Sign in / up

back to article fist-bumping is good for your health, says respected surveyor

In the 21st Century it seems there are more ways to shake hands than there are Facebook gender categories (which number 56, if you're wondering). So what's an Englishman to do when faced with this breakdown of traditional decorum? Boffins at Aberystwyth University have suggested you make like Ali G and master the art of the …

COMMENTS

House rules Send corrections
This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. msknight
    WTF?

    Hmmm...

    That's not what I understand as, "fisting." I read that headline and got all excited there for a moment.

    21 0
    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Thumb Up

      Re: Hmmm...

      The writers of el Reg sub-headings are not responsible for your sick mind jumping to conclusions.

      That said, they are a bunch of perverted, smut obsessed, potty-mouthed, filth-mongers (and we love them for it).

      11 0
      1. Matt 21
        Reply Icon

        Re: Hmmm...

        I was somewhat mislead as well........

        Coming back to the health aspect: I can't see that it can make that much difference. I'm currently working in a country where a kiss ion the cheek (or two or three) is a standard greeting and yet there's no evidence to show that there's a higher level of sickness here, in fact there's some evidence to the contrary.

        It reminds me of the survey which said that people from Newcastle are less likely to wash their hands after they go to the loo. I haven't seen any evidence that they're sicker (well physically) than the rest of us.

        1 0
      2. aqk
        Reply Icon

        Re: Hmmm...

        Ah, those Register headlines... sometimes they are real whack jobs.

        0 0
    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Unhappy

      Re: Hmmm...

      > That's not what I understand as, "fisting." I read that headline and got all excited there for a moment.

      Indeed.

      I was anticipating a good read about the insertion of appendages into the vaginal opening of a woman for her sexual gratification. Imagine my embarrassment upon reading the article that it was no such thing.

      Really ElReg, this sort of thing is just too much.

      1 0
      1. Scroticus Canis
        Reply Icon
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Hmmm...@skelband ¿Gender bias?

        First time I heard the term it was associated with the Gay community, no vaginas involved.

        Way back (pre-AIDS) some satirical rag (name gone Alzheimer's way) had a front cover headlined 'Ticka ticka Tumex' with a picture of a fist and forearm, wearing a watch, with brown stuff to mid-forearm. No prizes for guessing what the associated article was about. Damned near brought tears to my eyes.

        Paris? Well you never know, might be a 'big girl'.

        0 0
        1. aqk
          Reply Icon

          Re: Hmmm...@skelband GOATSE?

          Are you sure you weren't looking at a pic of goatse?

          0 0
    3. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmmm...

      Monkey see, monkey do....

      0 0
  2. Arachnoid

    So Gangsta peeps

    Do actually have at least one healthy pastime

    4 0
  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I prefer a good handshake -- gives you a measure of the person's enthusiasm.

    2 0
    1. frank ly
      Reply Icon

      While you're shaking hands, you can slip in a shoulder punch to emphasise how 'modern' and 'cool' you are.

      1 0
  4. Anomalous Cowshed

    "When Barack Obama and his wife fisted each other"

    How refreshing to hear of politicians taking a break from fisting all of us and doing it instead with their spouses. This is a positive development which will bring many benefits, not just halt the spread of germs. It should be encouraged. Let Mr. and Mrs. Obama be an example to all of you in Capitol Hill / Westminster / ...

    13 0
    1. Anomalous Cowshed
      Reply Icon

      Re: "When Barack Obama and his wife fisted each other"

      Next step: politicians shafting each other.

      4 0
      1. Anomalous Cowshed
        Reply Icon

        Re: "When Barack Obama and his wife fisted each other"

        BREAKING NEWS:

        People around the country woke up this morning with an extremely strange feeling - a mixture of relief, freedom and harmony, as politicians from around the world took to fisting and shafting each other for a change, leaving people in peace after millennia of interference, self-interested mismanagement and murderous exploitation...Analysts blame a shady gang of marijuana traffickers who are said to have infiltrated political circles at the highest echelons.

        4 0
      2. John Tserkezis
        Reply Icon

        Re: "When Barack Obama and his wife fisted each other"

        "Next step: politicians shafting each other."

        Dunno, around this part of town, politicians don't seem to do anything other than shaft each other...

        0 0
  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    embarrasing

    Am I the only one who feels a dick when trying to do anything other than a handshake? I'm 40 not 20.

    17 0
    1. boba1l0s2k9
      Reply Icon

      Re: embarrasing

      I suggest keeping your hands above waist level. I've never had the problem you describe.

      30 0
      1. Joe Harrison
        Reply Icon

        Re: embarrasing

        A couple of my fingers are a bit sore, dunno why maybe RSI or touch of arthritis. They are fine and I don't bother unless I actually whack them one when yes it does hurt. Believe me I really hate shaking hands with the bonecrushing types who have read too many Top Business Tips and are terrified of showing weakness by presenting a limp handshake. Can't be just me?

        4 0
        1. Frankee Llonnygog
          Reply Icon

          Re: embarrasing

          I too hate those prats who crush my fingers before then attempting to sell me expensive kit. They always seem so surprised when they don't make the sale. Almost as surprised as when I decline their rugby ticket bribes with "Sorry, I prefer ballet".

          I dunno how they get such strong grips - some form of frequent and repetitive manual exercise...

          Anyway, my motto has always been "Greet your mates with a fist bump, as a punch in the face often offends"

          1 0
    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: embarrasing

      I would not know, anything other than shaking hands for a greeting is just not British!

      (I may be comfortable sitting butt naked in a sauna with a mixed group of friends, but fist bump? never!)

      1 0
    3. Bucky 2
      Reply Icon

      Re: embarrasing

      I'm probably too old already to think of this as an apt replacement for a formal handshake.

      It feels to me too much like a macho display specifically designed to drive out secret thoughts of more intimate contact between the two people involved.

      Like maybe actual fisting. Or at least a fervent oral argument.

      0 0
  6. Mephistro
    Devil

    So, fisting prevents the spread of E. Coli?

    Sounds legit. ;-)

    1 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So, fisting prevents the spread of E. Coli?

      but aids the transmission of Ebola ...

      1 0
  7. Julian Bond

    Not only that, but also,

    While we're at it can we please stop the man hug and the air kiss. And when you've got flu, don't come in to the office, cancel the meeting.

    7 0
  8. Robert E A Harvey

    Hugs

    I've found when travelling around the world that a decent bear hug better conveys the respect and affection for one's host and is well recieved.

    Not always mind. Not everywhere. But the looks on their faces....

    6 0
  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A fist bump is for when you say something intensely cutting or amusing, as a mutual show of respect. It'd be wasteful to use it as a mere greeting.

    7 0
  10. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    I only ever use the Vulcan salute

    I suspect I might be missing some subtext here.

    3 0
    1. VinceH
      Reply Icon

      Re: I only ever use the Vulcan salute

      I prefer to give people the birdie - but I am a bit anti-social.

      0 0
  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    As a frequent business traveller....

    I've observed that whenever I'm in a country with lower hygiene standards, every f----- wants to shake my hand.

    0 0
  12. hi_robb

    And

    If you're in to fisting, put your hand up.

    3 0
  13. Tikimon
    Devil

    Beware the Ultra-Macho Fist!

    Traditional hand-grabs give one the opportunity to crush the other party's fingers to show what a STRONG, MANLY handshake one has. I suppose if you want to do that with a fist you simply punch the other party as hard as you can?

    Shakes and bumps are so impersonal. French cheek kissing, FTW!

    1 0
  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I prefer the Native American Indian gesture...

    ...palmed hand, palms facing outward, fingertips and palms pointing up and shouting "Hao!". No contact, can't be mistaken by anything else.

    "V" shape 2+2 fingers and saying "Live long and prosper": nerdy and great greeting.

    Japanese bow works too. Except you can't tell, for some people, if they spotted a nickle on the floor and are about to pick it up. But the gesture is gracious, harmonious, almost reverential.

    One arm extended forward at 45 degrees up, palmed hand, palm down-outward, not so much. Don't do that in public.

    And there is the ultra-low profile, arms down, don't-let-my-wife-next-to-me-jealous hello hand-waving. That is one tricky move.

    1 0
    1. Gareth Gouldstone
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Re: I prefer the Native American Indian gesture...

      Or the five point palm exploding heart technique, perhaps?

      0 0
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I prefer the Native American Indian gesture...

        I find posioned fish heads presented respectfully does the job

        0 0
  15. Scroticus Canis
    IT Angle

    What's wrong with the traditional British footy-fan intro?

    Left hook, right cross, knee to the groin optional.

    1 0
  16. Lamont Cranston

    So, being a wigger is an accepted norm, now?

    Stop the world, I want to get off.

    0 0
  17. Ben XO

    Adventure Time seems to be a big promoter of the move. http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/202/4/e/fistbump_by_gioilcavaliere-d581ece.png

    0 0
This topic is closed for new posts.