back to article GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

The middle of North America was overrun by terrifying swarms of enormous flesh-eating demon chickens some 66 million years ago, scientists have declared. Credit: Courtesy Bob Walters Devilish, yes ... but presumably we're talking about a really serious drumstick here “It was a giant raptor, but with a chicken-like head and …

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  1. ukgnome

    Massive Cock

    is presumably what the male chickenosaurus is called.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Massive Cock

      Cockosaurus ?

      1. swampdog

        Re: Massive Cock

        Wangoptimus surely?

        1. Euripides Pants

          Re: Massive Cock

          "Wangoptimus surely?"

          Wangoptimus Prime, FTFY...

    2. Martin Budden Silver badge

      Re: Massive Cock

      Biggus Dickus

  2. knarf

    Mmmmm....

    They look tasty.... perfect for a Griswall xmas.

    1. James Micallef Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Mmmmm....

      As extensively researched by yours truly and backed up by Mr. E. Cartman, the skin is the best part of roast/ fried chicken. Having a giant chicken vastly reduces the all-important skin:meat ratio. Better 10,000 modern chickens than 1 giganto-paleo-chicken of equivalent weight.

      And beer to wash it down of course

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not original

    In the book "Jurassic Park", one of the characters describes Utahraptor as a giant carnivorous turkey. Just goes to show, scale matters. A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up to 500 lb (or we were scaled down to 5 lb).

    1. JonP

      Re: Not original

      A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up to 500 lb...

      You mean like a tiger?!

      1. tony2heads
        Alert

        Re: Not original

        and (male) lions

        lions & tigers and bears^W chickens oh my

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not original

        "You mean like a tiger?!"

        Yes, that was exactly my point. I'm glad you understand.

    2. AndrueC Silver badge
      Happy

      Re: Not original

      A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up

      It's been done already :)

      1. MrT

        Re: Done already...

        ...pity the loss of the Post Office Tower...

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    In Soviet Russia...

    Chicken eat you for dinner!!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Satanic flesh-eating chickens???

    Can't have been Satanic, Satan hadn't been invented then.

    1. swampdog

      Re: Satanic flesh-eating chickens???

      That's what he wants you to think so we all end up in hell for not believing!

  6. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Heresy

    "Presumably even human beings - had there been any about at the time - would count as "small" in this context."

    What do you mean - "had there been any"???

    Is this not proof enough (mildly NSFW)?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Heresy

      Obviously the Creation Museum has upped its game in its attempt to get the younger generation on board.

    2. Charles Manning

      Re: Heresy

      Next frame: Cockosaurus saves the day.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Anzu wyliei

    I imagine it's like roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote combined.

    1. Peter Simpson 1
      Happy

      Re: Anzu wyliei

      The coyote would take one look at this and do a roadrunner impression heading away from it!

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Speed and intelligence

    One thing I do wonder about these dinosaurs is how fast and how intelligent they actually were. Although I know that there is no inherent bias in natural selection towards either (survival of the fittest does not mean that going to the gym increases survival chances) I do wonder if the evolutionary arms race was at a less advanced stage then.

    It may be that, like frogs, their brains were basically movement or smell sensitive, and that simply standing still would have caused them to lose interest and wander off. It may be that humans could simply out walk them if they were poikilothermic and so would overheat after a bit.

    In any case, I think the "Hell" epithet is unproven.

    1. DNTP

      Re: Speed and intelligence

      Lets play this game. Which would you rather be hunted by, a giant turkey demon with catlike speed and high intelligence, or a car sized frog that acts as an ambush predator?

      One of them will try and chase you down, but having no knowledge of "shotguns" means this is a battle humans might win. The other sits invisibly buried in mud and bushes, until you take one careful step and it infallibly nails you with a twenty metre long paralytic stickytongue.

      Edit: one of my friends almost got his paladin killed the second way playing D&D. GM ruled that an Infravision Helm wouldn't give a detection bonus to a cold blooded animal in the mud...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Speed and intelligence

        I didn't understand your third paragraph at all, but a frog is an evolved predator that has to function in a world of small, fast birds and mammals as well as insects and other invertebrates. Natural selection has resulted in efficient predation in its ecological niche.

        My question was about whether, at the epoch in question, aviform dinosaurs would have been fast or intelligent. We don't know. (modern bird brains are more efficient, size for size, than mammal brains, so in the absence of completely preserved soft tissue only speculation is possible.)

        We don't know whether, in terms of its period, this thing was a chicken, a vulture, or a sparrowhawk.

  9. wolfetone Silver badge

    It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use.

    1. JonP

      It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use.

      You mean like a tiger?!

      ;-)

    2. Cubical Drone

      "It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use."

      KFC uses chicken?

      1. swampdog

        No need. They're still using wangoptimus flesh which is why archaeologists only ever find the bones.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It all looks the same when ground up to a delicious pink 'paste'...

      1. swampdog

        ...said the rather confused Chuferix to her wangoptimus partner after a pointless row at the deli counter.

    4. MrT

      KFC dinochicken? The picture's wrong then...

      ...because I only see 1 pair of legs, it's not eating waste packages, nor regurgitating KFC cardboard hats and passing barbecue beans...

  10. Eddy Ito

    To (mis)quote police chief Brody; "You're gonna need a bigger beer can!"

  11. Subtilior

    Previously depicted on the webcomic sluggy freelance

  12. Mark 85

    WTF???

    Flesh-eating demon chickens? Chicken from hell???? Demonic gobblers???

    Did El Reg get sucked into the Murdoch Zone?

  13. TrishaD

    Giant Demon Chickens

    I've seen 'em.

    1971 it was

    They may have been chemically induced

    1. William Higinbotham

      Re: Giant Demon Chickens

      Or where you referring to Atomic Rooster (British)?

  14. Nigel 11

    Casawary not chicken?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOPVVdg8noc

    A smaller relative that didn't go extinct? Still has feet designed for disembowelling.

  15. Irony Deficient

    the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

    Lewis, the tiny chickens of today aren’t inoffensive, at least from an olfactory perspective.

    1. Chris G

      Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

      I used to keep horses, goats, a couple of cows and about 80 chickens, even hens can be quite pugnacious when broody but the biscuit taker was a Leghorn rooster that belonged to a breeder I used to buy chickens and chicks from.

      He was about 80cm high had razor sharp spurs 2 1/2" long and would go for anything/body that entered his pen, a damn good thing he wasn't 15 feet long!

    2. JurassicPark

      Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

      I once had the misfortune to be staying a night on a farm when one of the chicken barns caught alight. c5000 roasted alive chickens is not a nice sight or a nice smell.

    3. 404

      Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

      Yep, Lewis is incorrect here. I've got a rooster that has attacked the wife and daughter, little fucker goes for the eyes with his spurs.

      fyi: There is such a thing as a chicken tractor, upper level for nesting and laying, lower fenced-in part so they can be 'outside'. You move it every three or four days and it greens up the yard nicely. Negligible smell this way as opposed to a traditional chicken coop. Eggs taste better too.

      ;)

    4. Killraven

      Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

      Speaking as somebody who's actually raised chickens in North Dakota... they're really not that big anymore. :-)

      Seriously though, as others have mentioned already, chickens are not inoffensive or, more accurately, non-offensive. If one chicken somehow becomes bloodied, say through accident or laying an egg a bit too large for the exit, the others will go completely cannibalistic and absolutely rip that one apart. Small critters like mice and frogs do not live long amongst chickens either.

      Chickens will go as bonkers as any shark to the smell of blood and the taste of raw meat.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Coat

        Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

        Chickens will go as bonkers as any shark to the smell of blood and the taste of raw meat.

        Why, oh why, oh why haven't the James Bond producers used this/

        "Number 2, you have failed me for the last time!" [presses switch on desk, trapdoor opens]

        What would Bond's line be, as he pushes a henchmen into the chicken pen, during his escape from the evil lair I wonder?

        "Clucking hell!"

        "What a fowl trick?"

        "They were looking a bit peckish"

        I'd better stop now, before I go pun-crazy.

  16. Blofeld's Cat
    Coat

    El Pollo Diablo* ?

    Curiously enough our local supermarket has cement mixers in the aisle next to the cooking implements.

    It's the one draped over the 100 kg bag of sage and onion stuffing.

    * "...and more slaw! ... they never give you enough slaw with these value meals."

    1. Obvious Robert

      Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

      My exact first thought too! Very recently introduced my 10 year old to Curse of Monkey Island, has had us in stiches all over again. Some things never get old!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Flame

      Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

      @ Blofeld's Cat

      Finally a use for the CostCo 5 gallon drum of barbecue sauce!!

    3. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

      It's a good job these giant chickens occured in places where the potato also grew. I know there was some nice giant vegetation back then, I really hope someone finds a fossilized giant 'tater.

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