back to article Apple's top bean counter: New spaceship HQ won't emit 'one atom of carbon'

Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer made a rare press-conference appearance after the Cupertino city council approved Apple Campus 2, extolling the green credentials of his company's 2.8m sq foot, $5bn "spaceship." "We're going to build the best office building ever built in the world," Oppenheimer modestly told the lightly attended …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Green eh?

    So, this building will not consume a single watt of energy, or have a single person working in it that exhales CO2... hmmm more marketing bullshit!

    G

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Green eh?

      I'm guessing people will drive there too.

    2. Steve Knox
      FAIL

      Re: Green eh?

      So, you didn't read the sentence about electricity sources then?

      Did you just see the title and subtitle, catch a phrase that ignited your own personal prejudices, and then come comment without even reading the article?

      1. Demosthenese

        Re: Green eh?

        I did read the bit about electricity sources ... 30% from 'green suppliers'. This is where an electricity supplier that has multiple sources, some green and mostly non-green, pretends that you are only supplied by the green electricity when in reality it is all fed into and out of a single grid. There is no way to transmit just the 'green' energy to a particular consumer.

        Even with a notional supply of the green stuff to apple, just means the other customers, get a greater proportion of their supply notionally from non-green. This sort of smoke and mirrors does not really constitute real green energy any more than carbon offsetting does.

        However thumbs up to apple for at least generating much of its own power by renewable means, even if the carbon free claims are pr bullshit.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Green eh?

          Our mains plugs have 3 wires in them. One of them is green. I'm told that the green electricty comes up that wire.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Green eh?

          "However thumbs up to apple for at least generating much of its own power by renewable means, even if the carbon free claims are pr bullshit."

          and thumbs down to the fanboi who will say anything to protect their beloved Apple.

    3. Gannon (J.) Dick

      Re: Green eh?

      Pretreatment with Carbon Monoxide or Hydrogen Cyanide is the secret, shhhhh don't tell anyone, Apple has a Patent and they'll sue you silly.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Green eh?

      "hmmm more marketing bullshit!"

      Apple's speciality!

  2. Herby

    People forget...

    That passing gas emits Methane, which is a more powerful "greenhouse gas", and includes Carbon as well. Combined with the emissions (noted above) of alive breathing humans, there is going to be a bunch of "hot air" emitted.

    One can presume that this is "balanced" by some greenery that will be planted around "Spaceship Steve".

    So much "flustering". Must be Al Gore on the board of directors (in his do as I say, not as I do mode).

    1. proto-robbie
      Pirate

      Re: People forget...

      Regrettably, "Spaceship Steve" is letting the side down, taphonomically speaking.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: People forget...

      Ah, but YOU forget. Those full-body turtlenecks they wear are extremely sophisticated. Catalytic converters and whatnot.

    3. T. F. M. Reader

      Re: People forget...

      > One can presume that this is "balanced" by some greenery

      Definitely not - plants require CO2 that will not be emitted and water that will not be used.

  3. Captain TickTock

    How much CO2 will be emitted in construction

    Quite a lot if it will it be made of reinforced concrete?...

    1. Blake St. Claire

      Re: How much CO2 will be emitted in construction

      Concrete? Unlike Asia and Africa, most modern construction here is steel, 'though the floors and foundation are certainly concrete.

      And I'm sure the production of the steel produces lots of greenhouse gas. Not to mention the glass and sheetrock and everything else that goes into it.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: How much CO2 will be emitted in construction

        And I'm sure the production of the steel produces lots of greenhouse gas. Not to mention the glass and sheetrock and everything else that goes into it."

        Not being in the construction industry, I might be talking out of my arse, but isn't the point of all the greenery they'll be planting supposed to be additional CO2 soak to offset the the CO2 emitted during construction/running of the building?

        I'm not saying the numbers add up or haven't been massaged but I'm sure people in the know will be looking on with interest at how the claims stack up.

  4. Mike 140

    So..

    ... nobody there breathes then.

    1. DJO Silver badge

      Re: So..

      I'm no friend of Apple but that is a little spurious, the drones at Apple would breath no matter where they happen to be so those exhalations are not a part of the sum CO2 emissions for the building.

  5. Frumious Bandersnatch

    SBS

    *cough*

  6. rcorrect

    The innovation that will come from the team, particularly in the collaborative environment that we're going to build, will be immeasurable.

    Yeah all you disbelievers, look what the two Steves managed to do with nothing more than a garage! Wait did Peter Oppenheimer just admit that Apple needs a $5 billion dollar spaceship to be innovative again? Maybe I just read his statement wrong.

  7. Vision Aforethought
    Childcatcher

    For something closer to home

    A visit to the inspiring new National Trust building in Swindon is recommended. Nice café inside, superb outlet clothing arcade across the pavement, and best of all, the (NT) building is 100% solar powered.

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge

      Solar PV in Swindon?

      How were those panels manufactured, transported, installed, cleaned and maintained?

      How will they be disposed of when they wear out or break?

      What poisonous and polluting chemicals are used and discharged during these lifetime stages?

      If we're trading CO2 emissions for emissions of poisons and heavy metals, is that a sensible thing to do?

      Where does the energy come from when it's dark or during bad weather, which is when the most heating and lighting is required?

      Swindon is not known for its bright sunny days!

      If you're saying "storage", what is the environmental cost of that storage?

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Conor Turton

      Re: For something closer to home

      I can guarantee that it isn't, especially on the shortest day of the year.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Part of Apple's innovation....

    Is that they're breeding a silicon-based pod-people workforce. Ergo, carbon emissions!!

    (They're probably using Intel's fab waste for the silicon, too!)

  9. frank ly

    CFO says "There won't be one atom of carbon emitted ...."

    You'd think, in these modern times, that people who are capable of reaching that position would make a small effort to understand the basic operating principles of the real world. I was dumbfounded when I read that and actually spent time trying to figure out what he might have been trying to say.

    1. Uffish

      Re: CFO says "There won't be one atom of carbon emitted ...."

      You are not supposed to figure out anything from Apple - you have just to believe and consume. Repeat after me - 'Believe and consume ...'

      (Disclaimer - this is just a rant after buying an Ipad - beatifully made piece of kit , but you can't actually DO anything on it. Believe and consume.)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: CFO says "There won't be one atom of carbon emitted ...."

        "...you can't actually DO anything on it..."

        Not true:

        http://www.cultofmac.com/155509/old-german-man-uses-his-ipad-as-a-cutting-board-video/

      2. Sureo

        Re: CFO says "There won't be one atom of carbon emitted ...."

        Re. Ipad, all the carbon produced in manufacturing is released in China.

  10. Sil

    Créative accounting

    Will all employees be required to wear butt plugs?

    Plus as we all know getting green energy from outside sources is as easy as buying it, it's not a political lie.

    Lastly onsite fuel cells?

    But let's not forget Steve Jobs was the best man the earth has ever created and probably will ever create. Oppenheimer being a close second.

  11. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Flame

    IBM emits salespersons, Apple emits genius carbon.

    It's not serious. Clearly just a PR message destined to greenster hipsters not averse to buying an iPhone.

    Not having a complete accounting of the CO_2 (and other emissions) of all the materials and labor going into the SS Apple over its whole lifetime including decomissioning? You don't have it? Can't be done? Stop talking in superlatives then. And relying on "green sources" in California? FAIL.

    Seriously, the best that will ever be built? Is that Captain America's lair?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: IBM emits salespersons, Apple emits genius carbon.

      I agree, this was the part that made me laugh:

      " the most environmentally friendly building of its size we think has ever been built and may ever be built"

      This ought to be filed away with "no one will ever need more than 640K" and "why would anyone need a computer in their house" in the list of futuregazing clangers.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    No carbon emmissions

    No breathing, no farting.

    Staffed by the Undead?

  13. sleepy
    Paris Hilton

    I think what he must be trying to say is that the operation of the building (as opposed to its contents) won't add to atmospheric co2. Even if what he actually said implies that no life form that enters the building can ever leave.

    It would of course be GOOD for the environment if the building emitted megatons of carbon atoms, presumably converted from human emissions of CO2.

    1. cortland

      Talk about

      Chained in the cubicle, eh?

      Gaseous human-derived effluent DOES rather belie the overall claim -- but no one believes that one anyway. Who's measuring it?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If Heineken made office buildings.....

    ....they wouldn't build this one.

    1. jof62

      If it is anything like their beer lets hope they wouldn't build it

    2. M Gale
      Headmaster

      Re: Heineken

      Carlsberg.

      Not using beer icon, because neither are.

  15. R Callan
    WTF?

    Excellent, a building that does not emit a single carbon atom. Now about those molecules that contain carbon

  16. Lars Silver badge
    Happy

    The space analogy

    With the space analogy I suppose they will make water out of piss and energy out of shit too. Just kidding, but it is actually a bit funny how easy it is to make jokes about Apple. Remembering his awful yacht design (who bought it, or is it still for sale) you get this feeling that Jobs, indeed, had rather exaggerated beliefs in him self. Also I think nobody within Apple. to day, would have the guts to rethink and alter that holy "design".

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The space analogy

      "Remembering his awful yacht design"

      Sure do - running on Mac-OX, lol. Think I will give that a miss, in the same category as Boeing's Scream Liner....

  17. Jeroen Braamhaar

    "not one atom of carbon"

    this means:

    - no concrete

    - no bricks

    - no steel

    are they going to organically grow it then ?

    I call hogwash.

    1. TheVogon

      "are they going to organically grow it then "

      Surely all organic molecules contain carbon?

      1. Captain TickTock
        Boffin

        "Surely all organic molecules contain carbon?"

        The carbon contained in a building's structure is not going to be in the air.

        Timber is great from this point of view

  18. foxpak
    Joke

    They could probably just make a real spaceship for 5 billion,

    just saying.

  19. yossarianuk

    So it is powered by the mana of the idiot Apple worshippers?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If mana = money wasted on over priced products, then yes.

  20. Potemkine Silver badge

    Modesty is the color of virtue

    "It will be the most environmentally friendly building of its size we think has ever been built and may ever be built"

    I like when people are so modest... reminds me the unsinkable titanic.

  21. Mr Michael Strelitz
    Boffin

    They consulted their doctor.

    An apple a day keeps the greenhouse effect away.

  22. Reading Your E-mail

    Ahh come on, he did screw up by inventing the nuke so he's just trying to get his heaven account back in the black again :)

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "carefully answering each and every question with what appeared to be well-prepared responses, oft-peppered with buzzterms such as "innovate", "collaborate", "team", and the like."

    How do you think Apple has grown its user base? People love this shit!

  24. GotThumbs
    Joke

    Beancounter overlooked one statement that should have been said.....

    AND we have all those repeat buyers of Apple products to thank for our new 5 Billion dollar office building.

    We'll be thinking of you as we hang out in our own private world.

    Thanks for being such dedicated followers and standing in line all those hours each time we put out another innovative and amazing product. .

    You're the best.

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