back to article UN negotiations menaced by topless women. Or not

Sensitive international negotiations on arms control taking place in Geneva could be menaced by mobs of screaming, topless women throwing mayonnaise, according to one of the delegates. Mr Ivan Grinevich, representing the nation of Belarus, made the remarks on Tuesday during a meeting of the United Nations Conference on …

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  1. Mark 85

    Topless ladies with mayonaise?

    This is the worst case scenario, obviously. Peanut butter might rank right up there. Methinks someone has too much time on their hands. Or is there a credible threat? If there is... ticket to Geneva with video cam in hand.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Topless ladies with mayonaise?

      Worst case?? I think that depends on if the ladies in Question are Belarusian babushkas or not; in that event, not even peanut butter and whips will save the day.

      Now if it was Paris or Taylor Swift mind you........

      1. Mark 85

        Re: Topless ladies with mayonaise?

        I figured they'd be Swiss since this meeting is in Geneva .. I could be wrong.

        I misworded my first post.... worst case in HIS mind....

      2. Anonymous Coward
        WTF?

        BTW

        For those that dont know, a "babushka" is a wrinkled old grandma.

        1. Sweep

          Re: BTW

          ie any Belorussian woman over the age of 32.

    2. Mitoo Bobsworth

      Re: Topless ladies with mayonaise?

      Saucey!

  2. Sir Barry

    Hmmmm, methinks Ivan Grinevich has a sponsorship deal with Hellmann's.

    Or he has some pervy fantasies.

    Just sayin....

    1. Vincent Ballard

      Or maybe the local branch of Femen have been trolling his spies.

      1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

        Femen

        I read that as "Fremen". I've got a pretty grasshopper mind but the jump to Frank Herbert's Dune got me for a moment.

    2. Turtle

      Or maybe, just maybe...

      "Or he has some pervy fantasies"

      Or maybe he has access to information that you don't...

      1. harmjschoonhoven

        Re: Or maybe, just maybe...

        A Roman emperor once held a banquet with 300 creamcovered virgins to lick off for dessert.

    3. jake Silver badge

      Hellmann's, Sir Barry?

      Best Foods, Shirley ... But then I'm on the proper side of the Rockies.

      (Personally, I make my own. Aioli sans garlic isn't exactly rocket science.)

  3. ratfox
    Angel

    He's just shy

    They're not used to let the public know much in Belarus…

    I do think that his hypothetical scenario reflects more his fantasies than reality, though.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: He's just shy

      "I do think that his hypothetical scenario reflects more his fantasies than reality, though."

      Are you sure? I thought this was an interesting insight into Belarus and its politics.

    2. Ken 16 Silver badge
      Big Brother

      or maybe Benny Hill is still on TV there?

      And those are the risks you take coming to the decadent West.

  4. Old Handle
    Facepalm

    I was kind of hoping this was something that really happened. But it's almost funnier that it didn't.

    "What if there were bottomless men throwing ketchup?"

    "What if there were nude children throwing mustard?"

    You have to plan for everything.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Given the headline, i must say I found the story's accompanying stock photo somewhat disappointing.

    1. Isendel Steel
      Coat

      No Picture

      Obviously it didn't happen...sadly.

      IGMC

    2. Jedit Silver badge

      "I found the story's accompanying stock photo somewhat disappointing."

      Yeah, we came for topless ladies throwing mayonnaise, not topless ladies throwing stock!

  6. jake Silver badge

    Methinks Mr Grinevich is hopeful ...

    ... that his trolling will provide the intended results. Is he prone to taking snapshots with his iFad? The peanut gallery is honestly curious ;-)

  7. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Topless ladies with mayonnaise?

    Are these ladies available for parties, weddings, wakes, and other celebrations that might just need a little cheering up?

  8. Nigel Brown

    Mayonnaise?

    What's wrong with the much more palatable crème fraiche?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      crème fraiche

      F'narr! F'narr!

      ...We all know what sort of crème you're on about, and 'palatable' for who? eh? eh? Know what I'm saying...

  9. Bob Wheeler
    WTF?

    And he is....

    Mr Lomonaco remained unimpressed, pointing out that he could see only two people in the public gallery as the discussion took place

    When it comes to the UN there is a long queue of unimpressed people.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: And he is....

      AIUI: very, very little of any worth goes on in the public chambers. Generally anything of value happens in the side (private) rooms with smaller groups. In English, just to annoy the French.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What idiots

    These are the people deciding on arms control?

    1. Grikath

      Re: What idiots

      you don't think they are actually *serious* about it ?!!!

      (the arms control, for all we know the remark could be a coded message for "party tonight at my place?" )

    2. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      Re: What idiots

      Not at all. These are the people making noise about arms control.

      The people deciding the issue are in weapons manufacturers boardrooms, dressed in suits and very serious about their job.

      When they have made up their minds, they will tell the people who make noise which way to make noise.

  11. disgruntled yank

    Calling ISO

    Or at least El Reg. Clearly we have the basis here for a measure of civil disruption: the TLWM. I admit that the male tendency to ogle must be discounted here, for one TLWM would cause traffic jams on most of the roads I know. But, pretending that this is not so, you might rank the average anti-World-Bank demonstration as 1000 TLWM and so on.

  12. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Holmes

    Belarus taking a dig at Brussels?

    I suspect this is the Belarus government taking a dig at the European political elite, who have spent years lecturing the Belarusians on how to govern (and not be a dictatorship). The reference to topless protesters links to the trial of the former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Kahn (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-31349263), where everyone is very delicately dancing round the fact his "parties" we're allegedly attended by many of the Brussels political elite over the years (hence the bit about mayo). There seem to be quite a few politicians/dictators around the World that got lectured by the IMF and EU that seem to be enjoying DSK's comeuppance and the stories breaking of his "unusual" (and potentially illegal) sexual escapades (http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-31437975).

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pics, or it isn't going to happen.

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      @moiety

      I'll second that! Bring on the photos or it didn't happen. And no Playmobil either!

  14. John Savard

    The Clear Agenda

    It's clear that the fellow from Belarus was expressing a concern for the conference providing an opportunity for FEMEN to express its message, as opposed to concern for modesty or for the delegates' dry cleaning bills.

  15. Pascal Monett Silver badge

    I wonder what it is like in Belarussia

    Clearly they seem to have a lot of fun over there.

    Unless, of course, said topless ladies are all over sixty, in which case - yes, what a frightening prospect.

  16. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    Topless protestors - OK, I understand.

    But mayonnaise? Any suggest why mayonnaise, rather than ketchup, mustard, remoullade, brown sauce, salad cream, Or is it a translation error and one of the topless women was called May O'Naise?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Topless ladies throwing mayonnaise

    Why don't any of my meetings have this!

    But I would be content without the mayo

  18. wayne 8

    Mayonnaise and the Mayor

    "Bonfire of the Vanities" by Thomas Wolfe. A clothed woman throws a jar of mayonnaise at the NYC mayor during a press conference about a racially charged trial. Add Femen and stir.

    Anyway, the politician wishes it would happen to him.

  19. Donkey Molestor X

    if the topless ladies are emitting mayonnaise then IT'S A TRAP /admiralackbar

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