back to article Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

Microsoft is expected to reveal a new moniker for its Windows operating system at an invite-only event next Tuesday. In recent years, under the stewardship of Steve Ballmer, we've seen Windows 7 and Windows 8 names appear on Redmond's flagship product, after the launch of the disastrous Vista brand. But now, with new boss …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    "mobile first, cloud first"

    Advertising first...

    Robbing you of your privacy first...

    Locking you into proprietary software first...

    etc...etc...etc...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      "Robbing you of your privacy first..."

      That's Google motto, MS would infringe Google copyright on data stealing....

      1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        "Robbing you of your privacy first..."

        That's Google motto, MS would infringe Google copyright on data stealing....

        Since when has that stopped Microsoft? Besides, they rob you of your privacy every bit as much as Google. More, in fact, because Windows now ensures that even your searches on your local computer are streamed to Bing, attached to your Microsoft ID so that they can track you and the contents of the files on your local computer.

        Google rob you of your privacy, but at least they're somewhat up front about it. Microsoft lie like a fucking rug about it, put millions into bashing Google about it, then do it twice as hard.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

          That's the nice thing about Google (and by extension Apple iOS cloud services). I know they have all my data, I use their services for the quick search that uses the info they have collected.

          Windows and Linux (etc) is for local private, safe and reliable use. I don't want the two mixing (go away Ubuntu searches through Amazon!!!).

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

          "Besides, they rob you of your privacy every bit as much as Google."

          No - no they don't. Microsoft always ask first and the default is always not to send data. Unlike the Borg's products such as Chrome - which are spyware by design and by default.

          "More, in fact, because Windows now ensures that even your searches on your local computer are streamed to Bing, attached to your Microsoft ID so that they can track you"

          Not unless you specifically agree to it. It's off by default.

          "and the contents of the files on your local computer.""

          No Microsoft products report back on the contents of files on your local computer.

          1. Wade Burchette

            Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

            @AC -- "No - no they don't. Microsoft always ask first and the default is always not to send data."

            Have you seen the express settings when installing Windows 8.1? The default is to send data to advertisers and Bing. You have to use the customize settings not to. And then if that wasn't bad enough, it is unclear how to use a "local account" on Windows 8.1. Everyone, and I mean everyone, should always use a local account, no exception. I've met more than 5 people who suddenly could not log in to Windows 8 and the common thread was they all have a Microsoft account. Only twice was it related to the WiFi not reconnecting, the rest were using a wired connection. Twice is coincidence, thrice is a trend.

            1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

              Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

              @Wade Burchette

              You must be new here. That's Microsoft's paid AC shill. Don't be surprised or shocked that he twists the truth, stretches it beyond recognition and outright lies in order to defend Mother Microsoft. I've met slime molds with more honour.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

                That's Microsoft's paid AC shill

                He left Microsoft a while ago, according to his linkedin.

                At first glance, you'd think he was a creator of FUD - but he's actually a victim of it.

          2. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

            Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

            Defaults don't matter when you can't use the fucking thing unless you agree to hand over your data. Such as Hotmail. Let's have a conversation about a French journalist, shall we...?

            As for it sending off the contents of my local computer, of yes it fucking does. With every search information about what's on your local computer leaks to Bing.

            Microsoft robs you of your privacy at every turn, but likes to play innocent. They aren't.

    2. MrT

      Windows MfCf...

      ...in a rush I read that as "Windows MuffCuff".

      After thinking a bit more about it, I have no idea what that means, or how I am going to banish it from my mind...

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      On the server side presumably Microsoft just need to point out that it doesn't include OSS like Open SSL and BASH for a nice jump in market share over their current 75% of the x86 server market....

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        current 75% of the x86 server market

        Wow, you guys are still on x86?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      Surely they will call it:

      "Windows - Still has ~ 90 time the market share of Linux on the Desktop - Without added BASH or Open SSL"

      1. Anonymous Bullard

        Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

        or perhaps: "Windows - used by the unfortunate, loved by idiots."

        I see you escaped the recent redundancies at Microsoft.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      "Advertising first...

      Robbing you of your privacy first...

      Locking you into proprietary software first..."

      The Borg trademarked those already for it's Google branded products...

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "mobile first, cloud first"

      If the nickname is "Threshold" then surely the new product must be Microsoft Doors?

  2. oldcoder

    Anybody else think of "Windows FU"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The operating system that everybody was waiting for and no one wanted.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Windows Broke

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Out to see...

        Perhaps a nautical theme:

        Portholes

        1. Mark 85

          Re: Out to see...

          Maybe keelhauled?

          1. Cliff

            Re: Out to see...

            Microsoft Ballmer.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "Windows Broke"

        The last thing Windows is right now is out of money...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          """Windows Broke"

          The last thing Windows is right now is out of money..."

          I suspect that this is another illiterate idiot that doesn't understand the difference between the adjectives 'Broke' - meaning out of money - and 'Broken' meaning damaged.

    3. fnusnu

      Windows UF: unf**ked

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If there's been an outbreak of truthiness, and as the last one was such a dog, how about

      Windows K9

    5. Swarthy
      Joke

      MS will take the acronyms of the "Best" versions of windows to remind all customers about their past successes. CE to invoke the mobile paradigm; ME to remind people that they have a long history; NT to remind techies about the power of windows servers.

      I present: Windows CEMENT.

  3. wolfetone Silver badge

    The answer is simple:

    Microsoft Skylight

    1. davidp231

      Skylight

      Until Sky throw a hissy fit again, wherein it will become Microsoft Onelight.

      1. Steven Raith

        Re: Skylight

        " Microsoft Onelight."

        Pfft. MIcrosoft NOtWorthALight.

        And on the subject of Mobile First, Cloud first, how about Desktop First because, you know, that's where 80% of licenses will go, you moronic, dribbling cockslaps.

        Steven R

        1. wolfetone Silver badge

          Re: Skylight

          In the case of Skylight, it'll get changed to Microsoft Oversight.

    2. P. Lee

      re: Out to see

      >The answer is simple:

      >Microsoft Skylight

      Ms Skylark?

      All aboard!

  4. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Trollface

    After "Windows"

    "Trapdoors".

    I'd vote for it.

    1. i like crisps

      Re: After "Windows"

      "BACKDOORS", i think?.......Microsoft always leaves them ajar!

  5. Banksy
    WTF?

    Genius

    Throw out your biggest brand name, essentially your identity, great plan!

    MS just need to recognise that mobile and desktop are different and reinstate the desktop features from Windows 7. Then they need to tell everyone that it ISN'T Windows 8.

    Instead they want to nail a stake in the heart of their business.

    1. Trevor_Pott Gold badge

      Re: Genius

      Except the Windows brand name is worth fuck all after repeated stabbing of it in the face with a rusty tractor.

      Maybe they should call it Microsoft Steals Your Privacy And Streams It To Bing?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Genius

      CEO: "Mobile is going to kill us, what do we do?"

      Director: "No problem, we can do a better job than the mobile market at killing ourselves!"

      CEO: "Um, that's not what I meant..."

  6. VinceH

    Curtains

    1. thomas k.

      re: Curtains

      But do they match the carpet?

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Hoary Hedgehog

    I always liked that one.

  8. Phil W

    Dated

    Back to dated names perhaps, Windows 2015 ?

    1. Fehu
      Pint

      Re: Dated

      Mystery Windows 3000 ?

  9. Zot
    Windows

    Windows Schitzo?

    Probably.

    1. Primus Secundus Tertius

      Re: Windows Schitzo?

      or Windows Rondo -- round and round as fashions change and later repeat. Visual effects one year, plain background and capital letters the next, then visual again...

      Nothing changes, but there is the Parkinson's Law of programming: software expands to fill the available hardware.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Educated guess

    My educated guess is it will simply be called 'Windows' and it will lay the foundations for their Windows in the cloud strategy whereby they charge you ££ a month and you get the latest security updates / patches and the ability to log on from anywhere with your profile / software as it is all hosted in the lovely Microsoft Cloud.

    There will be a meatier enterprise version, but that will probably be given a different name

  11. Turgut Kalfaoglu

    Nimbus?

  12. Christoph

    Window Pane - because it's a pain

    1. Ken Darling

      QA: Questionable Abbeviations

      Windows NT - New Technology

      Windows XP - eXPerience

      Windows RT - Runtime

      I suggest Windows AWE for the next version. AWE - Arse WipE

      1. davidp231

        Re: QA: Questionable Abbeviations

        Windows PoS? I'm sure that doesn't need an explaination.

  13. l8rm8e

    Doors?

    Too Jim Morrison? Too obvious?

    Trails? Trials? Traits?

    How about shards?

    Sod it, I'm not playing anymore (said Bill and Paul).

    Too many question marks, not enough snaaare-roll-boom-tish.

  14. Trollslayer

    Ah.

    Named after the response from customers.

    1. SineWave242

      Re: Ah.

      Or how about Windows Yawn... :)

      But seriously speaking I think it will be called just Windows as they are abandoning the new Windows every two years plan in favour of more Linux like update schedule/way of updating things. Which is good. That means more patches for the core of the OS and less useless GUI updates. They want to make a new XP, kinda, that will last for years to come. That is my educated guess, anyway.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Ah.

        "in favour of more Linux like update schedule/way of updating things"

        Oh god let's hope not. Microsoft's regular update release schedule is one of it's major advantages in corporate environments - versus Linux where updates are released at random - and it's much harder to resource for and schedule patching.

  15. i like crisps
    Trollface

    Windows 'ACE'

    or Windows 'COOL' or Windows 'SNAZZY' or Windows 'DARK WEB' or Windows '180' or Windows 'SEXY BEAST' or Windows 'ELITE' or Windows 'MUTTON DRESSED AS LAMB' or Windows 'LINUX' or Windows 'ONE' or Windows 'LOHAN' or Windows 'ROONEY' or Windows 'EPIC' or Windows 'SWEET' or Windows 'IRRELEVANT' or Windows 'THE DOGS BOLLOCKS' or Windows 'NSA, FBI MEDIA EDITION' or Windows 'PANIC' or Windows 'GLOCK9' or Windows 'ZERO' or Windows 'LABIA' or Windows 'JITTERY SHAREHOLDERS' or Windows 'LOL' or Windows 'PATCHED TO PERFECTION EDITION'.........got to be one of those...right?

    1. SineWave242

      Re: Windows 'ACE'

      I especially liked the Windows Dog's Bollocks. But why not just Windows Bollocks? it's more "catchy"! ;) :)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Trollface

        Re: Windows 'ACE'

        You joke, but I remember the days of changing the Windows logo at login to say all that... well, kept us amused for half an hour. :D

  16. Simon Westerby 1

    Windows NS

    for New Start (menu) ... lols

  17. channel extended

    Next Windows name is.........

    Window Blinds.

    After all MS is:

    Blind to customer needs. Why is there no way to translate their data formats into open standards?

    Blind to NSA spying. How could Stuxnet be written without their help?

    Blind to security holes. Why are patches only put out only once a week, rather than when ready?

    Blind to quality. If it doesn't make them money they don't care.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Next Windows name is.........

      Patches are rolled out once a month. Because system administrators asked so - outside your bedroom or basement, rolling out patches to large production system is a complex task which needs planning and tests to minimize downtime - especially if you have contractual SLA or the like.

      Stuxnet was made to spy and destroy Iranian nuclear enrichment plants - it was very different than spying your own citizens or allies. Or do you mean that Turing & C. work on defeating German encryption during WWII was bad because it actually allowed to spy Nazis? There was no need of MS help to write Stuxnet - but even if it did, it did the right thing.

      Office does support ODT.since 2007 SP2. Maybe it's time you update your version of Office... it doesn't look you're a customer, or probably the kind of customer who needs "open standard" to become an ex customer, and if so you're exactly the kind of customer no company cares of, really, if you ever run a business you would know what a "bad customer" is, and you're not going to spend money for its "needs".

      Quality does make money - and MS software is high quality, whatever you think. Try to use something more up to date than WIndows 95, you'll appreciate it.

      1. John Tserkezis

        Re: Next Windows name is.........

        "Office does support ODT.since 2007 SP2"

        Holy crap. How did I miss that? Maybe because I was too busy actually getting work done with Star/Open/Libre Office rather than fudge around with Microsoft's fucked up ribbon menu? Really? That's their claim to fame? A menu that takes up so much screen real estate that not only can't you find what you want (because they've moved it) that you don't have any space to do your work.

        "MS software is high quality"

        You're confusing "dressed up" with "quality". I wouldn't go so far as "lipstick on a pig", but you get the idea.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Holmes

          Re: Next Windows name is.........

          @John Tserkezis - "A menu that takes up so much screen real estate that not only can't you find what you want (because they've moved it) that you don't have any space to do your work."

          Sounds like the little "Collapse the Ribbon" arrow has escaped you over the years. I can see how that could be very frustrating. It's in the upper right corner -- looks like a little up arrow. It's also one of the 5 options on the context menu if you right-click on the ribbon.

          By the way, I too use LO and OOo, along with MS Office - whichever one is best for the job at hand.

        2. el_oscuro

          Re: Next Windows name is.........

          I rember my first encounter with Office 2007 about 6 years go. I was working on a new project to migrate a database to RAC, and had to open a document in Word. What was the first thing I wanted to do with this document? I actually wanted to print it for some reason. Utterally baffled by the ribbon (where is "file/print"?), I asked the system admin how to print. He didn't know either but said the old DOS shortcut key of CTRL/P still worked.

          Big productivity booster. I also figured out that other DOS shortcuts (CTRL/S for save, CTRL/O for open) also worked too. Better yet, they are almost universal for all programs, wether it is Windows, Mac, or Linux. They are so universal that they have become programmed in my muscle memory like CTRL/C and CTRL/V for copy and paste.

          Now though, they have installed the steaming pile of shit known as Outlook 2010 on my workstation. I actually whish for 2007!

        3. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Next Windows name is.........

          "because I was too busy actually getting work done with Star/Open/Libre Office "

          Everytime I try (and believe me, I' have tried so many times), I get frustrated trying to do the most basic things, its clunkiness and random crashes... it's like Office 2000 with less polish. Last time I got so frustrated, I installed an old copy of office 2003... At least it didn't crash. My current workplace has a large deployment of Open Office and the general feelings we (IT) get from the users, is to remove it as it causes more problems than it solves.

          "Microsoft's fucked up ribbon menu"

          I love the ribbon; once you get used to it, it saves a lot of time... Everytime I go back to an office suite (of any company including MS Office) which doesn't have the ribbon, I get frustrated that I have to struggle to find the most basic commands / operations. It sounds like we both struggle to be out of (what has become) our comfort zone. Don't think it's MS's fault we are resistant to change.

          "A menu that takes up so much screen real estate that not only can't you find what you want (because they've moved it) that you don't have any space to do your work."

          How small is your monitor? Did you know you can auto hide the ribbon?

          1. Chemist

            Re: Next Windows name is.........

            "(and believe me, I' have tried so many times)"

            The considered opinion of an AC and for what good reason ?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Next Windows name is.........

      Doesn't the name 'windows blinds' belong to Stardock?

      1. SineWave242

        Re: Next Windows name is.........

        Yes! It sounded so familiar. d= ;)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Holmes

      Re: Next Windows name is.........

      @channel - "Why are patches only put out only once a week, rather than when ready?"

      You couldn't be more wrong. But that's ok.

      There is something called Patch Tuesday. It's on the 2nd Tuesday of the month. Unless it's also on the 4th Tuesday of the month.

      One thing it is not is weekly.

      And there are also daily and other patches. Which are released daily and at other times. Sometimes those times correspond with when the patch is ready. Daily updates usually include malware definition updates for MS security products.

      So, the answer to your question is: you don't have the slightest clue what you are talking about. Now go back to fondling your shiny iToy and let the adults figure out what to call the next version of Wiindows.

    4. Trigonoceps occipitalis

      Re: Next Windows name is.........

      T he

      O perating

      S ystem

      F ormerly

      K nown

      A s

      W indows

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Next Windows name is.........

      "Why is there no way to translate their data formats into open standards?"

      Erm - you mean like Microsoft Office - which has the best ODF implementation on the market for instance? Although if it didn't the answer would be - because hardly anyone uses most data open standards - and there is very little demand - so why should they bother?

      "Blind to NSA spying. How could Stuxnet be written without their help?"

      Do the Linux kernel authors help to write Linux exploits and worms then? You are clearly an idiot.

      "Why are patches only put out only once a week, rather than when ready?"

      Because planned, scheduled and well tested development cycles generally product much higher quality code, and scheduled patching release cycles make it far easier to schedule evaluation, testing and deployment of patches.

      "If it doesn't make them money they don't care."

      And so they shouldn't as a corporate with responsibilities to their shareholders.

  18. William Donelson

    Windoze.

    1. Adam Foxton

      That would be brilliant

      Also creating subsidiaries called Micro$oft (corporate accountancy) and Microsloth (either small animals or home automation for the really lazy). Just to wind up the trolls as they havent got a joke to make...

  19. frank ly

    " ... something like Windows Locked."

    For me, for 18 months now, all versions have been Windows Shuttered. Ahhhh, Linux.

  20. Mephistro

    Windows Odd

    'Cause, as any fule knows, the odd Windows releases are the good ones. ;-)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Windows Odd

      There is a "good" version?

  21. Anonymous IV

    Windows Ukulele?

    ... for the new, cleaner Windows (apologies to George Formby).

    1. i like crisps
      Thumb Up

      Re: Windows Ukulele?

      MOTHER!!!!!!

    2. Lars Silver badge

      Re: Windows Ukulele?

      Thanks, the first that made me smile, don't know why though.

      Windows RIP?

  22. stucs201

    If they want to boost sales.

    They could call it Windows XP2. Of course this trick will only work once unless it happens to be a really good version.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If Microsoft wanted their new OS to shoot up the charts on installs; name it XP.

  24. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Happy

    WOS

    Windows Operating System

  25. Lee D Silver badge

    1, 2, 3, 3.1, 3.11, 3.11 for workgroups, 95, 95 OSR2, 98, 98 Second Edition, XP, Millenium Edition, 2000, Vista, Server 2003, Server 2008, Windows 7, Server 2012, Windows 8, Server 2012R2, Windows 8.1 (possibly not in that order).

    Damn, it could be ANYTHING. Going from history:

    There's a good chance it's going to have a number. There's half a chance it'll be consecutive and half not. There's a small chance it'll have a point number. There's a fair chance it'll carry some moniker or tag on the end of it, even with a number.

    I'll go for "Windows 9.0 for Metro Server Groups". Think I covered most angles there.

    1. davidp231

      NT3.1, NT3.5, NT 3.51, NT4 (and all their Server variants)

  26. amacater

    Windows name?

    To follow up the Huxley theme: Heaven and hell

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Windows Triple Glazed

    So no-one can hear you scream...

  28. Anomalous Cowturd
    Windows

    WinDoesn't?

    See Title.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Windows One

    Windows One

    or maybe

    Windows Start

  30. i like crisps

    Windows 'BAGUETTE'

    I'm struggling now........Er...Windows.......'JIHAD, MEDIA CENTRE EDITION'?........Windows 'LICKER'? Anyway, i'll look forward to downloading a corrupted copy of it (complete with key) from 'Pirate Ass' or whatever its called.....ooh just thought of another, Windows 'DEATH STAR'

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    How about...

    Windows NEIN !

    1. John Tserkezis

      Re: How about...

      "Windows NEIN !"

      This has already been suggested earlier in another article.

      And it's still funny!

    2. Adam 1

      Re: How about...

      No!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How about...

      Keeping w/ a German theme...

      Microsoft Scheißeberg

  32. captain veg Silver badge

    RG

    http://windowsreallygoodedition.com/

    -A.

    1. John Tserkezis

      Re: RG

      "http://windowsreallygoodedition.com/"

      A badly written site that needs scripting for anything to happen, flash to make it look pretty, and if you don't, it does very little, and not very well.

      Hey! Much like the real widows!

  33. kain preacher

    How about using car names . Windows the Edsel edition.

  34. i like crisps

    Nailed it...

    Windows 'TURBO'.....oh wait a minute, Windows 'DRAGON PUNCH'...no, hang on, Windows 'BRUCE LEE'.....tut.....Windows 'GALAXY'........Windows 'BUY ONE GET ONE FREE'.

  35. gregthecanuck

    This is not Captain Obvious

    Windows 2015 - make it consistent with the server naming.

    Seems an obvious option...

  36. i like crisps

    In keeping with current events...

    ...Windows 'BENDY'..........y'know the Apple phone thing...oh yeah Windows 'GRANNY SMITHS'

    or Windows 'OAP EDITION' (for all the 'Silver Surfers' out there).

  37. Khaptain Silver badge

    Name not important

    They are in such a shithole that the name alone is certainely not going to be the game changer.

    The might as well call it Windows Last Attempt or the Final Edition..

    1. dogged

      Re: Name not important

      Seriously? What planet do you live on?

      Windows 8 didn't matter. Anyone with a brain knew that it never mattered (except to idiots in comment threads) because Windows 7 was huge and most really big enterprises only just finished migrating to it.

      9 matters a bit. 10 matters a lot. That's two iterative versions' room to get it right. And "such a shithole" - yeah, Apple would love to be in a shithole that big.

      Wait, is it the year of linux on the desktop? Again?

      1. Khaptain Silver badge

        Re: Name not important

        @Dogged

        Windows 8 did matter, there were Billions spent on it preparing for the future. We might laugh about every second version being the good version but I am sure that MS did not on this occasion.

        If you were a MS Shareholder how would you feel. Short term outlook, pretty damned misreable.

        You are correct that Business is not looking at W8 and effectively most have just finished their migration to W7, myself included. But W9 is coming out sooner than expected and W10 is still a wet dream..

        Personally I would not like to be responsable for the W9 strategy, can you imagine how hot some of the boardroom meetings must have been recently. Especially when MS have put a HUGE effort into the "W8 - one system to rule them all project".. Let's not even mention RT huh....

        We have about 3 to 5 years before business will move again and meanwhile MS Shareholders are going to become very impatient. What is going to be sold in the next 3 to 5 years, pipedreams and a renewed TIFKAM or a rehashed W7.... That''s not what I call a very bright looking mid term.

        I truly regret that MS don't have a real competitor in this market because I would have bet my house on their competitor gaining huge ground after these recent fiascos.

        1. Bob Vistakin
          Linux

          Re: Name not important

          "I truly regret that MS don't have a real competitor in this market because I would have bet my house on their competitor gaining huge ground after these recent fiascos."

          3-5 years? One word - Android.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Name not important

            ""I truly regret that MS don't have a real competitor in this market because I would have bet my house on their competitor gaining huge ground after these recent fiascos.""!

            The biggest fiascos have been in the closest you can get to competition right now - Linux - which has had 2 major screws ups just in the last couple of moths with Open SSL and BASH - people are migrating in legions to Windows Server for Web hosting - it's now the market share leader!

            "3-5 years? One word - Android."

            LOL - not likely. Android is a really shitty stack of the most insecure and clunky middleware in existence - Java - and the hardest to use and one of the highest vulnerability count OSs in existence in Linux, topped by the world's least secure browser in Chrome.. Not surprisingly every Android release is hacked to shreds before it even hits the shops. You have to have bolt on extra software like 'Knox' to even try and approach the security of products like Blackberry and Windows Phone - and even then it doesn't come close. No corporate wants that sort of mess as a primary OS.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Name not important

              wow, what a cry baby fanboy. who are you trying to kid?

              have you actually used windows, in anger?

      2. Maventi
        Pint

        Re: Name not important

        "Wait, is it the year of linux on the desktop? Again?"

        No, that won't occur until after the year of Windows on the phone.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Name not important

          That'll be never then

      3. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: Name not important

        "Windows 8 didn't matter. Anyone with a brain knew that it never mattered (except to idiots in comment threads) because Windows 7 was huge and most really big enterprises only just finished migrating to it."

        So... Windows 7.1?

  38. returnmyjedi

    'Windows Vanden Plas'

    'Windows St Edmunds'

    'Windows Scaramouche, Scaramouche'

    'Windows Catflap'

    Or most likely

    'Windows of Your Mind'

    1. Steven Raith

      'Windows Vanden Plas'

      Oh fuck yes! The imagery that brings up is just perfect! Have an upvote.

      Steven R

      PS: You'd need to be aware of car history for that - Vanden Plas was a trim level used by British Leyland brands back in the day to make their cars appear more important/luxurious/fancy than they actually were, using things like chrome grilles, extra features (includes cabin heater!), quad headlights etc to cover the fact that their cars were plain fucking awful.

      Do an image search for Austin Allegro, follow it up with a search for Allegro Vanden Plas, but don't drink coffee as the results load, you'll spit it out with no small degree of incredulity at the idea of an Allegro trying to look like a Rolls Royce.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iWindows

  40. captain veg Silver badge

    how about a GPL version?

    Open Windows.

    -A.

  41. Yugguy

    is it

    Windows Sorry?

  42. willi0000000

    i don't think they should call it anything.

    [just put it in the iconic "plain brown wrapper" and ship it]

  43. N2

    Windows SOS

    Same Old Shit,

    Different GUI all fucked up so some 'certified' training provider can charge your company a fortune to tell you how to do what you already know.

  44. Gareth Gouldstone
    Happy

    Winsome

    adjective

    attractive or appealing in a fresh, innocent way

    1. Anomalous Cowturd
      Unhappy

      Re: Winsome

      Lose some?

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about 'Apology' ?

  46. labboypro

    Microsoft Facade... All new and shiny on the front, same old thing underneath.

  47. WildW

    I'm going to predict it will be called only "Windows" and you'll be paying an annual subscription for a continuously updated OS for the rest of your days.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Privacy and Clouds are big buzzwords these days.

    N^HS^HA^HOpenRain 2020

    Or maybe

    GutterSpout One

    Or just

    Sewerage Flood

    Expected release date: 2021ish

    1. Dave Wallace

      Re: Privacy and Clouds are big buzzwords these days.

      WIDNOEWS UBUUNTU

      Apologies to JIM THE BOSS

    2. Mike Echo

      Re: Privacy and Clouds are big buzzwords these days.

      Yep, I reckon the name will definitely be something cloudy, but, seeing as marketing will be creating it the name will end up really lame. It will end up with the kind of name only suits would think was "cool".

      1. Death Boffin
        Coat

        Re: Privacy and Clouds are big buzzwords these days.

        How about Windows Fogged? Has cloudy, privacy and cool!

  49. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge
    FAIL

    It really has to be...

    Window, Chapter 11 Edition

    anything else is doomed to fail.

  50. Steve Knox

    They should play to their real strengths...

    and call it Microsoft GOSH [Gaming, Office, and SQL (Server) Host]

    1. hplasm
      Windows

      Re: They should play to their real strengths...

      and call it Microsoft Zero.

  51. Sultitan

    Curtains

  52. Woza

    TOSFKAW

    The Operating System Formerly Known As Windows?

  53. tempemeaty

    About One for all and all for X marks the OS...

    Okay. I knew something was up and circumstances indicated to me that their was a change in OS naming scheme in the works but wow. I had to look up my notes on that. It wouldn't surprise me if this new name will reflect the "ONE" OS for all things or even utilize the familiar "X" from Win XP or "X BOX ONE". Then again if this is MS's coming out of the closet with their Cloud OS who knows...

    Personally the name I use in my own head space is "Blockdows".

    Edit. They've also used "Azure". Hmmm...everything is so cloudy...

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There's no such thing as bad publicity...

    Hairy Buttocks.

  55. Vociferous

    Windows Not 8.

    That is after all its biggest selling point.

    But in reality I'm guessing it'll be even more cloud, even more mobile, even more touch, even more search-for-everything, even more OS-as-a-service, and it'll have one of those 5 random-letters-but-pronounceable web2.0 car model names which doesn't mean anything, like "ilocy", "citan" or "xcent".

  56. Gray
    Angel

    WinDroid

    For the mobile version (catching up with the juggernaut);

    WindOS9 for the desktop version (they've always lagged Apple);

    and WindShield for the secure version (ignoring all those messy bug splats).

  57. RonWheeler

    Windows Toilet Paper?

    To clean up the mess immediately after a large pile of rectangular poop?

  58. Captain DaFt

    Mash-up meme time!

    Windows NEO - Not Even Once

  59. poopypants

    I have no idea what it will be called

    but I fear it will be the first stage in erecting a walled garden, with the ultimate aim of grabbing a 30% slice of the price any software sold to run on PCs. That is why Gabe Newell is spending so much time and money on developing a Linux based Valve games machine. Is he right? Time will tell.

    1. Vociferous

      Re: I have no idea what it will be called

      Yep, but it seems to me the Steam Machines lost quite a bit of... er, steam, when the failure of Windows 8 became so obvious that Monkey Boy Ballmer had to leave Microsoft. I think Microsoft now is a bit more humble about destroying the entire PC eco-system (although I don't doubt that's still the ultimate goal).

  60. Big-nosed Pengie

    Windows It'llWorkThisTimeReally.

  61. zen1

    I've been pondering this for awhile...

    How's about "Windows - That we hope doesn't suck as much or upset everybody's apple cart because our marketing team missed the boat with the whole new "metro look & feel", apology 1.x"

  62. Oninoshiko
    Joke

    My theory...

    they are going to drop the desktop altogether in favor of TIFKAM, and change the name from "Windows" to "Window"

    You heard it here first!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My theory...

      After using it, they may as well call it "Bricked"...

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Microsoft OS XI, obviously it's one better

  64. ilmari

    XP is the only named one that was not a dud, and every second windows is a dud. For that reason, using same methodology as technical stock analysts, a named version in the good slot in the sequence is asking for trouble.

    Bob

    Millenium Edition

    XP

    Vista

    Threshold

    1. i like crisps

      Did Amstrad have this problem?

      WINDOWS 'Millenium Falcon Edition'.........sorry, i saw the word Millenium

  65. Adam 1

    Windows 'not 8'

    Should sell like hotcakes.

  66. Tromos

    For maximum takeup...

    ...just call it "NOT Windows 8".

  67. Lance S

    Windows ISL (It Sucks Less)

  68. Terje
    Joke

    Considering the heritage of quality operating systems it has to build uppon such as BOB, ME, Vista and not least 8 I have a couple of thoughtful ideas.

    Windows Uncle..... Seeing as bob's your ...

    Windows Door..... As it might see even more people looking for the exit unless it's actually good.

    Windows Patio..... Might want to add extra heaters.

    Windows !8..... For obvious reasions.

    Windows Start..... You asked for it and we grudgingly put it back.

    Windows Bus..... It's not the interface formerly not known as metro we promise.

  69. IT Drone

    Replacement Windows

    (complete with annoying adverts)

  70. Tom 7

    WindowsOne

    Song.

  71. JCB

    Windows 7.9

    Captures the essence of moving on to version 9 while pretending that 8 never happened.

    1. davidp231

      Re: Windows 7.9

      They've already ruined that... the final build version of ME was 4.9.3000, and we all know how well that went.

  72. Montreal Sean

    I've got it!

    Windows TIE (this isn't eight)

    Windows www (we were wrong)

    Sean

  73. Bladeforce

    Windows ANK

    A New Kinesthetic OS

    Or WANK for short

  74. Darren B

    Windows Titanic

  75. Oops Notagain
    Big Brother

    Jeepers creepers - it's Mr. Peepers!

    Maybe an NSA-like Windows of Deception...

  76. Albert Hall

    I know! Iknow!

    The unWindows – kinda retro cool like

    Windows sNaFu – totally cool for those afraid of change

    Windows DUDE – awesomely kewl

    Windows Unbuttoned – I don't get it either

    Of course... it just came to me! Just call it DILBERT.

    You're welcome. And you read it here first!

  77. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about

    Windows 200 bucks edition?

    Windows love (after windows H8)

    Windows cleaner edition

    Windows drafty edition

    Microsoft deckchairs (to be rearranged on the sinking ship)

  78. karijkangas

    Finally.

    Windows NEXT!

  79. stim

    Microsoft OS One

  80. Arachnoid

    Windows Nien [NO!!!!!!!!!}

    Nothing to see here move along

  81. Anonymous Bullard

    Microsoft Windows 9 64-bit NT/XP Ultimate for embedded home office enterprises 2014 plus R2, Professional mobile cloud workgroups edition, update 3.11, SP 6.2 for Europe.

    1. BongoJoe

      Well, they could go further and shove in stuff like "-ENU" that they use on their server products to really confuse us all.

      Whatever they call it, unless it does backward compatability in a backward and compatible manner then I won't touch it.

  82. John Savard

    Well

    While they could just give up and call it Microsoft OS/86 9.0, but that's extremely unlikely.

    Since the name Android is taken, if the interface formerly known as Metro is emphasized, there's always Zombie. But in reality, of course, they'll try and call it something positive.

    And it's true that "Windows" is getting old. Now that you can even get a decent GUI for free with Linux, and any GUI has applications running in their little windows, a name is needed to emphasize the unique beneficial features one gets from Microsoft.

    And what could those be?

    Well, the fact that a lot of third-party software is written for it. So they could call it "Standard".

    Or maybe they could license the brand name "Akzidenz Grotesk"?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Well

      a name is needed to emphasize the unique beneficial features one gets from Microsoft.

      Hmm... and it has to be something positive...?

      The marketing team have a tough job on their hands!

    2. itzman

      Re: Well

      Vampire Virtualised Blood sucking Operating system?

      VVBSOS

  83. Jungleland

    Obession with Mobile and Cloud

    I think it will simply hang on to the coat tails of Office and be called Windows 365 with a subscription model based on the old Standard, Pro etc versions.

    Standard - base model with enough unnecessary services, DLLs and EXEs to keep Windows as the main security target for malware vendors (After all, if the anti-malware bloat companies went out of business, people would realise they didn't need to upgrade OSes every year). Cloudy Word and outlook included.

    Professional - As above with Excel, Accel and Powerpoint included. Able to join an AD domain.(Volume licences will require separate subs to Windows and Office because if you can afford a volume licence, you canafford to pay extra)

    Premium - As above. Able to use a local account and not a Micrsoft ID. Powerpoint removed for people's sanity.

    Ultimate - Linux Mint ;)

  84. kain preacher

    obvious choice

    Windows beta ver 0.90

  85. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No one has done body stuff as names for operating systems

    Windows "An Anus"

    Windows "Bad Blood"

    Windows "Clever Clitoris"

    Windows "Deft Duodenum"

    Windows "Elfin Eyes"

    Windows "Fattened Flesh"

    Windows "Great Gut"

    Windows "Heavy Head"

    etc.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No one has done body stuff as names for operating systems

      Zirconium Zit?

  86. This post has been deleted by its author

  87. This post has been deleted by its author

  88. itzman

    Is Linux a trademark?

    Linux Pear, its Linux, its almost an Apple and it runs Windows apps...(but not windows).

    1. Swarthy

      Re: Is Linux a trademark?

      Something tells me that would go all pear-shaped.

  89. Shaha Alam

    Microsoft lacks imagination when it comes to product names. they'll probably call it "My Computer Software".

  90. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My list of requirements.

    1. Windows 7 look and feel, so much so that it's indistinguishable, either in the front, or the back end.

    2. Complete disabling of any cloud interaction.

    3. Removal of Bing.

    4. The ability to switch off all stupid pictures, such as their view of what you want the desktop to look like.

    5. No-one who hasn't been an engineer to have any say in UI.

    6. Removal of all "gesture" UI stuff.

    7. Rollback of everything that's happened UI since a month before Windows 8 beta was released.

    8. Complete removal of Microsoft signin for install,

    9. Removal of the App Store.

    10. return of the start button, removal of the metro thing, return of control panel, and all the other stupid design decisions made.

    11. The sacking of anyone who was a leading light since a year before windows 8.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My list of requirements.

      So what do you like about Windows?

      1. Tom 13

        Re: So what do you like about Windows?

        My gainful employment.

  91. Fenton

    Windows One.

    After all the third Xbox is call the Xbox one

  92. Tom 13

    This should go over about as well as

    New Coke.

  93. Gis Bun

    Windows HD.

    Windows Doors.

    Windows Locked.

    Windows Broken.

  94. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about...

    Windows 987

    You know, like the kid's joke... Nine ate seven?

    BTW, Nein is the proper spelling for Nien.

  95. Blaad
    Coat

    windows none

    Windows none.

  96. stephajn

    On the day of the big announce....

    And they call it Windows 10. Wow....such a new name....so innovative....so.....ungh....

    My sarcasm knows no bounds on this one.....

    http://gizmodo.com/windows-10-microsoft-skips-a-digit-with-latest-operati-1640805626

    1. Ken Moorhouse Silver badge

      Re: On the day of the big announce....

      Now we know why there's lots of -er- undocumented features in the Windows OS, it's been using a radix of 9 for all these years. No wonder there's been lots of buffer overflows.

  97. Zot

    LOL at Windows 10!!!

    Are they trying to take the jinx out of the even numbered OSs!

    :D

  98. kain preacher

    I think apple wants thier OS back. At least they did not call it windows X or X windows.

  99. James 32

    Desqview? (shows my age)

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