back to article ANIMALS being CUT UP to make Apple Watch straps

The Register can reveal that beautiful animals are being cut down in their prime to make Apple Watch straps. We at The Register's nature history desk were upset to discover that creatures such as the majestic ostrich, the noble alligator and the much-maligned shark are being used to make wrist securing devices for fruity …

  1. TheProf
    Unhappy

    Click bate(sic)

    Dammit! I clicked.

    Another O News story.

    1. SuccessCase

      Re: Click bate(sic)

      I heard the bastards are also selling us stuff that is essentially free. There's a trick employed in the Bill of Materials, where they don't truly trace the origins of the materials used. I have done detailed research and I'm aghast to discover if you check really carefully, all the materials used to be FREELY available just lying around in the ground. The bastards are taking stuff that is actually just available for free from this earth we all inhabit, moving it through their "supply chain", which seems to me just a kind of materials laundering scam so we don't properly know where where the materials are from, killing a few miners and factory workers on the way, just so we think it must be a really hard thing they are doing, heating stuff up like a six year old girl cooking a cake with mum, cooling it down, grinding some of it about like 2 year olds with a chalk crayon, and then, hey presto, putting it in a paper box (trees I tell you, freely available everywhere trees!) and after a bit of nancy marketing, charging us a fortune for it.

  2. Dave 126 Silver badge

    in other news, ursine creatures spotted defecating in arboreal areas.

    1. BlartVersenwaldIII
      Angel

      Why no update on the uncertainty of the religious affiliation of the head of state of Vatican City?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Ursine creatures spotted defecating in arboreal areas."

      ...shortly before they were shot for their pelt, which was used in the stylish new bearskin watch strap?

      Also, from the linked page "We got over 160 colors available". Yes, but do they have a pepper bar?

  3. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    In other (not) news

    Straps/bands for other crappy/expensive/blingy timepieces made from exotic creatures are also available.

    come on you hacks lets at least have some real scandals involving Fruity kit. These have been sorely missing recently.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In other (not) news

      Also, not sure why they reached out to Apple for comment over a non-Apple, legal, third party product..

      Plus these are hardly "exotic" products. Crocodile, shark ('flake' in Australia for example) and ostrich are eaten all over the world. Have had an ostrich burger in many a UK restaurant.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: In other (not) news

        You can buy ostrich burgers on Lincoln market. They're yummy enough to justify selling their leather to nobs to fasten their apple watches with.

        1. chr0m4t1c

          Re: In other (not) news

          You can buy ostrich burgers in Iceland now, along with kangaroo, buffalo and crocodile since they started stocking Kezie meats.

  4. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

    Advertising fluff piece incoming

    in 3... 2... 1...

  5. Frank Bough

    A new low

    The Register is like a parasitic worm that lives in Apple's lower intestine. It's really sad.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A new low

      The Register's Apple baiting is only slightly less offensive than their Global Warming trolling.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A new low

      Makes a change I guess from their Android malware FUD that only a braindead cretin would fall for. With over a billion android devices, you would think the chances of actually coming across problems in the wild would be high, yet I have never ever seen a single security problem in real life.

      There are LESS windows machines, and its rare to find one without malware...

    3. PNGuinn
      Boffin

      Re: A new low

      Apple's lower intestine. Microsoft's moist colon.

      C'mon 'tards - there must be other great and glorious outfits worth a digestive epithet. No gubberments please - keep to the IT angle (for now anyway).

      1. Fungus Bob

        Re: A new low

        "C'mon 'tards - there must be other great and glorious outfits worth a digestive epithet"

        Oracle's sputtering poop chute...

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. Amorous Cowherder

    Good luck to them, when there's no more creatures about to abuse, then the prices will rocket and everyone will be happy. Of course everyone else can moan about the fact that we can no longer shoot and cut up other anmals to make mindless, expensive shite for rich twats, but rough with the smooth.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Facepalm

      @Amorous Cowherder

      Which part of "farmed" didn't you understand?

      1. Triggerfish

        Re: @Graham Marsden

        I get some of your point, farming gators etc is fine, But how do you farm sharks?

        Shark Trust says shark leather comes from a variety of sharks, and some of the ones it lists are on IUCN as endangerd or critical. Obviously we do not know for this companines sourcing, but I might actually email them and find out.

        1. Stevie

          But how do you farm sharks?

          I dunno. Prise 'em off an Australian surfer's leg?

          1. Blitterbug

            Re: Prise 'em off an Australian surfer's leg?

            Ty for the choking fit

        2. Annihilator

          Re: @Graham Marsden

          "I get some of your point, farming gators etc is fine, But how do you farm sharks?"

          You don't, you fish for them, like tuna, cod, haddock etc.

          Fish and chips in Australia is quite often shark, and the ones they go under aren't remotely under threat (Least Concern on the conservation rankings)

        3. Graham Marsden
          Coat

          @Triggerfish - Re: @Graham Marsden

          > how do you farm sharks?

          I'm not sure. Wouldn't the plough sink?

          1. Triggerfish

            Re: @Triggerfish

            I think this is where I was going wrong, I was digging holes and burying them head first.

  7. Stella Duvel
    WTF?

    But we are omnivores after all...

    ...So it's pretty good that the skins of some of these food animals are being used.

    Shame that conversion of free meat-byproduct into 'bling' adds so much value

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Meh

      Re: But we are omnivores after all...

      I agree Ostrich is quite tasty, but not over keen on Crocodile though bit tough and tastes to fishy for my liking.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: But we are omnivores after all...

        I think your crocodile was overcooked. You're meant to eat it raw... so raw in fact that it's still crawling around.

        It retains a little more bite that way...

      2. Tromos
        Joke

        Re: But we are omnivores after all... @ Lost all faith...

        'not over keen on Crocodile though bit tough'

        I think you're meant to skin it first.

  8. Unep Eurobats
    Coat

    Win-win

    Adverts on London transport are currently telling people about the pangolin, the world's only scaly mammal. It tastes nice and makes a great watch-strap. What's not to like?

    Oh, wait a minute... (Mine's the rhino-hide parka.)

  9. Phil_Evans

    Stupid animals.

    Sharks being farmed in Mississipi. Oh really?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stupid animals.

      No, the aligator farms are in Mississippi.

  10. Ben Bonsall

    Do the shark skin ones still have the frikin' lasers attached?

  11. Little Mouse

    I just bought a lovely Lion-skin one.

    What? Too soon?

    1. Stevie

      Too soon?

      Not unless it came with ivory accents.

  12. disgruntled yank

    wow

    Given that I'm wearing leather shoes and belt, I'm not sure that I have much standing to criticize Apple.

    1. It'sa Mea... Mario

      Re: wow

      It's not Apple making them - Nor are they being made on behalf of Apple.

  13. Stevie

    Bah!

    "ANIMALS being CUT UP to make Apple Watch straps".

    Er ... good?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wonder if.

    They are using lion or tiger skins. Maybe cheetahs too. You do know that so many women like that "animal print" pattern, only because they cannot afford real animal skins.

    I know that there are those who say, "If you love animals, don't eat them," but how about taking it further and if you love animals don't wear them either.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I wonder if.

      I know that there are those who say, "If you love animals, don't eat them," but how about taking it further and if you love animals don't wear them either.

      What, like "fur is murder" or something catchy like that?

      1. DiViDeD

        Re: fur is murder

        I'm waiting for the 'Leather is Murder' campaign where groups of hippies in floral dresses and tie dye T shirts throw red paint over motorcycle gangs. Now THAT will be a news story!

  15. Harry the Bastard

    The Register has contacted Apple, but a representative has so far refused to talk to us

    that's because their representatives are busy gorging on aligator burger sprinkled with shaved shark and a side serving of ostrich mini-kievs

  16. raving angry loony

    new slant?

    Interesting slant on the advertorial. You'll have to report how many click-throughs you generated for the company, for the curious.

  17. King Jack

    It would be a real story if the animals weren't cut up but used whole.

  18. Gene Cash Silver badge

    "majestic ostrich"??

    I don't think I've upgraded to that version of Ubuntu yet...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ugh

    Why dont they make straps out of a more sustainable source of leather.

    Since this lot are Swiss, they could go and rummage around in the skip behind Dignitas. Theres probably plenty of cheap leather there id imagine.

    Incidentally, where was the Reg nature department when Apple started using Gorilla glass? I was recently outraged when I saw an advert for Gorilla glue in the UK recently...have we run out of dogs and horses already?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I heard that all Apple straps were literally made from the cutest kittens ever, or something, even the 'rubber' ones. Do I win £5?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      £5

      No. You dont win.

      I heard they made their watch straps out of narwhal penises that were cut off living specimens with rusty cheesewire and have been toughened in a bath of unicorn tears, which were extracted by shoving a gauntlet made of carpet tape covered in the broken glass and twisted metal from the road accidents they caused by releasing toddlers into fast moving traffic comprised of nothing but google cars, up their jackseys.

      Do I win £5?

      Also, if Apple start doing this I'm claiming this as prior art.

      1. PNGuinn
        Go

        Re: No. You dont win

        When I were a lad ....

  21. Henry Wertz 1 Gold badge

    Overpriced leather watch bands exist. Film at 11.

    Title says it all. No criticism of El Reg, but I seriously don't consider this news.

  22. Curly4
    Happy

    Big Deal!

    Ostriches, alligators, snakes and even sharks are fair game . . .

    What's the big deal. We do the same for shoes, coats, purses etc. So why the article other than to play upon emotions of the uninformed.

  23. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "even sharks"

    Even sharks? Nobody in the Reg subhead writing department heard of shagreen? It's been used for centuries.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    here's the solution

    Cut the wristbands from apple fanboys!

  25. This post has been deleted by its author

  26. Stevie

    Bah!

    It occurs to me that if you used the Ostrich's neck for a strap you could deploy your iWatch as a belt or bandolier and really stand out from the iCrowd.

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