back to article Are you clever enough, and brave enough, to give a Register lecture

The Register is looking for speakers who are as fascinating and knowledgeable as our audience and as good at story-telling as our writers. Our first series of Register Lectures were a great success, with speakers covering Big Data, Interplanetary Exploration and the chequered history of GCHQ. All washed down with craft beers …

COMMENTS

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  1. handle

    Hmm

    "The Register is looking for speakers who are as fascinating and knowledgeable as our audience and as good at story-telling as our writers."

    Gosh, you do set the bar low.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: Hmm

      The last speaker will be the one who fits this list but only have the others have had their say and large amounts of beer have been consumed. The first speaker is doomed. Beer goggles apply to lectures also.

    2. dan1980

      Re: Hmm

      Depends on the writer. For some, all you'd have to do is spend half an hour pointing out times that Stephen Fry has made errors (rich pickings, but gets old after a while guys) and use up any remaining time bashing Wikipedia, perhaps finishing-up with some nasty personal remarks about Julian Assange.

    3. Gerard Krupa

      Re: Hmm

      It takes a lot more effort than you think to get really angry about Google and call people names for an hour.

  2. Lusty
    Pint

    I was with you until..

    the bit about convincing fellow readers I'm clever. This lot can be bastards in the comments section!! I'm off for a pint instead...

    1. Little Mouse

      Re: I was with you until..

      I know a few people who meet the "clever enough" criteria. But "Fascinating"? "Good at Story Telling"? "Brave"? "Something Important to Say"?

      Sorry.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: I was with you until..

        I've got a 2 hour lecture on the Water Regulations I could do. You did say fascinating and entertaining didn't you? Well it gives a whole new meaning to the words...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: I was with you until..

          >convincing fellow readers I'm clever

          Anybody who manages to convine this lot they are clever really must be.

        2. Nick Kew

          Re: water regulations

          Put that one on early, so folks know the water regulations before they have to pass it.

      2. Robert Helpmann??
        Childcatcher

        Re: I was with you until..

        "Fascinating"? "Good at Story Telling"? "Brave"? "Something Important to Say"?

        Yeah, I don't think I would be up for that. I am pretty sure I fall short on at least *most* of those. Thanks for asking, though.

  3. Ashton Black

    Nice.

    Ahh there will be beer, say no more!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Pint

      Re: Nice.

      If they're doing it at the same place as last year, there will be lots of beer. Stupid amounts in fact. I asked if they had a Christmas ale of some description on draught. And they said, "Yes. We've got three." I went through lots of different pints, of which they were all very nice. Except the Christmas milk stout, which was too sweet and chocolatey for my taste. But then I only tried it because I'd never had one before. They had some nice Belgian stuff in bottles as well.

      On the other hand, the beer isn't the best bit. The pork pies are. Mountains of piggy goodness. Pork and black pudding was my favourite, though the one with stilton was a close second. There was also a pickle one, a plain one - and a turkey one, for the vegetarians...

      1. Florida1920

        Re: Nice.

        @ I ain't Spartacus

        a turkey one, for the vegetarians

        I nominate you for a talk on, "How the Turkey Evolved to Become a Vegetable."

  4. frank ly

    Pies and beer, mmmm.

    I've just watched the last Christmas lecture by Prof. Mark Whitehorn, on databases and 'big data'. It was actually interesting and the application he discussed was unexpected and fascinating (to me anyway). The audience really were eating pies and drinking beer, in a quiet and sober way.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkJ4xcXzpRk

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Pies and beer, mmmm.

      See my post above about the pies. I was ashamed of myself for the number I ate. But they delivered so many, and they were so nice. And I had a beer in the other hand. What was I supposed to do?

      Sadly there's no big, fat piggy icon available.

      It was the Craft Beer Co in Clerkenwell last year.

  5. Slacker@work

    Location, location, location?

    Any chance you will get out of the over-priced quagmire that is London?

    Manchester perhaps??

    1. TWB

      Re: Location, location, location?

      I live in London and love it but do not think it is the centre of the universe and so fully agree with your point/question. I hope it happens - I also like Manchester mind you......

      1. DiViDeD

        Re: Location, location, location?

        Well, if there are enough commentards in Oz, how about a sister event in Sydney? We have the Lord Nelson, with its unique beers served in pints, and I can give you about 4 hours on the Safety at Work Act 1982, if I cut it down a bit (or perhaps not!)

        How about it Simon?

    2. Christian Berger

      Re: Location, location, location?

      I'd vote for Hof in upper Franconia.

      It's very easy to reach and cheap. And it's inside of a Null of the downlink beam the BBC uses.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hof,_Bavaria

    3. Florida1920

      Re: Location, location, location?

      USA! USA! USA!

      1. Florida1920

        Re: Location, location, location?

        Well, an "up your pork pie" to whoever downvoted my USA! comment. Check the user stats for El Reg. Cheers anyway.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Well my hobby ...

    is home distilling .... happy to give a chat on that. Brief history of distilling. Differences in stills. Finishing up with how to set up your own still.

    Oh, hang on, it's in a pub. I can't see them going for it ...

  7. Peter Prof Fox
    Pint

    Stop using the term 'Craft Beer' unless you mean shit.

    Either it's REAL ALE or pretend pasteurised plastic. It doesn't matter if it's made by twee twats or good old brewsters if it's real. Even the mass producers of Suffolk Swill out of hop oil in Bury St. Edmunds claim their beer is made by 'craftsmen' so the term means nothing. If it's real then why not use the proper, well understood and accurate term. OTOH when someone uses 'craft' we all know that's nothing more than a fig-leaf for overpriced fizzy foam with a name invented by a marketing wanker.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Stop using the term 'Craft Beer' unless you mean shit.

      I saw a sandwich board outside a motorway service station the other day: "Free pastry with each of our hand-crafted hot drinks". FFS.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Stop using the term 'Craft Beer' unless you mean shit.

      At least they're not calling it "artisanal" beer... whatever the hell "artisanal" is supposed to evoke. Some sort of Caligulan orgy at a country craft fair?

  8. ian 22

    I've nothing to say

    ... But I can speak at length about it.

    1. Nick Kew

      Re: I've nothing to say

      Is the length correlated to the beer intake?

    2. JetSetJim
      Coat

      Re: I've nothing to say

      are you in marketing?

  9. MyffyW Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    The gratuitous show off in me is just itching to stand up even though I suspect I'd appear about as clever as Ms Hilton.

    If you fancy "Thomas Pynchon - a feminist in wonderland" give me an upvote and I'll come down to the big smoke in my finest party frock.

    If not, just keep quite. Silence is the worst kind of censure.

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon
      Coat

      I was thinking of offering myself up for a talk along the lines of 'Ethel the Aadvark teaches troubleshooting across multiple suppliers and stakeholders, most of whom only want to blame someone else and not actually fix the fucking problem' but I wasn't sure it would go down very well, so thought better of it ;)

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      If you fancy "Thomas Pynchon - a feminist in wonderland"

      Damn it, I do. I'm not much of a Pynchon fan (but I've only read Gravity's Rainbow and a couple of his short stories; maybe I'd like his other novels better), but it's been a few years since my last MLA (and - good lord - nearly twenty since my last proper litcrit seminar) and I'm jonesing for a fix.

      Since I'm in the US, though, I'm not likely to pop round for a Reg speaker series.

  10. Pen-y-gors

    Not sure about the IT angle but...

    I can do an hour or two on the economic impact of lead-mining in 19th century Cardiganshire (the book will be out in a few months, and it would be nice to have a nationwide book-signing tour that goes further than the local bookshop)

    1. MyffyW Silver badge

      Re: Not sure about the IT angle but...

      Does it cover the Merioneth and Llantisilly Railway Traction Company?

      1. Sir Runcible Spoon
        Joke

        Re: Not sure about the IT angle but...

        Shit, I think I just upvoted a Welsh-person :(

        1. MyffyW Silver badge

          Re: Not sure about the IT angle but...

          Relex hun. What we lack in cosmopolitan manners we make up for in the preparation of cheese on toast.

    2. Hugh Pumphrey

      Re: Not sure about the IT angle but...

      Give us a shout when your book comes out, Pen-y-gors. There may be no IT angle, but I remember visiting some of those mines as a child, and was left with more questions than answers.

  11. WalterAlter

    Would a raving lunatic...

    Fit the thin drawer? Not giving a sliding scale hoot about your requirements, my requirements are as follows:

    1. Spectators be conversant in Joycean glossalogian discourse.

    2. A wholesome mania for mirth and irrectitude are a must.

    3. My salary would be astronomical if not astrophysical or asymmetrical or just plain Assyrian.

    4. I've just stopped having fun with this. That's mercurial for you.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Post pub neck-fillers

    I think this would be a very good topic to cover. Especially after the presumed numbers of alcoholic beverages consumed ...

    Oh and me - well I don't drink alcohol and don't eat pork, but love the idea of socialising in pubs.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Grandma

    I'd like to nominate any Grandma. They can typically talk for hours ... and hours ... AND HOURS about their Grandkids. Oh wait. It has to be interesting? Sorry. Ignore this post.

  14. Tim Worstal

    Well, I would volunteer

    But I'm already booked in, aren't I?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm looking forward to..

    El Reg's Dominic O'Connor, pontificating on his favourite subject which is, of course, Dominic O'Connor ;-)

  16. A. Coatsworth Silver badge
    Facepalm

    So, it's a TED-Reg style?

    Sign me in! (as audience)

    This calls for a new backcronym but at this time, on a Wednesday, I can't think of anything remotely clever...

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