back to article Microsoft researchers build 'smart bra' to stop women's stress eating

A team of boffins at Microsoft Research have been trying to solve the problem of stress eating with a Windows Phone smartphone app and a bra that measures the wearer's emotions. When humans come under stress, overeating is common. Some scientists think there's a valid reason for this – grabbing some extra food is always handy …

COMMENTS

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  1. jake Silver badge

    And let the flood of ...

    ... 14 year old boy locker-room attempts at humor begin.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      But I had so many good jokes...:-(

      Well at least seeing that Microsoft developed it all I've got is images of the NSA telling Merkell to have a snickers as she's a diva when she's hungry.

      1. Thorne

        Re: And let the flood of ...

        Does a Microsoft smart bra come with windows?

        1. Fatman
          Joke

          Re: Does a Microsoft smart bra come with windows?

          I would hate to see the EULA.

    2. Neoc
      Trollface

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      @Jake: Because you asked so nicely.

      "...emotional arousal..." hur hur hur - he said 'arousal'.

    3. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      Does the equipment send updates to the phone automatically...

      ...or does the phone ping the brastrap?

    4. MrDamage Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      It makes a pleasant change.

      A Microsoft product holding tits up, instead of going titsup and holding us up.

      <- Paris, well, cos boobies.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      Mmmm… 'bout time they got abreast of things…

    6. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      The disappointment comes

      The disappointment comes when the bra is removed and the Microsoft padding revealed.

    7. TRT Silver badge

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      "Mammary overflow error at 0x48FF"

      1. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: And let the flood of ...

        or underflow at 0x32B

    8. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      you think This story is in This publication because of purely tech issues?

    9. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      Any links to photos of the install process?

    10. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And let the flood of ...

      Your boobs have Open Source cancer - Microsoft are the cure....

  2. Thorne
    Windows

    I'm Sorry....

    But your boobs have performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.....

    1. Euripides Pants
      Windows

      Re: I'm Sorry....

      But you are running a pirate copy of boobs and they will be deleted....

      1. Thorne

        Re: I'm Sorry....

        Do you have to register your boobs with Microsoft? I want that job......

        1. gerryg
          Trollface

          time to reframe Woody Allen...

          ...in What's new Pussy Cat?

          Michael James:Did you find a job?

          Victor Skakapopulis: Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.

          MJ: Nice job.

          VS: Twenty francs a week.

          MJ: Not very much.

          VS: It's all I can afford.

    2. TRT Silver badge

      Re: I'm Sorry....

      Do you have to sign a disclosure agreement?

    3. Charles Manning

      That's

      Exception 0xB00B

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A team of boffins at Microsoft Research have been trying to solve the problem of stress eating with a Windows Phone smartphone app and a bra that measures the wearer's emotions."

    Since it is on WP, I bet the app shows a lot users with remorse or buyers regret.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      It's got a couple of Raspberries built in.

  4. Captain DaFt

    And she said;

    "Of course I'm stressed! Not only is my bra killing me, it keeps dieing on me! Got a USB port handy?"

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: And she said;

      … and then the moment she gets power to her techno-bra — the phone app goes tits up.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Her: I'm thinking of upgrading to Boobs v2.0

    Him: The v1.0 boobs you've got are fine.

    Her: Bloody men. Don't care as long as they get to play with them.

    Him: Yeah, so?

    Her: [storms off in a huff]

    Him: Was it something I said?

    1. MrDamage Silver badge
      Coat

      Her: I'm thinking of upgrading to Boobs v2.0

      Him: If you want the bigger Boobs v2.0, why dont you just rub toilet paper between them.

      Her: How will toilet paper give me bigger Boobs v2.0?

      Him: Well, it worked on your arse, didnt it?

      *badoom-tish*

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    They needed to put a smart bra on the big boob (Ballmer) a longtime ago.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Does it have any virus protection?

  7. Rampant Spaniel

    This must be a tactic to sell more phones. Perhaps it is because I am male, but if I am stressed a phone that flashed up a message telling me to breathe will very quickly find itself implanted in a nearby wall requiring a quick insurance claim. No prizes for guessing where they would put the male sensors.

    1. Gray Ham Bronze badge

      I suppose it's down to how the message is presented .... if it's something like an AED, that speaks in a nice, calm, authoritative voice, telling the operator to [b r e a t h e], it could be helpful. Certainly, I find that is quite calming.

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        If you had ever had to purchase replacement batteries for an AED you would not find them in any way calming! Biggest con going.

    2. MrDamage Silver badge

      Male sensors

      If theyre smart, they'll make it into a ring for your finger.

      When it detects sudden acceleration, then an impact 4 or 5 times in a row, it will text you with a message that reads "The boss was born that way. No amount of percussive maintenance will fix him"

  8. SVV

    Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

    Can we please at least ask why this app and "wearable device" are aimed exclusively at women, as these probably very svelte and not at all lardy American techies who are mostly male seem to have been paid to develop and publicise this risible idea.

    And the app has a cartoon bird with a speech bubble telling you what to do that reads "Bird says". Are they unaware that in the UK, this has a colloquial meaning of girlfriend, and furthermore we do not like to be bossed around by our birds?

    (OK, I lied about this not containing predictable puerile jokes.)

    1. Gray Ham Bronze badge
      Happy

      Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

      OK, OK, I give in ... no point trying to raise the tone of this thread ...

      Are MS also aware that "bird" has a different colloquial meaning in Indonesian... but then, men will always listen to their "burung".

    2. Ralph B

      Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

      > Can we please at least ask why this app and "wearable device" are aimed exclusively at women

      Microsoft engineers are clearly trying to understand women in the only way they know how. I've heard there's a related project underway at NASA.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

        Helloo..... what's this? Ah, haptic feedback button... or is it cold in here?

        1. Rob

          Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

          Quite a severe feedback response though if you press it, may result in a sore cheek and a possibility of ringing in the ears (maybe followed by a visit from the rozzers).

          1. TRT Silver badge

            Re: Haptic feedback buttons...

            It needs a bit of tweaking.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

      Very liekly because its a proof of concept model and are looking for the best results as oppossed to a markettable item.

      As noted in the article the best place to get the results needed is from the area around the heart so the researchers would focus on an item of clothing that covers that area and with plenty of skin contact. Vests, T-Shirts, Shirts, etc would be too loose so wouldn't give you that consistent skin contact needed but a bra would. Now seeing as men have no need to wear bras it would be focused around women hence why it would appear to be aimed exclusively at women.

      Once the concept is proven to work they can then start refining it and looking at other form factors such as rings, wrist starps, watches, etc and once again, as noted in the article, they won't nessecarily rlease the proof of concept model as a retail model.

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

        I misread the BBC's headline coverage of this at first...

        "Microsoft working on a smart bra to measure mood"

        Easy to get 'd' and 'b' mixed up...

      2. Wize

        Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

        "...the best place to get the results needed is from the area around the heart..."

        Plenty of heard monitoring fitness devices can be strapped on without the need for an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

        Maybe if men want to use this device, they have to 'grow a pair'

        1. TRT Silver badge

          Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

          The male version will come as some sort of testicular sling. No doubt with voice feedback built in, given that Microsoft is well known for talking bollocks.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

      "are aimed exclusively at women"

      Are you sure - have you seen American men?

  9. xyz Silver badge

    Using an El Regism..

    it should be called the Redmond Airbag.Mind you V1.0 will probably hang off her ears with a plank of wood holding her chest up, for V2.0 they'll introduce a cushion for the plank and V3.0 will be virtualised and stuck in the cloud so you can access your virtual bra anyplace. Then Apple will create a patent for the iCup with rounded corners and a shiny casing. The first iCup will only have 1 cup, so that's there's a clear upgrade path to the next version. Meanwhile the Linux guys will still be researching what a woman is, and trying to draw up a use case so they can understand the problem whilst Android releases Jubbly Bean....

    I must get a life

  10. Tromos

    As with all the newer MS products...

    ...I presume it has a touch interface.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: As with all the newer MS products...

      I expect it's only available wireless...

  11. Chrome

    It looks like you're trying to have a nervous breakdown

    Would you like some help?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Next year's headlines...

    Woman refused service in Seattle restaurant for wearing a bra.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What happened to the 60's/70's when braless was the fashion? every time I watch an old film from around that era, it seems the women don't wear bra's, I think its time that fashion re-emerged, surely it can't be healthy to strap part of your body up like that JUST to make them look bigger....

    1. TRT Silver badge

      The swinging 60s?

  14. Slacker@work
    Meh

    Only took you two days...

    to pick up on this http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-25197917 and yes you were notified by twitter

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Only took you two days...

      *shrug* it's not like we need this kind of "news" urgently ... who cares if it takes a couple of days extra?

  15. Phil W

    Out of date

    Am I the only one wondering why they're using Windows Phone 7 and not 8?

    Windows Phone 8 was released over a year ago and I would be rather surprised if it wasn't available to this Microsoft team before that.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Data sample a whole 12 people

    Well you can't say MS aren't thorough in their research.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Data sample a whole 12 people

      It's bigger than the usability panel testers for Word 2007/2010... what ever happened to drop down menus? And will this device similarly feature a multitude of tabs which have no discernible function?

  17. David Pollard

    Fondleslab ...

    ... puts a whole new meaning on the word.

    1. TRT Silver badge

      Re: Fondleslab ...

      I'm surprised Ogle, sorry Google, haven't come out with their own. Or are they going for some sort of cod piece?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Fondleslab ...

      The iBra, designed in California, made in a sweatshop in Southeast Asia.

  18. Frumious Bandersnatch

    It may be comfortable

    But will it overheat and/or catch fire at inopportune times? If there's one thing that The IT Crowd taught me it's that geeks and bras don't mix.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You don't need a fancy gadget to shed off the excess weight

    You only need discipline: discipline to put down the fork, and discipline to exercise to an adequate intensity and frequency.

  20. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Kinetic charging

    "they had to be taken off and recharged every three or four hours"

    should have built in a couple of kinetic charging units into the cups.

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