back to article Stop skiving: Computers can SEE THROUGH your FAKE PAIN

Canadian boffins have designed a computer program that can recognise the signs of real pain on a person's face more accurately than a human being. The clever system is able to tell when human beings are faking agony, a development which could prove invaluable to football referees dealing with melodramatic players. However, …

COMMENTS

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  1. Ole Juul

    I'm skeptical

    As someone who has lived with serious pain for many years, I've learned how to not show it because it makes conversation with other people more pleasant. They don't need to know. Actually, I think this is something that most people do naturally to some extent. For example, when you ask someone how they are, they usually smile and say "great!", even if they are in pain. I can't remember the last time someone answered "miserable, and you?" Anyway, I doubt that facial expressions can be read by anything in order to decode things like this. Humans have always had a mask. We're built that way. In fact the word "persona" means "mask". Nevertheless, it would be hard for even a ouja board to do worse than people at recognizing pain in others.

    1. Lionel Baden

      Re: I'm skeptical

      If you ask me, I'm going to tell you.

      Yes i understand social convention, I personally prefer to be honest. I find people are easier and more interesting to talk to after a honest answer to a question.

      1. Ole Juul

        Re: I'm skeptical

        "If you ask me, I'm going to tell you."

        I do hope that you are fine, but it would be rather self centered of you to think that a detailed description of your medical problems would enhance our relationship, improve our communication, and bring us closer together. Thanks just the same.

        I think you misunderstand social convention. I also think you misunderstand honesty.

        1. Lionel Baden

          Re: I'm skeptical

          I never said "detailed medical description" your putting words in my mouth that i never uttered. Dont.

          At this point I am suffering a extremely bad wisdom tooth infection.

          To turn around and say "no I'm fine" would sound moronic. There is nothing wrong with being honest, and have spoken to a few people in the other office next to ours that I never would of otherwise.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Next time

      Next time you phone in a sickie, the voice analyser on your bosses desk will tell him there is a 99.9% chance you are faking it and it is all down the the amount of vodka you drank the night before,

      If you get your other half to phone in on your behalf the voice analyser will tell him there is a 100% certainty that your partner is lying, and that 'oh by the way, she's/he's also having an affair with Bob in photocopying'

      Now that would be proper tech.

  2. Swedish Chef
    Trollface

    In other words...

    ...the Italian national soccer team has zero chance of ever winning a game again.

  3. Sander van der Wal
    Angel

    Evolution in action?

    If hiding, or faking, pain for a computer becomes important enough, then people will be able to deceive them too. Maybe by having a program running on their side of the Skype connection that will alter their looks, or by practising. For the Italian Soccer team mentioned earlier, it will become part of their training routine

  4. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Alien

    But it still cannot see

    the terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side

    We need a Marvin icon

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    Cameras to the rescue

    "However, the program will be of limited utility to bosses dealing with sickie-pulling staff, because it relies on analysing facial expressions rather than the pained tone of a person's voice."

    "Ok young lad, send me a selfie!"

    1. VinceH

      Re: Cameras to the rescue

      "Ok young lad, send me a selfie!"

      Certainly. Here's one I prepared earlier...

      1. earl grey
        Trollface

        Re: Cameras to the rescue

        Oh, you didn't want to see that part of me?

  6. TheOtherHobbes

    Am I the only one wondering how they tested this?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Let's just strap on this device

      This will feel a little cold around your waist and between your legs but don't worry, just face the camera please.

      Brzzt!!!!

      And that's what they call it a blind control test

  7. James 51

    I wonder how things like botox, damage to nerves, scaring etc. will affect its accuracy.

    Does someone in chronic pain give off these signals all the time?

    I wonder as well if people express pain in the same way everywhere or is there some variation?

    Putting a stone or pin in your show, even the old biting your tongue trick might throw it off.

    1. Charles 9

      Putting a stone or pin in your show, even the old biting your tongue trick might throw it off.

      I was wondering about that. People might go to the lengths of actually self-inflicting intense but brief sessions of actual pain so as to "fake out" the computer.

    2. TitterYeNot

      "Putting a stone or pin in your show, even the old biting your tongue trick might throw it off."

      Not strictly necessary - 30 seconds of "I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" should do the trick nicely...

      1. Jess--

        we only want pain, not torture

  8. Amorous Cowherder
    Thumb Up

    Ah the old "I need a day off to sit and watch a Deadwood marathon, so I'll pull the the 'choke'n'croak' phone call on the HR dept." ploy!

  9. Stevie

    Bah!

    And yet Homeland Security needs me to take off my glasses for my Biometric-Enhanced Green Card because their state of the art image recognition systems cannot deal with change of glasses frames.

    I hate to think what sorts of fit it will throw when I attend my nephew's wedding in Canada now I've cut my face-hedgery into a full set a-la Nigel Green/Colour Sergeant Bourne.

  10. GBE

    Pained tone of a person's voice?

    "However, the program will be of limited utility to bosses dealing with sickie-pulling staff, because it relies on analysing facial expressions rather than the pained tone of a person's voice."

    I don't understand the reference to a person's voice. When people are going to stay home claiming illness in the UK, do they record some sort of voice message and e-mail or message that to their boss?

    Here in the US, we just send an e-mail or text message saying we're not going to be in.

    You guys ought to get set up with e-mail. It quite handy.

    1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: Pained tone of a person's voice?

      I've a co-worker who puts on a voice that makes him sound like he's on death's door when he calls in sick. It's really quite comical.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If it can detect pain

    Could it also detect if you're faking an orgasm?

  12. MrDamage Silver badge

    Who needs a computer?

    Just treat those precious footballers the same way you treat another multi-million dollar athlete, the humble racehorse.

    If one of them go down, writhing in agony, then it's out with the screen and the rifle.

    There would be a lot less play acting thats for sure. As a side benefit, we can also ensure the Italian team won't get anywhere in the World Cup until they ditch their handbags and man up.

  13. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
    Trollface

    Why not just ban association football?

  14. andy k O'Croydon
    Meh

    "Local football will never be the same again..."

    Seeing as FIFA refuse to use computers to determine whether or not a goal has been scored, I don't think this development will have much of an impact on footy.

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