I can see it now...
User is at home? Check!
User is behind his/her computer? Check!
IP address is known with Microsoft? Check!
Users PC is running Windows 7? Check!
Mood: You suffer from suppressed moments of anxiety.
Advice: It's because your computer isn't as effective as it could be, and your subconscious knows this. Fortunately you don't need to seek professional help, just get a Windows 8 license, unlock your true potential and change the way you work forever!
[2 months later]
User is at home? Check!
User is behind his/her computer? Check!
IP address is known with Microsoft? Check!
Users PC is running Windows 8? Check!
Mood: You suffer from depression.
Advice: Consider seeking professional help.
[user thinks: man, this application is GOOD]