back to article ROBOT INVASION has already STARTED in HIPSTERLAND

Over the last couple of years The Reg has occasionally reported on “telepresence robots”, devices that beam your beaming smile onto a monitor carried atop a motorised trolley that rolls around a remote office. The idea is that telepresence is all well and good, but your co-workers aren't going to crowd around a monitor to chat …

  1. Buzzword

    One and only

    This can only work if there's just one robot, and preferably just for the manager. You can drive around the remote office, see who is in, see who is chatting to who, and cut in for a quick chat yourself. But once your employees have robots too, the system falls apart. Are they really at their desk, or is that just where they last parked their robot? How can you tell if they're chatting on the phone, if you can't see the handset glued to their ear? You can't even tell if they're actually working or just surfing Robot News Daily. Ultimately the damn thing is going to spend most of its time parked at its desk, so it's a waste of money.

    1. Rafael 1

      This can only work if there's just one robot, and preferably just for the manager

      A manager face in a cold, soulless, probably annoying robot? How exciting!

      How long until the managers realize that they can still show their faces in the office while eating, pooping or watching TV?

    2. Graham Marsden
      Trollface

      Re: One and only

      Of course you have to make sure that there are no mirrors in the office so the manager can't see the pointy hair attachments on the top of his bot...

      1. Mark 85

        Re: One and only

        Of course you have to make sure that there are no mirrors in the office so the manager can't see the pointy hair attachments on the top of his bot...

        On the plus side, a mirror won't show the "Kick Me" taped to the back of the robot.

    3. LucreLout

      Re: One and only

      This can only work if there's just one robot, and preferably just for the manager

      I feel you may be missing the point of the robot....

      These things will work best on a timeshare basis, allowing people working from home to attend a meeting 'in person'. The robot should be spending most of its time in meeting rooms, as opposed to being a tool of remote oppression for PHBs.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: One and only

        Scott Adams did a treatment on this...

      2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: One and only

        These things will work best on a timeshare basis, allowing people working from home to attend a meeting 'in person'.

        I didn't realize the domain of "best" went that small.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Just learn to work remotely

    I have been working remotely for 3 companies and more than 8 years now.

    IMHO he answer is simple - learn to work remotely and if you are working in an office learn to work in a way which does not require teleworkers to controll such a contraption to get work done.

    Some companies "get it". Some don't. The ones that don't will not be saved by such contraptions as there is much more to remote working than just the "contact" element.

  3. David Roberts
    Thumb Up

    Cheap flexible version

    I just have an unpaid intern carry around a tablet running Skype.

    More flexible, infinitely replaceable cheap hardware, same visual interface, easily repurposed when I don't need it.

    1. DropBear
      Trollface

      Re: Cheap flexible version

      Well yes but how do you connect the multiple taser units taped to the guy to control which way you want him to go and the tablet? Btw, if you work that out you might just make a killing selling the rig to the kinky-oriented Adult Toy industry

      1. David Roberts

        Re: Cheap flexible version

        I may well patent the unique command and control interface.

        It is based on the original concept of the spoken word, via an innovative delivery channel combining a "mobile phone" and a "bluetooth headset".

        The advanced command set, such as "Go to Harry's desk, I want to talk to him." is generations ahead of less sophisticated AI programming.

        1. David Roberts

          Re: Cheap flexible version

          On a more serious note - the application which I described above is already in use globally in consumer land.

          That is, doting parents all over the world fire up Skype (or other similar program) on their fondleslab and point it at their adorable kids and shout things like "Look - here's Granny and Granddad. Wave to Granny and Granddad, kids! Shout HI!"

          Now it is *cough* years since I worked in a cubicle farm so I have no recent experience of that environment, but these days do people walk around with tablets and point them at staff saying "The boss would like a word with you."?

          If so, mechanisation of this function might have a place in the office.

          If not, then I submit that this use of technology, which is already possible without the mobile coat rack, will probably not catch on just because you can have a brainless bit of mechanisation wheel it around.

      2. Arachnoid

        Re: Cheap flexible version

        The judicious use of electric shock dog collars would ensure the interns compliance.......one shock left, two to go right.........

        Sounds like more time for the boss to do Facebook and eBay or as per the film Enemy of the State quote "whos going to monitor the monitors of the monitors?"

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Cheap flexible version

      "I just have an unpaid intern carry around a tablet running Skype."

      We just use Lync. No need to carry anything around.

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Cheap flexible version

        We just use Lync. No need to carry anything around.

        "The despair and futility are built in!"

    3. Mark 85

      Re: Cheap flexible version

      I just have an unpaid intern carry around a tablet running Skype.

      Save a few dollars more and instead of a tablet, just have them carry a large picture around. Maybe a dumb cellphone (not a smart one) for verbal abuse.

    4. F0rdPrefect
      Joke

      Re: Cheap flexible version

      And the intern can't be blocked by a few pencils on the floor.

      Not that anybody would ever try to sabotage the boss's robot, would they?

    5. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Cheap flexible version

      I just have an unpaid intern carry around a tablet running Skype.

      Huh. I just have an unpaid intern slap anyone who suggests we need a telepresence anything. Seems to save a lot of time.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Time for a judiciously placed...

    ...paperclip.

    Or, a bit of blutac over the camera. Hilarious...

    or or or or office ROBOT WARS! Now I can see the point of these...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Time for a judiciously placed...

      > ...office ROBOT WARS!

      This implies an eventual "arms" race regarding the design of these wheelie things.

  5. Chris G

    Virtual Boss

    I have worked for a few of those over the years!

    IMHO it will lead to resentment if the boss can't,, be arsed to put in an actual appearance.

    I wonder how well it will react to a large accidental discharge of static?

    1. LucreLout

      Re: Virtual Boss

      I wonder how well it will react to a large accidental discharge of static?

      About as well as it will to a speed hump accidentally formed by some dropped packets of A4, or being shut in an office/store room...

  6. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge

    Some jobs you need to be in the office for

    Some jobs you don't.

    For the jobs requiring physical presence, the bot won't suffice.

    For the ones you really can do remotely, the bot is a needless expense that achieves nothing.

    Seems to me like another solution looking for a problem.

    Won't stop hipster twats using them though, annoying the crap out of everyone who naively thought they'd gotten a respite from the irritating tits when they started working from home.

  7. Jimmy2Cows Silver badge
    Devil

    Bot tipping anyone?

    Like cow tipping but from the comfort and safety of your own cubicle.

    Fell the soulless automatons and take bets on how long the sucker, sorry, operator, on the other end has to plead for rescue.

    Extra points awarded for reducing the operator to tears or inducing threats to fire everyone.

  8. ratfox
    Meh

    Growth rates on tiny sales…

    Are how Microsoft could claim to have the "fastest-growing" mobile phone platform.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Growth rates on tiny sales…

      "Growth rates on tiny sales…

      Are how Microsoft could claim to have the "fastest-growing" mobile phone platform."

      Lync went past $1 Billion a year back in 2013. Now that it's integrating with Skype I would think that Microsoft probably do still have the fastest growing mobile phone platform...

  9. Ashton Black

    What's the point?

    If the manager wants to view/chat to a particular person, Skype/Facetime etc?

    If the manager is just monitoring "the workers", CCTV or equivalent?

    If he wants to wander round, "showing the face". Bloody well go there!

  10. Afernie

    There's only one way this can end...

    Mellow greetings citizen - enhance your calm:

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDpg580OfC0

  11. Yugguy

    Seriously does anyone actually want this?

    Or like the majority of technical "advances", is it just yet another solution for which there was never a problem?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My boss would love this. He could spend even more time in the pub with his floozy, I mean PA, I mean Assistant Operations Manager....

    AC obviously!

  13. VooDooMonkey

    Pointless waste of money?

    For this to be cost effective it would need to be used a lot. If it's being used a lot surely it would be better for the person to actually be in the office...?

  14. The Eee 701 Paddock

    Can anyone take "telepresence robots" seriously...

    ...after that episode* of "The Big Bang Theory"?

    * S4E2: "The Cruciferous Vegetable Amplification" - the one where Sheldon decides never to leave his bedroom, and interact with other people solely through a TR ("ShelBot"), so he doesn't pick up an infection from anyone and therefore not achieve immortality...

  15. Jim 59

    Sounds like something out of Red Dwarf.

  16. Infernoz Bronze badge
    Facepalm

    Easy to break or block.

    Cables, cable floor covers, raised door edges, misplaced chairs and furniture, too small gaps, people etc. will easily defeat passage of this mobile "Peripheral" and may cause it to fall and /shatter/. It could be deliberately blocked by carefully installed obstacles, including fishing line. WiFi bandwidth and quality could be an issue too.

    If you want to interact visually: visit, use video conferencing, or use other communications tech.

  17. big_D Silver badge
    Mushroom

    You are part of the Cocteau Plan

    Who'd a thunk it, Marco Brambilla, Wesley Snipes and Sly Stallone were right about the future!

    I feel a Dennis Leary rant coming on.

    1. Dan Paul

      Re: You are part of the Cocteau Plan

      Absolutely means there can be no patents on these damn things. Maybe okay for the sick but healthy people should make there presence known in person.

  18. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

    Interesting invention, which opens up many possibilities

    Just add one BOFH or PFY, and for preference: Duck tape

    The engineering solution to EVERYTHING

    (OK, adding a beefed-up cattle prod could also add fun)

  19. LucreLout

    Homing from Work

    Once these drop in price, you'll see people flip the stated purpose and start Homing From Work. Every office has them, the people that barely see their kids or only at weekends, because they're in the office chasing a promotion. Those people will buy one so they can book a 15 min meeting, dial into it at home, and read little Timmy a bed time story, before going back to work / making their employees lives a misery.

    1. Yugguy

      Re: Homing from Work

      Or to put it succintly - cunts.

    2. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Homing from Work

      Such people are anti-Sams: You CANNOT read "Where's my cow?" like that! The hippopotamus sounds just don't sound right through the audio system. A propper HRUUGH should rattle the windows.

      Mine's the one with "Thud" in the pocket

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Homing from Work

      s/chasing a promotion/having a quiet evening away from their wife/

  20. Elmer Phud

    Scutters in the workplace!

  21. Alistair
    Coat

    Thats a nice screen you have there.

    /baseball bat.

  22. WalterAlter
    Boffin

    Now if the thing could fetch coffee

    ...or a pastrami on dill rye with extra mayo, I'd hit it.

  23. Keven E.

    Ooops... I didn't see you there.

    That level of sales won't make the 'bots mainstream, as ABI suggests the time is right for “Organizations that are comfortable with the risk of early-stage adoption” to make a purchase.

    Not the bullshit bingo game, again!

    *****

    This has a BOFH episode written all over it.

  24. Captain DaFt

    Oh, the pranks you could play!

    Sneak up behind one, gently lift and place a book underneath so its wheels can't touch the floor. Hilarious frustration ensues.

    'Reboot me' and other similar witticisms post-it-noted to the back.

    Dress it up in silly clothes, leaving the operator wondering why everyone's snickering.

    Or grab it from behind, when enough is enough, and 'escort' it to the stairwell. How's the operator to know it wasn't just a loss of control glitch?

    The possibilities are myriad, just let your inner child run amok.

  25. Chris G

    I wonder

    How well they go down stairs?

    1. LINCARD1000
      Devil

      Re: I wonder

      Quite well I'd imagine if you gave it a decent push from the top of the staircase...

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