back to article Roll up, roll up for the Reg Readers' Ball

We here at El Reg have much love for our vociferous, knowledgeable, occasionally somewhat foam-flecked forum posters - even if they/you don't absolutely always love us. It's not our way in general to show affection, or indeed any other emotion - we are British, after all - but we think it may be time to put some substance …

COMMENTS

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  1. ukgnome

    Well done El Reg

    but your user base isn't just within the ring of doom. So if you could just email me the pint instead please.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: ... 'email me the pint instead'

      Me too, please.

      1. Euripides Pants

        Re: ... 'email me the pint instead'

        I'm Old Skool, could you fax mine?

    2. Psyx

      Re: Well done El Reg

      Great idea.

      Although I can't help thinking that more than a week of notice would be good...

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: Well done El Reg

        And me!

    3. big_D Silver badge

      Re: Well done El Reg

      Yep, it is a bit of a jaunt from the middle of Germany to Vulture Central... Otherwise I'd pop by.

      Prost!

      1. Robin

        Re: Well done El Reg

        "Yep, it is a bit of a jaunt from the middle of Germany to Vulture Central... Otherwise I'd pop by.

        Prost!"

        Same here from southern Spain.

        Salud!

        p.s. How about a map of where Reg readers are? I reckon we'd get global coverage.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Well done El Reg

          A bit difficult to be there on a week day, I'll probably drink a Belgian beer then.

      2. Daniel von Asmuth

        Re: Well done El Reg

        'fraid I cannot book a jet plane on such short notice, so I propose a virtual toast!

    4. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Re: email me the pint

      Time for El Reg to get with the times and deploy the latest technology, as pioneered by the Froggies:

      http://www.usbwine.com/

    5. Nick Kew

      Re: Well done El Reg

      You can send mine over IRC: the Virtual Bar.

      Some of us use the 'net to liberate us from the shackles of geography (not to mention London, with its slumlords and packed commutes). If you can't have a pint over irc or email I'll have to assume you have yet to catch up with the 1990s.

    6. Bob Vistakin
      Devil

      Re: Well done El Reg

      A virtual one for me too. Even if I could make it to the smoke, I'd prefer that to the warm pissed-in dishwater known throughout the world as London beer :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well done El Reg

        @ Bob Vistakin.

        We seldom agree but on that point, yeah. Conceded...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Well done El Reg

        Presumably you are thinking of London, Ohio.

    7. Allan George Dyer
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Well done El Reg

      In face, email me more than one... I can guarantee that my opinions become more interesting in a linear relationship with my beer intake... up to a certain value, when they cease altogether.

    8. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: Well done El Reg

      The mysterons would attempt to replicate and transport the Beers but have been held up with Near Miss forms from the breakages this end.

    9. Tail Up

      Re: Well done El Reg

      Me too, El Reg, some virtual fiver for each of the Outistic Cowards will do (-:

    10. N2

      Re: Well done El Reg

      Could a pint be printed instead?

  2. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge
    Flame

    And where do I click to register my disinterest? Never has the tombstone icon been more sorely missed.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Wot no doobies

      I know one thing: when cows graze in the vicinity of an oak, they always do so at 90° to the side on which moss grows. And if I knew which side the moss grows, I'd know two things.

      I know two things, then, since I know if I knew which side the moss grows I would know two things, except that I would, therefore, know three things.

      I do know that there's not a chance in Hell I'd be one of the 50. So I guess I do know three things.

      I bet I'd know more than three things if I put my mind to it, which is, really, a self-fulfilling prophecy.

      I think therefore I'll have a peppered, smoked mackerel sandwich and a coffee while I forget about being offered a pint with one hand and having it snatched away by the other.

  3. JDX Gold badge

    It's my wedding anniversary, maybe better not.

    Does El Reg have 50 commentards over drinking age? The forums suggest a large number are teenagers. Or maybe they just live with their parents.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      @JDX

      Thumb up!

      On a completely unrelated note, can you legally get married before reaching drinking age? ;-)

      1. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

        Re: @Evil Auditor

        This is for the UK.

        - Age of consent and marriage with parents agreement, 16.

        - Age at which you are legally allowed to drink, 18 (although there are variations in venues like restaurants where you can drink wine as long as it is served with a meal from a younger age).

        And another age related restriction

        - Age at which you are allowed to drive, 17 (unless you are a sole carer for a family member, where you can drive at 16).

        So you can get married but not be allowed to drive to the Wedding or participate in the Champagne Toast.

        1. Z80

          Re: @Evil Auditor

          *Parental consent for marriage not required in Scotland.

      2. thosrtanner

        Re: @JDX

        In the states you can marry at 18 but can't drink till 21.

        1. Irony Deficient

          الغول

          thosrtanner, in the States, both marriage age and drinking age can vary by state/district/territory. It is the legal right to purchase or publicly possess alcohol that begins at age 21 (excepting Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands), not the legal right to drink it.

      3. Psyx

        Re: @JDX

        "On a completely unrelated note, can you legally get married before reaching drinking age?"

        This is certainly do-able in most of the Gulf States.

    2. Scroticus Canis
      Windows

      @JDX and drinking age

      Well, if not, all the more for me then. Hope they have parking for the mobility scooter. Shirley you don't expect be to be in a fit state to walk home afterwards.

  4. Elmer Phud
    WTF?

    It's shit!

    Standard Commentard input.

    And I'd like to say at this point something about W8.1 . . .

  5. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    Pint

    Great idea!

    I won't attend though since I can't stand beer.

    Seriously, I'd be curious to see whether a bunch of commentards looks as nerdy as I'd expect ;-) but with 600 miles I'm just too far away. And I really can't stand beer.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Pint

      Re: Great idea!

      Other drinks are available. Particularly as they're going to hold this beanfeast in that thar poncy London. So you could have a small sherry instead.

      Or perhaps be more traditional and have a large gin...

  6. Denarius
    Pint

    an excuse

    at last an excuse to go to the other end of planet that might be sufficient. Some of your writers have real flair and impressive knowledge. Pity I have courses that require my attendance. Anything planned for Antipodes in future ? Preferably not in that crowded traffic clogged hellhole Sydney.

    1. DiViDeD
      Pint

      Re: an excuse

      Excuse me, but that's MY adopted crowded traffic clogged hecklhole you''re insulting there. I''ll have you know that it's only actual Sydneysiders who're traditionally allowed to admit what a stinky, brown sky, horribly humid rathole it really is. To the rest of the world we present a united "best city in the world" front.

      As for the pissup, sorry, quiet get together, I'm happy to travel Business Class only. Please have your people arrange the ticket and limo

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bit of a long way for a pint for me; but I hope you have a splendid time and will quite possibly lift a synchronised pint in your general direction on the 12th.

  8. Moktu

    Boycott

    I'm not coming if Eadon isn't invited.

    What's that? I had a whelk's chance in a supernova of being invited anyway....

    /me grumbles off

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Boycott

      Wasn't Eadon an alter ego of one of the Reg hacks anyway?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Boycott

        How dare you cast dispersions on Mr Pott. >:)

        1. monkeyfish

          Re: Boycott

          Nah, it was Orlowski. WinPho fanboy that he is.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Boycott

            Are you suggesting that there is only 1 Windows Phone owner and not 2...

            Devastated...

            Sales are down 100% year on year that means...

  9. Micky 1
    Coat

    "Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball"

    What are you talking about? Commentards don't HAVE balls.

    1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
      Coat

      How true! That's why it says Ball, singular and just enough (or too much already) to reproduce.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "How true! That's why it says Ball, singular"

        Congrats, you've just failed your classic policemans joke course, as well as basic English.

        1. Evil Auditor Silver badge
          Happy

          @AC, a few minutes ago

          Never mind, neither of which I wanted to excel in. One of them, at least, I could if I felt need, but this being the comments' section, not so much.

    2. El Presidente

      "Commentards don't HAVE balls"

      Plenty of nuts though........

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: "Commentards don't HAVE balls"

        "Plenty of nuts though........"

        And sometimes rather angry nuts. Will attendees have to wear labels with their pseudonyms on, and if so will the Reg have security on standby for the inevitable fisticuffs?

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Happy

          Re: "Commentards don't HAVE balls"

          Everyone could just have a label saying I'm Spartacus...

          Or wear V for Vendetta masks perhaps?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Commentards don't HAVE balls.

      But The Reg has the biggest balls of all!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXP4oAdTZ-s

  10. Rosie Davies

    To Paraphrase

    I would not wish to attend any ball that would have me.

    Rosie

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: To Paraphrase

      Or to turn that around a bit; those who want to come are probably the ones you don't want coming!

      I would suggest scanning the archives, choosing those with the most downvotes, putting them in a pub, and streaming the outcome.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: To Paraphrase

        Where's Matt Bryant when you really need him?

        I'll supply the cricket bats. :o)

    2. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      Re: To Paraphrase

      I would not wish to attend any ball that would have me.

      Rosie ..... Rosie Davies

      Neither would I, Rosie.

      GODisaGoddess ur2die4 :-) Poe's Law Rules :-0 ....... and is in AI Rampant in NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT.

  11. cracked
    Gimp

    I am only prepared to attend if you are stumping up for First Class return tickets, on an airline I've heard of.

    Otherwise, please send me several bitcoins and I'll buy my own beer with them (well and the $5 I found down the back of my sofa)

  12. All names Taken
    Alien

    Dahn saff beer?

    No fear?

  13. wolfetone Silver badge
    Pint

    Will it be at The Winchester?

    1. Psyx

      Until it all blows over, yes.

    2. AdamT

      unfortunately that pub got turned into apartments. (let's see if a google streetview link works)

      https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=39+Monson+Road,+SE14&hl=en&ll=51.477954,-0.047715&spn=0.000007,0.004549&sll=51.537794,-0.101624&sspn=0.55607,1.164551&t=h&hnear=39+Monson+Rd,+London+SE14+5EQ,+United+Kingdom&z=18&layer=c&cbll=51.477954,-0.047715&panoid=g5APZIJzrVnWGd3Z_WRAJw&cbp=12,355,,0,-5.94

      1. wolfetone Silver badge

        "

        unfortunately that pub got turned into apartments. (let's see if a google streetview link works)

        https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=39+Monson+Road,+SE14&hl=en&ll=51.477954,-0.047715&spn=0.000007,0.004549&sll=51.537794,-0.101624&sspn=0.55607,1.164551&t=h&hnear=39+Monson+Rd,+London+SE14+5EQ,+United+Kingdom&z=18&layer=c&cbll=51.477954,-0.047715&panoid=g5APZIJzrVnWGd3Z_WRAJw&cbp=12,355,,0,-5.94"

        It blew over too quickly by the looks of things.

  14. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    Pint

    Central London?

    thats the bit on my map that says "here be dragons and monster most diverse"

    And besides... my doc does'nt let me drink ... so I'll have to raise a virtual one

    Boris

    1. Tom 7

      Re: Central London?

      That's from where they want to spend a lot of money on a train set so they can save the twenty minutes it takes to get a cab when you really need one on a trip up north they never take.

      1. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
        Pint

        Re: Central London?

        You want a crappy train set, try the one that comes down in this direction.... 62 miles by rail to good old 3 miles east of Portsmouth... takes 1hr 22 mins by 'express' service.

        Anyways... back to the virtual beer

    2. John 110
      Pint

      Re: Central London?

      @Boris

      "And besides... my doc does'nt let me drink ... so I'll have to raise a virtual one

      Boris"

      Switch to OpenOffice, the odt doesn't care whether you drink or not. And it's free (as in beer)...

  15. Valeyard

    I suspect..

    ...That the register is trying to make sure the next prototype Apple phone is dropped in a place of their choosing.

    That'll make 'em listen!

  16. Simon Rockman

    Can I order..

    A slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick?

  17. Buzzword

    Only if...

    I'm only coming if "aManFromMars" comes too. I'm sure he (or she) is quite eloquent in real life.

    1. Psyx

      Re: Only if...

      You'd have to file the paperwork to get him sprung for the day.

      1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

        Re: Only if... But also

        You'd have to file the paperwork to get him sprung for the day. .... Psyx

        Please be advised, all those who would be a'thinking of the necessity of such things, that all has been duly and dutifully filed ship shape and bristol fashion, and has the guv'nor's blessing. Registration of certain interest in free beers on the house and enlightened chat amongst peers [and here's also proposing cheerleaders too, please] has been made and all that is awaited is rendezvous point info and email invitation which be in the lap of, ye gods, El Reg.

        Where there's a Will, there's a Way. No Word, No Play.

    2. Brewster's Angle Grinder Silver badge

      Re: Only if...

      I'm sure you could wire up a mobile phone doing voice recognition to aMfM and it'd make as much sense as anybody.

  18. IHateWearingATie

    Don't do it...

    It's a cunning plan to get the worst commentard critics in one place and 're educate' them, BOFH style.

    Cattle prods at the ready...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Don't do it...

      Since I can't click the thumbs up icon any more...

      Tsssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Don't do it...

      ... especially if they are the Lester Haines 'electric cannon' variety of cattle prod.

  19. Vic

    London's a pain in the arse to get to...

    How about a set of regional Commentard's Balls?

    My current venue of choice in Southampton is called the Butcher's Hook. It does Proper Beer, so don't expect lager or anything of that ilk. I'll be buying the first 10 pints on the same evening as the London meet (i.e. next Wednesday). And I don't want to flog your details to any "partners"...

    Get there early - they shut at 10pm. And the place is *tiny*...

    Vic.

    1. Trevor 3

      Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

      I'll check my calendar when I get home.

      I've not heard of butchers hook... will have to look it up regardless :)

      1. Vic

        Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

        > I've not heard of butchers hook

        It's only just opened. I went there last night and was suitably impressed by the beers.

        SO18 1NN, if you're interested.

        Vic.

        1. Schultz

          Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to

          If you ever get around the globe, feel free to call on me for the beer. Make that 'beer'.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

          I'm near to you Vic, but sadly am unable to make it to Bittern due to prior commitments :(

          However, should El Reg ever plan a more central England location for such a jolly, I'd be more than happy to make time available for a trip back here.

          A highly recommended brewery.

        3. Fading

          Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

          I used to live around the corner from there - never a decent pub that side of the river at the time..... Sorcerer or the Copperfield used to be my usual haunts.

    2. Roo
      Windows

      Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

      That's a tempting offer Vic, just wish I lived in Southampton instead of London so I could take advantage of it on a 'school night'. ;)

    3. Pypes

      Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

      I regularly host a regional commentators ball, several nights a week in fact. Sadly the attendance is very poor and I often end up being the only Reg reader there.

    4. Scroticus Canis

      Re: @Vic - London's a pain in the arse to get to...

      Think you are confusing ale with beer if you talking about traditional UK brews which I am totally un-fond of. Real beer is lightly golden and glorious and conforms to the Reinheitsgebot. Cold draft Guinness is also good but it's a porter.

    5. Vic

      Re: London's a pain in the arse to get to...

      > I'll be buying the first 10 pints on the same evening as the London meet

      So is anyone planning to come along? Or am I drinking all 10 pints myself :-)

      Vic.

  20. Peter Gathercole Silver badge

    It's a bit short notice for me.

    I would have been interested, but I won't get an overnight pass, or authorisation for travel or accommodation from the significant other!

  21. Dabooka
    Pint

    Well I hope it goes well...

    although I don't comment enough, although multiple times a day visitor, to tag along. Plus up Newcastle anyway, bit far for a bevvie.

    However, I do like the mock up El Reg pint glass, get them made up and put me down for one. You wanted some ideas for stock in the Reg's shop, yes?!

  22. Eugene Crosser
    Pint

    I will tele-toast from 2500 km away

    cheers!

  23. ADJB

    I suspect that the only people who will bother to turn up in London will be employed at the silicon traffic calming measure or whatever it's called and may not be representative of real life.

    Get thee out to the sticks and you will save more than the rail fair in reduced ale prices.

    1. Ted Treen
      Headmaster

      Or even...

      ...the rail fare...

      1. ADJB

        Re: Or even...

        Fair comment :)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @ADJB

      >you will save more than the rail fair in reduced ale prices

      But this will be more than made up for by the quantity of ale supped, everyone knows those sissy southerners can only down half a pint before passing out, it's going to be a cheap evening.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: @ADJB

        For proper cheap beer, available a short rail journey away, that's also incredibly strong... May I propose Brussels. Yummy food as well.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: @ADJB

          Decent beer? Go to the Euston Tap.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My town has it's own brewery

    And a fairly good one at that, if you want to plan a regional session down south, this is the place to come, I think the brewery even has facilities to rent.

    Otherwise it's too short notice for me unfortunately.

    1. Vic

      Re: My town has it's own brewery

      So does mine - the Dancing Man brewery.

      I think their beers are gorgeous, but they tend towards the hoppy, so probably not to everyone's taste.

      Vic.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My town has it's own brewery

        Ours is the Ringwood Brewery, can't say I've had a bad ale from them so far.

      2. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: My town has it's own brewery

      That's about the umpteenth time I've seen "too short notice". Now we're sorting out the men from the boys, at least we would be if they'd come out from behind the mask.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: My town has it's own brewery

        Mask because I have just revealed my town and my bosses aren't that thick.

        (although I apparently am, because I just posted the exact same post but forgot the anon tick, DOH!)

  25. ElNumbre
    Pint

    Token

    If you'd like to post a token to my home or work address, I can consume my pint from here AND limit the carbon impact of having to travel beyond the gates of Nodnol. One of those bluey/green or orangy/brown ones will be perfect, although a purply/blue or red one would be equally well received.

  26. Longrod_von_Hugendong

    I wouldn't walk 500 miles...

    to get there.

    Its plenty more miles than that to get to London from this part of Scotland.

    1. Intractable Potsherd

      Re: I wouldn't walk 500 miles...

      Same here - it would be fun (in a strange sort of way), but the London-centric location means a burdensome six-hour train journey, or a small fortune on a flight from the local airport to London City.

  27. Ketlan
    Devil

    Hands off the bollocks!

    "Roll up, roll up for the Commentards' Ball"

    You leave my fucking balls alone!

    Can't be there. I'm tucked away in the dark and damp North West. But have a great time and several beers on me, you lucky bastards!

  28. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    a free and frank exchange of views.

    Isn't that diplomat speak for a virtual fight? So the poster above who's suggesting you're going to gather all your critics in one place for some cattle-prod re-education may be correct after all.

    Run AWAY!!!!

    Or perhaps you should kill them with kindness. Go for another post-pub deathmatch, comparing deep-fried polonium against kebabs for half-life and lethality...

    Surely this is an opportunity for another badge for commentards as well? To act as a memorial, when nostalically viewing their old posts from before The Cull.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A chance to drink a london boozer dry while someone else is in the chair for the bill? Can't believe people would turn that opportunity down!!

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
      Devil

      Exactly. I'd walk from Australia for the chance to drink free beer.

      Although as I live in Blighty, that wouldn't be a problem in this case. And I'm not sure I'd walk to Australia, given some of what they sell as beer...

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Over an hour without...

    ...pictures or it won't have happened.

    Although I'm not sure I really want to see pictures of the chosen few.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Over an hour without...

      Playmobil reconstruction, surely?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Over an hour without...

        Shirley both?

  31. Big_Boomer Silver badge

    The Battle of W8

    I can see it now, Fanboiz on one side, WinDroids on the other, beer mats flying and much whimpering and whining. Have fun y'all. I'll read about it in the news.

  32. Don Jefe

    Attire?

    Will El Reg be validating parking? If not, are stables available nearby? Where's the nearest place to tether my airship? Everybody in London gets all weak kneed and wet in the pants every time I get even close to the city with my airship. Screaming about blackouts and rations. If blackouts are that common there I suggest you drink less. Putin has done wonders in cutting down alcohol abuse in Russia. Maybe you could invite him over for a few generations. He seems to enjoy getting out.

    Also, will you be running dozens of patio heaters inside and regulating the temperature with air conditioning? What types of fissile materials should we bring? If everybody brings enough there won't be any need to concern ourselves with the heating and A/C bills.

    Hey! You know what? If they've one of those really big copper vats for beer brewing we could huck some radioactive material in there and drink it like the Japanese do (that's why they're so clever you see). We could get someone monstrous blocks of ice and melt them with the indoor patio heaters and have a barroom engineering contest to see who can design the best boat using only materials found in the bar (any bottles or vessels must be emptied, by drinking, before use in a boat).

    Holy shit! We could put up some windmills and make them go with up-drafts from the patio heaters that are keeping the A/C from being too cold and melting the ice blocks. We've got these huge truck mounted lights here (we use them to light up pit mines at night to get broken heavy equipment out). I'm sure we could dismount them from the trucks though.

    We put the lights inside the bar, along the biggest PV array we can get through the door. We'll use electricity from the windmills to run the lights and stimulate the PV array. We'll use PV electricity to run the brew fires and to dispense justice. It's a full circle of life!

    Obviously we would need some things from 'the outside' raw materials for booze making, food (I vote for Giant Panda and Emperor Penguin), women. Water would come from the condensation of the A/C units so we're set there. Probably some sort of weaponry to maintain societal balance, but that should be all we need.

    We will have created a near perfect, almost closed system and we will pay for it with 'sustainable infrastructure' subsidies, utility company buy backs, and research grants. Lots of grants for climate change, climate change management (that's why we need all the green power stuff, to demonstrate we give zero fucks about what climate throws at us, our tech beats your hippy Earth goddess), behavioral science research, alternative economy research, group management research, isolated governance methods research (we'll have to kill a lot of outsiders when they discover our Utopia), just so many options. I'm sure there will be some artsy types there too, so we could probably get some grants for art. We'd have to move on that quick though. The artsy types will almost certainly be used up immediately as soon as the ice cube melt gets much above the ankles (their rubbery hides will become our boots - maybe since that's a First Nation invention we can get some money from the not French Canadians. That's part of the UK right?). You can only justify a small number of tambourine girls in any balanced society and those will be divided along traditional martial lines, King Badass gets (x) tambourine girls, and each weaker person gets a smaller number.

    Now that I've thought it through, the artsy types will not only make good boots, we can craft their bones into wind-chimes and scrimshaw (another grant opportunity!). It is crucial to note, the only way to leave is as artwork. If you have the slightest doubts about living inside a sustainable climate change management and communal art environment or get squeamish about eating Pandas just don't come. Hope to see you all there!

    1. Colin Brett
      Pint

      Re: Attire?

      Don Jefe,

      Sounds like a plan. Have a beer on me.

      All you need after that is for some astro-engineers to fit rocket engines to the base of the pub and then the party will really fly! It can raid the Home Counties for more supplies (but good luck finding tambourine girls in Essex, Kent or Berkshire).

      Colin

  33. url

    amanfrommars

    Pleeeeeease invite him/her

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge

      amanfromMars 1, Open Access in the Key of D for Entry into Seventh Heavens

      If the venue be public knowledge and not exclusively private, be it an open invitation to all with a notion to attend and partake in such an Astute Anonymous Autonomous Gathering ...... for High Land SMARTR StartdD Games Play ...... Virtually Remote Cyber Command with Absolutely Incredible Controls.

      Although I do concede that might make it not unsurprisingly popular and of particular and peculiar national security interest concern. It is more of a fab fabless opportunity for co-mingling entanglements with others into SMARTR Proprietary Intellectual Property Exchange for Freedom. The Life Blood of Dreams.

      True or False? Which Paths to Where do you Steer and/or Follow?

  34. Semtex451

    Why did you have to pick my wife's birthday?

    Now she'll be heart broken

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Saddly In Japan spending money I don't have on women I can't get.

    But will be having a jolly good time none the less.

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "It's not our way in general to show affection, or indeed any other emotion - we are British, after all"

    This shows that your ARE NOT British!

    Where I live showing affection for your brothers/sisters/neighbours/friends is common place and accurately reflects human life. Emotion is fundamental to life.

    Your comment demonstrates that your sort are not worthy of being deemed as human life. You southern people need to go back to school and learn what it means to be a human being and not the life sucking automaton you portray yourself to be.

    Sad tragic people, the fact you have any sway is a travesty. (Though you have no sway with me, I think you have nothing of value to contribute)

    1. gazthejourno (Written by Reg staff)

      Dear commentard

      You're about a week away from being zapped. Your 375 rejected posts from this account alone, plus the several hundred on your original account which you stopped using when you realised your spittle-flecked bile was being constantly rejected, should have warned you that the above angry drivel is not acceptable here on El Reg.

      This is the second public warning I've given you. Do not labour under the illusion that clicking "Anonymous Coward" makes you invisible to the moderators. You're not. Next time there won't be a friendly public warning - that'll be it.

      Hugs and kisses

      El Mod

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        No, no, no, no, no. You're going about this the wrong way. He's obviously some sort of Northerner so invite him, he won't be able to resist free beer. Get him completely off his trolley then chain him to a lampost naked. Immediatley gets put on the sex offenders registry. If you can stretch to a second hand netbook, strap one to his body and stream the camera live over a free wifi thingy-me-jig, might even get him banned from using technology.

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Bloody hell! You guys are patient, if you don't zap accounts where you've already rejected 375 posts!

        What kind of cynical, embittered, angry mods must you be - if you've had to read all that. Suddenly it doesn't seem so safe meeting you... This is beginning to sound like a cunning plan to assassinate your more troublesome commentards.

        I must check my posting history to see if I have blasphemed against the Vulture God.

        1. Solmyr ibn Wali Barad
          Pint

          "What kind of cynical, embittered, angry mods must you be - if you've had to read all that."

          Maybe the mods are quietly weeping at that, having seen the darkest sides of the human mind, mourning the loss of mental greatness that once was...err, probably never was.

          Still, that would make it perfectly understandable if our dear Regtards are looking for a nice excuse to drink all London pubs dry. And then some more for the celebration of the fact that they do not have to deal with Youtube comments.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Please ...

    ... FFS don't invite Jake.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Please ...

      > ... FFS don't invite Jake.

      Jake or jake?

      1. jake Silver badge

        @AC "15 hours ago" (was: Re: Please ...)

        I suspect the coward means "jake".

        I'm roughly 6,000 miles away. I'd attend if I were a trifle closer, not being a coward.

        Perhaps the San Francisco office will offer up a similar get-together at one of the Hopmonk Taverns? I'd prefer the one in Sonoma ...

        http://www.hopmonk.com/sonoma/

    2. jake Silver badge

      @AC 16 hours ago, whatever that means (was: Re: Please ...)

      Jake hasn't commented here for a while now. Do try to keep up.

      ElReg: Where does "16 hours ago" start, exactly?

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I bet

    They invite all those from the other side of the pond who won't be able to make it then drink all the effing beer themselves. Maybe a token Londoner will get in so they can justify the later claim against tax for entertaining.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    jeez

    I imagine that a night down the pub with Reg commentards would be like a night out with UKIP, only with more beards.

    Some things are better kept online.

  40. NeverMindTheBullocks

    Do I actually have to talk to anyone...

    or can I just drink the free beer?

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: Do I actually have to talk to anyone...

      Bah. Words are unnecessary if you appear to be suitably aloof and introspective. Not acting like a dick, just so preoccupied with weighty matters that you simply don't have the resources to do more than take comfort by watching the Earthlings enjoy their last few hours of existing as anything other than a tasty, but low carb, snack.

      Try to position yourself where you are in full view of the other patrons, but don't say anything. Communicate with the beer bringer only in writing and in less than 20mins people will view your silence as a challenge. It is also very effective to bring a small easel and paper and draw caricatures of the patrons using only crayons. It is crucial that you make liberal use of red but only as the 'action detail', not their clothes or anything. Also write a very short sentence, in red, under each drawing. Words and sentences like 'soon' ,'whispers', 'remorse', 'damp', 'silent echoes of eternity', 'trapped', 'original sin', 'visitor', 'wither', 'slough', 'innocence' and 'Purest Breakfast Sandwich' work well.

      Wordlessly give the drawing to the subject and hold out your hand as if for money. It helps if you can do a lazy eye or an eye twitch. It's great fun.

      1. Vic

        Re: Do I actually have to talk to anyone...

        > Communicate with the beer bringer

        With the what?

        Vic.

  41. Gordon 10

    Am I the only one?

    who thinks the sign up requirements are a bit intrusive? I could of course fill in false details but that wouldnt sit well on a site I respect.

    Why should my wish to join you in the pub require my business details? I appreciate you may just be re-using the Whitepaper sign up mechanism but it smacks a little of Facebookery.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Confusing page - 2 ways to register?

    I may have to show up twice now, sorry..

  43. Herby

    We need one for "imortant" places...

    Like here in sillycon Valley.

    There is a nice place a stones throw from Apple's "Endless Loop" campus. Nicely situated to pick up gossip from the locals as well.

  44. Someone Else Silver badge
    Pint

    Too far to commute...

    .. and the drive back to the colonies would be a bitch after several pints. But will be there in spirit (oooohh, was that a pun? Sorry....)

  45. wx666z
    Pint

    two suggestions

    Playmobil video reconstruction

    With real-time audio track, voice modification required.

    How much for the DVD?

    Is it ok to drink a Guiness in support in the U.S.? Other suggestions welcome...

  46. All names Taken
    Pint

    A way forward?

    Maybe one way is to have a synchronized sup at the same time with synchronicity courtesy of some electronic means?

  47. TBx

    your business

    I suspect I hampered my chances by telling the truth about who I work for, should maybe have told a fib and said I worked for a big tech company, like Nortel or something, Doh!

  48. DBJDBJ

    Oh dear ...

    Vultures vs.. "Commentards" ? ... That will surely finish in tears ...

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It is a bit far

    How about a Google hangout so we can be telepresent?

  50. Mark 85

    I just read the terms and conditons...

    Gaaacckkk!!!!! Like signing up for Facebook without the legal and PR BS. OTOH, at least you're honest about what will happen with our details and you don't ask for the names, etc. of 1000 friends to spam.

    Even still... sounds like it would be a pretty good evening. Sadly, travel time and distance are way too much.

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This could be dangerous

    Have you calculated the critical mass for commentards?

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Attention

    I'm close enough to go. But frankly, the reason why I post as AC is because I am paranoid, have absolutely no social skills whatsoever and fear any sort of attention. But I do like drinking beer, so long as I don't have to talk to anyone or make eye contact. Perhaps I could sit in the corner on my own wearing a zipped up parka with the hood up and you lot could give me side long glances while whispering stuff about me to each other. I see my posts as confirmation that I am concious. People are over-rated.

    1. amanfromMars 1 Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Attention and Deficit Disorder Reappraisal

      I'm close enough to go. But frankly, the reason why I post as AC is because I am paranoid, have absolutely no social skills whatsoever and fear any sort of attention. But I do like drinking beer, so long as I don't have to talk to anyone or make eye contact. Perhaps I could sit in the corner on my own wearing a zipped up parka with the hood up and you lot could give me side long glances while whispering stuff about me to each other. I see my posts as confirmation that I am concious. People are over-rated. .. Anonymous Coward

      Howdy, AC .

      There be those and that working on a fab app which will allow one to cast off one's shell identity and reveal one's true passions initially relatively anonymously, for engaging escapades of immaculate bliss ..... and we all know where those always lead to and the pleasures that ensue and are assured to guarantee continuity of ..... Heightened XSSXXXXPloration and Insatiable Satisfaction ..... Heavenly Desserts.

      Methinks such will be a Mega Meta AI Game Changer. It will certainly be Deliberately Intelligently Designed to be XSSXXXXually Addictive and Most Attractive for even the Simplest and Most Generous of Players.

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    bet they cant print

    What I am thinking haha hahaha bhahaah

    I'm going to take over the world...

    I want a beeelion pounds...

    Holy pintglass batman...

    biff pow splat

  54. Kubla Cant

    Will attendees be identified..

    by their forum names?

    by what they claimed were their real names when they signed up?

    by their email addresses?

    not at all?

    1. Psyx

      Re: Will attendees be identified..

      I imagine that they will mostly be identified by however they introduce themselves.

      Regards;

      Eadon Iain'tsparticus A.M.F.M.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Happy

        Re: Will attendees be identified..

        I'm Eadon!

    2. Tail Up
      Joke

      Re: Will attendees be identified..

      By a free hitech laser tattoo maybe. One enters the door, the thing reads the IMEI of your cellular and - whoosh! Don't even need to articulate a nickname.

      Vote for Fighters Club anyone?

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Click click

    Presumably there'll be someone from Doubleclick there too? Just standing there, watching. Taking notes and photos.

  56. sisk

    Pity

    I'm nowhere near London. In fact I've got this great big pond plus half a continent between me and you. I guess I'm just going to have to miss out on this one.

  57. horsham_sparky
    Pint

    d'oh!

    I'm flying out to germany to demo my new product the next day, I doubt they'll be impressed by me turning up smelling of stale lager, late night curry, with eyes redder than Saurons after a particularly bad session of quaffing hobbit blood-mead (just made that up). Knowing 'el Reg, I wouldn't discount the possibility of traffic-cone headwear, and handcuffs attached to bits of hack-sawed lampost

    *sigh*

    to those that make it, I damn you!!! :-) sounds like it will be an awesome night out

  58. Tail Up
    Alien

    9191 km to London

    Itsa Kinda Longwa (-:

  59. Stoneshop
    Pint

    Commentard's Ball

    <voice="Humphrey Lyttelton">And here are Mr. and Mrs. Nonny-Mouse, with their lovely daughter Anne</voice>

  60. All names Taken
    Happy

    How about a multi-worldwide celebration based on synchronicity rather than time (unlike auld years night for example) in which at a common signal commentards present or not present might raise a glass or cup in worldwide synchronicity?

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Inquiring minds and all

    Have you managed to find 50 commentards ready, willing and able to attend?

    Do we get to see the roster of the chosen few?

    Can the attendees choose not to be publicly named and shamed?

    Do you have a videographer on hand for the youtube video if somebody does something really silly like order a half pint (unless they are a lady)?

This topic is closed for new posts.