back to article TOTAL DARKNESS lasted 550 MILLION years until the first STARS LIT UP

The first stars were formed much later than had been previously thought in the boffinry community, according to new maps of the universe's "ancient light" from the European Space Agency's Planck satellite. Astrophysicists have now calculated that the universe is roughly 13.8 billion years old, based on the light emitted by …

  1. Tom 7

    And the lesson is

    dont order your fibre from BT.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Completely irrelevant Friday physics fact

      If your constant acceleration was the same as Earth's gravity at its surface it would still take you almost a year to get to light speed.

      1. Graham Marsden
        Boffin

        @AC - Re: Completely irrelevant Friday physics fact

        ITYM "Amazing physics fact: If you could accelerate continuously at 1g, it would only take you a year to get to light speed".

        1. Martin
          Headmaster

          Re: @AC - Completely irrelevant Friday physics fact

          Actually, completely inaccurate physics fact. Even if you could accelerate continuously at 1g, you would never reach light speed.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @AC - Completely irrelevant Friday physics fact

            >Even if you could accelerate continuously at 1g, you would never reach light speed.

            If you are an subatomic particle and launched with enough energy you could get close enough for government work though. Probably wouldn't have accelerated at 1g though.

          2. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @AC - Completely irrelevant Friday physics fact

            And yes yes the background radiation/matter would long melt/destroy any macro object known long before it got anywhere close to those speeds.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Lighting Up

    Of course it took millions of years for them all to light up. Think of the poor lamplighter bloke with his pole who had go round each and every one. No such thing as electric ignition back then.

  3. Doctor_Wibble

    It's all wrong anyway

    It's all based on the mistaken premise that light goes through a vacuum with no energy loss. The truth is that the further it travels, the more tired it gets, therefore it has less energy (especially if it had to wade through any dark matter kludges), and *that* is why it is red shifted all the way down to microwave levels, nothing to do with this crazy hand-waving scientific nonsense.

    Also note that it is not by coincidence that our wireless devices are all in the microwave range, this range is used because it works as a camouflage against the 'cosmic background' and hopefully nobody was watching too closely while we were gleefully transmitting sitcoms without proper cover, or there will be marauding hordes of alien I Love Lucy fans... it's a global conspiracy but one for our own protection.

    1. John Miles

      Re: It's all wrong anyway

      Alternatively the big bang happened in a strong strong magical field -

      When light encounters a strong magical field it loses all sense of urgency. It slows right down. And on the Discworld the magic was embarrassingly strong, which meant that the soft yellow light of dawn flowed over the sleeping landscape like the caress of a gentle lover or, as some would have it, like golden syrup.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: It's all wrong anyway

        > like the caress of a gentle lover or, as some would have it, like golden syrup.

        I've never really understood why that was worded as an 'either/or' thing...

        1. VinceH

          Re: It's all wrong anyway

          "I've never really understood why that was worded as an 'either/or' thing..."

          It's not, in the sense that it's either "like the caress of a gentle lover" or "like golden syrup" - the either or is referring to those so describing it: Depending who you asked, you'd generally either hear the first description, or the second.

          1. Allan George Dyer
            Coat

            Re: It's all wrong anyway

            "I've never really understood why that was worded as an 'either/or' thing…"

            Yeah, should be "with".

    2. Kubla Cant

      Re: It's all wrong anyway

      I'm sure I read somewhere that the stars only took four days.

    3. Youngone Silver badge

      Re: It's all wrong anyway

      The aliens would be "Single White Female" fans, I saw it in a documentary.

  4. Ted Treen
    Devil

    "...the universe is around 13.8 billion years old..."

    So is Rupert Murdoch - so the universe must be older.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: "...the universe is around 13.8 billion years old..."

      Turn to galaxy 3, to see Kelly (23) from Andromeda - who's got a pair of Great Attractors which have been subject to inflation.

      1. Ted Treen
        Thumb Up

        Re: "...the universe is around 13.8 billion years old..."

        Weapons of mass distraction, perchance?

  5. Scott Broukell
    Meh

    So, erm . . , if I have understood this correctly, this 'ere ancient light of the cosmos was one of them energy saving thingies was it, took a little bit longer to come on and that?

  6. TSchirt

    What does the word "meellion" mean? Is it a misspelling of million?

    1. CCCP

      Well, uh, yes. Yes it is.

      But the effect only works if you take off your anti-comedy glasses.

      1. Chrome

        I bet the guy writing it was wearing "comedy" glasses while writing that line. We know the type; always says things like "I'm mad, me!" because no one would notice otherwise

  7. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    Not True

    They seemed to take so long to light up because the dark suckers had to draw away enough dark for them to be seen. Unfortunately the dark suckers are wearing out now and the whole universe is slowly getting fainter.

  8. Andy the ex-Brit

    Quote-polarization-unquote?

    So, are additional clues about our cosmic history encoded in the light's polarisation, or in its "polarisation", which must be something subtly different and more technical?

  9. flearider

    if they can't get the history of the earth right how close are they to this .. ?

    give man kind another 200 yrs or even 20 they will come up with a different answer ..

    we no shit but believe we know everything ..and still we grow .. shame ..

    1. Franklin

      Well, no, we don't believe we know everything. That's kind of the point. If we believed we knew everything, we wouldn't be launching satellites to make observations and see how well those observations line up with what we think we know.

      The universe is a vast and tricksy place, and our intuition evolved to make sense of only a small sliver of it. The universe is in no hurry to reveal its secrets and in any event is under no observation to conform to our expectations. Hence, science, which is always observing, making predictions, and asking questions.

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      if they can't get the history of the earth right how close are they to this .. ?

      Notwithstanding everything else that's wrong with your assertions, already addressed by others, and the ambiguity (at best) of this particular statement, these are two completely different scientific fields. It's like saying that what we know about semiconductors is wrong because we don't fully understand how many anaesthetics work. Why should certainty in the two fields necessarily be linked?

  10. Mark 85

    I believe FSM was in the way and it took him awhile to move out of the way for the light to move onward. Nothing like being in the shadow of His Noodly Goodness.

  11. roger stillick
    Alien

    Cosmography of the Local Universe by ESA ??

    IMHO=might want to Google this and watch it , especially the last 4 minutes...Seems that a recompilation of the entire run of data yielded this 17 minute video map...this happened after the data for this article was crunched several years ago...CMB ?? sure, just watch the video... it's a keeper...RS.

  12. VinceH

    Something missing from the picture: A little arrow and the words "You are here"

  13. Marcus Aurelius
    Joke

    Lighting Up time

    I always light up after a Big Bang myself. Maybe the Universe also smokes after sex.

    1. Will Godfrey Silver badge

      Re: Lighting Up time

      But... but...

      If that's the case, just what is the universe having sex with?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    simplfying the language

    "...the fossil light resulting from a time when the Universe was hot and dense", or, as some would say, "blond"

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like