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back to article Comcast acquires BitTorrent for $53bn

Just hours after acquiring BitTorrent Incorporated for $53bn in cash and stock, Comcast has shutdown the tiny San Francisco company, assuring customers and shareholders that its doors will never reopen. Last week, the big-name American ISP told the world it would find a way of managing its cable network without discriminating …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    You Fool

    13.02 GMT -> I'd suggest posting on reg america

    (was funny though)

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Poisson d'avril!

    You had me going there for a moment, but I thought $53bn was a little steep for BitTorrent (and for Comcast!).

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Too obvious

    It's a shame Cade Metz made this article too obvious an April Fool, as up until the 4th paragraph it was quite funny! Aquiring Apple and IBM is just over-doing it on the April Foolery!

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    At first I thought this was an April Fools' joke

    But with the dollar falling the way it is, 53bn USD isn't really that much cash, and the whole thing actually sounds quite reasonable. I'm not sure anymore that this isn't a real story!

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  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Woah

    Cade's a busy bee this USAian morning

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  6. Zac T
    Happy

    Good one

    April Fools indeed !

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  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    A better attempt

    This one is on par with the Continuancy Presidency.

    Well done <approves>

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  8. mike

    sounds fishy

    sounds fishy

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  9. Smallbrainfield
    Thumb Up

    Ha ha ha!

    Very nice.

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  10. Chizo Ejindu
    Coat

    In related news...

    Microsoft buys the Houses of Parliament - "We'll knock down that dusty old relic and build a gleaming new edifice of corporate greed! With riverfront views too!" gushes a senior MS source.

    Nobel Council stuns world by announcing Robert Mugabe as prime candidate for Nobel Peace Prize - "Well he's the obvious choice, but personally i would have chosen George W Bush" an unnamed source wittered.

    And so on and so forth...

    Mines the one made from unicorn skin and fairy wings

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  11. James Smith
    Paris Hilton

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

    Chuckle Chuckle.

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Don't tease me!

    As someone who is forced to use Notes at work, I would like nothing better than for it to go away!

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  13. jonathan keith

    Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.

    Nice little mention of Gittes there. Well done.

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  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not big and it's not clever !

    Well ok, it is clever but the jokes are wearing thin now :oP

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  15. Mike H
    Thumb Up

    More Late Breaking News

    "Microsoft in a surprise move bought Linux and all rights to it. They promptly started replacing "Windows" with "Ubuntu" and PClinuxOS versions. They issued a statement saying, at last we have a secure operating system that serves the masses

    without fear of BSOD's....more to come as changes are made.......

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  16. chris
    Happy

    riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

    Almost guys......... almost.

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  17. Ferry Boat

    Let title='When the world was innocent.'

    Please please please let the bit about Notes be true. Please take me back to a time before I knew of its existence.

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  18. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    teh fail!

    "Published Tuesday 1st April 2008 13:02 GMT" so fool on you, as they say.

    @Chizo Ejindu

    The Houses of Parliament aren't all that old actually - only about 120 years or so

    /mine is the anorak today

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  19. Alan W. Rateliff, II
    Paris Hilton

    Well played!

    Wow, I have to admit this seemed like a feasible plan. Right up there with some of the best tragedies of history. Well done!

    Paris, one of the best tragedies of history.

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  20. Paul
    Happy

    Okay, okay, we get it already...

    The Reg homepage is quickly turning into a "spot the real article" competition.

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  21. Alan Davies
    Happy

    That's nothing

    I've just seen a video that proves penguins can fly!

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  22. Dennis
    Coat

    Re: Poisson d'avril!

    "You had me going there for a moment, but I thought $53bn was a little steep for BitTorrent (and for Comcast!)."

    Where does it say US Dollars?

    This morning 53bn Zimbabwe Dollars would pay for one days parking at Heathrow T5. This afternoon it's just about enough for a skinny latte.

    Mine's the one with the gold Krugerrands still in the lining.

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  23. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    That is the best yet!

    Even though it could have been written in a manner that suspended the disbelief a little longer, I don't mind.

    Network management, indeed!

    Keep it up. :-)

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  24. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    URL's again!

    So in a story about the dangers of Wifi aimed at UK readers, u stick "April Fool" in the URL even tho UK readers will be cynical enough not to buy it for a second.

    Then when you do a story aimed at the Yanks, who might be silly enough to fall for it, and you don't put a spoiler in the URL?

    Where's the sense in that?

    Oh, hang on, thats quite funny in it's self actually!

    Mines the flame resistant one!

    Bon

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  25. Ian

    @ Chizo Ejindu

    I don't know, I think the existing parliament represents corporate greed quite nicely with all the laws getting passed to support corporations whilst screwing joe average ;)

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  26. b

    nearly got me!

    i was juuuust about to press submit on another forum, thinking i'd got a scoop..

    phew!

    ya got me!

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  28. punks unite
    Thumb Up

    Excellent

    Well done reg, had me going for a second :p

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  29. Steve Barnett
    Paris Hilton

    Top wheeze, but not as good as the Spaghetti harvest failure of 1973.

    I was there for a moment, as no lunacy surprises me these days.

    Paris, because she's kind to animals.

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  30. Peyton
    Thumb Up

    "a company spokesman denied that we existed"

    LOL too funny

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  31. Andy Bright
    Happy

    Credible

    Well it was a credible joke, seeing as $53 billion is worth about tuppence.

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  32. Nick Woodson
    Thumb Up

    1 Apr 08.......

    A gag that will live in infamy!........

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  33. Robb Topolski

    Best line of the day!

    "When we phoned Comcast for comment, a company spokesman denied that we existed."

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  34. David Pickering
    Thumb Up

    looool

    i wtf'd for a second but then i lol'd hard :D

    <3 el reg

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  35. James O'Brien
    Thumb Up

    Nice one

    Had me going right up till Bram Choen had to change his name :)

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  36. StillNoCouch
    Coat

    WHAT ??? It's not true ?

    Oh come-on ! ... That would seriously solve the whole Torrent Issue. Let ComCastic handle it, it'll be deader than a wedge in no time.

    (Posting this from work 'cause my ConSpastic internet experience is a little too if-fy to try from home).

    <-- The leather one with the snot stains on the sleeve.

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  37. Jared Vanderbilt

    MySpace was passed up.

    They skipped MySpace because their servers were too slow to create any actual internet traffic.

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  38. Paul M.
    Dead Vulture

    Joke backfires

    But isn't this what the tinfoil hat brigade at Public Knowledge write every day?

    Can someone tell Cade, but April 1 stories should be hard to spot. Not screaming "Look at me I'm trying so hard to be funny".

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