back to article American bacon cured with AR-15 assault rifle

It's been quite a week for the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team, as myself and Edge Research Laboratory's David Patterson travelled to Spaceport America in New Mexico, and took delivery of the Vulture 2 spaceplane in Denver, picking up a couple of rocket motor reloads along the way. We covered plenty of road …

  1. TheRealRoland

    Mind you, don't do these fun activities with guns right before you fly back to ye olde world. The machine that does ping after it analyses those hand swabs might actually work.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Oh yes, happened to a friend's brother. Going through Heathrow security his case set off the pings. In fact, every item of clothing in his case did. As usual no-one would tell him what it meant, but after they has painstakingly tested everything he was eventually taken aside and asked "have you been in contact with explosives, Sir?".

      That was when he showed them his reservist warrant card and explained that he was on his way home after a week's "explosives handling" course...

      I suppose it's reassuring to know that the gadgets do actually work.

      1. swschrad

        gets more exciting when you set off the radiation detector

        got tied up an hour crossing the Canada/US border a few years ago one month after a radiation stress test. told the guys at the heart clinic the next year. now they have signs up all over the place, check website thus-and-so if you have to leave the country within 3 months of a test.

        oh, and bacon? should set it up so you have to do a breath test, and no entry to the US if there is no yummy bacon detected. this is our heritage, and we will fight to the last man for a rasher.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Placing an English Christmas Pudding within one's luggage seems to upset the bomb detection logic in the scanners.

      1. 100113.1537

        Puddings...

        are very bomb-shaped, as well as being nicely impervious to the X-rays!

        1. P. Lee

          Re: Puddings...

          As is lead crystal. Keep those bombs looking like a champagne flute and you'll be fine...

      2. Mephistro
        Happy

        "Placing an English Christmas Pudding within one's luggage seems to upset the bomb detection logic in the scanners."

        No wonder, that. From the way it upsets my digestive system, a puny bomb scanner has no friggin' chance!

        Nice taste, though.

        And Elreg should add a new article category -"Clickbait"- for articles like this and any thing related to AGW. ;-)

      3. What? Me worry?
        Facepalm

        Tillie Cheese

        Putting a Tillamook Special Reserve Extra Sharp Cheddar Cheese 2 lb loaf, next to ones laptop power adaptor and extension cord, in carry on luggage will also get one noticed by the friendly folks at TSA. That said, at least at PDX they're actually quite nice about it.

  2. Ben Bonsall

    There is no excuse for ever eating tripe. Its whole reason for existing is to be indigestible.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      There is one excuse

      It is hangover. It cures it.

      Thisi is a statement of the fact which has been established through extensive experimentation during my first couple of years in a University in a country where you could get tripe soup in some small eateries here and there (by now mostly extinct).

      As far as indigestible, it is perfectly digestible - if it has sat for a couple of hours in milk and after that has been boiled for about the same amount of time the average Yorkshire Grandma boils vegetables.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: There is one excuse

        >There is no excuse for ever eating tripe

        In the developed world, no, but if you came from Lancashire and didn't know any better then I think that's an acceptable excuse. After all, we shouldn't criticize those less fortunate than ourselves.

        1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

          Re: There is one excuse

          "In the developed world, no, but if you came from Lancashire and didn't know any better then I think that's an acceptable excuse. After all, we shouldn't criticize those less fortunate than ourselves."

          I dunno about that, I've cooked up tripe in pasta sauce more than a few times, for both myself and my father.

          But then, I'm Sicilian-American, so I've inherited some interesting food tastes.

          Someday, I'll even get around to trying out haggis.

        2. Ben Bonsall

          Re: There is one excuse

          In the developed world, no, but if you came from Lancashire and didn't know any better then I think that's an acceptable excuse. After all, we shouldn't criticize those less fortunate than ourselves.

          If you come from Lancashire and haven't yet crossed the border to God's County, well... Tripe eating might be understandable. But not excusable.

  3. Stevie

    Bah!

    So what exactly was *wrong* with the sliced dead pig?

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Bah!

      Did you see the pictures? It looked like one of those air-fresheners you see hanging in the front of taxis. Cardboard, but with a slight aroma of somethingorother.

  4. Toltec

    American Bacon

    It just looks like smoked, streaky bacon from the picture, what am I missing?

    1. Farnet

      Re: American Bacon

      it's the taste, it's awful, and usually covered in maple syrup

      They also like to put cinnimon with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: American Bacon

        >and I mean EVERYTHING

        Ah, so that's why I could never get any of the local girls to s..., well never mind what, they just wouldn't.

      2. Toltec

        Re: American Bacon

        @ Farnet - fair enough, I could not tell how it tasted from the picture.

        If English bacon is so much better why do lots of British people prefer Danish bacon?

        1. IsJustabloke

          Re: Prefer danish Bacon

          We don't.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Prefer danish Bacon

            Yes. You Do! Especially the Good Stuff from the factory farms, the stuff that comes already loaded up with MRSA CC398 (even it it is not declared on the package) and even costs less per kilo than a bag of Haribo gummy-bears.

            Sales figures do not lie; you keep buying the stuff and we keep making it for you!

            1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

              Re: Prefer danish Bacon

              "Sales figures do not lie; you keep buying the stuff and we keep making it for you!"

              Hey, shoot some across the pond. I'll try anything twice. :)

              When I was working on the CENTCOM base in Qatar, the Danish cartoon fiasco went on. It was hilarious, every store disposed of tons of Danish butter.

              And replace the lot of it the following week (I checked the expiration date and know it wasn't what was disposed of).

              Did matter to me, I had two boxes of it in my fridge at the villa.

        2. fruitoftheloon

          @Toltec: Re: American Bacon

          Danish bacon? Nah I still remem the advert, my fave is a Cornish smoked bacon (as if it is not smoked it is ham with some fat in it).

          A £20 pack from our local butchers lasts us a month and is 1/2 of the price of 'premium' bacon from a big [i.e. rip-off] supermarket.

          Ymmv

          J

        3. Sir Sham Cad

          Re: why do lots of British people prefer Danish bacon?

          Years and years of clever branding convincing impressionable people that Danish==Premium Product and !Danish==crap.

          It's only recently that I've seen any kind of range of bacon in supermarkets here that's not Danish Rindless Smoked Back, Danish Rindless Unsmoked Back, Supermarket own brand RSB and RUB or Supermarket Streaky. The Supermarket own brand usually has a Union Flag on the packet to let you know that the label was made in the UK.

          We still apparently drink a lot of that Carlsberg Horsepiss which needs to be expunged from existence and replaced with the Export which is actually a pleasant lager. Again it's availability not quality.

      3. Eric Olson

        Re: American Bacon

        As a US Citizen, I will point out that maple syrup on bacon is purely a personal decision. Pork belly is cured then smoked, making what we call bacon. What happens after that is entirely up to the one consuming it.

        At the same time, maple syrup is delicious (the real stuff, not the corn syrup version) and as bacon is often served at breakfast along with pancakes, waffles, French toast, or other syrup-friendly item, a bit may spill over and touch the bacon, which some people enjoy.

        As far as cinnamon... are you talking about the real stuff of cassia? Here in the US, both are called cinnamon... though the use of either is generally restricted to sweet or dessert items.

        1. ItsNotMe
          Thumb Up

          @Eric Olson

          Thank you Eric.

          As an American who has spent a lot of time in the Old World filling my stomach, let me say that the words "British food" and "gourmet" are rarely...if ever...used in the same sentence. So folks...easy on the criticism of our version of bacon.

          "Eggs & Gravy" anyone? And for the uninitiated...that would be the wonderful British combination of well done scrambled eggs floating in a sea of bacon grease. A culinary treat to be sure.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: @Eric Olson @ItsNotMe

            British food. Around here venison, pheasant, free range pig, beef, chicken, eggs,organic vegetables, soft fruit. Milk from Guernsey cows. Real Cheddar and a variety of even more local cheeses.

            Now if your only experience of British food is the fast food that tourists on the US/Chinese trail get to eat, you might be a bit cynical. But then some of us know that there is more to US food than Macdonalds.

            "Eggs and gravy"? Where have you been eating? You'll be telling me next that Starbucks is an ethnic English coffee shop.

            1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

              Re: @Eric Olson @ItsNotMe

              "British food. Around here venison, pheasant, free range pig, beef, chicken, eggs,organic vegetables, soft fruit. Milk from Guernsey cows. Real Cheddar and a variety of even more local cheeses."

              Venison, pheasant (always wanted to try it, might have to get a shotgun and hunt some when pheasant season comes around), veggies and soft fruit and real cheeses...

              Damn, you've made me hungry. They're not supposed to feed me after midnight.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: @Eric Olson @ItsNotMe

                Pheasant is cheaper if you buy it from your local butcher. Cheaper still if, as I have seen happen, someone coming the other way clips one and the red faced woman in the Range Rover following shortly after emerges, wrings its neck and sticks it in the boot. Shooting them is for Londoners.

          2. fishbone

            Re: @Eric Olson

            As an American whose English ancestry began around the 1066 time frame and left for Ireland later, I don't think it's going to be the food that draws any of us back. The beers seem pretty good though.

        2. John Savard

          Re: American Bacon

          I know I once tried what is called "back bacon", but that just tastes like ordinary pork or ham - perhaps less attractive than either of those. Whereas bacon made from thin slices of pork bellies has a wonderfully appealing flavor, providing the essence of meatiness without MSG.

          1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

            Re: American Bacon

            "Whereas bacon made from thin slices of pork bellies has a wonderfully appealing flavor, providing the essence of meatiness without MSG."

            Bleh, I pick the packs with the most fat in them. Give me plenty of bacon grease to cook with and nice, crispy fat to piss my doctor off over (not that it alters my already astronomical cholesterol numbers).

        3. Wzrd1 Silver badge

          Re: American Bacon

          "As a US Citizen, I will point out that maple syrup on bacon is purely a personal decision."

          Agreed. I hate anything contaminating my bacon. We also have uncured bacon, for a fair amount more money.

          As for breakfast foods, the only thing I add a trace of cinnamon to is french toast, which I also add liquid yoghurt to the egg and vanilla mixture. I get rave reviews for that concoction.

          As for Brits not liking our bacon, all I can say is, they're the same folks who enjoy blood pudding.

          Though, I'll modify that with, I do enjoy a good Yorkshire pudding.

      4. Stevie

        Re: American Bacon

        Fact 1: it's the taste, it's awful, and usually covered in maple syrup

        No, it isn't. This is some sort of local variant.

        Salt/smoke curing is most common, but honey curing can be found, mostly in places advertising "Irish Bacon". This is possibly what you tasted and thought was maple syrup.

        Maple syrup, if available, is usually considered a condiment and as such added by the customer at the table. You'd have to ask for it if you were ordering bacon in a diner in my neck of the woods, since it normally only gets put out if you order pancakes.

        Fact 2: They also like to put cinnimon with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING

        No, they don't. This, again, is some sort of local variant. I speak from personal knowledge and taste here as I eat in the USA and hate cinnamon. You don't want it in a place famed for it's cinnamon bacon, simply add "hold the cinnamon" to your order.

        Fact 3: In America, the short order cooks don't usually take it as an affront to their years of training if you tell them how you'd like your bacon cooked and what you would and would not like sprinkled on it.

        In fact, my experience has been that they have refreshing take on breakfast in most places - you tell them what you would like to eat and they'll make it for you. This is because American cooks think their customers know best and are grown-ups who don't expect to have people make such decisions for them.

        CF most places in the UK where "NO SUBSTITUTIONS" features large, loud and often. It is one of the reasons I knew I wasn't going back after a week Stateside in a job that could have me working all night and seeking a very Midlands-style breakfast at four in the afternoon.

        1. Wzrd1 Silver badge

          Re: American Bacon

          "Fact 1: it's the taste, it's awful, and usually covered in maple syrup"

          Well, there is a maple syrup flavored bacon. I've accidentally bought some before, made a god awful mess of my cast iron skillet seasoning.

          My wife and I are partial to uncured bacon as well, despite the premium pricing of the stuff.

          "Fact 2: They also like to put cinnimon with everything, and I mean EVERYTHING"

          I've been known to add cinnamon to french toast egg/vanilla/yoghurt mixture. That's about it, save for dessert.

          "Fact 3: In America, the short order cooks don't usually take it as an affront to their years of training if you tell them how you'd like your bacon cooked and what you would and would not like sprinkled on it."

          I could make some comments on short order cooks, but I'll refrain from doing so. But, I'm a former chef. Other than that, what you say is quite accurate (both for the US short order cook and for the UK lack of personalization).

      5. Fungus Bob

        Re: American Bacon

        "usually covered in maple syrup"

        You're holding it wrong

      6. Marshalltown

        Re: American Bacon

        There's good bacon and bad bacon here in the USofA. Good bacon runs leaner, cured with salt and pink salt, and then smoked, though these days you can get "uncured" bacon which apparently isn't just pork belly by another name. You want it thick-cut because the exterior is the only place the smoke settles. US bacon is what the relatives on the far side of the Atlantic call "streaky bacon." You avoid the syrup by asking for it on the side.

    2. Eric Olson

      Re: American Bacon

      It just looks like smoked, streaky bacon from the picture, what am I missing?

      If Wikipedia is not lying to me, you are right. Bacon here in the US is pork belly that has been cured then smoked, usually over hickory or applewood. It's then sliced into 1/4" to 1/2" thick strips. The stuff one finds in a diner, however, is usually the mass-produced stuff, quick-cured through numerous injections into the pork belly with a saltier brine and sliced as thin at 1/8". I generally avoid it..

      We don't have back bacon as you find in the UK, as the Canadian bacon here is just the loin, no belly.

    3. Wzrd1 Silver badge

      Re: American Bacon

      "It just looks like smoked, streaky bacon from the picture, what am I missing?"

      Don't know. I do know that when I was in the Middle East, an ex-pat Londoner was quite happy to get a pound of American "crispy bacon" that I got from our CENTCOM base.

  5. cybersaur
    WTF?

    American Bacon is Delicious!

    This article is heresy! American bacon is delicious! Sounds like the U.K. needs some freedom!

    1. davemcwish

      Re: American Bacon is Delicious!

      While we're at it you can keep your ghastly Hershey's to yourself

      1. hammarbtyp

        Re: American Bacon is Delicious!

        While we're at it you can keep your ghastly Hershey's to yourself

        Ahhh, Hersheys. As a lad brought up reading Marvel comics where we used to get all the american adverts, I grew up with a desire to eat Hershey bars and twinkies (Also get x-ray specs for some reason ). So on my 1st trip to the colonies, I headed to the local Walmart and bought a big bag to bring home to the family.

        I could not believe how bad they tasted. They had the consistency and aftertaste of something produced in a industrial plant rather than something organic. It was so bad that even my children who normally hoover up anything related to chocolate (advent calendar chocies, I'm looking at you ) would not touch it. Which just goes to show you can sell anything if your advertising budget is big enough and you wrap the American flag around it(which also explains Ford/GM).

        Saying that I have had some great food in the states, but also the worse lasagna I have ever tasted (A note to the residents of Albany, please use beef mince next time). Now I know it's a bit pot/kettle complaining about another countries food, but at the top end American food is better as good as any, but below that it is mass produced crap with little taste and dubious ingredients

    2. Indolent Wretch

      Re: American Bacon is Delicious!

      Yeah probably laser guided freedom!

    3. Bloakey1

      Re: American Bacon is Delicious!

      <snip>

      "Sounds like the U.K. needs some freedom!"

      Brace your self boys they are on their way. Can I be Captain Mainwaring, we will fight the buggers off and not become a part of their empire! Errr, oh, too late you say.

      Canadian Bacon was a very good film which sums the situation up.

  6. IsJustabloke
    Meh

    American bacon... What's wrong with it?

    take a lovely smoked streaky bacon slice.... then roll it between 2 steel rollers until it has attained a glass like sheen, is approximately 1 mm thick and will send shards flying across the room with sufficient force to slice open wrist and necks should you be so foolish as to attempt to skewer it with a fork.

    In the event you should actually manage to get a piece in your mouth you'll find that it has no flavour, actually feels like glass in your mouth and will slice your gums / tongue into ribbons.

    That's whats wrong with it.

    And while we're on the subject... flat roundish fried meat things are not sausages

    1. disgruntled yank

      Re: American bacon... What's wrong with it?

      My impression always was that the English complaint about American sausage was that it actually contained a fair proportion of meat. English visitors bothered by this can look for soft-core vegetarian restaurants offering what looks like sausage but isn't.

    2. Bloakey1

      Re: American bacon... What's wrong with it?

      Ordinary English bacon is not too good either. Chuck it in the pan, broil it until all the added water goes, then let it fry for a bit.

      Yuck, I do like the dry stuff from good butchers however.

    3. Marshalltown

      Re: American bacon... What's wrong with it?

      You want to get your bacon some place else. Burger King and Carl's Junior are sources of decent bacon, nor are super markets unless you frequent the butcher's counter.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wacky the lot of 'em

    I managed two years over there without even seeing a gun which is surprsing given that in my work environment I was surrounded by Vietnam vets, rednecks and various active high ranking military bods to keep an eye on things. The former two groups were the sane ones It seems the only criteria for being in the latter group was to have a fervent hatred of communists. I'm pretty sure they only ate beef because it was red meat and they thought they were eating commies.

    Bacon on the other hand, yes, I have experience of American bacon. It's actually not that bad if you cook it yourself but as can be seen in the photos , Americans just burn it to a crisp.

    1. John Gamble

      Re: Wacky the lot of 'em

      Feh. I'm an American, and I'll say flat out -- bacon is terrible. Cooking it to a crisp is about the only way one can make it edible enough to choke it down.

      There are edible pork products out there, but bacon as it is practiced in the States isn't one of them.

      1. Marshalltown

        Re: Wacky the lot of 'em

        Urrk. Bacon should not be crispy unless you are crumbling on baked or mashed potatos.

  8. Bob Wheeler
    Pint

    Hangover Cure?

    It might be useful south of the boarder, but I found all but impossilbe to drink so much to get a hangover with American beer.

    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Re: Hangover Cure?

      An easy solution, buy from "microbreweries"... usually rather better than the commercial nat's piss that you find in every bar.

  9. SirDigalot

    The Bacon is not so bad.

    As has been mentioned if you cook it yourself, my wife likes it crispy (read: burnt offerings) i like it less so, the good part is that you can cook a bunch crispy and leave it out all night and snack when you like.

    It is also easier to weave the streaky stuff, so you can make bacon bowls, cover large flightless birds, the occasional grass eating milk factory etc, or just more pork product (the bacon explosion is pretty epic)

    Finding a real rasher is more troublesome, luckily we have lots of ex-pats in our (red)neck of the woods, so there is actually a British import store! though it is a bit pricey still good for a treat.

    Then there is the tea, (I source imported stuff again) at least the coffee is generally nice, and better than that freeze dried bat guano we had in the motherland, cheaper too per pound (not including Starbucks or any other mochaphukalatte serving hipster joint which is just vile and strong)

    But al things given i understand why people need to squeeze off a few round to ease the frustration of never being able to easily have a proper fry up and cup of tea, or the joys of a decent Indian after a night of excessive imbiblification (yes made up word) Though the roach coaches and hole in the wall Mexican joints normally take the place of one, and result in the same flaming hole of fire the next day.

    grits though... yeah, kill it with fire, lots of fire, napalm, thermite, i don't care, it has the look taste and texture of vomit (i believe we called it semolina pudding back home, but this stuff is worse)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The Bacon is not so bad.

      Right, that's my tea sorted, semolina pudding and bacon.

      1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge
        Unhappy

        Re: The Bacon is not so bad.

        > Right, that's my tea sorted, semolina pudding and bacon.

        This is all making me really pine for some decent black pudding.

    2. Stevie

      Re: Finding a real rasher is more troublesome

      Unless you go to a large supermarket and buy a pack of Irish Bacon, which will look suspiciously like your English Rasher (might be honey cured though).

      FFS It's just the way they butcher the pig. You want the lean bit at the end (like I do) buy Canadian Bacon.

      Once again the myth of the British Stiff Upper Lip suffers the harsh light of British People Moaning About Nothing In Front Of The Americans.

      There goes my aura of Grace Under Pressure again. Last night I watched A Night To Remember and was feeling all Britishly Proud* when I walked in this morning, but as usual it wore off when I read the Register.

      Thanks, boys. How about a refreshing whine about Fahrenheit now, or 64ths of an inch?

      Azathoth on a bike.

      * Yesyesyes, I know the British ship sank because it was not designed to hype and was driven into an iceberg by an English crew, but once the chips were firmly down the Band Played On and the Men Were Mostly Heroic (even the some of the Americans, it turns out).

    3. Wzrd1 Silver badge

      Re: The Bacon is not so bad.

      "(i believe we called it semolina pudding back home, but this stuff is worse)"

      Nope. Totally different beast. Semolina pudding is made with semolina, which is sourced from wheat middlings of durum wheat (leavings from wheat processing).

      Grits are properly called hominy grits. Hominy is a food which consists of dried maize kernels which have been treated with an alkali in a process called nixtamalization.

      It isn't as bad as it sounds, it dissolves hemicellulose that glues cell walls together in the maize and releases nutrients.

      A cook product with it is tortillas and tortilla chips. The basic process dates back to 1500-1200 BC.

  10. Sporkinum

    When I was in the Airforce

    When I was in the USAF and stationed in Texas, they served menudo in the chow hall. I was not a fan. My impression of British food was set by watching the Goodies and ecky-thump as a kid, and reading Asterix comics making fun of the English putting mint sauce on everything. I'm sure neither are true. ;)

    1. fruitoftheloon

      @Sporkinum: Re: When I was in the Airforce

      You're right, it is not true (unless there is lamb in the vicinity).

      OOI what is menudo?

      J

      1. Elmer Phud

        Re: @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

        "what is menudo?"

        Google it --- I did

        1. fruitoftheloon
          WTF?

          @Elmer Re: @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

          Elmer,

          if I wanted an opinion from Google, I would have sought it, which was I asked the person the posted the post instead...

          J

          1. Mark 85

            Re: @Elmer @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

            RTFA - last paragraph in the Bootnote. With a picture.

          2. Sporkinum

            Re: @Elmer @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

            It's kind of a chili/spicy soup with tripe as the meaty ingredient. The tripe was awful, but the broth is good. Mexicans consider it the equivalent of Jewish penicillin, aka chicken soup, for a treatment for colds and flu.

      2. Captain DaFt

        Re: @Sporkinum: When I was in the Airforce

        "OOI what is menudo?"

        Mexican style tripe... or a boy band. Not much difference, really.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's all relative

    After many years of living in France, where "bacon" refers to round(!) slices of nasty chewy pink stuff that is more like uncooked salami, I must shamefacedly admit that even American bacon can, at times, be acceptable breakfast fare.

    The less said about American Tea, though, the better.

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: It's all relative

      "The less said about American Tea, though, the better."

      If Big Bang Theory is anything to go by, they use teabag on strings and leave it in the cup/mug while drinking it. Heathens!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Angel

        Re: It's all relative

        Even the Brit's in London use a lot of tea bags, which can be acceptable in the office but at home you really should use loose tea. Sure it takes longer but the brew tastes nicer and isn't having a break the whole point of putting the kettle on?

        And as a bonus you can read your future in the leaves...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Merkins....

    They can do very good bacon, it's just hard to find.

  13. Tikimon
    Happy

    The danger of Small Sample Sizes!

    Come on Lester, you should know better. Never make assertions based on a small sample!

    The US of A is a huge and variegated place. There is almost NOTHING you can reliably call "American" as in "to represent America". There are significant local and regional variants of everything - dress, speech, politics, and certainly cuisine. My family alone will serve you several notably different versions of cornbread, as only one example.

    Next time you eat out, please establish the proper context, such as "Today I had This Nosh at This Place and it was Like This." Full stop. Don't generalize 350 million diverse people to say "AMERICANS ALL DO THIS CRAZY THING, AMAZING ENNIT?"

    And if you drop by Atlanta, come try my cornbread!

    1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Tikimon Re: The danger of Small Sample Sizes!

      ".....There is almost NOTHING you can reliably call "American" as in "to represent America"....." Definitely, and one of the reasons it's a pleasure to travel round the States, there's actually more real variety than in Europe (I know, I've done both).

      "....And if you drop by Atlanta, come try my cornbread!" Er, no. Note to Anglos visiting the Southern States - 'cornbread' = looks like sponge cake but (generally, IMHO) tastes bad and salty. Even stranger are 'biscuits' = a salty scone often served with mash and gravy! Both will make you pine for those stodgy dumplings you used to get with school lunches. In fact, salt is still much more widely used in cooking in general in the Southern States than in the UK where we tend to be more low-sodium conscious. Do, however, try any of the steaks, and a visit to a Cheesecake Factory (I prefer Buckhead's) is recommended for a killer desert.

  14. Pen-y-gors

    Careful of gun photos

    Be very careful about publishing photos of you handling legal firearms in foreign countries. You could end up in trouble, like this councillor in Derby recently.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-30449286

    Admitedly he does look suspiciously 'foreign' and it was an AK47, but still...

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    See? THIS is why there can never be...

    no one world order. All you British tourists do is whine and complain about what isn't familiar to you. I think there is a skit from Monty Python that comes to mind.

    The Brits or Euros don't know what to call things here in the USA and they won't bother to learn.

    The type of "bacon" you get in a "Diner" is pork belly (smoked &or maple flavored and often over cooked). The kind you want is much closer to "Canadian Bacon"which is probably offered if they sell eggs benedict. You would likely have to go to a specialty store and cook it yourself in order to get any other kind. Maple syrup or cinnamon is a personal choice you could have made to NOT have.

    "Sausage" here comes in two styles. LINKS or PATTIES. And MANY flavors you may or may not like. Apparently you don't like PATTIES because they don't come with indigestible natural or artificial pig intestine on them. You should have been able to order Links and how well you wanted them done.

    Sorry, many people here don't like offal. They prefer different cuts of meat becuase they consider organ meats to be declasse. Tripe (Menudo) is an acquired taste.

    Instead of embracing the differences all you can do is complain about the food. My kids used to do that when they were 8. They grew up. One of them has been all over the Pacific Rim and has tried everything his hosts ate. Without whining about it.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...

      It isn't a lack of familiarity that's breeding the contempt for Septic Cookage here.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...@flatpackhamster

        I have had enough British pub food to last my arteries for years. Mostly crap, FREQUENTLY septic, ALWAYS GREASY!

        American breakfast foods are just fine unless you go to the wrong place, just like anywhere else in the world. If you dont like the bacon, get ham.

        Now a good GERMAN breakfast sausage link is something to behold. Can't speak much for the rest of it.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...@flatpackhamster

          Sure it is. Maybe you were just 'going to the wrong place', like every single commenter on here who holds Septic cookage in contempt went to 'the wrong place' in America.

          Americans measure the quality of their food by whether or not it hangs over the side of the plate.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...@flatpackhamster

            The El Reg commentards will take any excuse to whine. I imagine they would still say how bad American food is while licking their plate clean.

          2. SirDigalot

            Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...@flatpackhamster

            eaten is some of the best places in NY and Chicago

            but we are not talking haute cuisine here, we are talking greasy spoon, or the equivalent of a roach coach, i can without a doubt go back to my home town, find the same trailer that served tea and bacon sarnies and it would be better than ANY equivalent i have had out here especially on a brisk morning, don;t get me wrong i have had many good meals in the us, they do things with beef that is amazing (they are light on the lamb though... maybe too fluffy or something) but when it comes to an artery clogging tour de force there is no country in the world that can compete with blighty especially not for breakfast.

            dammit now i need to go and spend lots of money for a fry up....

        2. fruitoftheloon
          Thumb Down

          @ac - english pub food: Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...@flatpackhamster

          Dear ac,

          Try a better quality pub then...

          It ain't rocket.surgery.

          J.

    2. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

      Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...

      "Without whining about it."

      The article (and Lester) is not whining. It's a version of humour rarely understood outside of the this sceptred isle.

    3. SirDigalot

      Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...

      sadly "canadian bacon" is not like uk bacon, canadian bacon is more like french bacon...

      british bacon is exactly that strips of sexy pork loin sometimes with hair!

      not belly fat that this stuff is

    4. Triggerfish

      Re: See? THIS is why there can never be...

      Hmmn I travelled through parts of Thailand with an American who preferred a McDonald over all else and wouldn't touch beef from any other places because he didn't trust the meat.

  16. Mike VandeVelde
  17. noominy.noom

    Cinnamon?

    Having lived in three different states and traveled to nearly all of them, for extensive stays in most, I must say I've never come across cinnamon in a restaurant. Maybe if you ordered pumpkin pie? But for savory foods, no.

  18. tfewster
    Unhappy

    Disappointed by the heading

    I thought the article was going to be a technique for cooking bacon by wrapping it around a hot gun barrel.

  19. InfiniteApathy

    Canadian

    I'll happily volunteer to be flown south and across the pond to sort this out.

  20. heyrick Silver badge
    Happy

    God bless America

    You don't like the bacon? You're free to put bullet holes in it.

  21. Neomexicano

    Tripe!

    Next time Lester visits, I will have to introduce him to what the locals call chorizo, quite a bit different than Espana. Then he will really have something to talk about. For those that consider tripe to be... well, tripe, I highly recommend Pasole. Same delicious red chile (note the "e") sauce base, but with real pork (well neck, usually) and hominy. For some reason, mention an offal-based dish, and the Brit will run with it! If menudo is entered into the pub-nosh, better get a proper *New Mexican* recipe. Getting the correct dried red chiles for the sauce (they must be Barkers!) is essential. In Mexico, the chiles are much too mild to make a good Pasole (I presume the same is true for menudo). The remaining components are slightly more flexible.

    -Tom in Las Cruces

    1. bill 27

      Re: Tripe!

      LOVE Chorizo! Use it in practically everything I cook that might be considered "Mexican"*, but not in green food. Plus the local grocer has at least 6 different brands for sale in plastic chubs and bulk.

      * I tend to be pretty freeform when I cook. Sort of depends on what I see laying around and what I want it to taste like, and yes it's almost always pretty good. Drove my wife crazy, she was a recipe person and would ask me what I put into something. Who knew.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Tripe!

        "I tend to be pretty freeform when I cook. Sort of depends on what I see laying around and what I want it to taste like, and yes it's almost always pretty good. Drove my wife crazy, she was a recipe person and would ask me what I put into something. Who knew."

        You are me and are married to my wife! ICM£5.

      2. Neomexicano

        Re: Tripe!

        Yes, the local chorizo is essential for both breakfast and dinners! Though I wouldn't mind having regular access to Spanish chorizo!

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not what you think

    Actually bacon does not necessarily contain nasty chemicals unless you buy the commercial crap. Locally cured hams and bacon can be just as unhealthy as any other fat filled meats but not necessarily any worse.

    As far as the guns are concerned they can be entertaining and even practical if you like to shoot targets, hunt, etc. Personally I don't think anyone needs to own an assault rifle/weapon nor should they be allowed to do so. Unfortunately all the illegal and inferior guns from Russia and elsewhere have flooded the U.S. market so every gang member can have his own AK-47 to kill boys in da hood. I would prefer to see all of these crims locked in an empty warehouse and given 10 rounds a piece to shoot it out. Anyone that survives the shootout should be shot when they attempt to exit the building.

  23. Matt Bryant Silver badge
    Meh

    .410?

    No! For a start, the cartridge is so narrow it only holds three balls of shot in the buckshot cartridge. The birdshot out of the short barrel of the Taurus is good for maybe dispatching snakes at short range, otherwise I wouldn't recommend it. Against anything bigger than a squirrel I'd suggest solid slugs, or just use the .45 Long Colt alternative the Taurus already shoots. The latter was a military cartridge (in the old black powder version) and modern versions are roughly equivalent in punch to the .45ACP round.

    1. Matt Bryant Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: .410?

      A Texan friend has a fun story about shooting .410. He'd shot .410 before out of a proper shotgun when skeet shooting and thought it made sense in a handgun due to the lower recoil than other shot cartridges. Anyway, he'd kept an old .22 revolver for killing rats in his barn, when that got too worn he decided to try a Taurus Judge. What he should have known is that rifled barrels and shot do not mix well, the rifling making the blob of shot rotate as it goes down the barrel, exiting the muzzle in a rotating and expanding doughnut spread due to centrifugal force. The shorter the gun barrel the larger the doughnut for a given range. The effect on paper targets is the "sawn-off" big hole mentioned by the author, but there is usually an empty area in the center of the shot pattern. On his first outing with his new revolver my friend fired at a rat at ten yards, the shot making a circular pattern in the barn's wall but leaving the rat unharmed in the center of the pattern. He took the Taurus back and swapped it for another .22.

  24. bill 27

    A couple of things.

    Yes, the differences between "American" bacon and the rest of the world are many. Basically it boils down to what you want out of the pig who gave everything for you.

    As an American,couple, who screwed up royally in Fiji and ordered "sausage" all I can do is warn everyone else. We never knew mutton could smell/taste like that! One bite and all the wife and I could choke down without gagging was the toast since it hadn't been close enough to the sausage to be contaminated by it. Here I should tell you that I'll eat practically anything as long as it doesn't crawl off the plate first.

    Back to bacon...the bacon "grease" left over from cooking is an essential ingredient for any recipe from the South and carefully treated with the respect it deserves. Just don't burn it, then it's useless.

    1. cyrus

      Re: A couple of things.

      I like to soak some string in bacon grease before an afternoon at the river. Lay the soaked string in the water while swimming and return periodically to remove the crawfish doran evening boil. Often bring home 50 to 100 crawfish from the local pond for dinner.

      The Texans I know won't eat em. They use crawfish for bait. Dummies.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    American food

    Sugar + ingredient

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When did British bacon become shit

    In the past back bacon was delicious. Now even the stuff I get from the butchers leaks water and white gunk, which I assume is pumped into the bacon to make it look like you are getting bacon when instead it's just bloated up with shit.

    I fry bacon yet have to pour of a gallon of water and scrape of the white puss then dry off the partially cooked bacon before the actual frying can actually begin.

    There should be a revolt against this sort of shit. I'm tired of it and due to crappy labelling have no way of avoiding this.

    1. Triggerfish

      Re: When did British bacon become shit

      You need a better Butcher, the best ones I have had could pretty much tell you the name of the pig you were eating and what sort of life it had had. Used to work in Scotland and would drive past a pig farm with proper fields and tress and shelters for the pigs it all went to the local butchers shops a couple of miles away in the village, that's the sort of place that produces quality bacon.

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