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back to article Apple seeks 'friendly' mouthpiece after losing tight-lipped Cotton spinner – report

Apple has launched a bid to become friendlier to the outside world after losing famously reticent publicity chief Kate Cotton. The fruity firm is looking for a new PR director in an apparent bid to rid itself of the mafia-style policy of omertà it has operated since the heyday of Steve Jobs. Following the departure of Cotton …

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  1. i like crisps
    Trollface

    What Apple needs is someone...

    ...who can communicate their love for all things shiny...how about a Magpie?

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    1. Michael Thibault
      Reply Icon

      Re: What Apple needs is someone...

      Or spread the wealth and hire a charm of magpies.

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      1. i like crisps
        Reply Icon
        Go

        Re: What Apple needs is someone...

        "a charm of Magpies"...That's lovely. I like the way that the white feathers at the end of their wings makes it look as though they're all wearing Posh Gloves. At least that's what they remind me of when i'm sighting them at the end of my twelve bore! Funny innit the things that go through your head.

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Going back to the old Apple of the mid-90s. The one that nearly failed.

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The receptive powers of the masses are very restricted, and their understanding is feeble. On the other hand, they quickly forget. Such being the case, all effective propaganda must be confined to a few bare essentials and those must be expressed as far as possible in stereotyped formulas. These slogans should be persistently repeated until the very last individual has come to grasp the idea that has been put forward."

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  4. Semtex451
    Joke

    Sending my CV in

    My first order of business would be an exclusive interview with El Reg, with a Q&A in the forums afterwards.

    What fun that would be.

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  5. John Bailey

    Hmm..

    Anybody know what Peter Mandelson is doing these days?

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    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Reply Icon
      Trollface

      Re: Hmm..

      I'd imagine he's sleeping in a coffin in a basement somewhere, until he's needed?

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    2. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hmm..

      Anybody know what Peter Mandelson is doing these days?

      Google or Facebook, I reckon.

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  6. Gene Cash Silver badge

    No replacement?

    You'd still get as much useful information out.

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  7. i like crisps
    Go

    How about...

    ...Kevin Spacey? His stint at The Old Vic is winding down...coincidence??

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  8. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Devil

    Apple have already made the appointment. They just haven't released the press release yet. They've appointed Marcel Marceau.

    Ant & Dec were on the shortlist, but were eventually rejected. Apple have denied rumours that they were going to appoint Gary Glitter, with the new slogan: D'you wanna be in iGang...

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Apple have denied rumours that they were going to appoint Gary Glitter

      They had to reject Gary Glitter because it would have given problems with Adobe :)

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