back to article STINKY nerds: Sick of horrifying chums with your terrible BO? Nosey Google wants to help

Google has been granted a patent on a device to detect when a person stinks – to help them evade others to avoid embarrassment. We would like to say that this is a loose interpretation of a more complicated patent, but that really is all there is to it: the web ad giant wants to tell when you flat out reek and how you can …

  1. Thorne
    Coat

    Completely pointless

    Stinky nerds don't have friends to avoid........

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Completely pointless

      While the device in this form may be somewhat pointless, the underlying tech for avoiding people you don't want to run into could be handy! ;)

      1. Thorne

        Re: Completely pointless

        If you can make it for ex wives / ex girlfriends it will be a goldmine......

  2. Mark 85

    Developed for the Google offices, maybe?

    And won't see the light of day outside of their offices and buses? Now we know what the "something doesn't smell right about Google" means, in their mind at least.

  3. oldtaku Silver badge

    When people say it's funky working at Google's offices, this is what they mean.

  4. Tac Eht Xilef

    Missed opportunity

    Does it then send you targetted ads for Elon musk?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A joke, surely?

    A couple of possibilities come to mind:

    1. Google engineers have an unofficial competition to see who can get the daftest idea through the IP department as far as a patent;

    2. It's an ironic statement by Google on how much the US patent system stinks.

    If it's not a joke then somebody really has lost their marbles!

    1. Someonehasusedthathandle

      Re: A joke, surely?

      They're just covering there backs for April 1st. Thought they could sneak it through and unveil an actual device this year.

      Turns out somebody managed to sniff it out early...it's Friday okay

      1. waldo kitty
        Pint

        Re: A joke, surely?

        Turns out somebody managed to sniff it out early...it's Friday okay

        and the 13th, too...

  6. jake Silver badge

    Good gawd/ess.

    Most of us wash/bath/shower on a regular basis.

    gootards? Apparently they missed that early important bit of human education.

    1. Infernoz Bronze badge
      Facepalm

      Re: Good gawd/ess.

      True, and some stashed wet wipes and a container of deodorant/antiperspirant is much cheaper and will stop the smell if you get caught short.

      1. king of foo

        Re: Good gawd/ess.

        Ha. If I "get caught short", simply squirting some lynx on the turd in my pants and carrying on with my day does sound appealing but I think in that circumstance this article actually makes a lot of sense!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It was developed because...

    ... its vulnerability researches could never met the 90 days deadline to take a bath...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    my first thought: very useful ... for married people / those in a serious relationship ...

    "a variety of sensors (such as body temperature and heart rate) to detect when the wearer might be getting smelly ... the possibility of perspiration and odour ..."

    Could be useful for folks getting a 'bit on the side' who don't want to be seen by their gossipy friends ...

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Does it work on...

    the French? Can it tell the difference?

  10. skeptical i
    Meh

    But does it detect that "just back from smoke break" aroma?

    Or those who, by all evidence, swam through a moat of dollar-a-gallon eau de fuqme on the way to work? Or the wondrous breakroom aroma of microwaved casserole de who-knows-what that inevitably wafts throughout the building? Sorry, I think our culture has gone overboard in expecting people -- biological meatsacks -- to have zero aroma, must be the work of the cosmetics industry. (Not that I'm excusing those whose last meeting with a bar of soap was last week, mind.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But does it detect that "just back from smoke break" aroma?

      A long, long time ago (pre WW II) most average joes just walked around smelly and didn't worry about body odor too much. Then along came the Ad industry who convinced everybody that they stank and that anti-perspirant was the answer.

      Would be kinda fitting for the Big G to carry on this fine tradition, but in a shinier, high tech fashion. Can't wait to see the apps.

      Me first, so here we go: AnBoDetect, ISmell, and IPong (all Registered Trademarks of AC Enterprises)

  11. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Patented??

    "So there's no indication that the device will ever be prototyped,"

    In which case, tell them to piss off. If you want to patent a physical invention, a minimum requirement ought to be to produce at least one working prototype within some reasonable time period or the patent expires. Otherwise your effectively patenting a theory.

  12. Wisteela

    Google+

    I actually find Google+ to be very useful. And autobackup is fantastic. (under Android)

  13. Suburban Inmate

    What I want to know is...

    How far are we from developing smell sensor peripherals?

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like