back to article Financial wizardess joins Apple board, air of coolness noticeably diminishes

The founder of investment fund BlackRock has joined the Apple board of directors, perhaps giving a tantalising clue to the fruity firm's interest in entering the financial services arena. Susan L Wagner, founding partner and director of BlackRock, has replaced Bill Campbell, who was the longest-serving member of the board and …

  1. Paul Webb

    Steve would say...

    "Cider is pretty cool these days, let's lever our fruity heritage to produce an insanely great vintage."

    Or not.

    1. VinceH

      Re: Steve would say...

      Not - because he'd probably use 'leverage' rather than 'lever'. (Ugh!)

  2. frank ly

    re. wizardess

    The word 'sourceress' might be better. However, according to Pratchett, wizards/witches are roughly equivalent whereas a sourcerer/sorceress has a much higher level of magical power/ability.

  3. Wensleydale Cheese
    Happy

    "Hopefully wizardess is better than witch, here?"

    This comment is useless without piccies.

  4. CAPS LOCK

    I'm guessing she's there because of the fiasco that is...

    ... Beats.

    1. Tom 35

      Re: I'm guessing she's there because of the fiasco that is...

      No, I expect she is looking into ways to get cash back into the US without paying any tax.

      1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

        Re: I'm guessing she's there because of the fiasco that is...

        Easy. Give all shareholders a day-ticket to the tax-haven of your choice, and give them all a suitcase of dallars to take home.

        Oh? That doesn't work? Oh well, back to the drawing board... how about *paying something into your country*, you freeloaders?

  5. David Kelly 2

    Better than Al Gore

    Anyone with talent is welcome.

    Al Gore got there on political patronage.

  6. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    But why would they be less cool

    because of her appointment?

    Ah, El-Reg is out for increased hitcount on a hot Friday.

    Unless someone can explain exactly why their coolness setting is now warm and not ice cold?

    1. James 51

      Re: But why would they be less cool

      Apple's cool has been a hipster slight cooky brand of aspirational kinda cool. This is Apple moving into the kind of territory you'd expect to find IBM in (funny enough IBM just announced they'd be writing some enterprise apps for the platform). It's like trying to be the woman throwing the hammer at the screen and the grey crowd at the same time. A tough act to pull off.

  7. Someone Else Silver badge
    FAIL

    Methinks you missed the mark, Jasper

    “We believe her strong experience, especially in M&A and building a global business across both developed and emerging markets, will be extremely valuable as Apple continues to grow around the world.”
    (Emphasis added)

    This doesn't appear to be anything resembling "a tantalising clue to the fruity firm's interest in entering the financial services arena", but rather its succumbing to the new "standard" of American business: If you can't beat 'em, buy 'em. Like any monolithic American company, Apple has now officially shifted from creating to maintaining, making their primary product "increasing shareholder value" (whatever the fuck that is...you know, I've never seen a can of Shareholder Value anywhere on a shelf at any store...have you?). This, more than anything, exhibits the first paroxysm of Corporate FailureTM and it appears that Ms. Wagner, and her touted M&A expertise, will be the vector for the cancer that will eventually kill Apple.

    RIP. And, int he immortal words of Elmer Fudd: "Good widdance to baaaad wubbish!"

    1. Frankee Llonnygog

      Re: Methinks you missed the mark, Jasper

      Yep - if it were such a clue, the new appointee would have a background in retail FS. M&A is hardly mass market.

  8. Joey

    "fruity fuhrer Tim Cook"

    How politically incorrect can you get, Jasper?

    1. Anomalous Cowshed

      Re: "fruity fuhrer Tim Cook"

      Cor that's both extreme and hilarious. But it also probably means 10 more years in the wilderness for The Register with no invitations to Apple press dos. Or as Mr. Cook might say, "If ve had our vey, zose inglish bastards vould spend zoze ten years in a konzentration kampf"

    2. James O'Shea

      Re: "fruity fuhrer Tim Cook"

      "How politically incorrect can you get, Jasper?"

      Especially as Timmy-boy is gay...

  9. BernardL

    I worked for Bill "Coach" Campbell, during the Claris days. He was also the guy who took the decision to run the Superbowl ad for Macintosh.

    Absolutely great boss. Will be missed.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like