back to article iPad classes for DOGS offered in New York

In a development which was perhaps inevitable, a canine lyceum in New York has started offering classes in which dogs are taught to "use" iPads. According to an in-depth report on Today.com, doggy pedagogue Anna Jane Grossman ("who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time") was inspired to offer fondleslab …

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  1. Gray Ham Bronze badge
    Joke

    Cats on the other hand ...

    Cats, of course, are evil and therefore use Windows phones.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      My dog has shown no inclination to use my ipad, he's more interested in licking his own b*lls.

      1. auburnman
        Trollface

        To be fair, if I could tongue my own genitalia, I probably wouldn't bother with a tablet either.

        1. Don Jefe
          Joke

          That's why dogs can't make a fist. It wouldn't have been fair.

  2. Evil Auditor Silver badge
    WTF?

    Get a Furby!

    See title.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Clearly no need for Android tablet lessons for dogs

    As people with enough money to burn to pay for computer lessons for their DOG clearly aren't worried about saving a few bucks on a less expensive tablet alternative!

  4. This post has been deleted by its author

    1. knightred
      Thumb Up

      Winning

      I would say rather this sounds like somebody who knows everything about ipad dog owners in New York City.

      However, I agree I was terribly surprised this wasn't satire.

      Also, I don't think you can just "give a child a fucking iPad to entertain themselves" either. You should in fact interact with children as well as your pets. hahahaha

      1. NightFox

        Re: Winning

        The sad irony is that, relative to the amount of exercise they actually need, on average dogs get *far* more exercise than children.

    2. Don Jefe
      Happy

      I let the dogs take care of the children and nobody gets a technological advantage. I've structured their lives in a series with unlockable achievements.

      They have to kill a mammal either barehanded or with improvised weaponry to unlock the iPad. Other challenges exist as well, once the oldest learns to walk I fully expect it will be trying to scale the ice wall to get the Masserati. Its mother drives one and I can feel the acquisitiveness emanating from it every time it sees her through the viewing window.

      The only rule is that the children can't harm one another to complete a challenge and teamwork is rewarded with double rewards. So it's safe and installs a sense of family. The biggest one just unlocked the unlimited pacifier reward by being able to pick it up all by itself!

    3. cordwainer 1
      Facepalm

      Uh....

      quote: They're not children. You can't give them a fucking iPad and let them entertain themselves.

      If you really think that's OK for children, then you shouldn't have kids either.

  5. Captain DaFt

    " Anna Jane Grossman ("who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time") "

    "I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine,"

    So, basically just a dog sitter with a trendy gimmick that lets her charge a fortune, right?

  6. Anomalous Cowshed

    They provoke us

    They provoke us with this article

    They provoke us by serving us such material

    They know we are itching to make witty comments

    But I shall resist, I shall

    I won't be manipulated into it, oh no I won't!!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Peanut butter

    I once knew a bloke who said he trained his dog to give him a BJ.

    Peanut butter was the magic training aid.

    Perhaps that's a better use of a dog + peanut butter combination.

    1. NightFox
      Windows

      Re: Peanut butter

      Crunchy or smooth?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Peanut butter

        "Crunchy or smooth?"

        Do you mean the peanut butter or the BJ?

  8. Chris G

    Silly Bitch!

    I am not talking about any of the dogs either!

    Still looking for a vomit icon!

  9. Goldmember

    America....

    THIS is why the East hates you.

    1. Gadget Rage is BAD
      Facepalm

      Re: America....

      Yeah because the Japanese don't do anything weird with their pets...

      http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2012/jun/08/japans-pampered-pet-dogs-in-pictures#/?picture=391305185&index=0

    2. Armando 123

      Re: America....

      And why part of America really dislikes other parts of America. OTOH, many Americans may shake their head but think "Well, if you can seperate these idiots from their money, do it"

  10. Armando 123

    Hm

    "who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time"

    From bullshit to dogshit, then.

  11. Kubla Cant

    Result?

    So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad? Even her witless customers presumably expect to see some result for their $50.

    1. disgruntled yank

      Re: Result?

      Write trend pieces for the NY newspapers, I'm guessing. It would explain a lot.

    2. Phil O'Sophical Silver badge

      Re: Result?

      So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad?

      I think the "New Yorker" explained that one a while back, I have this cartoon on my office wall. (Perfectly SFW, for those who worry).

      1. Rukario
        Coffee/keyboard

        Re: Result?

        @Phil

        That was what came to mind when I wondered what the dogs were doing with the iPad.

    3. Pete 2 Silver badge

      Lesson: the first

      > So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad?

      You'd kinda hope that a high priority would be to teach them not to cock a leg up to it. Everything after that should be considered a bonus.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is there a MEAT angle to this?

    Lester?

    1. Don Jefe

      Re: Is there a MEAT angle to this?

      I call my dogs Emergency Meal 1, 2 & 3.

  13. cyborg

    Dogs don't seem to be neurologically equipped for this sort of thing

    They have no concept of abstraction so trying to get them to respond to a screen respresentation of anything is like expecting them to look at where you're pointing and not your finger. So WTF is really expected to come out of this?

    Except separating the credulous from their monies of course.

  14. Ralph B

    Bad Mix

    "I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine," she enthused. "It should be something that's enjoyable, because in the end, it's about spending time with your dogs."

    In my experience, dogs behave badly enough without giving them wine. So, down with this sort of thing!

  15. Michael 28

    ...Meat angle?

    "Icanhascheezburgar?" or Lolcats?

    Not sure, but the Dogs/Ipad and journalism/Dog-groomer has raised the bar on at least two counts.

  16. JLV
    Joke

    An idea...

    How about training dogs to poo on whatever tablets the owners don't like?

    fanbois get their dogs trained to poo on Samsungs.

    fandroids pay to have their dogs pee on iPads.

    That was a joke. But... seriously, the mind boggles at some dog owners.

    Ever seen thirty-something ladies walk their Dachshunds in high-end doggie strollers? A sight to behold ;-)

  17. Dropper

    Right then..

    "who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time" ... I believe the trainer lost what little credibility she had remaining about here...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coat

      Re: Right then..

      She'd be like her clientèle then … barking mad.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If I had an iPad, I'd use a lawn wallpaper and coat the screen with puppy potty training spray.

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