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back to article BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

The PFY has crossed the line. Even though he knows better, he's attempted to explain something technical to management. I don't know why he did it – he's aware of the risks, and yet he still did. "KAY-SHING – not CASHing" he says, speaking slowly so the Boss can understand. "But surely it's the same thing?" "It IS the same …

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  1. chivo243 Silver badge
    Pint

    "Is there another internet?"

    Seriously, I have had this question more than once, glad to see I'm not the only one working for these type of people.

    If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit, well done PFY.

    25 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Is there another internet?"

      Well there IS, and it's called Internet2. Though it's mostly for educational stuff.

      4 1 Reply
      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: "Is there another internet?"

        >Though it's mostly for educational stuff.

        Lots of the stuff on the normal internet is educational - or at least I had never seen it done like that before.

        13 0 Reply

    2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. DropBear
      Reply Icon
      Trollface

      Re: "Is there another internet?"

      No, but there used to be one; it was called "AOL"...

      4 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Custard
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Re: "Is there another internet?"

        And if you open up your network connections list, you can even see where you connect to it...

        1 0 Reply
      2. Your alien overlord - fear me
        Reply Icon

        Re: "Is there another internet?"

        Ahh, to be that young and naive again - it was called Compuserve (or CIS for the acronymium challenged)

        2 0 Reply
      3. PNGuinn
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Re: "Is there another internet?" @Dropbear

        Try these: Bonus points if boss has heard of any of them.

        Compuserve.

        Cix.

        Janet.

        Arpanet.

        Bulletin boards.

        LEO.

        Other buzzwords are available. Work these in carefully with some techno gobbledygook and you're good to go. Internet bullshit generators are available. Google is your friend. Is there a second Google? Enquiring minds need to know.

        Mine's the one with the sticky fluffy toffee stuck in the pockets - thanks

        1 0 Reply
        1. John Deeb
          Reply Icon

          Re: "Is there another internet?"

          The X.25 public data network, who doesn't miss it?

          4 0 Reply
        2. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "Is there another internet?" @Dropbear

          I remember when Warwick University's Janet hookup was using Super-PAD instead of TCP. (net.ja) and was pretty much a separate internet. Happy mudding days connecting to the Biscuit barrel (a room where all the Sparc 5s were named after biscuits and ran Solaris) over a 300 baud modem...

          0 1 Reply
          1. Anonymous Coward
            Reply Icon
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: "Is there another internet?" @Dropbear

            Solaris. Don't you mean SunOS?

            0 0 Reply
            1. ABehrens
              Reply Icon

              Re: "Is there another internet?" @Dropbear

              Nope, it was Solaris, which had been released a year or two before the the SPARCstation 5 came out. (And then some marketing genius decided that they didn't like the name SunOS, so they retroactively called SunOS 4.1 "Solaris 1" and Solaris "Solaris 2". Fortunately nobody paid attention to that idea).

              0 0 Reply
            2. Anonymous Coward
              Reply Icon
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: "Is there another internet?" @Dropbear

              I'm only replying here to say 'I hate Solaris'.

              0 0 Reply
      4. Sid_the_Kid
        Reply Icon

        Re: "Is there another internet?"

        Don't forget Compuserve!

        0 0 Reply
  2. Ian Knight

    Fringe forever, good to see the BOFH is a fan

    12 0 Reply
    1. FeRDNYC
      Reply Icon

      I enjoyed Fringe. That was four great seasons/series of TV.

      ...Too bad they made five. :-/

      7 1 Reply
      1. bpfh
        Reply Icon
        Meh

        They started to lose the plot after closing the parallel universe...

        After all the build up before, the fourth was mostly fast-forwardable filler with a team almost certain to be axed and no motivation in the writers, despite a lot of loose ends that could have been played and a surprise extra season coming in, and ended up watching the first episode and the final 10 minutes of the 5th, with the impression I had not missed anything in between.

        1 0 Reply
        1. FeRDNYC
          Reply Icon

          Re: They started to lose the plot after closing the parallel universe...

          The best thing (the only good thing) about Fringe season 5 is that the final episode effectively undid it all --- just erased it all from existence, so we can pretend it never happened.

          Kind of like how The Matrix never got any sequels. NONE.

          3 0 Reply
    2. Afernie
      Reply Icon
      Joke

      I seem to recall Dunham processors ran rather hot.

      3 0 Reply
      1. IHateWearingATie
        Reply Icon

        I read that as 'i seem to remember Dunham was hot', as in the character Olivia from the aforementioned TV series...

        2 0 Reply
        1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
          Reply Icon
          Coat

          I read that as 'i seem to remember Durham was hot'

          ...and as a local resident (well, about 15 miles away),no, it's fookin' freezin' most of the year although it rarely gets below t-shirt weather, even in Southern Geordieland.

          No, that's not my coat. We don't wear coats here.

          2 0 Reply
  3. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    Kaysh

    I still wince every time I hear an Antipodean mispronounce cache.

    8 0 Reply
    1. JulieM Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: Kaysh

      Cāche is not a mispronunciation, it's the new correct pronunciation! Compare AD-ver-TISE-ment, pre-FERR-able. Do anything wrong enough times, and it becomes right .....

      2 2 Reply
      1. Terry 6 Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: Kaysh

        FWIW

        I got older child to show me the correct phonetic spelling of "cache". The appropriate English pronunciation for the word still remains what it was. She's at uni. Learning about speech and stuff.

        kæʃ which is English

        keɪʃ which is American

        I told her about the kæʃeɪ (cachet) version and she said, "Oh My God that's terrible".

        5 0 Reply
        1. Marshalltown
          Reply Icon
          Headmaster

          Re: Kaysh

          "kæʃ which is English" - is also American regionally (as spelled out in IPA). I'm not at all sure where in the US you would hear "keɪʃ", possibly in the central Midwest. There is a good deal of regional variation in pronunciation.

          0 0 Reply
      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Kaysh

        I don;t understand why anyone would've downvoted that. When I were a lass, I incorrectly tended to say AD-ver-TISE-ment and PREE-FERR-able because I'd learnt the words from books. Then I started paying attention to the (black-and white, coin-operated) box in the living room on which some terribly well-spoken people would apepar of an evening and learnt that the correct pronounciations were

        ad-VER-tizment and PREF-erable. No sooner had I mastered those (it took some years) than, would you believe it, newer chaps on the goggle-box with regional accents were allowed, and some of them used the pronounciations that I'd just abandonded!

        Ah well. That's the way languages change. I don't like it myself, but were it not otherwise we'd all be speaking Chaucerian English. Or something. Noticing the change in the language in your lifetime (and grumbling about it) means you have officially become an old codger. :-}

        3 1 Reply
      3. Marshalltown
        Reply Icon
        Pint

        Re: Kaysh

        "Cāche is not a mispronunciation, it's the new correct pronunciation! Compare AD-ver-TISE-ment, pre-FERR-able. Do anything wrong enough times, and it becomes right ....."

        Ah yes, GBS, "two nations separated by a common language."

        0 0 Reply
    2. FeRDNYC
      Reply Icon

      Re: Kaysh

      The worst is hearing it pronounced like cachet. Fingernails on a chalkboard...

      6 0 Reply
    3. Al Black
      Reply Icon
      Linux

      Re: Kaysh

      We say KAYSH downunda too, but we do have the odd bogan who says cachet or cash, just as you do!

      0 0 Reply
  4. Steve Knox

    Kay-shing, eh?

    So the PFY is from Fargo, then?

    0 0 Reply
    1. James O'Shea
      Reply Icon

      Re: Kay-shing, eh?

      If the PFY was from Fargo, then the 'tragic workplace accident' would involve a wood chipper, not electricity. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyPhsD1vHGk I always loved that movie.

      11 0 Reply
      1. Mark York 3 Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Pint

        Re: Kay-shing, eh?

        Having been to Fargo for a week & seen the Woodchipper in the visitor center, I'm frankly surprised that more of it's residents don't dive into one head first on a daily basis.

        1 0 Reply
  5. J.G.Harston Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Pandora's box... hurr hurr...

    0 0 Reply
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Allocation mismatch.

    Should of been...

    "Dual Bishop Processor" (he's the brain unit)

    "Dunham Gating Protocol" (she's the "gate" jumper)

    3 0 Reply
    1. fandom
      Reply Icon

      Re: Allocation mismatch.

      "Dual Dunham" as in Olivia and Folivia.

      "Bishop Gating Protocol" as in Let's build a gate to cross into another universe.

      2 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Allocation mismatch.

        ""Dual Dunham" as in Olivia and Folivia."

        "Dual Bishop" or as in Walter and Walternate.

        "Let's build a gate to cross into another universe." This would work, but the word 'protocol' disqualifies Walter, he couldn't communicate with the gate like Olivia or the other CortexKids.

        So I'm still thinking it should'a ben flippy.

        1 0 Reply
      2. Cannister
        Reply Icon
        Coat

        Re: Allocation mismatch.

        It was Fauxlivia (the 'fake' Olivia), just like Walternate was the alternate Walter...

        0 0 Reply
    2. Sarah Balfour
      Reply Icon

      Re: Allocation mismatch.

      Should HAVE been…

      9 0 Reply
      1. Al Black
        Reply Icon
        Linux

        Re: Allocation mismatch.

        Pedant!

        1 0 Reply
  7. earl grey
    Devil

    Bishop

    Wasn't he in Alien?

    Accidents don't just happen...

    0 0 Reply
  8. Martin Huizing

    KAY-Shing, simply brilliant!

    "KAY-SHING – not CASHing" he says, speaking slowly so the Boss can understand.

    "But surely it's the same thing?"

    "It IS the same thing, but if we use the KAY pronunciation it'll stop anyone thinking there might be money involved."

    I challenge you to say Kay-shing with 'shing' raised out loud. I hope that was intentional...

    0 0 Reply
    1. marky_boi
      Reply Icon

      Luckily Aussies are bi-lingual

      "KAY-SHING – not CASHing, in Australia a router is pronounced rowt-er not roo-ter as the English call it.... in Australian vernacular "to root" to have some enjoyable time with your lady lying down in bed.... to be a root-er in Australia is someone who does lots of this.... so we pronounce it rowt-er ... I enjoy international differences like this, always give me a giggle.. Onto Olivia Dunham, I will always have burned into my memory the scene when Olivia gets out of the immersion tank in bra and undies..... Anna Torv, great export from Australia and in particular the Gold Coast ...

      0 0 Reply
      1. Ragarath
        Reply Icon
        Joke

        Re: Luckily Aussies are bi-lingual

        Root means the same here when used in that way, it's just, you know; we know the difference between a bit or hardware and a Woman!

        1 0 Reply
      2. Toltec
        Reply Icon

        Re: Luckily Aussies are bi-lingual

        Router is pronouced both roo-ter and row-ter in Britain, but is does depend if you work in IT or kitchen fitting.

        2 0 Reply
  9. Nigel Cro

    Once upon a time I was explaining to a very BIG boss all about naughty people doing naughty things using the internet. He was personally affronted and felt that 'we' ought to be doing something about it.

    I started to explain things like jurisdictional difficulties, he got more and more red-faced until he asked the question.

    "Well, who owns the internet?"

    1 0 Reply
  10. imanidiot Silver badge

    I forsee

    liberal application of a cattleprod in the PFYs future for starting this whole matter (after he's ordered the kit and dealt with the boss)

    0 0 Reply
  11. Gary Lloyd 1

    Tier 3 Waffle

    "It's tier-3 Cortexiphan we're looking at so obviously it's topology redundant with multiple backchannels and has the full dual Dunham processor architecture behind it. With a 2 Teraflop Bishop Gating protocol, obviously."

    Oh how i wish i could come up with this level of tier 3 bullshine during some meetings. Loved it.

    0 0 Reply
    1. Paul Smith
      Reply Icon

      Re: Tier 3 Waffle

      Careful what you wish for... I had a boss who, if presented with "It's tier-3 Cortexiphan we're looking at so obviously it's topology redundant with multiple backchannels and has the full dual Dunham processor architecture behind it. With a 2 Teraflop Bishop Gating protocol, obviously." would have asked why do we need dual Dunham, single Dunham will do.

      0 0 Reply
  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Kay-sh is american! Does any UK professional not call it cashing? Got to keep bofh believable.

    1 0 Reply
    1. Nunyabiznes
      Reply Icon

      That might be the local vernacular where you are, but it is not US-wide. Everyone I know in the biz calls it "cashing".

      We have a strong hunting culture here though, and we cache (cash) supplies for extended fall hunting trips during the late summer scouting trips. That might explain why we know the correct pronunciation. ;)

      2 0 Reply
    2. dc_m
      Reply Icon

      yes, cash here.

      1 0 Reply
  13. Pastafarian

    Compuserve?

    Surely that should be CIX or the old bullettin boards accessed by 9k6 baud modems of course

    0 0 Reply
  14. Myvekk

    Now all they need to do is add on the turbo-encabulator!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MXW0bx_Ooq4

    0 0 Reply
  15. ElReg!comments!Pierre
    Happy

    Good job

    "is there another Internet?"

    Usually I answer this one with " well TECHNICALLY there is, in a way..." and then change the subject. By now everyone knows better than asking for an explanation when I put an emphasised TECHNICALLY so close to the beginning of a sentence...

    0 0 Reply

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