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back to article Exploding turnip threat menaces Indiana town

Terror came to Fort Wayne, Indiana, late last week as a suspicious package arrived at the offices of a local law firm in a move that seemed to presage a deadly bomb outrage slaughter campaign. After a tense operation by robot and human bomb-disposal operatives, however, it was discovered that the infernal device was in fact - …

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  1. Steven Griffiths
    Happy

    Baldrick attack...

    ...heh heh heh, a punchline waiting years for a turnip-based bomb threat.

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  2. Darren B

    Booooo!!!!!

    I thought this was heading for a Blackadder quote fest.

    "We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun"

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  3. Daniel Wilkie

    The linked article ref "Baldrick"

    How DO they come up with these nicknames?

    "Sgt ‘Dan’ Flood and Sgt ‘Ian’ Reeve set" - 'Dan' and 'Ian' - those are the worst nicknames I've ever heard!

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Slutsky?

    Slutsky? really?

    Is she married? If so she should have chosen to keep her maiden name; if not she needs to, if just to change her name.

    Anyway, clearly someone was just trying to tell the recipient what a turnip he was.

    I personally would have gone for the cook and mash bomb disposal method.

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  5. Paul

    "or maybe that the X-ray didn't come out"

    Or perhaps, as our local frendly bomb desposal expert has admited befor, the bomb desposal people had turned up to a few to many false alarms and wanted something exciting to happen.

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  6. Chris iverson
    Unhappy

    my my

    I used to live not far from there, and I am not surprised

    very no surprised

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  7. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Coat

    @Darren B.

    Blackadder quote fest?

    That must be the worst idea since Abraham Lincoln said: "I'm tired of hanging around the White House, let's take in a show"

    (Yes I know, from B. goes forth)

    Mine the black one

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  8. Fluffykins Silver badge
    Coat

    Well

    That's a turnip for the books!

    Sorry

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  9. Dalen
    IT Angle

    I would complain about the lack of an IT angle...

    ... but the article mentions a root.

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  10. Dave
    Joke

    Blackadder / Baldrick Quotefest

    - What's so funny Baldrick?

    We only had the one turnip, my lord, and it was exactly the same shape as a thingie. But the Ironic thing is, is that my thingie is exactly the same shape as a Turnip.

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Even longer lines at airports

    So we will now be limited to only 100ml of root vegatables on aircraft!

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  12. Lewis Page (Written by Reg staff)
    IT Angle

    IT Angle-o-rama

    Not just a root but a robot fondly known as Bob.

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  14. Peter Clarke

    Blackadder quote

    'Boom! Boom! Boom!' or not in this case

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  15. Lindsay Bruce
    Happy

    More Blackadder references

    How much does this "Double-Baldrick" procedure cost, I wonder?

    EB: "So Baldric what would you do if I gave you a £1,000?"

    SB: "I'd buy a turnip of my very own."

    EB: "So what would you do if I gave you £1,000,000?"

    SB: "Oh that's different - I'd buy a big turnip in the country"

    -

    EB (to the Prince in BA3): "You see, the ancient Greeks, Sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it "Pandora's Box," when, of course, they meant "Baldrick's Trousers."

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  16. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Run Away! Run Away!

    Fools! Hosed, indeed! Bob the Robot obviously mated with the Terror Turnip. Think of the consequences!

    Ah! Here comes the nurse with my medication...

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  17. Steven Hunter
    Flame

    Can't get blood from a turnip?

    Then what in the hell have we been paying all those GM food scientists for then? I for one am sick and tired of those jerks wasting our time and money "increasing the nutrient content of rice" and other bullshit projects like that. Let's get something useful for a change, yeah?

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  18. Spleen
    Flame

    Re: 14:08

    You do know that "ananee masqarad" is ancient Malinese for "one who tries to shag giraffe with his tiny cock", right?

    We have enough trouble with English parents giving their children names that sound stupid in English without worrying about what our names might sound like in the hundreds of other world languages.

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  19. heystoopid
    Paris Hilton

    Ha ! Ha!

    Stupidity is , stupidity does !

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I'm shocked and apalled!

    Fort Wayne is only 60 miles away and I hear about this from a UK website? Oh the humor... the humor! This brings back find memories of the exploding sugar beet incident that almost took the front end off my car.

    good times... good times.

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  21. kain preacher

    Deadly weapon

    See what happens if you eat nothing but turnips for 8 days straight. WMD right there . Gas war fare.

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  22. Martin Maloney
    Dead Vulture

    If you're a shyster...

    ...you never know what might turnip in your mail.

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  23. Michael
    Dead Vulture

    Aren't the swedes supposed to be neutral?

    And i'm still waiting for someone to mention "spud missiles" and weapons of "mash" destruction.

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  24. Arnold Layne
    Paris Hilton

    The usual measured response by the US is expected

    That'll be one extraordinary rendition flight coming up for Graham "The Turnip" Taylor then.

    Paris, as it's a tale of two vegetables.

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  25. Martin Maloney
    Dead Vulture

    An exploding turnip...

    ...is a real rutabaga!

    (You know, like a bigamist is a heavy fog in Rome.)

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  26. Tim
    Boffin

    I'm dying to know...

    How does one make a turnip explode?

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  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't be too careful

    You just never know when someone will arm a turnip and detonate it amongst a lot of innocent people - it might even be schoolchildren. I think there ought to be new laws to prevent the misuse of these things.

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