back to article Star Wars: These are the 'unknown' actors we were looking for

Just when we were starting to suspect the next instalment of Star Wars would be a celeb-only affair, two relatively unknown actors were announced as cast members. Star Wars casts relative unknowns Pip Andersen and Crystal Clarke Open auditions for an unnamed film that everyone knew was Star Wars: Episode VII were held across …

  1. Pen-y-gors

    Fan Bingbing?

    Really, someone wanders around planet Earth with the name Fan Bingbing????? What were his/her/its parents thinking? Or is it some odd effect of Equity demanding unique names for members?

    1. Graham Dawson Silver badge

      Re: Fan Bingbing?

      Whatever her parents were thinking, it would have been in Chinese.

      Because that's a chinese name.

      And she's chinese.

    2. Sandtitz Silver badge

      Re: Fan Bingbing?

      Really, someone wanders around planet Earth with the name Fan Bingbing?????

      Yes.

      What were his/her/its parents thinking?

      They probably thought of giving her a "typical and good Chinese girl's name".

      Or is it some odd effect of Equity demanding unique names for members?

      What...? Do your siblings and parents share the same name with you?

      What an ignoramus.

      1. Nick Ryan Silver badge

        Re: Fan Bingbing?

        A brief poll with those that I can quickly ask here who can read Chinese (Cantonese) "Bingbing" is the more literal character translation of her name, rather than as it is likely to be pronounced where the first and second components would be pronounced differently. Basically you'd have to ask her, or at worst somebody from the same region and ethnic group exactly how her name is pronounced.

        Still, she has a classy, attractive look, almost regal but with a smile that lights everything up and changes her demeanour completely which would fit in nicely with some of the visuals that Episodes I-III featured. A "stuffy princess who is human in more intimate / personal scenes" look?

    3. D@v3

      Re: Fan Bingbing?

      For those interested, she was Blink in X-men : DOFP

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fan Bingbing?

      Not sure what you're objecting to. It's not like its Fanny Bingbing

      1. Richard Altmann

        Re: Fan Bingbing?

        No trolling here but Jaja Bing to my mind

        (shudder)

  2. James 51

    Han Solo wasn't a Jedi or a potential one so I doubt he will be a shimmery ghost but it's possible for Luke and Leia.

    1. AMBxx Silver badge

      This is Disney now, they can make him anything they want, regardless of how bad the story turns out.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Maybe

      Maybe he finally started believing in all that Force stuff and found he had some ability with it after all. Leia didn't know how to use it either, they could take remedial Force 101 classes together to take up their time after the whole Galactic War thing was over after Episode III.

      He was a pretty good pilot after all, maybe he had the help of the Force all those years as a smuggler and didn't even know it.

      1. AMBxx Silver badge

        Re: Maybe

        Maybe, you're taking this all far too seriously!

  3. Mage Silver badge

    Meaningless comment

    "I am NOT your father"

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Both Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher are slated to return for the movies, but since the grave is no bar to them showing up as shimmery Jedi ghosts, they could theoretically be the parents of orphan Rachel."

    Well ... except that Crystal Clarke is black, and Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher are both white.

    1. D@v3

      In mysterious ways, the force works

      1. Afflicted.John

        Damn midiclorians...

        I don't care how that was spelled either.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Or

        "Milkman you have been shagging"!

        1. Matt_payne666

          Re: Or

          Han... er... when babies are born early, they often come out black...................

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    From obscurity they came....

    And back to obscurity they will go.

    1. Purple-Stater

      Re: From obscurity they came....

      Obscurity is a relative sort of thing. When the first batch of names for the new movie was announced, with the exception of the original cast members, I had not heard of a single one of them before. Admittedly I see few movies, but I've never paid attention to who the actors/directors/producers involved with films are.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: From obscurity they came....

      Before the prequel trilogy, any Star Wars fanboy/girl in this position would have given their eye teeth to be the next Han Solo / Princess Leia / whatever.

      Now they're more likely to see it as "Do you want to be the next Jake Lloyd (*) in a humourless, woodenly-scripted, effects-reliant film that everyone is going to hate for ruining their memories of the original?"

      Anyway, good luck to those people- whoever they are- but it shows you what a difference in perception the existence of the prequels made.

      (*) Who is apparently less than happy with the experience. Can't say I thought "Episode I" was *that* bad myself, but then I'm not a Star Wars fanboy and already had my expectations lowered. Saw some of "Episode II" and couldn't be arsed watching it properly... as others have pointed out, *that* had accepted-good actors in it, and was still a crap film.

  6. Chozo

    What's that R2 unit babbling about? "reboot franchise ... save the Empire"

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Street smart orphan

    "Rachel was described as a “street smart” orphan who has been “forced to make her way in a tough, dangerous town” using “humour and guts to get by”."

    *that* old wheeze again. for crying out loud.

    1. Doctor_Wibble
      Coat

      Re: Street smart orphan

      > *that* old wheeze again. for crying out loud.

      Ha! You are so wrong!

      It's not her own guts she used to get by, she is a human organ trader and made her millions flogging kidneys by the bucketload. And thinks it's funny, so there's the humour bit too.

  8. squigbobble

    "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

    'cos there isn't one.

    1. Mark 85

      Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

      Sure there's a plot... make a movie, lots of special effects, bring back some old characters, start a new round of toys, etc. PROFIT!!!!!

      Oh.. you meant a plot in the movie...er... nevermind.

      1. Zog_but_not_the_first
        Pint

        Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

        Underpants gnome Jedi?

        Not a fixation, honest.

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

      Um, I'm going out on a limb here and leaking the entire plot for the entire planned series of movies:

      Cameos!

      Fan Service!

      Plot twists!

      Unexpected romances!

      Jedi battles!

      Epic space battles with space ships acting like fighter planes!

      Light Sabers!

      All *NEW* and exciting special effects attributed to 'The Force'

      Epic Land battles with light sabers, Weird aliens, droids, fantastical and extremely unlikely war machines, ray blasts, and...

      EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS EXPLOSIONS!!!

      arblegarblegarble <foams at mouth and head explodes>*

      *Yes, that was actually in the transcript.

      1. Jay 2

        Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

        Given that JJ Abrams is involved, you forgot there will be some crappy deus ex machina time-travelling concept.

        1. montyburns56

          Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

          And double lens flare on any scenes on Tatooine!

      2. Robert Helpmann??
        Childcatcher

        Re: "Disney and Lucasfilm are, of course, saying nothing about the plot"

        You left off:

        Dancing aliens in bars with space jazz playing and funny colored drinks!

        Retro screen transitions!

        Plot holes!

        Inside jokes referring to movies that have nothing to do with Star Wars!

        and Droids (running KitKat)!

  9. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects

    Epic space battles with space ships acting like fighter planes!

    Kind of spoils everything for everyone when you think that the whole ethos about space travel is getting a monster off the deck and spending most of the rest of the beeeeeeelions involved in planning how to make a very small part of whatever is left of it drift through gravitational attraction until wherever it is going gets in the way.

    And then converting all that into a machine with the up close and fancy antics of a piston engined monoplane from the early 1940's, -complete with sound effects.

    Not saying it is impossible, mind... just saying.

    1. Pedigree-Pete
      Alien

      Re: Epic space battles with space ships acting like fighter planes!

      Sound effects in SpAAAAAAACE! Unlikely.

  10. Arachnoid

    Optional

    Intermix a bit of terminator time travel to go back in time and kill the two children before they evolve into the Princess and the Jedi .......

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