back to article Attack of the possibly-Nazi clone parakeet invaders

The various waves of invading parakeets currently sweeping the world are "genetically identical" and all come from a small remote region in Latin America, scientists say. We are told: The parakeets that have invaded Europe and North America over the last forty to fifty years, creating massive nests in many urban areas, seem …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "They steal food from hard working British birds"

    I've seen some Pigeons get a little too close to people's lunch in the park, and of course, the super aggressive Cornish seagulls will certainly steal your Pasty given half a chance. But Parkeets? I thought they were relatively shy. More disturbingly, why are they only targeting women?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You my friend are taking Pulp too literally

      You are taking this: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/pulp/ispy.html too literally.

      Though you are not the only one to this respect:

      http://www.theguardian.com/music/2015/may/12/greek-finance-minister-responds-claim-wife-inspiration-pulp-common-people

    2. justincormack

      Actually its not their food they steal, its their nesting holes in trees, they kick the native birds out and live in them. Bloody immigrants coming over here and stealing our housing...

  2. Andrew Moore

    Lots of 'em in Spain...

    They are all over the place in Malaga and Marbella. And yes, they do seem to be out-competing with the local bird population.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

      Yep. It is one of the only two birds I have seen which successfully outcompetes pidgeons in urban areas. The other one (equally loud and obnoxious) is the Great Tailed Grackle in Texas.

      It will be interesting who the winner will be when these two pests from hell meet. My bets are on the grackle.

      1. Phuq Witt
        Holmes

        Speaking of Pigeons...

        "...Yep. It is one of the only two birds I have seen which successfully outcompetes pidgeons [sic] in urban areas..."

        Speaking of out-competing pigeons. Has anyone else, UK-dwelling, noticed that there seem to be almost as many magpies about these days as pigeons? And if it's being "woken up [by] screaming" you're after, those buggers sound like machine-guns on helium, when they get going.

        And snails. What's happening with them? You used to see the odd snail here and there but mostly slugs. Now it's the opposite: snails every-bloody-were and hardly a slug to be seen.

        There's definitely something weird going on in the animal kingdom.

        1. Kane
          Alert

          Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

          Has anyone else, UK-dwelling, noticed that there seem to be almost as many magpies about these days as pigeons?

          Yep, this year is the first year that we've had more magpies than pigeons land in the garden during the morning feeding squabble, and they've been particularly aggressive to some off the sparrows and robins as well.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

          Has anyone else, UK-dwelling, noticed that there seem to be almost as many magpies about these days as pigeons?

          Not just the UK, lots more magpies than usual around here in SE France as well this year. No parakeets so far, though.

        3. Mark 85
          Trollface

          Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

          There's definitely something weird going on in the animal kingdom.

          Can we blame this on global warming?

          1. John Savard

            Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

            Well, why not? Parakeets usually live in tropical climes, where it's warmer than in the places they're invading now.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

              I don't say it's alien nanotech taking over bird brains, but it actually is alien nanotech.

            2. Robert Helpmann??
              Boffin

              Re: Speaking of Pigeons...

              Parakeets usually live in tropical climes...

              There used to be Carolina parakeets in the US, but they are now, alas, extinct. Pigeons, on the other hand, are non-native to this range, so if these southern parakeets push them out, I look at it as restoring the natural order.

    2. Alan Brown Silver badge

      Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

      Introduce Australian Magpies. They'll see off the parakeets.

      1. Elmer Phud

        Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

        Magpies in Blighted seem to be good at keeping the parakeets away.

        A parakeeet roost nearby but very rarely seen due to local magpies, the crows don't particularly ike them, either.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

          "[...] the crows don't particularly ike them, either."

          The crows regularly dive bomb the pigeons in my garden. There are a couple of pigeon "ghost" images on the kitchen windows where they panicked in the wrong direction. The crows don't seem to bother any other birds though. The other day they were dive bombing a neighbour's cat which was positioning itself for a leap against one of them.

          A crow was paddling in the garden pool the other day - but the water level was rather low so it didn't bathe. As it walked away I switched the fountain pump on. The bird flew away in alarm - but only a few feet. It then came back to investigate - and then started to enjoy itself having a shower under the falling fountain jet of water. Never seen a bird do that before - normally they only splash about even when the fountain is running.

          1. Triggerfish

            Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

            Crows are clever buggers, and known for enjoying playing if any bird was going to think a fountain is a novelty they wouldn't surprise me.

            Then again a shop I worked in had a parrot and that used to love getting sprayed with a plant mister, it would actually stand in front of you and spread its wings and turn around for an even spray.

      2. Richard Taylor 2

        Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

        And after the Ozzie Magpies we'll try their variant on cane toads:-)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Lots of 'em in Spain...

      All over rally, you can see them adjusting and mimicking other birds to exploit food sources.

      They seem to be really aggressive against Wood Pigeon raiding their feeding areas and nests.

      kill the all, I says!

  3. Warm Braw

    If this is anything like the legal profession...

    Somewhere there must be one actual Keet reaping the rewards while all these Parakeets do the work.

    Eliminate him and your problem goes away.

  4. hplasm
    Coat

    Can't we just track them all

    using Awk...?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Where is the expert?

    For this, I think we need the enlightened advice of Tim Worstall who is the world's uncontested expert on immigration, birds and how they impact the economy of the empire!

    1. Warm Braw

      Re: Where is the expert?

      Hm. Isn't he the guy that thinks birds are drawn to Rolexes?. Can't see how that solution would be economic...

      1. Richard Taylor 2

        Re: Where is the expert?

        I'm sure hell argue that the benefits of a mass market will make up for that?

  6. frank ly

    The fly among us

    I saw four of them in a tree as I was waiting at traffic lights in Houslow (west of London) about ten years ago. They also seem to have a large colony in Kew Gardens, especially noticable in the summer.

    I'd assume that the low genetic diversity is because they originated from a small population of escaped pet birds many years ago.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: The fly among us

      I doubt that are "escaped" pets. More likely "released" pets. Here in the States an awlful of critters are dumped in the wild by pet owners who haven't a clue about what they are doing.

  7. Dr Dan Holdsworth

    Time for biocontrol

    If these birds are all very similar, genetically speaking, then any parasite which is perfectly adapted to them will do very well indeed, as it will be perfectly adapted to every single parakeet it gets to.

    What needs to be done is to research these birds in their native habitat, and try to find out what parasites and diseases attack them there. Then simply import these biocontrols and release them into the near-clonal populations here, and let the parasite do the population control for us.

    1. DocJames

      Re: Time for biocontrol

      Yes, because biocontrol has worked so well in the past.

      The invading hordes are clones; this does not necessarily apply to the original population. If it does, I doubt that there are any useful vectors for biocontrol (as they would have wiped out the original population already); if it doesn't then it will be hard to work out what is actually useful.

      1. hplasm
        Coat

        Re: Time for biocontrol

        "The invading hordes are clones"

        They're not true clones, they just have their Parroty bit set...

      2. Kubla Cant

        Re: Time for biocontrol

        The invading hordes are clones

        I know that plants and insects are capable of clonal reproduction, but I didn't know birds could do it. What's the mechananism? Can they hatch unfertilised eggs?

        1. breakfast Silver badge
          Linux

          Re: Time for biocontrol

          Begun this clone war has.

    2. Richard Jones 1
      Unhappy

      Re: Time for biocontrol

      The problem comes when the parasite is not only perfectly adapted to the usual host, in this case the Parakeet. Too often the parasite does one of several things, e.g. finds that the absence of parakeets cramps its style so it species jumps to another host. Or the parasite hybridises with some other parasites in its new location to become a super variant that affects some other, actually endangered animal, (or every other thing it encounters). Ruling out spread is what takes time and money to achieve and is not always achieved even then.

    3. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Time for biocontrol

      But if it is a "perfectly adapted" parasite it will make the smallest impact on its host. We need a massively unadapted parasite that kills the host quickly before it can breed.

  8. AndrueC Silver badge
    Happy

    There used to be a breeding population of Budgies (Melopsittacus Undulatus) in one of the London parks but I imagine their genetics would be traced back to a converted garden shed in Peckham :)

  9. Bronek Kozicki

    I saw plenty of those

    They, quite literally, steal food (seeds mix) we put in the feeders out in winter for the smaller birds.

    1. Flugal

      Re: I saw plenty of those

      Is it *literally* theft?

      1. bob, mon!
        Coat

        Re: I saw plenty of those

        Since they have wings for forelimbs, it can't be *armed* theft...

      2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: I saw plenty of those

        Is it *literally* theft?

        Only if someone writes about it.

        1. Bronek Kozicki

          Re: I saw plenty of those

          For those who have not seen parakeets near bird feeder in winter - they come in groups and stick around for long hours, stuffing themselves as much as possible and not letting smaller birds anywhere close to the feeder.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Plenty of parakeets in Richmond Park and quite a few in Hampstead Heath too. I rather like them.

  11. MacroRodent

    Easy boring explanation for lack of genetic variation

    They are probably descendants of a single pair of parakeets (or maybe a very small number of them) originally brought over by some pet importer. The descendants of these have then been sold in both Europe and North America, and escaped.

  12. thesykes
    Coat

    Obviously somebody get the wrong end of the stick in the Argentinian military. The memo about gaining revenge for the Falklands war didn't actually say to invade Britain using crack parrot-troopers.

  13. Toltec

    Someone had to...

    Beautiful plumage.

  14. goodjudge

    Indian, not South American

    The ones that have colonised most of SE England (and parts beyond) are ring-necked parakeets, which are of Indian / north African in origin. I haven't seen any of the South American varieties. Maybe we can get them together in a fight to the death, then let loose the magpies on the winning but weakened side.

    1. x 7

      Re: Indian, not South American

      yep, this story seems wrong.

      The species causing problems here and in Europe is Psittacula krameri

  15. Forty Two
    Joke

    A Final Solution?

    I wouldn't worry. Unleash Lester for a pluck and fry. A Parrot Post-pub nosh, if it proves tasty, would solve the problem.

    1. Elmer Phud

      Re: A Final Solution?

      We expect to see it on these pages soon -- and with the apporopriate boffin pipe.

    2. Martin Budden Silver badge

      Re: A Final Solution?

      onna stick?

  16. Chuunen Baka
    FAIL

    Wrong parakeet

    The illustration is of a Rose-ringed Parakeet (Psittacula krameri) of which there are large populations in southern England. The article is about Monk Parakeets which has only a small UK population and there are plans afoot to extirpate them.

    1. Slacker@work

      Re: Wrong parakeet

      Extirpate - my favourite word of the day

    2. AndrueC Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Wrong parakeet

      The article is about Monk Parakeets which has only a small UK population and there are plans afoot to extirpate them

      I hope the plan is zygodactyly then.

  17. CAPS LOCK

    There's an urban legend that Jimi Hendrix had a hand in all this..

    Probably rubbish though - I read it on Wakipedia.

  18. Ugotta B. Kiddingme
    Joke

    how about a parakeet cull?

    I hear that worked well with pigeons in Kingston*

    *at least according to the story's epic comment thread

    1. IvyKing
      Devil

      Re: how about a parakeet cull?

      All the world is in tune, on a spring afternoon, when we're poisoning parakeets in the park...

  19. Richard Parkin

    Sort out your Psittacula krameri from your Myiopsitta monachus before writing article!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not quite

    The thousands of at-it-like-rabbits parakeets taking over London and the South-east are ring-necked parakeets, now estimated to be in the tens of thousands. With no predators to manage numbers, their population has ballooned over the last decade and it's now pretty much accepted that it's too late to do anything about them. Anyone living within earshot will get a nasty 5am alarm call every morning during the summer, which will go on until about dusk.

    Monk parakeets on the other hand have been the subject of a cull to try to pre-empt the same problem:

    http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/sep/24/monk-parakeets-parrots-uk

  21. Joseph Eoff

    The parakeets from Brazil

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boys_from_Brazil_%28film%29

    The Nazi/Brazil/Clone connection

  22. Eddy Ito
    Black Helicopters

    Drones

    Seems like a perfect opportunity to trial some new drone technology. Forget delivering packages, deliver us from parakeets. It's going to be clones vs drones I tell you.

    Of course it could go horribly wrong if they team up and make cloned cyborg drones. Oh well, that's progress just probably not for us.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Damned Nazis!!

    Wasn't there a story a few years ago on El Reg about Nazi-imported racoons spreading across Europe and crossing into Sweden? I searched for it, but I couldn't find it.

    If Hitler couldn't grab lebensraum with his 1000-year-Reich, I guess he's going to reach out from beyond the grave and have his Aryan vermin do it for him.

    P.S.--I haven't noticed any swastika-bearing skinhead parakeet colonies here in California.

  24. Bbbbit

    False advertising.

    I would like to complain in the strongest possible terms to the Nazi shortage in your piece. "Tenuous" is being very generous. I will now have to watch Das Boot tonight to address the shortfall.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Go

      Re: False advertising.

      Let us know if you notice a couple caged Nazi parakeets on the sub. Doubtless they are there somewhere to enforce National Socialist air quality and battle ardor among the Third Reich's U-boat service.

  25. Triggerfish

    At least its not Emus

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War

  26. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

    Attack of the Clones?

    There was a great disturbance in the force. As if a million parakeets all cried out at dawn.

  27. cortland

    What does

    "If that doesn't say "escaped Nazi scientist (possibly still alive via illegal transplants or as a brain in a bubbling jar)", we'd like to know what does."

    http://go.reg.cx/ml/7fe5d/557cc3ff/d4f541bb/2fph

  28. Anguilla

    Give me "Cockies" any day!

    Several - make it about 13 years ago -I had an over inquisitive Hong Kong pigeon forever landing on my balcony's floor, so I decided to get it 'pissed out of its tiny mind' by soaking some bread in some "high octane" liquor - what the Chinese call "Bamboo Wine" which is great for indigestion at 45% alcohol by volume.

    Well, the pigeon partook of the alcoholic bread & managed to fly off to a lower level in my building and created such a cooing racket that it drew its friends & relations from the locality to see what the fuss was all about!

    As I recall, the pigeon never came back for "The hair of the dog" again!

    Where I live now, on the West side of HK Island, I can frequently see Sulfur-crested Cockatoos flying by in a gang, all squawking their heads off. They are not a "native breed" here but allegedly escaped captivity multi-many years ago and attempts by the then local council to stop 'em breeding, but filling up holes in trees with concrete was - luckily - a failure.

    I like having Cockies around - much better than the drab Sparrows.

  29. HKmk23

    More importantly

    What do they taste like?

    1. earl grey
      Trollface

      Re: More importantly

      What else? squab

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