back to article 'Hans free' mobe gag crowned Fringe's funniest

Peterborough funny man Darren Walsh has secured the 2015 "Funniest Joke of The Fringe" title with the splendid: "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free." Ten experts engaged by comedy channel Dave spent a week at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe on the look-out for the best quips, which were then put …

  1. msknight
    Joke

    I hear...

    That NetCom is going to have a stand up comedy stall next year.

    I know someone who's planning to enter and wants to take the "funniest joke" crown.

    He's going to stand up and say, "B.T."

    Should have the crowd in hysterics ... well, most of them anyway.

    1. dotdavid

      Re: I hear...

      I thought that was just the biggest joke.

  2. Chrome

    If I could only take one thing to a desert island, it'd be a yacht

    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Coat

      It would defiantly be much better than taking your Ashley MAddison password .

      1. imanidiot Silver badge
        Headmaster

        It would defiantly

        Definitely. You definitely would... it's not that hard.

    2. msknight

      You know, of all the things people say they'd take with them on Desert Island Discs, I've never heard anyone say they'd take a record player.

      1. Velv
        Headmaster

        "You know, of all the things people say they'd take with them on Desert Island Discs, I've never heard anyone say they'd take a record player."

        Charles Kennedy

    3. Frumious Bandersnatch

      I'd love to have a luxury yacht

      I'd call it "Raymond".

      (pronounced throatwarbler mangrove, natch).

    4. Adrian Tawse

      Yes indeed

      Many many years ago, when I was a little scrubber, I entered a competition in a comic. I had to list ten items in order of importance I would need if stranded on a desert island. And yes, at the top of the list I had a boat. I won top prise.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Take my mother in law...

    ...I wish somebody would!

  4. bill 36
    Coat

    The one from a few years ago was much better

    I opened a Facebook account and was asked to input an 8 character password.

    So I typed Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

    1. Tom Wood
      Facepalm

      Re: The one from a few years ago was much better

      Was that "2011 winner Nick Helm" by any chance?

      1. bill 36

        Re: The one from a few years ago was much better

        I think so. Thought it was hilarious. Obviously there are a few commentards that have had a humour bypass operation.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Facepalm

          Re: The one from a few years ago was much better

          I'm sure there was a TL;DR related joke once.Maybe I'm thinking of next year's?

        2. This post has been deleted by its author

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The one from a few years ago was much better

          Tom wrote: Was that "2011 winner Nick Helm" by any chance?

          You replied: I think so. Thought it was hilarious. Obviously there are a few commentards that have had a humour bypass operation.

          *woosh*

          Too subtle for you that Tom quoted other detail from the article, along with the *facepalm* icon?

          The number of upvotes he got, compared to your downvotes should have been another clue.

          So rather than 'obviously having humour bypass operations', it's 'obviously' more likely that they RTFA which already mentioned that very joke you repeated here.

  5. Arthur the cat Silver badge
    Unhappy

    "Ten experts engaged by comedy channel Dave"

    Did anyone else feel their heart sink when reading that phrase? Oh, the humanity.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Ten experts engaged by comedy channel Dave"

      "Ten experts engaged by comedy channel Dave"

      Did anyone else feel their heart sink when reading that phrase? Oh, the humanity.

      And then, again, when I saw the downvote.

      Looking at the Beeb article, there are some not in the category the best response to which is "weak" IMHO.

      "The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane

  6. W Donelson

    *Godzilla Facepalm*

    Picture here, WOOHOOO !

    https://gyazo.com/546f37ba72d75ce3b7f8e20f8693bc41

  7. theOtherJT Silver badge
    Coat

    How do you sell a deaf person a frog?

    DO YOU WANT TO BUY A FROG?!

    ...works better out loud. Very loud, if possible.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How do you sell a deaf person a frog?

      Is it a Brazilian sucking frog...?

  8. dogged

    We can beat that.

    I see the people of Thailand have elected their first female Prime Minister.

    OR HAVE THEY?!?

  9. P. Lee
    Big Brother

    Following the Russian banning of Western-manufactured cleaning products

    "Police finds two grams of Persil detergent on a man in Ivanovo," the comedians of @Lie_News tweeted. "In court, the defendant tried unsuccessfully to prove that the washing powder was merely cocaine."

    (reported on bbc.com)

  10. GrumpyOldMan

    was it just me...

    TBH I didn't think it was all that funny. Good, but not hilarious. I thought the runner up ones were way better. But that's experts for you...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: was it just me...

      Not only was the winner crap, being a forced pun, but the runner-up joke was total crap, the kind of obvious "subversion of expectations" used by Lazy Comedy Slags.

  11. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    FAIL

    Simon Munnery: "Clowns divorce. Custardy battle."

    Oh FFS! I heard that in the school playground in the late 60's. Might have even been in The Beano or Dandy"! Kids today!!!

  12. MJI Silver badge

    Rubbish jokes compared to past winners

    They didn't even raise a smile. A poor year.

    Better ones in the comments.

    Snow White funny

    Posh & Becks funny

    Tim Vines puns can be very funny.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ziss joke vas annexed!

    As is widely known in cabaret circles, this winning joke has been in the regular repertoire of cabaret performer Frank Sanazi (www.franksanazi.com) for some years. He performs in the satirical character of a cabaret compere who is a cross between Frank Sinatra and Adolf Hitler. When he uses the joke, it gains comedic value because of the context. He freely admits it's a throw away line and hardly something worthy of a prize.

    That it should win a comedy prize at what is supposed to be a festival for the best of contemporary, alternative theatre is bad enough. That it is known to be old and stolen material shows just how out of touch the mainstream media and their supposed 'experts' actually are.

  14. Doctor_Wibble

    Hans free, look no Hans

    Not trying to say that the winner isn't funny, but Hans/hands puns is/are utterly ancient, the 'Hans free' doesn't just have to be about mobiles...

    Similar punanity from the dusty archive: "Hans that does dishes is as soft as Gervaise with Mike's green hairy-lipped squid".

    The 'custardy battle' was the only one on that page that got a titter. The others don't work so well in writing.

  15. raving angry loony

    Crossover!

    How about "it's a bug, not a data breach"? Or was it booked?

  16. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    Boo-hiss

    I thought about entering such a contest, once a pun a time...

  17. Any mouse Cow turd

    Tim Vine

    I preferred Tim Vine's response after he won the award for a second time - "No one loves a repeat more than Dave"

  18. Erewhon

    My friend is a dyslexic pimp...

    He's just bought a warehouse.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I just farted in the lift...

    That's wrong on so many levels

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I was disturbed to find my first white pubic hair today...

    But not as upset as the other people in the lift seemed to be

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