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back to article FAO EVERYBODY: From the Legal Outreach Team at Bong Ventures LLC

[In place of Mr Bong’s usual reflections on disruption and innovation, we have instead received this from Bong Ventures LLC legal affairs team – Ed.] From: Steven P Bong, Founder and Chief Disruption Officer. 1. Inaccurate Reporting I am dismayed by reports originating in the foreign press purporting to “expose” the “ …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alternative Solution

    "We should not have employed reproductively capable staff"

    If the staff are still capable of reproducing it is probably because they are not stressed enough. Mixing shifts within the same week, increase the quantity of Bromide within the water supply, oblige male employees to carry their smartphones in the front pockets and adding a little bit more of that estrogen + progestogen mix in the coffee machine should all help.

    4 0 Reply
  2. Stuart 39

    I'm sorry I misconstrued it for comedy

    OMG.

    That is all I have to say. I mean it just created visions of noodle eating hippy stoners straight out of the Silicon Valley series.

    Shit name, shit culture and druggie name too boot. What could possibly go wrong. I have visions of this little Asian assistant muttering under her breath about that MOFO who she works for as she can't get a better job and an asshat CEO much like that of "Huli" or whatever it was called in the series.

    I wouldn't do business with em as all I would ever be thinking is "Stoners".

    It is also sadly (or happily) the first time a legal begal has actually provided me with entertainment, and for free.

    0 5 Reply
    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: I'm sorry I misconstrued it for comedy

      Stuart, you did understand that it was satirical didn't you ?

      The subtitle is usually the giveaway.. "From: Steven P Bong, Founder and Chief Disruption Officer. "

      OK CDO's actually exist do but not formally...

      2 0 Reply
      1. Tom Maddox Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        FAIL

        Re: I'm sorry I misconstrued it for comedy

        "Stuart, you did understand that it was satirical didn't you ?"

        Conservatives (the American kind, can't speak for their British counterparts) don't understand satire. Many of them appear to believe that the Colbert Report, which was specifically created to mock conservative newscasters, was an actual news show, so it's unsurprising that the satire in this piece went unobserved.

        1 1 Reply
        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I'm sorry I misconstrued it for comedy

          "Conservatives (the American kind, can't speak for their British counterparts) don't understand satire."

          If only that was all they didn't understand.

          1 1 Reply
    2. DaveK
      Reply Icon

      You have got to be trolling

      Steve Bong is a CEO, thinkfluencer, and inspirational ventrepreneur - not a "legal begal (sic)".

      3 0 Reply
    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm sorry I misconstrued it for comedy

      "I mean it just created visions of noodle eating hippy stoners straight out of the Silicon Valley series... Shit name, shit culture and druggie name too boot... I wouldn't do business with em as all I would ever be thinking is "Stoners"."

      What's wrong with being a "stoner"? Most drugs don't fry your brain and can be very enjoyable. Silicon Valley may be a bubble, but in the meantime the Cali druggies are having more success and fun than you. They don't need your "business".

      2 0 Reply
  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ms Carmen Mirandabatwoman

    LOL (which makes a change for me with a Bong article)

    4 0 Reply
  4. Mage Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    I don't understand

    Two weeks in a row this column has simply been straight reportage.

    12 0 Reply
    1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: I don't understand

      i think it was Dr Johnson who said "The purpose of the press is to hold a selfie stick upto nature"

      11 0 Reply

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