back to article GOOGLE is COMING FOR YOUR CHILDREN

Google is developing children-specific versions of its products aimed at the under-12s, smashing one of the tech industry's taboos. Pavni Diwanji, Google VP of engineering, says of the playground invasion that the goal is to "change our products to be fun and safe for children", or so she told USA Today. The paper drily notes …

  1. John Lilburne

    If they want to make it child friendly ...

    ... they'll be filtering out wikipedia then.

    1. Khaptain Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: If they want to make it child friendly ...

      Yes definately, beccause we all know that those pedia files are not good for childre.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    clop clop clop

    "the (arts graduate) educationalists and the mass media think of [computers] more like a portal to a new dimension – one where Unicorns frolic"

    Well, they're not wrong.

    (The reader is cordially invited to google image search "clop", several unicorns frolicking will probably be seen.)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: clop clop clop

      Testing...

      Huh. Safesearch reduces the quantity, but cannot entirely stem it.

      Rainbow Dash is kinda hot.

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: clop clop clop

        Rainbow Dash is kinda hot.

        Well, yeah, from air friction. Mach 5 will warm you right up.

        But Rainbow Dash isn't a unicorn, so she's ineligible for this category. (The judges would allow Twilight Sparkle, from her pre-alicorn days.)

  3. Mystic Megabyte
    Childcatcher

    Ridiculous!

    Children under 12 should be playing outdoors in the garden, that's the only place they can smoke these days.

    1. Captain Hogwash

      Re: Children under 12 should be playing

      They should be earning their keep being stuffed up chimneys surely?

      1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

        Re: Children under 12 should be playing

        They should be earning their keep being stuffed up chimneys surely?

        Are they allowed to smoke there? Is it considered "indoors"?

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    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: "One day, while showing my toddlers Thomas The Tank Engine on YouTube,"

      Forget that. Copyright's not important here! Thomas is everything-ist.

      There was an article in the Guardian about it a few months ago, apparently seriously intentioned. Although it's hard to tell when they're trolling their readers for clickbait - or if this was just a sophisticated parody that I was too stupid to spot.

      Well obviously it's sizist. Fat Controller etc. And paternalistic, and far too upper class for the Gruan. But then the author started descending into madness. It's mysoginist, because the carriages are female, and apparently most of the engines are male. Well that might be more a fair point, but it's also racist. The diesel engines are mostly black you see, and they're -the baddies. Geddit?

      It was amusing anyway. Judge for yourself

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. Denarius
      Childcatcher

      Re: Silicon Snake Oil

      are you suggesting experts in education can read ? Shame on you for such a 19th century attitude !

    2. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: Silicon Snake Oil

      Everyone involved in IT entertainment should read Silicon Snake Oil, too. But frankly a great many people "involved in education" have no desire to foist computers on children. As usual, Andrew is slinging mud at various wild generalizations that haunt his imagination.

  6. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Why in the name of sweet baby bejeebus are you letting them run rampant with the YouTube app?

    Install Xposed and the YouTube AdAway plug-in to remove adverts.

    As for what YouTube app recommends, that's down to your previous search history and watch history... You'll probably want to clear and pause both, then.

  7. Crisp

    Never work with children or animals.

    Guaranteeing safety is going to be a difficult job. Even for Google.

  8. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    Oh goody

    even better targets for the padeo's to aim for.

    The security had better be good Mr Google...

    On the otherhand, an awful lot of internet users are just big children. Perhaps this is a beta release of the new improved Goodle that we'll all soon have to use.

    See Icon...

  9. ratfox
    Devil

    Why won't somebody think of the children?

    Well, Google did!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Childcatcher

    Scary prospect

    One day, while showing my toddlers Thomas The Tank Engine on YouTube, I was greeted with a pre-roll advertisement for the Church of Scientology. And one of the suggested clips was a dead Bin Laden.

    That says it all, really. While the www can be beneficial to young children as a small part of their developing lives that only makes sense under supervision. What google are after seems to go way beyond that.

    For Google, I think the icon is very appropriate.

    1. ratfox
      Angel

      Re: Scary prospect

      Well, yeah, from what I can understand, that is precisely what Google would like to fix…

      Once you control the video web site, the search engine, the browser, possibly the OS and the hardware itself, your position for creating a mostly-safe internet for kids is basically as good as it can get.

      Now, the question is how much non-Google web sites will be included in this walled garden.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @ratfox - Re: Scary prospect

        Now, the question is how much non-Google web sites will be included in this walled garden.

        Why, none of course.

        Google seems to only have one driver : Growth. Why (whether for the benefit of humans or just for money/influence) seems to be immaterial. Like a Blob consuming everything in its path, growing larger and more unstopable as it goes.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm sure their real customers are keen to sling ads at kids

    Google will claim it is educational and developmental and so forth, but it will all be a smokescreen. They're chasing after the almighty dollar just as hard as Microsoft, Apple and Facebook.

    1. Denarius

      Re: I'm sure their real customers are keen to sling ads at kids

      why not, junk food vendors do

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Childcatcher

        Re: I'm sure their real customers are keen to sling ads at kids

        & toy vendors, foods, ... because how can the parental unit(s) resist buying what precious wants.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDaOgu2CQtI

  13. Chris G

    Merciless

    So now the interthingy is going to be full of those merciless Christmas type ads that are targeted directly into the part of a childs brain that produces the impossible to ignore mmmuuuummmyyyy/ddddaaadddyyy I WANT THAT!! and it's going to be all year round and worse at Christmas and Easter.

    It's an argument for getting a child minder at weekends and taking up golf.

    Or turn off the bloody computer and interact on a personal level with the kids!

  14. Denarius
    Thumb Up

    I like that phrase

    "portable idiot lanterns" is new to me. Very apt without the Debian. Synonym for fondleslab. Something for next years Oxford English ?

    1. harmjschoonhoven

      Re: I like that phrase

      I 'll use the acronym PIL from now on.

  15. Dave Bell

    One factor is that US Federal Law gives children under the age of 13 a special status on the Internet. They cannot be given an account by an internet service without explicit parental permission.

    This actually makes sense, and I think it goes some way towards explaining why Google might be doing this. It's not so much the content as making sure they can do the extra permission checks for the account. Child-safe game apps may still need that extra permission if they need a live internet connection to run.

  16. Florida1920
    Pint

    Next: Vulture Central launches a "Kids" section!

    Kids need good role models.

    Someday, kid, if you spend enough time on El Reg, you too can grow up to be a BoFH.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google translate "We can't start data mining them early enough."

    You think it. I write.

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