back to article Russia: SEXY LIZARDS which landed FROM SPACE are all DEAD

Russia's space agency has made the announcement everyone must have been fearing: after being launched, lost, and recovered, its famed “sex geckos” have all died. After a premature political announcement of their safe return to Earth, space agency Roscosmos issued a brief statement that the geckos had perished during the …

  1. Splodger

    Pome.

    So farewell then.

    Sticky footed cosmo-reptiloids.

    Lost and found in the inky black.

    Should have had a jumper on your back.

    E.J. Throbb. (13½)

  2. LaeMing
    Unhappy

    Hope they were insured!

    1. Mark 85

      In the States, Geico would have probably been their insurance of choice. Then again, I can't think of or find another company that has a reptile for spokespers.... spokesreptilian.

    2. Evil Auditor Silver badge

      "Hope they were insured!"

      Who, the geckos or Roscosmos?

  3. SteveCarr
    Trollface

    But even more important - what about the veedeeooh!

    I was under the impression that footage of their (s)exploits would be made available on the return of the satellite to Earth - please tell us it is so!

    Reptilian zero-g space pron, because, you know, WE ALL NEED IT!

  4. Anonymaus Cowark
    Black Helicopters

    Who done it?

    Who killed the geckos?

    Did some earth bound lizard kill the space lizards on arrival?

    Or are the real overlords the fruit flies, who had to dispose of the llizards because they found out ...

    why are there so many fruit flies on my window...

    No need to run. Please stay calm.

  5. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

    Onna stick!

    Half a dollar and I'm cutting my own throat!

    1. Geoff Campbell Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

      What flavour are they?

      GJC

      1. Evil Auditor Silver badge

        Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

        They all taste like chicken.

        1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

          Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

          @Evil Auditor

          I can't comment on the flavour of frozen geckos, but I have tried iguana, and that tasted like chicken...

        2. AbelSoul
          Trollface

          Re: They all taste like chicken.

          All of my life

          I've been kissin'

          Your frozen geckos

          'Cause they taste like chicken.

          Oh, boy.

      2. Steve Foster
        Joke

        Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

        From CMOT Barnes? Probably bacon.

    2. Alister

      Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

      Onna stick!

      Half a dollar and I'm cutting my own throat!

      I wouldn't buy them Gecko-y things from cut-me-own-throat-Barnes, he hasn't even peeled them!!

      1. Roger Greenwood

        Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

        "he hasn't even peeled them!!"

        . . or taken the bones out.

        (Well they wouldn't be crunchy).

  6. Kharkov
    Joke

    It shows how powerful the PornStars Union is...

    Let this be a warning! Non-union members participating in filmed nookie...

    The PSU is waiting to get you. You'll never see it coming...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That's a first..

    .. frigidity as a cause of death ..

    1. Gordon 10

      Re: That's a first..

      Is there any record of the gecko's getting married prior to the fridgidity?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's a first..

      The important lesson is that when they send some humans to do a similar experiment they'd better take a good thick duvet and bed socks. Obviously this will still be a risky endeavour, but I would like to declare that I am available for experimental space breeding experiments with nubile Russians.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Devil

        Re: That's a first..

        This is Olga. She is beautiful 19 year-old Russian Olympic gold medalist and she will be your space companion this trip. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit...

        1. Jedit Silver badge

          "This is Olga. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit."

          Do not be fearing, little Western man. Before date I shave leg, armpit *and* chest!

          1. ProperDave
            Meh

            Re: "This is Olga. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit."

            Shaved just one leg and armpit? :o

            We need a shocked icon.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: That's a first..@ I ain't Spartacus

          I don't mind muscles on a woman. Mind you, the endurance of a shot-putter should leave me drained after my month of space-bonking, and I'd look like a deflated air bed as I was helped out of the space capsule.

          In passing it occurs to me how dull the Reg forums would be if we could only post under our real names.....

  8. Arachnoid

    Liz is not amused

    On hearing about the the desecration of her distant relatives issued a Fatwa of her own and is reported as shouting " OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"

  9. Lexxy
    Angel

    R.I.P.

    (Reptile Ice Pop)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Death to our space -based lizard overlords!

    better not advertize who I am though

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm Nazi-ing that Putin is a fascist, but...

    Apparently the geckos had expressed sentiments somewhat opposed to Putin's annexation of the Ukrainian Sudetenland, so the Russians cut off their cheap gas heating.

    Meanwhile, three "McGeckos" restaurants in Moscow have been shut down due to the mysteriously sudden discovery of "health code violations".

  12. harmjschoonhoven
    Facepalm

    Protection

    So someone forgot to put on their spacesuits. Doing their business they were naked of course.

  13. Paul Hovnanian Silver badge

    John Oliver

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b436uUuf_VI

    Sadly, it seems it's too late.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    They say it was an accident, but I know the truth!!

    The fact is that the space aliens don't WANT us learning how to breed lizards in space, since they are afraid of mankind developing our own conquering lizard-man space legions, just like the ones the aliens have. So I suspect sabotage.....

    THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!!!

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