Stormtrooper turned good guy?.
I can't see how this ex-Stormtrooper thing is going to work on screen. Nobody's going to be able to suspend disbelief if he actually manages to shoot anyone.
Some meagre plot details for the new Star Wars movie have leaked online, revealed to BadAssDigest by “multiple sources” (some spoilers follow, obviously). Christina Chong in Line of Duty Newest cast member Christina Chong in Beeb TV show Line of Duty With no official word on plot from JJ Abrams, Disney or Lucasfilm, …
They could play it for laughs... bit like the "Drink problem" gag in Airplane. It could run and run
Ex-stormtrooper dude shoots 6 shots around the bad guy like when the fourth man missed Jules & Vincent in Pulp Fiction.
Solo: (Shoots Bad guy) Dammit Chewie, this guy couldn't hit a star destroyer if he was standing on it
Chewie: (Shakes shaggy head) raaaaarruurgghh!!
Ex-stormtrooper dude: (shrugs)
To the fine men and women of the best tech site on the planet:
I seldom object to stories here, but just because the details leak somewhere, do you have to republish them? First off, I doubt there's any confirmation from anyone of note involved with the production. That makes it rumour, not news. Even if it does turn out to be true, is this really worthy of your talents? Are you hiring reporters away from Heat? Can we look forward to Kardashian updates on the hour?
Second, there are a few of us out there that don't want to memorize the script before seeing a film. I like a little mystery when I go to the cinema. Yes, there are all sorts of people out there that want to know how many stitches are in the front seam of Luke's new Jedi robe, but they will just ruin the film for themselves. No need to destroy it for all of us.
I am no fan of JJ Abrams who single handed ruined the Star Trek series for me. However, I still want to go see the film when it comes out. I like seeing movies with no preconceptions so I can make up my own mind.
One of the reasons your web site is open on my browser all day is you have gained my respect over the years by fair and reasonably impartial reporting (mixed with sardonic humour that I adore). However, it's reality check time. Harrison Ford breaking his ankle on set is news. Spoilers that may or may not be real are not.
You should handle stories like this the same way FIFA handles people who run on the pitch during the World Cup for free publicity. Focus on something else until the annoyance goes away, then get back to what matters.
@AC with the chip
I loved Star wars, but its over. The 3 ,um, old new ones were a huge dissapointment - no ones fault , how could they not be. same for these next 3 . So i dont mind a little speculation , true or false about what might be in them.
Now to my main point - If you dont want to know dont read the article! The reg even omitted their usually oh so clever tag line for this exact reason. cant say fairer than that!
At OP AC...
just because The Reg published the leaked details doesn't mean you have to read them. I haven't read the article*, but I've skipped to this comments section to get an idea of how spoilery the spoilers are. My choice, as your choice is yours.
*I know, I'm a hypocrite; I normally criticise commentards who comment on an article they haven't fully read.
Harrison Ford breaking his ankle (sounds more like a bad sprain, break one of your own and see), has no tech connection.
Some gossip site has no tech connection, except they have an Internet site.
They have been selected to run a little pre-publicity or they are just making it up.
Who cares?
It is sure to be a pile that trundles along and gets a few points from the protagonists from the original three.
Speaking of which, I enjoyed parts of all of the prequels, child actor playing young Vader was perfectly precocious, proud, and pouty, that got the next most criticism to Jar Jar, who played pretty much the same as when he was the same actor in the Fifth Element, but I cannot recall the same mass hysteria against that, quite the opposite.
I would love anyone to watch Return of the Jedi and say with a straight face that it is not the most cloying of all.
Fans and those older than about 25 will recall that Lucas spoke of a nine-part series, for which he'd written the outline.
Threw his toys out of the pram after herd-like media reviews from Menace to Sith, I really do not believe he did not have at least a sketch of the nine-part matinee series he claimed.
As if Disney will do anything but flog the horse until it is dead, and as if Lucas needed more money.
"Harrison Ford breaking his ankle (sounds more like a bad sprain, break one of your own and see), has no tech connection.
Some gossip site has no tech connection, except they have an Internet site."
Looking for a tech connection on every Reg article? You must be new.
As for the rogue stormtrooper: The idea of a hero with a conflicted past trying to make good can be brilliant, if it's done properly, but I have little faith this movie will be done properly.
I mean, Star Wars Episode 3 was basically the story of Faust--the classic story of the fall from grace that's been a running theme in human literature since...well, since before there WAS literature. It's an archetypal story that's so embedded in our consciousness that it should not be possible to screw it up. Yet screw it up they did. So I might, I think, be forgiven for approaching any new movies in the franchise with a certain battle-hardened skepticism, I think.
Open on your browser all day?
Not to condemn, but you must be retired and have a very cushy payout or be rather above all at work.
I only look at the site from work when bad code and descriptions start to drive me to death, so I need a little clarity, never have it open all day.
Each to their own.
============== MASS QUOTE
To the fine men and women of the best tech site on the planet:
I seldom object to stories here, but just because the details leak somewhere, do you have to republish them? First off, I doubt there's any confirmation from anyone of note involved with the production. That makes it rumour, not news. Even if it does turn out to be true, is this really worthy of your talents? Are you hiring reporters away from Heat? Can we look forward to Kardashian updates on the hour?
Second, there are a few of us out there that don't want to memorize the script before seeing a film. I like a little mystery when I go to the cinema. Yes, there are all sorts of people out there that want to know how many stitches are in the front seam of Luke's new Jedi robe, but they will just ruin the film for themselves. No need to destroy it for all of us.
I am no fan of JJ Abrams who single handed ruined the Star Trek series for me. However, I still want to go see the film when it comes out. I like seeing movies with no preconceptions so I can make up my own mind.
One of the reasons your web site is open on my browser all day is you have gained my respect over the years by fair and reasonably impartial reporting (mixed with sardonic humour that I adore). However, it's reality check time. Harrison Ford breaking his ankle on set is news. Spoilers that may or may not be real are not.
You should handle stories like this the same way FIFA handles people who run on the pitch during the World Cup for free publicity. Focus on something else until the annoyance goes away, then get back to what matters.
============== MASS QUOTE
I agree with this so much. Point by point, I could have written this.
This is also my view, the empire may of seemed scary at first but they brought about and end to piracy and trade stability. The Jedi were a bunch of fence sitters, telling people what to do but not actually doing much themselves. Basically they didn't give a rats ass about the massive deaths that they caused by going against galactic peace.
LOL, yet also not-LOL. Think of the Empire as the Nazis and the Rebels as La Résistance. Think of the moral argument for destroying the Death Star like nuking Hiroshima. OK the penne arrabiata-serving canteen staff didn't deserve to die, but it saved more innocent lives than it costed. The canteen staff were probably robots.
Reference to 'nuking Hiroshima' is more than a little tasteless at this time of the year.
But would be super appropriate at Christmas?
Also, do learn how the Reg's comment-threading system works, and why quoting the relevant part of the post you're commenting on is a good idea. Particularly if you feel compelled to respond to a dozen posts in a single thread.
Don't you mean a bit 'Abrams'?
In a stunning plot twist an aged Jar Jar goes back in time to hang with his Mesa buddy Darth Maul only to accidentally erase the entire time line that produced Anakin Skywalker and Midaclorians by accidentally wiring the throttle of Anakins pod racer directly to the fuel tank.
Fortunately Luke and Leia are warned of their impending demise via a disturbance in the force as if a billion movie goers suddenly cried out with joy and taking Han and Chewie with them they too travel back in time via a convenient black hole. Arriving slightly too late they are able to save Qui-Gon, Jar-Jar, Anakin and Obi-wan but not before their voice boxes are irreparably damaged - resulting in the rest of their roles in the 2nd Trilogy being sub-titled. Bitter Jar-Jar attempts to attack the time travelers, but fortunately Han shoots him first without warning, and Chewie beats the wounded Jar-Jar to death with his own ripped off arms.
The world saved our heroes jump in another passing black hole and spend their twilight years teaching their Jedi children to fleece the roulette wheels at Hutt Vegas III.
If JJ's doesn't take more liberties with Star Wars than the above I'll eat my hat.
I demand the following:
Lots of shouting, pointing, panning, and yelling
At least one scene of people running madly through a corn field
Swivelling helicopter shots of vehicles picking up speed
Lens flare!
Camera shake!
Explosions! In SPAAAAAACE!
A script that makes sense (Ah. Well then.)
"Couldn't be bothered to watch any other one - did I miss something?"
Meesa thinks yousa didn't miss any shitsa...
The only thing these movies will need is Han Solo jumping a galactic shark in less than 12 parsecs to defeat the bad guys. So. Completely. Out.
And fuck George Lucas for ruining the wonderful memories of my childhood with those three turds he laid in episodes 1-3.
Same here, Empire was the first one I watched in the cinema, to this day I have never been more impressed with a movie. I was terrorized when Luke fought Vader in Vespin... and lost.
The first one (A new hope) seemed quite bland in comparison. Half of Jedi is decent, the rest in line with the new trilogy.
Lens flares? NUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH
Couldn't be bothered to watch any other one - did I miss something?
I too couldn't face Episode II - Send in the Clones or Episode III - The End of this Shit (I believe those are the correct titles) after the dreadful Episode I. But I did watch Red Letter Media's analysis of Episode III, which is even longer than the film but, according to many, far more entertaining and interesting.
There was a short story written about storm trooper who was having some issues with all the bad things the Imperials were doing, he had made initial contact with the Rebellion and was due to meet up once he got back from his last mission which including boarding Tantive IV, unfortunately he was shot by Princess Leia shortly after boarding the vessel.
I can't decide if I can be bothered with the new films after basically destroying the whole extended universe, although I didn't read the comics, I have most of the Timothy Zawn books, the Bounty Hunter Trilogy, The Han Solo Saga etc, all of which now don't make sense? I think I'll just stick two fingers up at the mouse and all in his house!
The Star Wars universe stopped making sense about 20 minutes into The Empire Strikes Back, when Lucas got bored of the storytelling and turned his full attention to merchandizing.
Personally, I protect my precious childhood memories by pretending that the original movie was a stand alone event, and that everything else takes place in the same universe but has nothing to do with the characters and story of that first movie. (I feel the same way about Stargate-SG1, except in reverse.)
If you like comics, some of those *were* great, at one stage they had many 2000 AD masters working on Star Wars comics, I didn't notice until that time was almost over, but have a lovely Cam Kennedy job about Jabba and an Ian Gibson about droid adventures. Writers and inkers were also from golden-period 2000 AD.
Check at times, hoping to find another title from that time, they all look like crap now.
Star Wars franchise storylines not in fact based strictly on reality and the known laws of physics!!!
Oh wait...
Next time I must remember to use The Force before posting.
>Gets coat<
PS maybe the producers were trying to come up with a really gripping way if opening the film ... But they needed a hand?
>Dons coat<
>Leaves<
Do you not voice the h in homage (there is an english-language pronunciation, not the same as the french from which it was adopted, see restaurant for another example) or are you just a little dim?
I noticed a major London paper yesterday had 'an UN ...', unbelievable, are we supposed to be pronouncing UN as un-?
> Do you not voice the h in homage (there is an english-language pronunciation, not the same as the french from which it was adopted, see restaurant for another example) or are you just a little dim?
I presume the OP italicised the word to indicate that it should be pronounced the French way rather than the English way.
They should show it bouncing off Frank Poole's (yellow?) space suit, now that would be a true homage.
And why not, they found a pod... http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/EVA_Pod
"I have a bad feeling about this."
Same here, even worse than that ... Even episode 1's ridiculous pod racer looks better.
Really sounds, as others have pointed out, like an H2G2 thing, like the sofa that felt in the space time breach, just to en up in the middle of the Ashes cricket tournament ...
"didn't necessarily drop straight out into space"
but to land on a habitable planet it would have to have passed through the atmosphere. No burn-up on re-entry? I mean, it could stretch the imagination that the lightsaber survived re-entry, but the hand??
"The hand ends up on a desert planet"
This HAS to be joke. (please?)
"This HAS to be joke."
No. This is the merging of Star Wars and the Addams Family franchises and it opens the exciting possibilities of maximising the merchandising power of the synergetic union of those two thrilling dark force legacy family entertainment. And taking the Mickey...
Garbage chute to trading vessel, trading vessel to Tattooine, most of the junk to Watto's junk shop. The hand and light saber conveniently drop off the cart into the sand, or Watto finally dies or moves locations (how long do his type live?) and that gets left behind.
It's only fitting that the hand Anakin cut off of his son revisits the land of his slave home, right?
And would we like to talk about an hand without any kind of force (but the Force?) applied to it leaving the gravity of a giant planet, enter the proper transfer trajectory (calculating probabilities is left as exercise to the reader) travel to another one - at what speed, and how far? also hyperspace capabilities? - Also what would happen to biological tissue suddenly exposed to space temperature? If close enough to a star there are interesting differences between the lit surface and the one in shadow.
"like the sofa that felt in the space time breach, just to en up in the middle of the Ashes cricket tournament ..."
Ahh, my favourite pieces of dialogue from the books. (probably not an accurate quote).
Ford - "Eddys in the Space-time continuum."
Arthur - "Well tell him to come pick up his sofa."
The hand isn't Luke's at all. Maybe it's from another dimension that will be opened up when the new WMD is fired, causing a split in space time and thus opening up the star wars universe to that of mickey mouse. Mickey Mouse gets pissed off with whoever the new Darth Vader is and gets Goofy and Daffy Duck to become fake storm troopers who then take on Darth Vader, stealing HIS light saber as Anakin Skywalker in Episode III (alternate dimension remember!), placing it back in in another planet where it is then found by some turncoat stormtrooper who then goes to find Luke.
I await the downvotes, but I'm telling you this is a far better story line than what Disney would come up with.
Because waving your arms around and having gargling noises dubbed over you takes true dedication to the thespian arts than only a few, the rarest of the rare, the finest actors known to man can manage?
Or they could just get any tall guy who can follow directions, you know.
Luke's hand ended up in an imperial storehouse, where it was used to create the evil clone Luuke.
And there were waaaay more than just the 2 failed superweapons. In addition to the two death stars and the prototype, there were the eyes of Palatine, the sun crusher, the Tarkin, and the galaxy gun, just to name a few. Turns out diversification of military assets is something the imperials never caught on to.
I am a little bit of a fan of the 'Expanded Universe', hear that a few of the novels are alright, but I don't read them because it is a tragedy that Star Wars and Star Trek books have almost replaced good speculative/science fiction at bookshops.
I like a certain period of the comics, there were a few really good ones. Have finished some of the video games, only on small platforms and at arcades, but they are all based on events in the films.
I think only a fanatic will know arcane details from the expanded universe.
However, I can understand and sympathise with your disappointment at the new product ignoring the expanded universe.
And there you have it children. Proof that you *can* grow up and become famous movie makers, because *you* can *already* write better scripts than the crap they're trying to feed you.
Is it my imagination or are comic and cartoon makers making stuff that's more intelligent than Hollywood these days? e.g. http://youtu.be/Xy_Po12VyZw
>The pair set off on a quest to return the Jedi weapon to its owner, meeting
>up with Han Solo and Chewbacca, who say they haven’t seen their friend
>in the thirty years since The Return of the Jedi happened.
Luke manages to send a message that he is stuck on Tatooine repairing his X-wing fighter, so the two newcomers ride with Han and Chewbacca to Chewbacca's home just in time for Life Day. They meet Chewbacca's father, Itchy, his mother Frumpy, and brother Lumpy, and they all watch a bunch of videos and holographic projections.
Does this mean that, in keeping with just about any Disney film for the last few decades, the lead character will have a "cute, endearing" (read irritating as f**k) companion? You know... like the chameleon in Tangled, the snow man in Frozen, dragon in Mulan, parrot in Aladdin (yes, I have young children).
If you thought episodes 1-3 were bad, imagine if Disney had been involved then, and Jar-Jar had turned out to be 6 inches tall and permanently wrapped around young Anakin's neck for 3 films? It would explain his defection to the dark side though, he'd be driven mad.
Still, it may not be that bad, I mean Disney did such a great job with John Carter...
Does this mean that, in keeping with just about any Disney film for the last few decades, the lead character will have a "cute, endearing" (read irritating as f**k) companion?
Yeah he's called Jar Jar something... This is gonna suck balls, but make disney a shed load of cash. It'll make the first thr... err last three look like masterpieces
"...violate common sense and laws of physics"
Come on, when did science fiction movies ever make scientific sense? They're not supposed to, after all they're just entertainment.
The last movie I saw that was vaguely credible was '2001 A Space Odyssey' and that was a long time ago. Truly great movie that it was, it still stretched credulity far past anything the rational mind ought to accept.
But since it was the cloud city of Bespin, and not the space city of Bespin, yes, it does seem the hand would have had to fall down. Had it been an orbital base, for the hand to go into an elliptical orbit would just take a little push - and a hyperbolic orbit, sending it out into space, would just take a bigger one. Even in a somewhat downwards direction.
However, notwithstanding the laws of physics, that plot premise sounds immensely shaky.
Almost everything in Star Trek is either nonsensical (Energy > Matter to make a cup of tea?) or not valid physics. Don't let me get started on Transporter Beams. Even if you solved the Information content issue, the energy needed, who wants to be killed and replaced with a replica every time?
I wouldn't worry about Star Wars. It was long ago and far away. Maybe a passing space dragon grabbed Luke's Sabre. Or a micro-worm hole in space. Or it caught on a TV aerial and the cable guy took it and dropped it later.
I may watch it and then decide. I wasn't hospitalised on after watching the last three (though I thought Lucas and some of the Actors needed treatment).
Plot in the Star Wars series is a bit like the wild giant panda; everyone's heard of it, people claim to have seen one, but it is always a friend of a friend.
The upcoming movie will therefore have an extended spacecraft battle to sell the space flightsim game, several hand to hand lightsabre duels to sell the FPS fighting game, several big battle scenes to sell the associated MMORPG and one or two planet-side fast moving scenes to sell the racing game.
Several different alien species will have walk-on roles; the bigger the role the closer the alien will conform to the "fluffy, large-head, large cute eyes" trope to sell plush toys. A suitably craggy hero will be present to keep the mothers of the expected hordes of pre-teen kids awake; said hero will be complemented by a suitably pneumatic female lead role to keep the young-teenage males awake and *ahem* interested.
A large variety of weapons systems, both robotic and stormtrooper-wielded will be seen. All will share the characteristic of being so inaccurate that the wielder has next to no chance of hitting a large barn with one, even if standing inside with the doors closed (several stormtroopers will perpetuate the "really crap aim" standing joke). No truly effective large-scale weapons or tactics will be used, similarly hacking, infowar and similar technologies will be entirely absent.
Once all the above has been slotted into the film, approximately four minutes and thirtyseven seconds will be left for a plot. The rolling titles at the start and finish will cut this by half.
Any questions?
This rumor is completely, to borrow a British technical term, pants.
Leaving aside the expanded universe (and please do, don't want to hear a word about it), are we expected to believe that Han and Leia, fresh off of another love-affirming rescue, just go their seperate ways and don't see each other again for 30 years? Luke and Leia are the only Jedi by blood left as of ROTJ (and do lets not talk about why that's true), so you'd think the two of them would see each other frequently over the years, and at least SOME of the time you'd expect Han and/or Chewie to be around.
This is either disinformation, BS made up by a troll, garbled as rumors often are, or the movie is already messed up. I'm going with door #2.
Abrahams should construct the new plot so as to tear the ****hole out of the plots of the 3 prequels, if possible.
Maybe that is a bit harsh. Luke should wake up to find that the 3 prequels were just a nightmare following a hangover from too much Janx spirit or whatever.
Or Alec Guinness should build a DeLorean time machine to take us all back to 1985 before the prequels happened. And we could all see some film with stills from the prequels sort of disappearing or whatever. For the lulz
No main characters over the age of 21 are allowed.
It was discovered this reduces the tendency of the audience to reason, follow plotlines, etc. and also improved sales of small, furry toy creatues in the cinema lobbies.
Mine's the one without the toy light-saber in the pocket...
You just had to do it, didn't you?
Make me cry and remember how I longed for a couple of good movies made of the (early) Humanx universe novels?
Nor Crystal Tears is still one of my personal favourite First Contact novels. Or The End of the Matter - before Flinx became annoyingg.
I'll give cross genre!!!
Luke's detached hand, holding the light sabre in a death grip, gets sucked into the intake of a departing freighter. The freighter heads to an uncharted planet. While landing, it is destroyed by a tornado which dis-lodges the hand and sabre - these fall to the ground and the light-sabre be-heads the wicked witch of the east. Inexplicitly, Jar-Jar appears, puts on the ruby slippers, picks up the light sabre and kills most of the munchkins.
Add additional chapters as you see fit.