back to article Zoinks! Is that Mystery Machine Apple's SELF-DRIVING FAMILY WAGON? You decide

A dark blue van rented by Apple has been fitted with cameras and is roaming the streets of northern California. According to CBS SF Bay Area, the Cupertino goliath is behind a mystery vehicle spotted in the city of Concord, east of San Francisco. The Dodge minivan, which Department of Motor Vehicles documents show is leased …

  1. Neil 8

    Remember...

    Remember when Apple though it could take on Google Maps, massively underestimating how many dollars & years of research + data collection actually went into it?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Meh

      Re: Remember...

      "massively underestimating how many dollars & years of research + data collection actually went into it?"

      And yet Google still expect you to park on a motorway.

      1. Mr.Mischief

        Re: Remember...

        At least they FOUND the motorway. Apple maps lost whole cities and had people driving across airport runways..

        http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-24246646

      2. JayB

        Re: Remember...

        "And yet Google still expect you to park on a motorway."

        M25.

        Just sayin'

      3. ElectricRook

        Re: Remember...

        But then again we park in drive ways and drive in park ways . . .

      4. Captain Queeg

        Re: Remember...

        in the UK we're all expected to park on the Motorway...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Remember...

      Remember when Apple though it could take on Google Maps, massively underestimating how many dollars & years of research + data collection actually went into it?

      True, but we don't as yet know exactly what this thing is. It could be, for instance, that Apple has sensibly avoided the Google approach to self driving vehicle which requires accurate maps and has instead gone the way of Audi, BMW and generally all other EU manufacturers in making a car drive based on the actual situation on the ground (pardon the pun) which takes account of holes in the road (quite an issue where I live) and other pesky features such as other road users.

      The only way I can see Google cars take care of pedestrians (taking into account their normal attitude to users) is by fitting heavier screen wipers.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Remember...

      And how long has it been since you saw a misplaced city or whatever in Apple Maps? Yeah, those were all fixed, just like when they occurred in the early days of Google Maps they were fixed.

  2. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Whose maps will Apple use to navigate?

    Theirs, Google's, or some third party's?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Whose maps will Apple use to navigate?

      It won't need maps - it'll only have to navigate have to around a walled garden of Apples choosing.

  3. Chris Miller
    Joke

    An Apple self-drive car?

    Will it take you only to destinations that have received approval from Infinite Loop?

    1. hplasm
      Happy

      Re: An Apple self-drive car?

      To the Apple store. And back?

  4. Paul 76

    Oh, yes great idea.

    "Need to turn left. Log in with your Apple ID"

    <xlakjsdljsldj>

    "Your motor car provision key is invalidated because we feel like it. Need to turn left"

    <alksdiuwqeoqu>

    "Your Apple ID must consist of at least 417 upper and lower case letters, 38 numbers and 42 cyrillic characters and 5 randomly chosen pictures. Change it now. Need to turn left"

    <ashdahkdjahsjdh>

    "Unfortunately we have detected the use of non-Apple Petrol (TM) in your Apple car. Even though we ignored it for the last three months. For your protection and safety we are going to disable the airbag and seatbelts. Please empty your tank of inferior petrol and replace with Apple Petrol (superior quality at ten times the price). Need to turn left".

    <ajsdkahsdhasjhak>

    "Need to Download iCar v 8.0.13. Unfortunately this will take three days as Apple's developers haven't managed to build restartable downloads yet. Version 8.0.13 has a tiny bug which stops the car from turning left, but you cannot reinstall 8.0.12. Need to turn left".

    <askjdhakjhdkashd>

    "Apple have for your safety and security replaced the standard brake system with their new improved iBrake system, where unfortunately the brake cables fall off the connector after five minutes use because it's not designed properly. Please proceeed without brakes. Need to turn left"

    <crash>

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      .. as opposed to "insert pictures of all your kids and your daughter taking a shower into the slot on the dashboard. GoogleCar™ cannot operate without the most intimate details of your personal life. Thank you."

      "Our analysis show you have a mistress as well - kindly abstain from your upcoming vote on EU privacy or we will accidentally leak her emails to your wife's account. Have a nice day"

      Apple has a locked in shop, but at least you know where they make the money.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Apple has a locked in shop, but at least you know where they make the money."

        Well we know how google, facebook et al make their money - selling personal data that naive idiots have given them in the foolish assumption that "private" meant the company running the service itself wouldn't use it. Its like that old recording of some muppet being phoned by a BT operator and demanding to know where they got his phone number from because he was X-directory (Can't find the link but its out there somewhere).

    2. Doctor_Wibble

      > For your protection and safety we are going to disable the airbag and seatbelts.

      So the old advice of "Don't upset the apple car" is as true as ever...

    3. Amorous Cowherder
      Facepalm

      Downvotes, really? Some people have zero sense of humour!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No it isn't

    No one from brighton would be seen in something so uncool as that, so that can't be from apple.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No it isn't

      LOL! I see what you did there.

    2. ElectricRook

      Re: No it isn't

      Apple . . . who else would put a white cardboard crown on a car. Then drive around with a "why are you lookin' at me" expression on their face.

  6. leon clarke

    Er, isn't it obvious that 'streetview' cars are really 'google maps' cars

    I suspect that Streetview was just an excuse to explain why Google was trying to photograph every single street in the world without suggesting to their then mapping providers that Google was developing its own maps. Apple clearly need to improve their maps. That means they need cars like this. The lack of a big high-up streetview style camera (and the obvious presence of lousy map data on iPhones) suggests that all that's going on here is mapping and they won't be adding their own streetview.

    I don't see a lidar so I don't think it's anything to do with self driving.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Er, isn't it obvious that 'streetview' cars are really 'google maps' cars

      I suspect that Streetview was just an excuse to explain why Google was trying to photograph every single street in the world

      Yup. What they were really after was all that data from unsecured WiFi networks..

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Facepalm

        Re: Er, isn't it obvious that 'streetview' cars are really 'google maps' cars

        "What they were really after was all that data from unsecured WiFi networks.."

        Where they "accidentaly" wrote some software to collect them and then "accidentally" installed it in the streetview cars. And yet STILL the politicians believed them.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Looks like it has differential GPS...

    So it'll know where it's going (accurate heading when stationary) as well as where it is.

    1. englishr

      Re: Looks like it has differential GPS...

      "So it'll know where it's going (accurate heading when stationary) as well as where it is."

      Heisenberg may disagree.

  8. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Coat

    A self-driving car?

    You're holding it wrong!

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Alternatively..

    .. it's a member of Apple staff having a laugh by driving around with some old camping gear to see what the press would make of it :)

    It's what I would do, but I do have a pretty evil sense of humour.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Alternatively..

      If I ran Apple, given how the press seizes on anything that indicates a possible future direction, new model of iPhone, etc. I'd be willing to spend a bit on dead ends for them to follow so when they make announcements they are still a surprise once in a while.

      They used to be good at keeping secrets, but that's when no one really cared what they were doing because they were small fry in the CE world. Now they're the 800 lb gorilla, so everyone is watching.

  10. bill 36

    There is one good reason why it will never work

    Similar to how the Daleks invasion of the universe was fucked up when they arrived at the bottom of the stairs.

    It will work sometimes and only sometimes.

    The first stiff winter dump or the first time you hook up a caravan or trailer will throw the "intelligent sensors" into chaos.

    Now, self driving vehicles on rails....that works.

    1. theModge

      Re: There is one good reason why it will never work

      ...IF you haven't already built a rail infrastructure which doesn't have prevision for it.

  11. Simon Harris

    "rented by Apple"

    You would have thought they might have enough money to buy their own van!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Happy

      Re: "rented by Apple"

      Capex vs Opex

      1. Santa from Exeter

        Re: "rented by Apple"

        Nah, they can give it back when they prang it

  12. Little Mouse
    Coat

    Design flaw

    Hopefully that rear-wheel mounted thingummy doesn't spin round when the car moves...

  13. Eponymous Cowherd
    Coat

    The Apple iCar

    this will, obviously be the most beautiful vehicle ever seen on the road. It will have the lines of a Ferrari coupled to the passenger capacity of an MPV, will have a top speed in excess of 200mph and hit 60 faster than a Nissan GT-R, It will, of course, be a ZEV, but the battery will be non-replaceable and will need recharging every 20 miles at propitiatory Apple charging stations. You will not be able to charge it at home without buying an approved charging adaptor for £/$Stupid.

    The windscreen(shield) will, obviously, crack at the impact of large bees.

    Like all other Apple products, it will not be waterproof, or even mildly shower resistant, and will conk out if you drive it in the rain (voiding the warranty in the process)

    You will, obviously, only be permitted to travel along Apple approved routes.

    Once Apple get the iCar to market, they will, rightfully, sue Ford, GM, Nissan, etc for the temerity of stealing their idea of "A road vehicle with a wheel at each corner"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Apple iCar

      You will, obviously, only be permitted to travel along Apple approved routes.

      Well,, here's a funny thing. I have as yet to find any problems hooking up an iThing to anything using Open Standards, including carddav and caldav servers. On the other hand, I just discovered that using caldav and carddav on the so-called "Open" Android platform requires 3rd party apps. I also happily use MP3s that I bought from Amazon on iOS devices, and I did not have to agree to give Apple rights to everything I even *contemplate* putting on their services.

      Your choice is between a lock-in you can control, and T&Cs which work very hard to prevent the use of the word "perpetuity" when it comes to limits on handing off the rights to your own content and privacy.

      1. Paul 76

        Re: The Apple iCar

        "Well,, here's a funny thing. I have as yet to find any problems hooking up an iThing to anything using Open Standards"

        what about the standards for USB storage ? Does that work yet ?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: The Apple iCar

          what about the standards for USB storage ? Does that work yet ?

          Never needed it - I tend to buy devices with enough space..

    2. Simon Harris

      Re: The Apple iCar

      "You will, obviously, only be permitted to travel along Apple approved routes."

      Apparently it's only allowed to drive in Apple's walled garden. It squashed all the flowerbeds and ended up ditching itself in the pond.

  14. Ed Cooper

    Self driving

    Seems unlikely that you would lease a car, then drill dozens of holes in it to allow you to add the equipment to make it self driving....

  15. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Happy

    Re: EC

    ".....Once Apple get the iCar to market, they will, rightfully, sue Ford, GM, Nissan, etc for the temerity of stealing their idea of "A road vehicle with a wheel at each ROUNDED corner" TFTFY ;)

    I'm starting an office sweepstake on how long it is before the fanbois start insisting Apple invented the car.....

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    10 minutes after launch...

    About 10 minutes after going on sale, someone will be bragging about how they were able to jail break their car and drive it themselves...

  17. Steve I

    At least we have some insight from...

    ...a random member of the public:

    ""It didn’t have any markings on the sides of it or anything. I couldn’t figure out what it was,” Concord resident Melissa Lewis told her local TV station."

    What would we do without her?

  18. Steve Evans

    Rented to Apple...

    That rather gives away what great manipulators of the media Apple are...

    If they *really* wanted to do it in secret, they would have got an Employee's mother to rent it privately... Or maybe just go buy one?!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Rented to Apple...

      Buying one wouldn't help, it would still be registered to Apple.

      But you're right, they could have easily spun up a shell corporation to rent the car under so they aren't going out of their way to hide it. Maybe they don't care, maybe they want to worry the competition (Google, Tesla, various automakers/suppliers) that they might be treading on their turf.

      It would be funny if the van was incidental to what they're doing (testing a new cellular modem for the iPhone 6S or whatever) and they just put all those cameras on it to mess with people and see what rumors the press would come up with!

  19. Jan 0 Silver badge

    I'm confused.

    I thought that estate cars were called station wagons in the USA.

    I admit that this one is hovering somewhere between being an estate car and a People Carrier, but if van is the USA term for an MPV, what would they call a UK style van? I'm guessing mintruck, but preparing to be flabbergasted.

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