to be delivered to your house?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Internet of Transactions?

        Yes. Yes it will. Or worse. To your folks house, or various other stored delivery addresses you have with your chosen online shippers.

        1. Khaptain Silver badge
          Coat

          Re: Internet of Transactions?

          Do dildo's actually exist for dogs, isn't that why they have tongues...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Really??

    Or was it 12 people and a hell-of-a-lot-of bots??

    1. Stoneshop
      Holmes

      Re: Really??

      Soon it will be.

      A billion instances of 'M' interacting with another, and those twelve people supervising that.

      The next step will then be that Zuck will block you from logging in, because it will interfere with your 'M' instance's actions.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    sheeple to the barn

    and I was not one of the sheeple in the FB barn, this year or last.

    It is a large relief to the anxiety level not to be in that barn, all you see is other people in the barn

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    Back-back-back-doored!

    I was using Facebook on Windows 10 running on a Lenovo laptop. I hope Mossad, GCHQ/NSA and the PLA enjoyed finding out what was on my mind.

    1. Kiwi
      Joke

      Re: Back-back-back-doored!

      I was using Facebook on Windows 10 running on a Lenovo laptop. I hope Mossad, GCHQ/NSA and the PLA enjoyed finding out what was on my mind.

      Given that combination, I'm not convinced that "mind" would be the operative word here! :)

  6. jake Silver badge

    "sapiens" is from the Latin word for "wise"

    I propose a new clade for so-called "social" media users: Homo Puerilis

    1. nsld

      Re: "sapiens" is from the Latin word for "wise"

      I doubt they would understand, perhaps "homo twatspanner" would be more appropriate

  7. CAPS LOCK

    The human race is...

    ... doomed!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    meanwhile

    I feel the urge to comment on this.

    No, seriously.

    1. P. Lee

      Re: meanwhile

      > feel the urge to comment on this.

      >No, seriously.

      You comment is incomplete without a picture of either a cat, a dog, a sign or some food. Is there something else on your mind... mass murder probably?

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not on Facebook and proud

    to stand out from the Herd.

    sort of like not having a Tattoo these days innit?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not on Facebook and proud

      That there is some (much) guff content on Facebook does not mean that all content on Facebook is guff. By all means, proudly tell the world you're not on it (via the medium of another social network, The Reg forums, d'uh!) but it doesn't make you better than FB users. Look at your reasons for not using it - privacy concerns fair enough, though anyone can dupe them easily to get what they want - and ask yourself if you're just making a stance to make a stance you can boast about. Well done you!

      Personally, I get loads of useful and interesting content from it from a tech professional's perspective as well as the social stuff but YMMV.

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Not on Facebook and proud

        "Personally, I get loads of useful and interesting content from it from a tech professional's perspective as well as the social stuff but YMMV"

        I think the rest of internet already has a lot more available to offer technichally minded people than Facebook does.... and I would be very wary of a "techie" that chooses FB as his tech support platform.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Not on Facebook and proud

          I didn't say I choose it as a support platform; I'm really not sure how you inferred that unless you're simply trying to invent a point.

          I get tech news from sites (such as this) that share articles on the platform, and I am a member of closed (and open) discussion groups (again, such as this) that share useful information. Think of it as a place where like minded people can discuss things of common interest. Like IT. Very like this. Oh but of course, Facebook users are all sheeple who don't have the sophistication of el Reg commentards and their little silver badges earned for err, use of the social media aspects a web site... There are none so blind...

          1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

            Re: Not on Facebook and proud

            "Think of it as a place where like minded people can discuss things of common interest."

            Sort of like newsgroups but with being monetized as an added extra?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Not on Facebook and proud

              And we're not being monetized here*? Think of why you choose some newsgroups over others; why you choose some websites over others - content and membership come into those decisions I'd imagine. Now just imagine it's possible that there may be worthwhile content and membership amongst the > ONE BILLION people who are actively using Facebook. Take the blinkers off and you may realise that not everyone there is spending time watching Kardashian videos or whatever.

              *and no, blocking ads does not mean you are not being monetised.

    2. Kiwi
      Joke

      Re: Not on Facebook and proud

      Not on Facebook and proud to stand out from the Herd.

      "I" am not on farcebook. However, on occasion I have wanted to look up someone who I might consider being worthy of contacting again. In each case I've used throwaway emails and completely throwaway accounts - I can't even remember what any of the names are. At least a dozen FB accounts have been created for single-use purposes by me.

      (I can happily say that so far I have not found anyone on FB worth talking to, although I did find an old friend on linkedin - somehow GNR's "I used to love her" comes to mind ;) )

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So this is the future

    I think it's crap. Can I go home, now, please?

  11. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Flame

    We've been expecting you Mr. Zuckerberg

    "M"!

    You have to admire their chutzpah.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge

      Re: We've been expecting you Mr. Zuckerberg

      I think the 'M' stands for "merde", because that's what the people will be in when they start using this kind of "funtionality".....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      One lillte step towards his own cult of personality...

      ... and his attempt to world dominance.

  12. casaloco

    Phone Apps?

    How many of those logins were phone apps that login automatically?

    1. Jan Hargreaves

      Re: Phone Apps?

      And how many were people who have 3 or 4 accounts (there are a lot of people who have multiple fb accounts)? How many are people who made an account for a business so their personal account is not tied to it? A billion souls - I very much doubt it.

      And as for Zuck wanting to connect the other 6 billion, I will never, ever join facebook. End of.

      And 15% of his own countryman have no interest in the internet and won't be getting it so a bit of an unobtainable goal really.

  13. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Terminator

    A new fun game?

    Spy driod deathmatch. Place "M", Siri and Cortana on a tabletop and toss in some provocative questions.

    Such as...

    {c'mon commentards}.

  14. dotdavid

    Excellent news

    I can see a lot of demand for this.

    "M can you keep an eye on my Facebook feed for me, maybe like a few cat pics, while I go and do something interesting?"

  15. Ole Juul

    I sense a new vulnerability coming

    Fake accounts set up to take advantage of M and all hell could break loose.

  16. LesB

    Souls?

    I'm reminded of the words of Terry Pratchett:

    Ankh-Morpork! Brawling city of a hundred thousand souls! And, as the Patrician privately observed, ten times that number of actual people.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Only half as depressing?

    As they didn't explicitly say the logins were over a UTC 'day' of 24 hours then I rather suspect that the stats were accumulated from logins according to local time i.e. the 'day' in question, 24th August, would have been 48 hours long.

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. druck Silver badge
    Coat

    Progress

    Recent great feats of progress by mankind:-

    * Landing on the moon

    * Supersonic passenger aircraft

    * Reusable space planes

    All gone now, and what do we have left - Facebook - god help us.

  20. Mark 85

    "M"?

    No... simply no. But then, I guess a billion people can't be wrong.... or maybe it's that they can be monetized.. No matter... answer is still "no".

    1. Zog_but_not_the_first
      Facepalm

      Re: "M"?

      Reminds me of the old hippy T-shirt slogan "Eat shit. Fifty million flies can't be wrong".

  21. Sporkinum

    Reservation

    Make a reservation for a hamburger joint? Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?

  22. Chris King

    Rise of the Machines ?

    Will this be regarded as the day Facebook became self-aware, and Bots outnumbered Humans ?

    Imagine a Facebook-powered SkyNet sending a Terminator back in time... "I want your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle... your date of birth, your mobile phone number, your complete education and work history, and your address book".

  23. John Savard

    As It Is Performing a Service

    rather than telling me what to do, shouldn't it be called Q instead of M?

  24. hatti

    M assistant

    Me : I'm interested in current affairs and sciencey IT stuff

    M: No problem, I've just created an Ashley Madison account for you

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