Re: Ads, Ads and yet more [redacted] ads
Line breaks are essential
To the flow of a poem
Without them it's mental
Trying to find your way home.
I've rearranged your attempt a bit
Sort of polished the chrome
To give it more of a hit.
Like a hip-hop rhyme
It's more of a chore
But bro, you gotta take your time
Else you're gonna hit the floor.
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Your scansion, sadly, sucks. It's no defence
to play the humour card. When writing verse
both form and rhythm must align to sense.
Though rhyme and scansion may invite a curse
it should be from the author. I would deem a
failed attempt at scansion rather worse than blank verse.
Writing in a formal schema
at least can help at focussing the brain
(my favoured form, like this, is terza rima)