back to article Facebook: Ha! Like we'd stop researchers messing with your mind

Facebook has attempted to reassure users upset by the fact that it allows organisations to experiment on them by promising stricter guidelines for researchers. The social network will still let organisations experiment on its users – it’s just going to make them go through an “enhanced review process” to do so. Facebook CTO …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    ROTFL

    "We want to do this research in a way that honours the trust you put in us by using Facebook every day."

    Title says it all.

  2. i like crisps
    Big Brother

    ZUCKING COPYCATS

    Orson Welles did this in nineteen nought plonk with his War of the Worlds broadcast.

    1. h4rm0ny

      Re: ZUCKING COPYCATS

      Orson Wells did it by accident. He fell victim to the same flaw other intelligent people routinely suffer from - assuming other people are intelligent as well.

      I doubt Facebook management even assumes their users are people. Just statistics by that point. They're probably as confused as you would be if a graph started complaining to you from the paper you'd drawn it on when you changed a line. Users == Money to them, Users =/= People.

  3. RyokuMas
    FAIL

    Trust facebook?

    I'd sooner trust an MP...

    1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Trust facebook?

      I'll see your MP and raise you an MSP.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Trust facebook?

        I'll see you MSP and raise you a Banker/Priest/Broadcaster/Journalist

  4. Valeyard

    additionally..

    to show how nice we are give us 10000 likes and shares and we'll cure a kid of cancer

  5. Yugguy

    Lemmings

    Just don't use Facebook. The end.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: Lemmings

      "Lemmings Just don't use Facebook. The end."

      Well, they do struggle with it. No opposable thumbs, and terrible scores on 'Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing'. All time high scores on certain Psygnosis platformers though.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't wait for the claims that...

    Facebook made me do it!!

    Some nutter does something crazy, then blames a Facebook "Social Network Experiment" for making him run around with his "Ghost Gunner" AR-15 and shooting up the Mall.

  7. Message From A Self-Destructing Turnip

    Rats

    Nobody should be treated like lab rats in an experiment without their knowledge or consent, it is ethically wrong. Standard scientific practice when conducting experiments on human subjects is to ask for volunteers. Why is this so difficult for Facebook to understand, they are supposedly pretty smart?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Rats

      Why is this so difficult for Facebook to understand, they are supposedly pretty smart?

      Oh come one, that's easy. It's coded by geeks like Zuckerberg - no doubt they share his fear of rejection.

    2. SolidSquid

      Re: Rats

      While I'm not saying they shouldn't be running it by a board of ethics to get any studies cleared (they really, really should), I suspect the terms of service have something in them that requires opting out of any studies like this

  8. TitterYeNot

    Totally Bananas...

    In an interview earlier today, Facebook CTO Mike Schroepfer issued the following statement:-

    'We take the concerns and frustrations of our users very seriously, and are working to ensure that the comfort and mental well-being of everyone on Facebook is our highest priority.

    Oh, and have a banana. Go on, dance, monkey, dance...'

  9. Zippy's Sausage Factory
    Megaphone

    What they really meant...

    "Facebook really cares about our revenue stream, and thoughtlessly allowing researchers to do what they liked clearly undermined the trust our advertisers place in us. So in order to ensure that we keep our hooks in all you gullible sheeples, we've added an extra tickbox researchers have to fill in that says 'I am not a psychopath'.

    "Now that's enough complaining, children. Go back to Farmville, squandering your precious information and sharing baby pictures so we can advertise worthless tat to you, you dim-witted sheep."

    There. I fixed their press release.

  10. RogerT

    Why are Facebook always "learning"

    I'm fed up with Facebook always "learning". Why don't they bloody think in the first place? They're like a child.

    1. Mike Flugennock
      Devil

      Re: Why are Facebook always "learning"

      Yeah, a really stupid child who has to wear a helmet to school and can't stop drooling in his lap.

  11. Robert Helpmann??
    Childcatcher

    What? No Kiss?

    To stop people feeling violated again, Facebook says it has given researchers clearer guidelines and will review their proposals more closely if they’re aimed at ... deeply personal things...

    To translate: People are still going to be violated. However, Facebook will work to make sure people don't notice. Bastards.

    1. Oninoshiko

      Re: What? No Kiss?

      Once violated enough, it becomes the norm and you cease to feel violated. All they have to do is wait.

  12. Mark 85

    It seems to me that if you want to run psychological tests, don't ask for volunteers, do it without their knowledge if you want pure results. Knowing a test is running will make the average person more guarded in their responses. I suspect that the researchers get their pure results but then when they publicize after the fact and everyone gets pissed. Sorta' like finding out that NSA, etc. read your email to your lover. Maybe nothing should have been said? I'm hypothesizing here. So bear that in mind.

    Yes, there's a pool of mass population to study, tweak, probe, and fiddle with and most are willing guinea pigs if they get their games and all the dirt on everyone else. But's still damn unethical of FB to allow it in the first place and then start tossing words around about "trust", "faith" and responsibility.

  13. earl grey
    Unhappy

    i need another shower

    between this, the morons in gubmint, and the morons in the so-called security arena...icccckkk

  14. Adam Inistrator

    fooling the maximum number of people for the longest possible time

    and why not?

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Left and never regretted it

    Due to lack of security, endless app spam, endless date a ____ spam, and other mindless carp, I left failbook two years ago. Best thing I ever did for my real life.

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