back to article Forum chat is like Clarkson punching you repeatedly in the face

How can you condone racist violence, Alistair? Blimey! I’m not sure I know the answer to that one. In this round, there is no conferring. They sure come up with difficult questions in online forums. Perhaps my interrogator and I are at cross-purposes. I decide to find out. “Racist violence?” I type tentatively without …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    but it doesn't change the fact that Clarkson is a nobend

    1. BongoJoe
      Headmaster

      I have slight arthritis in my back. Does that make me a 'nobend' as well?

      1. frank ly

        Your jokes about 'nobend' and the entire no-bender sloganeering issue on social media are a disgraceful attack on the LGBT community. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

        1. Mark 85
          Pint

          I'm sure the nobends are more upset about being compared to Clarkson than anything else at this point. And why are you inferring that we're all a bunch of homophobic Nazis?

          Icon? It's late and a beer always clears one's thinking.

          1. Bloakey1
            Coat

            <snip>

            " And why are you inferring that we're all a bunch of homophobic Nazis?"

            <snip>

            I totally agree, some of my best friends are Nazis and they have very tolerant views towards gays, Irish people and even clowns.

            I know them so well now that they have given me the nick name of "untermensch", apparently it honours my Celtic roots and general ' oirishness' <sic>.

            1. illiad

              I think you need to visit google translate... unless you realise at what 'level' oirish are... :P :)

        2. Alistair Dabbs

          >> disgraceful attack on the LGBT community

          One of the Facebook comments in question claimed that JC was a misogynist (which he may well be for all I know) because he used the word "c*nt" as a term of abuse. Earlier in the post, the same person had already called him, apparently without any sense of irony, a "prick".

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            That person is not familiar with anatomy

            One of the Facebook comments in question claimed that JC was a misogynist (which he may well be for all I know) because he used the word "c*nt" as a term of abuse.

            My late dad used to have a saying: "Son, never mistake a v***ina for a c*nt. The former is a part of female anatomy. The latter is a type of male character. Most commonly found amidst politicians and celebrities".

            1. swampdog
              Happy

              Re: That person is not familiar with anatomy

              Your dad was far wise than mine!

    2. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

      Quite correct. He's far too big to bend easily. Did you see him trying to get into that small car...?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      but it doesn't change the fact that Clarkson is a nobend

      Izzat s'posed to be "no bend" or "knob end"?? I know what a "knob end" is. There's lots of'em about but wotza "no bend"? Cain't say I've ever heard of such in the last 50 years.

      1. x 7

        A "no bend" is a primitive toilet where the crap just falls straight down the pipe. With no trap to catch the smell, theres usually a malodorous whiff or two lingering around. Said to be quite favoured by journalists and news reporters, who enjoy the stench.

        1. 404

          @ x7

          Thanks, I was lost.

          +1 'cuz I learned something today.

          ;)

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Mage Silver badge

      Nobend ... EH?

      I've a sheltered life. I have no idea what you are talking about.

      Who is this Clarkson?

      1. swampdog

        Re: Nobend ... EH?

        He invented the PolterPuss in conjunction with his friend Mrs Clumpet.

      2. x 7

        Re: Nobend ... EH?

        "Knob of Nob End" is the unpublished third novel by Kenneth Grahame, author of "The Wind in the Willows" and "Toad of Toad Hall".

        It follows the exploits of a toad named Jeremy, otherwise known as "Knob" who is the grandson of the "Mr Toad" of the earlier novels. Jeremy lives in a terraced house in Nob End, having spent all the money inherited from his ancestor.

        Jeremy has an alcohol habit, and pays for it by stealing fast cars - which he often crashes. He is assisted in this by a brain-damaged hamster, who was injured in one of Knob's crashes. The two are directed in their crimes by an old moth-eaten badger named James. James himself never steals cars: he simply directs the others and fences the few vehicles which remain undamaged.

        Other minor characters include a snake named Tony, and a fairy named Oisin.

        "Knob of Nob End" was rejected by the publishers and so never went to print. Officially rejection was due to lack of plot development (as one editor is reputed to have said "just how many cars can you steal and crash without killing yourself". However unofficial comment has made it clear that the real reason for rejection was character immaturity and lack of character and plot development. For instance, we never get to find the hamsters real name, nor do we get the reason why Jeremy is known as "Knob" - though many feel this is self--evident.

    5. fruitoftheloon
      WTF?

      @Terra

      Terra,

      is a 'nobend' some kind of North European version of an s-bend, or are you a bit of a pillock?

      Just wondered.

      Ooi I like Top Gear, but based on what I know feel it is right that Jeremy was shown the door.

      J

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @Terra

        I thought it was a knob head anyway, not even a knob end? Knob head - ie. dick head.

        1. Mike Pellatt

          Re: @Terra

          Knob head or bell end.

          The original commenter would appear to have merged the two.

          1. the spectacularly refined chap

            Re: @Terra

            Knob head or bell end.

            The original commenter would appear to have merged the two.

            Nob end has plenty of precedent. It refers to a football fan from Preston.

          2. Naughtyhorse
            Happy

            The original commenter would appear to have merged the two.

            lol

            what a bell head!

          3. Maty

            Re: @Terra

            Perhaps he merely missed the spacebar, something Idoalot. The reference could have been to Nob End, a scenic bit of landscape on the canal somewhere north of Manchester. In which case this is indeed a terrible thing to say to a Yorkshireman.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @Terra

        Mansfield, land of the gods. nobend is the correct street spelling here for the male part, whereas a nob (up your end, no doubt, and so to speak - see what I did there) would more likely be a posh person. Mansfieldians are all too well aware that a nob is more of a person and part reference than a knob which is merely part. Nob, with both reference to class and to penis, such that the two are combined, therefore suggests an upper class nob is likely also a penis. See we have a history of grating on the Lords and ladies and governments of the day round here (note I also dropped the a in around but I leave the A for you since that has another meaning here too). A door knob does not a penis make, though I'm aware you might have been called stumpy at some point. So if you are a nob, make no mistake, you are a penis. If you are a knob, you may well be a door handle. See the difference? Mansfield folk thought of it all :-)

        http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nob+end

  2. smartypants

    This apt xkcd should be taught in schools

    This is important:

    https://xkcd.com/386/

    1. John Miles

      Re: This apt xkcd should be taught in schools

      I recall what I think was a news article about an inquest in a IEE mag (but may have been a story elsewhere) where a wife had described how her husband wouldn't leave the forums because people were giving "bad advise" and he felt the need to correct them, I can't recall cause of death but she blamed his "addiction" to forums for him neglecting his health.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This apt xkcd should be taught in schools

      http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19/

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This apt xkcd should be taught in schools

      https://youtu.be/0la5DBtOVNI

  3. Harry the Bastard

    unacceptable to hit a minion, but on the other hand he is reputed to have punched piers morgan in the face, so he's not all bad

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      >reputed to have punched piers morgan in the face, so he's not all bad

      Yes, but was that recently?

    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      But Clarkson is a yorkshireman so this was just culturally appropriate behaviour and a normal means of communication.

      I am sick of southerners (defined as anyone from 0.1mi south of me) making value ill-informed judgements about people from the North.

      1. swampdog

        Southern poofs. At Uni we used to order "woofter brew" for a particular individual. Got so at our local the bar lady used to say it when we walked in.

        (guiness & cider)

        "Stop calling it Black Velvet you woofter". I guess things were less PC back then. On the bright side, as far as I know, he's not hanged himself yet.

        1. Sir Runcible Spoon

          "(guiness & cider)

          "Stop calling it Black Velvet you woofter""

          Black Velvet is Guiness and Champagne. What you have described is a 'poor man's' Black Velvet (especially concocted for our poor notherern neighbours).

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Actually it's likely prosecco but you southerners can't tell the difference.

            1. Sir Runcible Spoon

              "but you southerners can't tell the difference"

              Oh how I wish that were true -I could fob the missus off with a crate of the stuff and still have money left over for the mortgage :)

    3. x 7

      Morgan deserved it. For being Piers Morgan.

    4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

      >unacceptable to hit a minion,

      I thought he punched a producer?

      Surely hitting the boss (and a member of least accurately named profession on the planet) is pure BOFH

    5. swampdog

      The masochist in my head almost makes me want to be there when it happened.

      I was on Concorde. Unfortunately not on the last flight. Actually it was in a museum. I probably should have stopped typing three sentences earlier.

  4. Chris Miller

    How Internet chat works

    According to Scientific American.

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: How Internet chat works

      An animated GIF? Fascist.

  5. Pen-y-gors

    Poor Oisin

    It's all a bit of a balls-up: El Nob Grande is a total prat, but I do wonder if things could have been sorted out with an offer of grovelling apology and considerable financial compensation from JC.

    The way it's going now, there will be no more Top Gear, The Beeb will be out of pocket to the tune of £50m a year, May and Hammond will also be out of a job, and, most ironic of all, so probably will be Oisin.

    1. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: Poor Oisin

      In less high profile circumstances, one route for the Beeb would have been apology, compensation, commitment to "anger management", some time off work "to deal with personal issues" and the return after a suitable period of purdah to TV.

      No doubt there are questions in the BBC about if they could have spotted the way things were going earlier, and who was making sure that Clarkson wouldn't bring them embarrassment.

      1. ilmari

        Re: Poor Oisin

        JC in anger management therapy? Now that's a tv show I'd watch, especially if it includes segments such as "staying calm driving behind pensioners in caravans".

      2. Uffish

        Re: Poor Oisin

        The BBC are sniggering. They are perceived as having been forced to close a popular show on a point of honourable principle whereas the reality is that they wanted to axe the show. The show will be mothballed for a year or so and then will come back in a new format and make even more money.

        (And asuming that a producer is really responsible for providing the food, Oisin deserves to be given a decent interval to go and find a better job - he failed).

        1. DavCrav

          Re: Poor Oisin

          "The BBC are sniggering. They are perceived as having been forced to close a popular show on a point of honourable principle whereas the reality is that they wanted to axe the show. The show will be mothballed for a year or so and then will come back in a new format and make even more money."

          I doubt it. The BBC might well try to bring it back, but it won't be syndicated for a few years. Other countries' networks won't pay nearly as much for an untested product, and the BBC won't have the balls to have someone controversial front it, and it will be Fifth Gear Mark 2. Without the production values (the BBC won't shovel the money in without the commercial deals behind it) and the hosts, it will wither and be canned two seasons later.

          1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

            Re: Poor Oisin

            And it will have phone-ins and be hosted by Stephen Fry

    2. Paul Shirley

      Re: Poor Oisin

      It looks very like the knobend might have got away with it if he'd kept his mouth shut. No sign the producer was going to report the incident, though it's hard to believe it wouldn't have hit the newspapers and forced the issue anyway, too many people witnessed it. I have to assume the knobend worked out he wasn't going to get a "jim'll fix it" free pass this time without heroic efforts, so he shopped himself.

      Not heroic enough. Oh... Supposedly he did try the groveling apology... Didn't bother doing it publicly where it might have made him look less like a sacked dickhead.

      1. x 7

        Re: Poor Oisin

        Only way for Clarkson to have survived was for him to have licked someones ass. Literally. BBC luvvies like that - its their version of the casting couch.

    3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: Poor Oisin

      I doubt any of then will be out of a job. I expect a show looking remarkably like Top Gear to show up on some other channel with the same faces fronting it. OTOH Beeb executives will be several 10s of millions short to spend on executive lunches etc - or maybe they won't, they'll cut a few costs elsewhere to make up for the shortfall.

    4. Naughtyhorse

      Hmmmm...

      And all triggered by cockson turning himself in...

      even though he was on his final, final, final, absolutely the last final warning...

      Call me an old cynic but it all makes me wonder if there was an agenda in there somewhere.

      1. swampdog

        Re: Hmmmm...

        Cohen?

    5. This post has been deleted by its author

    6. James Anderson

      Re: Poor Oisin

      Considering it was Jeeza who dubbed himself in, and, Oisin had no intention of taking the matter further -- in fact he thought he was going to be sacked for letting the worlds most unlikely media star run amok on his watch.

      The most probable explanation is that after a hard days larking around JC decided enough was enought and delivered a spectacular resignation letter.

  6. Bassey
    Mushroom

    M&S

    " Marks & Spencer is racist for running out of blue socks in size 11"

    M&S don't do socks in size 11. They do size 10-12. Get your facts right you ***** ***** *******!!!!!!

    1. Dodgy Geezer Silver badge

      Re: M&S

      I am reporting you to the police for blatant discrimination against people with size 11 feet...

    2. Bloakey1

      Re: M&S

      @M&S don't do socks in size 11. They do size 10-12. Get your facts right you ***** ***** *******!!!!!!@

      You running dog of the imperialist capital pigs, you know so much about a Jewish owned company catering to the elite establishment and the star council. You probably went to Eaton and joined MI5 straight from Cambridge, where you studied old English and advanced felching.

      The proletariat shop in Primark and they do socks in 6 - 11.

      This post has upset me so much that I am going to put pen to paper and complain to one of the establishment high brow news tomes, the Star or the Sun should do it.

      Yours.

      Angry of Catford.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        felching

        Now there's a word you wouldn't expect to come across (sorry) in a tech forum, have an up-vote for imagination.

      2. swampdog

        Re: M&S

        Now that's a letter.

        Angry of Catford.

        ^^no "offended" anywhere!. My factor will visit your factor & both our bulldogs will be friendly.

    3. Sarah Balfour

      Re: M&S

      I like M&S dudes' socks coz, even though I don't ascribe to either gender, I'm technically female, and the world appears to have decided that females should only wear socks in shades of brown, grey, black and white. The last pack of coloured girly socks I bought was from H&M years ago, and I wore 'em through.

      The smallest M&S do is a tad big (I take a 5.5 shoe - and DON'T get me started on footwear, M&S used to be the only place I could get a 5.5, after Clark's decided to join the 'nobody has size 5.5 feet' brigade - and now THEY'VE quit, too! I've been living in the same pair of New Balance trainers for at least the past decade. I used to have the most wonderful pair of Brasher boots, too, but I lost 'em on my travels somewhere. I've tried and tried to replace 'em, but to no avail. Can't even recall the series name now - think they were Supalites, but don't quote me on that - Supalite XL or summat. They were the most comfortable things I've ever put on me plates, and they only cost me £50 (eBay bargain. BNIB, too). I've got weird feet, I NEED a 5.5; I have a rare congenital disorder known as hemihypertrophy, the right side of me is bigger than the left, and I've a displaced right hip, too. I can't wear trousers or jeans, I have to wear leggings because,obviously they stretch to accommodate the bigger leg. Bras are a nightmare, too (I'm a 28 chest, in that most of my tops are size 4, but the right side is 29 and the left is between 26/27. I've found myself wishing I could lose 'em, they're fuck all use to me and that'd be that, problem solved!).

      No idea where all THAT came from. Blame @Bassey, HE got me started by mentioning socks!

      1. BasicChimpTheory

        Re: M&S

        "even though I don't ascribe to either gender"

        Triggered.

      2. Bloakey1

        Re: M&S

        <snip>

        "I'm technically female,"

        <snip>

        For most of us hereabouts that is enough, for others a requisite amount of limbs and a pulse is required.

        Brasher boots, hmm I have some of those, try the Quecha's, my other half loves them, failing that Merrils are expensive but superbly comfotable and long lasting.

        Welcome, I enjoy your posts and may your gonads never fester.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: M&S

          @Bloakey1

          Your use of "<snip>" in the context of "I don't ascribe to either gender, I'm technically female" made me cringe and clamp my knees together. Ouch.

        2. Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face

          Re: M&S

          Sir,

          May I draw your attention to the plight of the half-sized-feeted. Getting a decent pair of size 11 and a half walking boots is nigh-on impossible due to the discriminatory practices of the major boot manufacturers.

          Almost as bad as the racism shown to Linux users by Amazon's on demand TV services.

          Hence, going out is almost as painful as staying in..

          Yours, disgruntled etc...

      3. Uffish
        Happy

        Re: Socks

        I would ascribe your existance to one male and one female. I fully respect your choice of subscribing or not to one gender or another.

        No I can't help being a nob-end, this is a forum dammit!

      4. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: M&S

        Women do natter on don't they ......

      5. x 7

        Re: M&S

        Technically female.

        With a name like yours I'd assume you're Scots. Never met a Scottish lass who accepted she was female.

        Regarding your legs, just wear a non-gender specific kilt. No need to worry then unless someone calls you a raving homo.......

        Remind me.....what was this thread about??????

        1. swampdog

          Re: M&S

          It (probably not your intention) was about Frankie Boyle's most disgusting joke..

          How do you get a girl from Coatbridge pregnant?

          I'm not about to dignify this thread with the answer. Google it folks!

          1. Maty

            Re: M&S

            Okay, I googled it, and got this

            http://www.lanarkshiremums.co.uk/pregnancy.html 'Pregnancy classes in Lanarkshire'.

            Coatbridge girls have to attend classes on how to get pregnant?

            1. x 7

              Re: M&S

              Maty

              try the google search again, this time adding the word "gutter"

              to be really certain of finding it, also add "flies"

      6. swampdog

        Re: M&S

        Black. Black Black. Males socks are black. Actually any damn colour so long as you stick to it!

        I looked up hemihypertrophy. Didn't know what it was. Have you tried walking along traditional sea-fronts in a certain direction? ;-)

        As for Bras, I don't wear one. This brings back thoughts of a thread on another site where I advised to cover webcam with tape. It turns out HR in the States take offence when one squeezes one's moobs. I didn't want to work for Experian anyway.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: M&S

      Bloody Blueist

      Take this....Thump ! Now where's my fucking dinner !

    5. x 7

      Re: M&S

      Anyone with feet over size 10 isn't human anyway. Only aliens and mutants have feet that big, so not selling large socks isn't racist. Speciest or alienist maybe, but not racist.

      1. BongoJoe

        Re: M&S

        On the other hand I have never understood how people with feet sized smaller than 10 can stand up in strong winds.

        1. Myself-NZ

          Re: M&S

          @BongoJoe. One foot planted behind, as if to start pushing a car, kness slightly bent, and lean into. Quite simple really.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not on

    > This Top Gear programme sounds like a right rum do, if you ask me. I must watch it to find out... except it doesn’t seem to be on at the moment.

    Despite making a big fuss about "suspending" Clarkson, the Beeb are happy enough to continue showing the repeats on BBC3.

    1. John Miles

      Re: the Beeb are happy enough to continue showing the repeats on BBC3.

      and the BBC World Wide are happy enough to show repeats continually on Dave - They even had something saying because of a fracas Dave was the only place to see TopGear on Sunday

    2. Bloakey1

      Re: Not on

      "Despite making a big fuss about "suspending" Clarkson, the Beeb are happy enough to continue showing the repeats on BBC3."

      Indeed the Top Gear / Steven Fry Channel, AKA Dave seems to be Clarkson heavy.

      1. Arthur the cat Silver badge

        Re: Not on

        "the Top Gear / Steven Fry Channel, AKA Dave"

        That's the amazing thing about digital TV, it gives you hundreds of channels to definitely not watch.

        1. Naughtyhorse
          Thumb Up

          hehehehe

          and with a sky+/VM box, we get to record all this crap so we can miss it again and again :-)

        2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

          Re: Not on

          >he Top Gear / Steven Fry Channel, AKA Dave"

          I had heard Mr Fry had got married, was it to Clarkson ?

          And who is Dave ??

          And where does he fit in?

          Is this the sort of bizarre 3-way gay love triangle that is being produced at the expense of the licence fee payer ??????

    3. veti Silver badge

      Re: Not on

      I wonder how long before they can fill an entire channel with repeats of now-disgraced presenters? Stuart Hall, John Leslie, Jimmy Savile, Jezza...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not on

        Ah, Crimewatch24.

        Yeah, that alone is worth the license fee...

  8. John Miles

    CompuServe computer magazine Forum

    Was it Computer Shopper by any chance?

    Discussions in forums strip out all the non-language communication (e.g. is the person being aggressive, laid back) and this information is substituted by the mind based based on clues in the writing - trouble is people are not that good at reading what is actually written and would rather read what they think is written and very quickly everything becomes very polarised.

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: CompuServe computer magazine Forum

      It was CLIFEUK. Disappointingly nothing to do with fish but the UK edition of Computer Life.

      1. John Miles

        Re: CompuServe computer magazine Forum

        I don't think I visited that one - so unlikely to have got into any heated debates there

  9. Bloodbeastterror

    Good riddance, I say

    It's not as if Clarkson will starve. (I hesitate to say "unfortunately", but it's hovering at the back of my mind). He's made his millions, he'll continue to write his intemperate nonsense for right-wing papers.

    Hammond is a disgusting cringeworthy embarrassing little squit, a small rabbit caught in the headlights, withering every time Clarkson talks to him, grimacing and giggling like a first-year schoolgirl.

    May has other successful projects, many of which I enjoy. He's the only one of the three that I have any time for - he seems like a reasonable bloke who tolerates rather than agrees with Clarkson.

    The producer comes out of this fiasco well - he made no fuss, made no complaint, and will no doubt be able to find something else within the BBC.

    The BBC didn't come out of this well. After all Clarkson's racist guff ("I never used the N-word" - OFFS, you were in front of a CAMERA!) he should have gone a long time ago. The wonder of this final (I hope) incident is that it took so long for him to not have his contract renewed (is that what they call a sacking these days?) since in any other reputable organisation he would have been marched off the premises and possibly down to the local nick.

    1. Gordon 10
      FAIL

      Re: Good riddance, I say

      Good lord. Do you see the irony in your post? . Reread the article and see if you recognise is yourself - Alistair was talking about people like you.

      Have a big bag of fail.

      1. Teiwaz

        Re: Good riddance, I say

        I have to say, I agreed with bloodbeastterrors sentiments, they weren't angry at all, merely a grump, and well put to boot.

        We are all assuming the show will cancel without JC though, likes he's the messiah and it'll not sell without him at all. Abroad they probably have the pleasure of someone else dubbing over him anyway (wish we could - there's always subtitles).

        1. x 7

          Re: Good riddance, I say

          He's not the messiah. He's just a naughty boy

          1. Fink-Nottle

            Re: Good riddance, I say

            > He's not the messiah. He's just a naughty boy

            As Steve Coogan said, he's as edgy and relevant as 'a middle-aged punk rocker pogoing at his niece's wedding'.

            1. Alistair Dabbs

              Re: Good riddance, I say

              Are you invading Steve Coogan's privacy by quoting what he once said? Isn't Steve Coogan acting like a tabloid newspaper by blurting out his cruel opinions of celebrities he doesn't know personally?

              1. Fink-Nottle

                Re: Good riddance, I say

                > Are you invading Steve Coogan's privacy by quoting what he once said?

                Wait, I'm confused ... are you saying Steve Coogan is Irish?

                1. Bernard M. Orwell

                  Re: Good riddance, I say

                  Wait, I'm confused....are you saying Steve Coogan is funny?

      2. Bloodbeastterror

        Re: Good riddance, I say

        Gordon10,

        I take your point. And you can have an upvote... :-)

        1. Bloakey1

          Re: Good riddance, I say

          "Gordon10,

          I take your point. And you can have an upvote... :-)"

          Nooooo. That is not the way to do it. You are supposed to attack him! Throw in lots of ad hominem type comments,lots of non sequiturs, bring in a few sock puppets to support you, add lots of comments amounting to a woozle affect. Ahh, do not forget to tell him he has a small willy and his mother smelt of elderberries.

          Now calmly sit back in the knowledge that he does not know your address and any dispicable behaviour on your part will not have any subsequent repercussions such as a punch in the nose.

          Ahhh, it reminds me of those halcyon days on Usenet in the late eighties and early nineties, when Joe Public joined AOL and Compuserve and it all went to pot !

          1. Bloodbeastterror

            Re: Good riddance, I say

            Bloakey1,

            I take your point too. However, I would have no trouble at all in saying "You're a twat" to the faces of Clarkson (just saying the truth), Hammond (especially) or Tony Hall (for letting Clarkson get away with it for so long).

            But despite my Mr. Angry persona (which is real because of the many stupidities and injustices I see) I have a reasonable sense of humour, I'm prepared to admit it when I'm wrong (it happens), and I'm ready to accept others' points of view. As long as they're right... :-)

            1. Bloakey1

              Re: Good riddance, I say

              "Bloakey1,

              I take your point too."

              <snip>

              OK. I was merely pointing out that your reasonable and personable attitude is uncommon on the Interwebs <sic>. I was also slotting into the general theme and standard of "reasoned debate" on the "Net" .

              Personally I would never say anything on the web that I would not say to you face to face.

              I salute you sir and bow down to your infallible righteousness and would be the last man to allude to the incident of the rent boy, the hooker and the billy goat.

              1. Bloodbeastterror

                Re: Good riddance, I say

                I resent that. The goat was female... :-)

                1. Bloakey1

                  Re: Good riddance, I say

                  "I resent that. The goat was female... :-)"

                  Ahh, in that case it is all OK. was their a bridge and a troll nearby?

                  1. Bloodbeastterror

                    Re: Good riddance, I say

                    None of us in here is ever more than a few feet away from a troll... :-)

                    1. Anonymous Coward
                      Anonymous Coward

                      Re: Good riddance, I say

                      "Not even a question of PC - it's simply a question of common decency."

                      Clarkson's entire schtick is being non-PC. That's bound to go wrong from time to time.

                      That's no excuse for punching his producer though. I'll admit to being less than charming when hangry myself; especially when a specific food has been promised and is not delivered (and thoughts of RPGs occur when McDonalds advertise 4 minutes after the local branch has closed); but punching someone is well out of order.

                      I reckon the BBC did the right thing, at considerable cost to themselves. Consider, if you will, the positions being reversed (always a good test for forum debate) and imagine that the producer had got tired of the abuse and punched Clarkson...he would have been out on his ear in seconds, despite provocation.

                      1. Bloodbeastterror

                        Re: Good riddance, I say

                        A new adjective to describe Clarkson - "hangry". Simultaneously hungry and angry. Nice... :-)

                        1. Anonymous Coward
                          Anonymous Coward

                          Re: Good riddance, I say

                          That portmanteau has been around for a while. It is a good one though...you know instantly what it means.

                      2. MJI Silver badge

                        Re: Good riddance, I say

                        I get the feeling if someone punched Clarkson that he would have congratulated them.

                        Please remember it is not OK to punch anyone not called Piers Morgan

                  2. cosymart
                    Headmaster

                    Re: Good riddance, I say

                    @ Bloakey1 - Their!!!! their, my good god it's THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grammar Nazi to the rescue. Damm good job I was around.

              2. swampdog

                incident of the rent boy, the hooker and the billy goat.

                Damn it. I was going to stand for the next election. Who'd have though all three would converge at the same time.

          2. Mike Pellatt

            Re: Good riddance, I say

            Ahhh, it reminds me of those halcyon days on Usenet in the late eighties and early nineties, when Joe Public joined AOL and Compuserve and it all went to pot

            Ah, yes, I remember the start of the Eternal September. It made the Dinette for sale in New Jersey posting seem positively well-educated. 1993, according to Wikipedia.

    2. Chris Miller

      Re: Good riddance, I say

      Although Clarkson sold the majority stake in the company that made Top Gear to BBC Worldwide, I'm pretty sure he kept a significant stake (?14% rings a bell), which must be worth a few million quid a year in repeat fees.

      I disagree with most of your post (why do people think Clarkson is his TV persona - do you think Ricky Gervais resembles David Brent IRL?), but May is the only one of the trio with a substantial hinterland. He's done lengthy interviews for BBC Radio 3 (Essential Classics and Private Passions) on his interests in renaissance lute music and Stockhausen - he did a music degree before going into journalism.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Good riddance, I say

        "why do people think Clarkson is his TV persona"

        I used to think it was entirely put on, until he verbally abused and physically attacked a TV producer, using "Irish" as a term of abuse. I'm afraid my view of Clarkson did a 180 faster than the Stig on a skid pan.

        1. Bloodbeastterror

          Re: Good riddance, I say

          I agree. I remember many years ago that there was another BBC furore about political presenter Jack de Manio reading a script on the radio about the African country Niger. He mispronounced it.

          http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_de_Manio

          I always thought that if the word was not part of your normal vocabulary then you would not be capable of such a gross error.

          It's not a word I would use. It's not a word I care to think, much less say aloud - it has too much significance. Clarkson used the word in front of a camera apparently thinking that it's just a harmless joke. It isn't. He deserved to be sacked then, and he deserves to be sacked now.

          So as far as I'm concerned this repeated pattern of gross verbal and now physical abuse *is* his persona, private as well as public. Not a nice man.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Good riddance, I say

            No, he mumbled *something* that was misconstrued as "anything". But just to be PC as the beeb are, they decided not to show it. It was never aired by the beeb. it was leaked... Probably by the beeb itself as anyone who does not fit their unicorn and princess infested PC world is not wanted...

            1. stucs201

              Re: Good riddance, I say

              Definately sounded like a mumbled "nerner" or "nuhnuh" to substitute for the traditional word he didn't want to use to me. Sure we all know that word in the rhyme was originally Nigger(*), because thats the way we learnt it as children in less politically correct times (just like we can normally identify bleeped swear words if we're familiar with them). Doesn't mean he actually said it.

              (*) Oh, before anyone downvotes me for not censoring it here go and see what Samuel L Jackson has to say on that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYYBJ8XRdh4

              1. Kubla Cant

                Re: Good riddance, I say

                ...because thats the way we learnt it as children in less politically correct times...

                Why does a rhyme about Wing Commander Guy Gibson's dog cause so much fuss?

            2. Bloodbeastterror

              Re: Good riddance, I say

              @cornz1

              "No, he mumbled *something* that was misconstrued"

              Maybe I'm not getting your point. It's all over the place, and people can hear for themselves. Me, I'm not misconstruing anything. The fact that he bottled it and mumbled the word (perhaps in a momentary flash of shame and guilt, but maybe I'm being too kind) doesn't make it any better.

              Not even a question of PC - it's simply a question of common decency.

          2. swampdog

            Re: Good riddance, I say

            "It's not a word I would use. It's not a word I care to think, much less say aloud - it has too much significance. Clarkson used the word in front of a camera apparently thinking that it's just a harmless joke. It isn't. He deserved to be sacked then, and he deserves to be sacked now."

            Actually he didn't. It was never said on camera & it was never said off of it.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    3. This post has been deleted by its author

    4. Naughtyhorse

      Re: Good riddance, I say

      ....and I hope all his children go blind in all their eyes!

      Only joking, like they do on top gear!

      he's not really a hamster you know.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7CnMQ4L9Pc

    5. swampdog

      Re: Good riddance, I say

      The fact you made a reasoned argument & I also kicked off about "offensive" leaves me little choice but to say I'm offended by your remarks.

      Bum. Contradiction. Pzzt!

      (disappears in puff of smoke)

  10. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Thumb Up

    The new species

    Excellent article Dabsie. I'm afraid t'Internet has bred a new species of constipated maiden aunts - with lasers.

    [Cue - cascade of posts from those who support/deride/troll those who are constipated/maiden/aunts.]

  11. Mark 65

    Correction

    At the end of page 2 is the statement "Online, everyone is angry". I'd change that to "Online, it's real easy to be a c*nt" as it would be far more accurate when it comes to the general discourse of some posters on forums.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Service? Industry?

    Just wondering why a hotel with a booking from a major client couldn't be arsed to pay the kitchen staff some overtime so that hot food could be provided late at night?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Service? Industry?

      Why would they keep staff on unless it was specifically requested in the booking?

      My partner worked in a hotel where Top Gear booked to stay after a day filming, apparently the DM report showed Clarkson to be a c*nt there as well, the size of the booking was nowhere near worth the hassle he caused.

      Classic case of someone who has become far too big for his own boots.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Service? Industry?

        Do you believe all the stories in the DM? Even the apparent ones?

        1. DavCrav

          Re: Service? Industry?

          "Do you believe all the stories in the DM? Even the apparent ones?"

          I assumed DM here meant Duty Manager.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Service? Industry?

          DM in this case means "Duty Manager" not Daily Mail. It was a first hand report from hotel staff who had to deal with a childish prima donna spitting his dummy out when he didn't get his own way.

      2. MrXavia

        Re: Service? Industry?

        Why would a decent hotel not have kitchen staff in 24/7 for room service????

        If I went to a hotel and found I couldn't order a hot meal at 1am I'd get fed up! sure I don't expect anything fancy, but a steak and chips or a burger maybe...

        Actually if I was hungry I'd ask to USE the kitchen to cook my own or just order take away..

      3. veti Silver badge

        Re: Service? Industry?

        Of course the hotel wouldn't, and shouldn't be expected to, keep staff on unless they were paid to do so.

        But really that just goes back to the BBC being cheapskate. What was the per-episode cost for Top Gear? You'd have a hard time to make me believe that it couldn't afford another 10 grand to the hospitality budget, without seriously denting its profitability.

        It's fairly typical of Public Service thinking that the BBC is willing to pay through the nose for "talent", but try to get it to shell out a few hundred for a decent meal (I'm assuming you need to feed all 3 presenters, off-hours, in a remote location) - and you'll be up to your neck in auditors for the next six months.

    2. graeme leggett Silver badge

      Re: Service? Industry?

      Or worst case, send someone down the local chippy, Chinese takeway, etc while promising a post-production trip to a Michelin-starred restaurant.

      though if the "major talent" was already in a tired and emotional state, it might only have taken a lack of mushy peas to set him off.

      1. JimC

        Re: to set him off

        I fear so: if a powerful political element in your customer company is already looking for excuses to discontinue using your services it is not a smart move to go out on the p*** and thump their staff.

        I'm reminded of Animal Farm, in that it appears that the right wing un PC misfit has become just as arrogant and disdainful of the 'oi polloi as the lefties in the BBC...

        It also makes me wonder if Mr Clarkson's relationship with the booze may have ceased to be a healthy one, and his friends need to encourage him to take a very good look at his life.

    3. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Service? Industry?

      couldn't be arsed to pay the kitchen staff some overtime

      Doesn't that depend on whether the TG prima donna had a previous requirement for steak to be waiting when he staggered back from the pub, along with flowers and beer in his dressing room, warm hooker in his bed, or whatever? From the way the incident was reported he just rolled back the worse for wear and started the "I want a steak and I want it now, don't you know who the fuck I am?" rant, long after the kitchen was closed. Why should any hotel staff have to take that?

  13. lee harvey osmond

    Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

    But... Dabbsy's article isn't about Jeremy Clarkson, it's about people who will jump into online discussion after having seized the wrong end of the stick with both hands.

    Once upon a time: Godwin's Law, any internet discussion that runs long enough will lead to somebody mentioning the Nazis.

    Nowadays: any internet discussion that runs long enough will lead to somebody mentioning Jeremy Clarkson's departure from Top Gear.

    Is that then a new Godwin's law? Or, did I miss the email from Management that Jeremy Clarkson is a fugitive war criminal, and this is all just another instance of the original Godwin's Law at work?

    1. x 7

      Re: Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

      Godwin's law just struck.......how could you do it?

      1. Bloakey1

        Re: Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

        "Godwin's law just struck.......how could you do it?"

        Are you the kind of Internet Nazi who would enforce it? Ooops.

    2. JimC

      Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

      Na. we're just illustrating another principle of online discussion - that people will post about what they fancy rabbitting on about rather than the OP's intended topic.

      I suspect Godwin's law is probably a subset of a greater truth. I shouldn't be surprised if there were an equivalent principle with a different subject in say Chinese or Arabic language forums where perhaps Nazism might not have such a grip on the popular psyche.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

        "an equivalent principle with a different subject in say Chinese or Arabic language forums"

        That would be comparing something to the Japanese or the Americans/British, respectively.

        As the Middle East erupts yet again, with a Shia/Sunni war in Yemen, it's perhaps worth reflecting that for many, many Arabs we, the British, are the Nazis.

        1. Bloakey1

          Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

          <snip>

          "As the Middle East erupts yet again, with a Shia/Sunni war in Yemen, it's perhaps worth reflecting that for many, many Arabs we, the British, are the Nazis."

          No that is reserved for the Americans, the British are perceived to be more like Mussolini's crowd.

          It is amazing how the world has changed. Frankly I prefer the old world and not this new US utopia. Time for me to shuffle off methinks.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

        "that people will post about what they fancy rabbitting on about "

        Well, this is El Reg. Where folk who work with computers in all sorts of different ways interact. From highly trained folks who sit all day and write code through to informally ( but hopefully adequately ) trained IT support staff who may have another job sitting alongside keeping the computers running.

        And they interact here partly for the fun of it. It's a conversation place and just wanders around like conversations do.

        But on the other forum sites out there sit a bunch of folk who think that every topic is either related to what is stuck in their heads - so they get angry if it isn't the same thing they already believe - or else the topic isn't about their obsession; which makes them angry anyway, simply because it isn't about their obsession and it should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .

        1. Zog_but_not_the_first
          Trollface

          Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

          "on the other forum sites out there sit a bunch of folk who think that every topic is either related to what is stuck in their heads - so they get angry if it isn't the same thing they already believe - or else the topic isn't about their obsession; which makes them angry anyway, simply because it isn't about their obsession and it should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

          Easy cowboy. Mums(net) needs love just like all the rest.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

          "informally ( but hopefully adequately ) trained IT support staff who may have another job sitting alongside keeping the computers running."

          Thank you. If you don't mind I'll use that for my CV. Describes my role wonderfully.

          1. veti Silver badge
            Headmaster

            Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

            Godwin's Law isn't about Nazis, or even talking about them. It's about escalation.

            And to fulfil it, it's not sufficient just to mention the words "Nazi" or "Hitler". You specifically have to make a comparison involving one of them.

      3. Swarthy

        Re: Dabbsy's article isn't about (was Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

        We're just illustrating another principle of online discussion - that people will post about what they fancy rabbitting on about rather than the OP's intended topic.
        Reminds me of a bit of interviewing advice I received once: "Don't answer the question they asked, answer the question you want them to have asked." On the Internet, you don't debate the point(s) someone made, you debate(?) the point you wish/imagined/hallucinated they had made.

        All internet debates are strawmen - and overly broad generalizations.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Huh? A new Godwin's Law?

      "...Jeremy Clarkson is a fugitive war criminal..."

      No. He was fleeing FROM Argentina, not fleeing TO Argentina.

  14. Proud Father
    Coat

    That word again....

    Wank.

    Always a pleasure*

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    *reading your articles

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just for balance.

    I am aware that there are people who beat up blacks and Asians, for example,

    I am aware that there are groups of blacks who beat up whites and Asians, for example.

    But that never gets reported because in order to be racist, you must, by definition, be white..

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This discussion isn't going in the right direction...

    Nobody has asked for compensation yet? No threats of class action law suits either? You lot are no real Angry Mans! (sic)

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    *INSERT THINLY VEILED RACIST SLURS, COMMENTS TOWARDS POLITICAL BELIEF BEFORE ROUNDING IT OFF WITH QUESTIONS TOWARDS SEXUALITY AS IF THERE'S ONLY ONE AND NO-OTHER*

    AC (natch... )

  18. jake Silver badge

    Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

    40ish years of posting online will make you immune to this kind of thing ... Especially if you volunteer to moderate particularly contentious forums. See: talk.origins

    The key is to stay moderate & stick to <dragnet>Just the facts, ma'am</dragnet> ... i.e., follow the forum rules.

    The world would be a much better place if everybody followed this simple advice ... and indeed, the moderators staying moderate wouldn't hurt any, either ;-)

    1. skeptical i
      Devil

      Re: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

      re: " the moderators staying moderate wouldn't hurt any, either"

      Now I /KNOW/ that wasn't any back-handed slander against the still-missed and much-beloved Moderatrix, right son? ;^)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

      jake "40ish years of posting online..."

      2015 - 40ish = 1975ish. Online in 1975?

      Wow.

      1. jake Silver badge

        @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Re: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

        "Online in 1975?"

        Yep. I discovered something called "Community Memory" in mid-1974. That died. I hooked up at home with the Stanford Tymshare. COBOL, Fortran, BASIC, Wumpus & Trek and an early version of email in 1975. Dial-up, acoustic coupler, from home. Reams & reams of 18" fan-fold green&white paper. Very expensive, even though I lived in Palo Alto.

        On the bright side, It lead to me getting to Berkeley about the same time ken brought UNIX into the UC system ;-)

        1. Bloakey1

          Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

          <snip>

          "

          On the bright side, It lead to me getting to Berkeley about the same time ken brought UNIX into the UC system ;-)"

          Nice one. I go back to early eighties and acoustic couplers. My first proper laptop was an Amstrad 640DD with real DOS in the late eighties. Prior to that i was using CPM and some form of Unix on luggables and desktops (terminals) with screens varying from orange to bright green. I then went on to Vaxen, Oracle (taught by an Eastern European who worked for the KGB / Stasi). Did quite a bit of programming in POP11, Lisp etc. those were the days indeed.

          Now I hang around the forums arguing that product X is better than product Y and telling product Y owners that they are onanists of the highest order. Iam typing this on an IMac running the one true operating system and trumpet Winsock.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

            Iam typing this on an IMac running the one true operating system

            Somebody mentioned onanists?

            1. jake Silver badge

              Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

              "Iam typing this on an IMac running the one true operating system

              "Somebody mentioned onanists?"

              So BSD users are automagically wankers? Interesting.

          2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
            Happy

            Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

            My first proper laptop was an Amstrad 640DD

            Bloakey1,

            I wasn't aware that you could get mutant laptops with enormous cleavages back in the 80s. Truly it was an amazing decade.

            With only ascii porn available online, I'd thought the 80s was all about typing 80087355 on calculators, and turning them upside down...

            I guess this explains why you mentioned onanism in your post. Is that why you require a winsock the size of a trumpet when using your Apple laptop?

            1. jake Silver badge

              @ I ain't Spartacus (was: ::snippage::)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

              "With only ascii porn available online,"

              If that was all you were looking for, I guess those are the only images you viewed.

              "I'd thought the 80s was all about typing 80087355 on calculators, and turning them upside down..."

              Nope. GIFs were popularized by CIX in 1987. There were other image file formats prior to that. And by the way, WTF does "SSEIBOOB" mean?

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

          Can you find any evidence remaining online?

          Link or it didn't happen.

          1. jake Silver badge

            Re: @AC"5hrs" (whatever that means, ElReg)was: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

            "Can you find any evidence remaining online?"

            No, can't. Do you have a place I can find Community Memory posts? I'd love to see it :-)

            "Link or it didn't happen."

            Obviously, it happened.[0] Some people were there and observed progress in progress. If this were not true, we wouldn't be discussing it today.

            I may, or may not, have been one of those people. 99.999% of everything you read on t'IntraWebTubes is crap. My commentardary included. Follow your bliss, and believe what you will.

            [0] the concept of the "link" back then was a couple decades in the future ...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Welcome to my world, Mr. Dabbs.

      40 years ago, I was eight years old. I don't remember computers being commonplace back then, yet alone something that would allow you to post "online".

      (Unless you happened to be a PLATO user, in which case I doff cap and withdraw my commentardness. I myself didn't get involved until the closing days of CBBS in the mid-eighties)

      [EDIT: OhMy! you DO go back to those days! Wumpus! I remember that!]

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just a punch

    I've been punched in the head a few times over the years, sometimes I don't even remember it - it depends how drunk I am at the time.

    The main thing is to try hit the attacker back at least a few times and maybe kick his ass with a size 12 boot as he goes down.

  20. TheProf

    You've just reminded me of a Channel 4 programme from many moons ago called 'Watch The Woman'. It was for women. And very funny it was too although I don't think it was supposed to elicit laughter.

    Anyhow....One presenter was expressing her anger towards a man who had used c*nt as an insult. 'No one's genitalia should be used as the basis of an insult' she fumed.

    Later in the programme they awarded their 'Prick of the Week' award. I think a man won it.

    (The also managed to blame men for women suffering from thrush. Men forcing women into wearing pantihose apparently.)

  21. Ambivalous Crowboard
    Thumb Up

    I loved this article

    I'm not here to complain about Clarkson or racism but just wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this article, and the reaction that it is sure to provoke.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Generally on-topic-ish, I'd like to congratulate El Reg on having one of the least dickish forums around. Sure there is some trolling -usually playful- and there are some sensitive subjects (let's face it, site redesigns are never going to go down well); but on the whole a witty, informative and helpful bunch. Raising a glass in your general direction...

    1. x 7

      You utter.........troll

      Being nice in a forum. Its just not done. Must be an ulterior motive behind it.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        By criminy, you're right! Can't imagine what came over me there.

        <reboot>

        Go fuck your hands you blubbery, bilious bunch of baboon-faced bastards.

        </reboot>

        ..and forum equilibrium is restored. Good catch x7; that was a close one.

        1. Alistair Dabbs

          >> Go fuck your hands you blubbery, bilious bunch of baboon-faced bastards.

          I've read that before. Was it Captain Haddock in Secret of the Unicorn?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            The baboon-faced bastard bit is from (and here is where I get some endorsements on my man card) Fried Green Tomatoes. Not sure where "go fuck your hand" came from; but it has long been one of my favourite insults. The remainder was just some freestyle alliteration.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      "(let's face it, site redesigns are never going to go down well)"

      Yeah, have you seen what the beeb have done to their news site? Fascist bastards never asked me if they could change it.

    3. fruitoftheloon
      Joke

      @Moiety

      Moiety,

      Who asked for your opinion?

      Chortles...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: @Moiety

        I have not a clue

        what you are alluding to.

        Love the word 'chortles'.

        1. fruitoftheloon
          Thumb Up

          @Moiety: Re: @Moiety

          Moiety,

          Naebother!

          J

  23. Leeroy

    Sticks and stones

    The whole country is going soft. Man the fuck up.

    I should add that if you would prefer to woman up I'm also fine with that OBVIOUSLY.

    Disclaimer

    Any opinion you may think I have is just your interpretation of my views. You are probably wrong and I will not be held responsible for your incorrect conclusions. If you don't like it punch yourself in the face or just ignore me.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sticks and stones

      Can you transgender up? That's scientific interest, that is.

      1. Steven Raith

        Re: Sticks and stones

        Moiety, if you like, but it's polite to buy 'em dinner first.

        Steven R

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sticks and stones

          Good answer :)

          I was interested more in the process. Manning up is fairly easy...plenty of beer; an incredibly dangerous and pointless project (ideally involving explosions and/or high speed); followed by a steak barbecue and mutual insults shared by the survivors. And more beer, of course.

          I'm a bit fuzzier on how to woman up, but strongly suspect that shoes are a part of the process.

          No clue how to $gender up if the gender isn't clearly defined. Possibly you could split the difference (with, say, rocket-powered designer shoes), but that doesn't seem right, somehow.

          1. x 7

            Re: Sticks and stones

            "a bit fuzzier on how to woman up"

            A sharp razor blade, lipstick and vaseline should do it

  24. Dr_N

    "Looks Irish"

    It's funny how you can go through life not noticing a trait, but once it's pointed out you can't help but look for it.

    Take the French city of Grenoble:

    Since someone pointed out a few years ago that the locals had square faces it's all I notice about the denizens of that city now.

    1. Queasy Rider

      Re: "Looks Irish"

      Same here. I once told a German girlfriend (brunette) that I liked natural blondes. "Bah, horsey-faced," she replied. Now I see them everywhere, dammit. Especially Daryl Hannah, sigh.

      1. Queasy Rider

        Re: "Looks Irish"

        Or asymmetric faces. There is a cop-show (I think it is one of the CSI series) that has a beautiful actress with eyes that are distinctly different in size. With every close-up of her I am completely taken out of the plot of the show because of those mismatched eyes. I can't help myself, I am a natural critic, and plot flaws, and stuff like that just jumps out at me. Sorry, I realize how annoying it can be.

        1. This post has been deleted by its author

  25. swampdog

    Offended

    I'd like that word deleted 1984 style. "I am offended" is just another way of saying you're angry. "I'm offended on behalf of.." is nothing short of cowardice. I hate, no loathe, the PC usage of it so much the word just has to go.

    Meetings: "Do you think $DEMOGRAPHIC will be offended if we implement [blah].

    NoOne: (says anything)

    Reword it:

    Meetings: "Do you think Black people will be angry if we implement indiscriminate stop & search?

    ..or in a less divisive manner it pervades all our lives..

    Nurse: You're BMI is above average.

    Client: Yeah, I know I'm a fat bloater.

    Nurse: (nervous laugh).

    "offended" ought to be rewritten as "embarrassed". BBC complainants would then have to use some thought.

    "I am offended you showed mature content pre-watershed." would then have to change into "We let our daughter stay up late, she saw a bit of side-boob now we're embarrassed".

    1. jake Silver badge

      "Nurse: You're BMI is above average."

      jake: Yes, I am about 5'11", and weigh 212 pounds (15 stone to you Brits, 96 kilos to the more enlightened world). According to the BMI, I am obese with a BMI of just over 30 ... In reality, I am quite fit & healthy. My body fat percentage hovers around 4%. Now will you please fuck off & send in a nurse who knows that the BMI is a totally useless index?

      Actual conversation, about 10 years ago.

      And that's "your", not "you're".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Nurse: You're BMI is above average."

        15 stone @ 4% body fat?

        That can only mean one thing

        #314 Professional Body Builder

  26. JeffyPoooh
    Pint

    Top Gear with other hosts...

    It's been tried. It's called Top Gear the USA edition. Not nearly as good.

  27. illiad

    clarkson??? for a REAL forum, go here... :) no tech stuff, unless you mean cars!! and arguing with both sides of the 'fracas' :D :D

    https://forums.finalgear.com/top-gear/

  28. Bloakey1

    Pastures New.

    ha anyone thought that JC might have used this as a vehicle to break contract and head off to pastures new?

    He does have quite a few things lined up and after all the other shenanigans about non horizontally inclined bridges ET. AL. other companies have been sadly salivating at the thought of employing him.

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: Pastures New.

      It's not impossible. Something about this reminds me of champion cyclist David Millar practically leading investigators to the syringes on his bedside table: it's said he'd had enough and subconsciously "wanted out".

    2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Pastures New.

      Apparently the Beeb didn't sack him, as his contract runs out sometime in early April, and they haven't signed new ones yet. So nope, there was no reason for anyone to find an excuse. Either side could have decided not to renew. The fact that they'd left it so late to re-sign suggests that at least one side had doubts about doing it again.

  29. Oninoshiko
    Thumb Up

    I really wish I could just thumbs up this entire article.

    Alas, this is the best I can do.

  30. Yugguy

    Fat obnoxious Yorkshire man hits someone shocker.

    Title says it all really.

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