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back to article Congo lynch mobs attack penis-snatching sorcerers

Police in the Democratic Republic of Congo earlier this week cuffed for their own protection 13 "suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises", Reuters reports. The arrests come after a "wave of panic" swept the capital Kinshasa last week, provoked by rumours that the unwary might be …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    It's true!

    I swear it was really larger than this, Paris... must have been shrunk by a sorcerer...

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    If I were in charge....

    ..... I'd have them all flogged to death with a salami, or a tin of spam......

    But seriously - it's all an excuse for random violence.....

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Now if only

    We could persuade the Viagra pushers and 419's that unless they stop they will suffer the same effect – better still make it happen when we do catch them

    :p

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  4. andy

    cold

    maybe it was just a cold day? If you must flash it about while measuring, wait until it's warmer.

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hopefully nothing to do with..

    ..the earlier headline..

    "EU plans to boost organ donor numbers"

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  6. Chris Collins

    Winkie fairy

    Maybe the winkie fairy comes in the night, like with teeth but only more menacing. Was the small-willied one suffering from his terrible affliction before he was cursed by cock-bothering acolytes? Is this with or without a woody? I feel details are lacking.

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  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    TIA

    This Is Africa, as they say in Africa.

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Panic in Khartoum: Foreigners Shake Hands, Make Penises Disappear

    "During September 2003, mass hysteria spread through Khartoum, the capital of Sudan, which was ultimately quelled by police intervention and statements made by the health minister. The panic was caused by rumors of foreigners roaming the city and shaking men's hands, making their penises disappear. The rumors were spread rapidly by text messages on cellular phones..."

    (See: http://www.memri.org/bin/latestnews.cgi?ID=SD59303)

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  9. lansalot

    simple

    Man steals penis ? Get Professor Duff on the case !

    "Off with their goolies !"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP2xarcSEW8

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One more...

    for the gallery of best headlines of all time.

    Well done, sir.

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Stupid

    I think this proves my theory that a huge percentage of the population of the planet are completely insane or just plain stupid. It's belief in magic or religion or some other cult which drives me to despair for humanity, people are far too willing to accept that kind of garbage as a reality without any facts or even evidence.

    Paris because she's clearly more intelligent than a vast portion of the human race.

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  12. Peter Gold badge
    Coat

    They're just dicking around..

    Look at the bright side: it may reduce instances of Repetitive Stain Injury..

    Mine's the flasher Mac (because I still can :-).

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  13. John
    Paris Hilton

    Enlarge

    If they can shrink it, one would think they could enlarge it... No lynchings for that?!?

    Paris for her ability to shink and enlarge.

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  14. Christoph

    Primitive superstition

    Why can't they use proper western scientific logic, like "If we bomb enough countries and torture enough people the terrorists will disappear".

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  15. Andy
    Happy

    "This is Africa, as they say in Africa"

    Well, you'd look pretty stupid saying it in Cricklewood, wouldn't you?

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  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Primitive superstition

    Your logic is flawless.

    Of course we'd probably all be dead also, but the logic is correct.

    Judge Death came up with the idea too (for readers of 2000AD)

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  17. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    fear and superstition in central africa

    There is another variation on this in other parts of Africa that I've read about -

    Female Circumcision is still practiced in parts of Africa. Its not unknown for uncircumcised women to be accused of witchcraft by circumcised neighbours - who fear that the 'intact' woman is a threat, and might seduce their husbands.

    Unfortunately just an accusation of witchcraft in these places can mean being hunted down by a mob and burned alive in petrol-filled car tyres, or being held down and circumcised.

    I'm with the previous poster - a lot of the human race are simply loopy.

    I wonder whats the African equivalent of Mescalin (blatant 'fear and loathing in las vegas' reference for the uninitiated). Clearly these guys are on *something*...

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  18. Chris Paulson

    @Christoph

    Have you evidence that dead terroists can reoffend?

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  19. Unkle Al

    Seinfeld

    "There was significant shrinkage Jerry" - George

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  20. Laurent_Z
    Coat

    Swedish 914 Mail

    Dear Sir,

    We learned of your recent grief, and would like to introduce you to an exciting offer on this new, patented Swedish Pump, known...

    Mine is the latex one with the sem----water proof coating

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  21. Tom

    it's true I tell you!

    i am a victim of this heinous crime.

    At least, that's my excuse for being a little light in the lunchbox.

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  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    problem solved

    If the nigerian salespeople can't sort it out I reckon the OGC will be able to help.

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  23. Matt Eagles

    The amazing shrinking manhood

    I believe this is called koro (or kuro) and had it's origins in China (I think) a few thousand years ago at least. The irrational belief that your todger is shrinking, withdrawing into the body or has been stolen. It provides many snigger filled hours of fun for Psychology students, social scientists, gender studies lecturers and news organisations with space to fill.

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  24. SevenT

    To each his own

    And while the "civilised" world goes on a witch hunt for the global warming deniers so they can be exposed, in Africa they just worry about something a little bit closer to home, so to speak.

    Its merely a matter of how sophisticated your own personal paranoia has become.

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  25. Miami Mike

    blame game

    Ever thought that it might be useful to BLAME someone else for any "lack" in the department under discussion?

    "I used to have a 15" weenie, some sorcerer stole it, now it's only 3"!"

    What we should be doing is forwarding all those "enlargement" e-mails we constantly get onward to them, and let them solve their problem that way.

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  26. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Yes, it's Africa

    Unfortunately, the belief and practice of witchcraft in many parts of Africa, not just Nigeria and Congo, is widespread throughout the different levels of society. It's not just the ignorant uneducated poor. Witchcraft is everywhere, including the congregations of the major religions as well as professional and government organisations. It's not about intelligence, it's to do with tradition and society. We have Mystic Meg, Russel Grant and that guy from Most Haunted. They have willie-shrivelling sorcerers.

    If someone is ill or dies, then the witch doctor can be consulted to find out who cast the evil spell, so they can be hunted down or be counter-spelled. Therefore, you are nice to the witchdoctor, because he or she could get you killed or beaten up.

    In certain areas of Nigeria, the number of children who have been initiated into witchcraft and magic and who (believe they) practice things like out of body travel is bordering on the majority.

    It's not just Africa, nasty things can happen in the remote mountinous places of Northern India and in deepest Norfolk.

    You may believe witchcraft and the occult is nonsense, real or something to do with self induced or drug induced hysteria. But even the most ardent unbeliever must acknowledge the reality of a lynch mob. The most solid atheist might not believe in a god, but they do believe in the extremist with a bomb belt.

    Actually, I think we should start replying to the 419 spammers offering our shrunken-willie restorative cures in return for their bank details, BIG RETURNS guanteed!

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  27. theotherone

    stupid pricks....

    stupid pricks......

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  28. Frumious Bandersnatch
    Coat

    Warning: don't fall for this

    http://www.imagepoop.com/image/1037/The-CIA-Is-Trying-to-Steal-My-Penis.html

    Scunthorpe ho!

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  29. michael

    well..

    if my man hood had been toughed ina taxi by a man with a gold ring it might have well shurnk....

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  30. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Got V1agr@?

    I'm sure there's a joke to be made here about Um Bongo and/or The Rumble In The Jungle, but it's too early.

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  31. Ishkandar

    @Well, you'd look pretty stupid saying it in Cricklewood, wouldn't you?

    Yeah, it would make most of the people around there wonder if they've got into the wrong container at the Shenzhen Container Terminal !!

    @stupid pricks...... Well, not to be too pedantic about it but it's actually *little* pricks !!

    @Actually, I think we should start replying to the 419 spammers offering our shrunken-willie restorative cures in return for their bank details, BIG RETURNS guanteed! - Nothing so crude !! I just offer to make theirs backfire !!

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  32. amlendu
    Boffin

    Bollocks

    Does it mean they are left only with the dangling sac.

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  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    that explains it

    Why we have ballless wonders that run the country. Black magic

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  34. Juliette Martens
    Alien

    Don't joke about this

    I used to have a boyfriend who'd quite clearly been visited by one of these sorcerers...

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  35. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Sounds more like..

    Monty Python meets the Gay Olympics

    "Spam Javelin Lifters" .. oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...!!

    ..mine ISNT the shell suit top..

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