back to article Stop fondling that slab and shag, says Durex

It used to be said that where there's muck, there's brass - and never has that phrase been truer than in the world of condom sales. Durex is a company which wants people to have as much sex as possible, as long as they buy a few more rubber johnnies to circumvent the unfortunate baby-making and disease-spreading aspects of the …

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  1. jake Silver badge

    I don't even answer the phone when I'm feeding the livestock ...

    Keeping real life stable is far more important than the vagaries of humanity.

    EOF

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I don't even answer the phone when I'm feeding the livestock ...

      Coming up with bullshit does seem to be your main interest in life, it's true.

    2. funkenstein

      Re: I don't even answer the phone when I'm feeding the livestock ...

      glad you didn't make reference to wearing rubber while "feeding" your "livestock"... shudder.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I don't even answer the phone when I'm feeding the livestock ...

        I think the poster meant "I don't wear rubber even when "feeding" the livestock." Snark... snark

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nokia

    So when Nokia tell us their phones can be used with gloves on, is this a euphemism?

    1. skeptical i
      Coat

      Re: Nokia

      Only if it's set to vibrate.

  3. ISYS
    Meh

    Ever tried putting one on in the dark?

    1. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      You can get ones that glow.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I know its necessary and all...

    But I can't think of less of a turn-on than having to use these damn things... Its easy to fantasize a future where better solutions exist. And it can't come soon enough for me!

    1. micheal
      Joke

      Re: I know its necessary and all...

      "And it can't come soon enough for me!

      Phnar!! Phnar!!!"

      1. JimmyPage Silver badge
        Headmaster

        Re: Phnar!! Phnar!!!"

        surely "Fnarr Fnarr" ?

    2. Captain DaFt

      Re: I know its necessary and all...

      "But I can't think of less of a turn-on than having to use these damn things..."

      Then you're doing it wrong! Let your partner slip it on you, as a part of foreplay.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I know its necessary and all...

        I've never met a partner who is any good at "slipping it on". Probably because they don't just slip on, heck they don't even roll on easily. Damned annoying things.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    I'm angry

    They should have despicted a lesbian couple as well!

    1. VeganVegan
      Joke

      Re: I'm angry

      Or, despicable me.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm angry

      Durex hates lesbians!

  6. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Joke

    I thought that it was mandatory that every item used during Earth Hour must be reusable.

    hmm, condoms? Reuse?

    Yech!!

    1. Euripides Pants

      "hmm, condoms? Reuse?"

      Jake Blues saved his...

  7. Khaptain Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Prurient

    That's made my day, I have learned a new word, which will be fun trying to place in a conversation.

    It's one of those words that is likely to switch on "Dummy Mode" , depending on the context could be quite interesting.

  8. codejunky Silver badge

    Well

    I didnt think the advert was that bad.

  9. Eradicate all BB entrants

    If Durex were serious about ....

    .... increasing their sales they would spend some time catering to the posh wank market.

    1. All names Taken
      Paris Hilton

      Re: If Durex were serious about ....

      Maybe they make n market dressings for repetitive strain injuries?

  10. All names Taken
    Pint

    some 12 per cent of people had answered a phone during sex, while one in 10 had read a text

    I don't know what comment to add - I'm speechless - erm - unable to type ah! commentless?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Devil

      Yeah! I'm a statistic.

      See above.

  11. Michael Thibault

    I wonder

    >some 12 per cent of people had answered a phone during sex

    How many made a call? And, how many made calls to their current sexual 'partner' in an effort to get their attention? That's the... err, uhm... telling... info.

    1. Nick Pettefar

      Re: I wonder

      I set mine to vibrate during sex.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I always answer the phone during sex

    It's usually the wife!

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