back to article Brazilian slammer guards nab mobe-smuggling CAT

Brazilian prison wardens admit they have little chance of discovering who was behind a cunning plan to smuggle a mobile phone into the slammer in Arapiraca, south west of Recife, given that the mule is highly unlikely to talk. The nabbed cat with the contraband strapped to its body Guards at the Presídio Desembargador Luiz de …

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  1. tomban

    Dispensing Machine: Hello. How can I help you?

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: Fish!

    Dispensing Machine: Today's fish is Trout à la crème, enjoy your meal.

    Cat: I will.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      what did I just read?

      And why doesn't it make much sense?

      1. BlueGreen

        Re: what did I just read? @theodore

        sorry to be blunt but <http://justfuckinggoogleit.com/>

    2. Chrome

      I can hardly believe I'm about to correct this but it was trout a la grecque

      @theodore I blame bad parenting

      1. Anonymous Cowerd
        FAIL

        @Chrome

        Sounds like trout a la creme to me...

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkjbMoj0JY4

  2. CAPS LOCK

    Worst smuggling plan eva.

    I will take this stuff to the prison, but first I will have a little sleep. Then I will molest some mice, visit two or three old ladies for second, third and possibly fourth breakfasts, have a little sleep, check that everything in my world is as it should be; have a little sleep; just into some boxes; have a little sleep and watch the world go by for a while.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Worst smuggling plan eva.

      It wasn't like the intended recipient was going anywhere...

      Is that the right Icon?

  3. Richard Wharram

    It makes no sense

    How do you persuade a cat to enter a prison?

    Presumably only by standing in front of the gate and giving it a boot at the right moment. If you're going to do that you might as well just chuck it over the wall.

    (The contraband, not the cat.)

    1. Anonymous John

      Re: It makes no sense

      Or you start with two hundred cats with two hundred sets of mobile phones, etc, and release them. Then hope that at least one will wander into the prison.

  4. Alvar
    Joke

    Surely it'll be easy tto find the guilty party - just bring in a sniffer cat to search the cells for a stash of catnip .

    1. George Nacht

      Unless...

      ..the owner will claim that the catnip is for his glaucoma...

  5. This post has been deleted by its author

  6. The Jase

    cruel

    Pretty damn cruel taping it on.

    That poor cat would lose a lot of fur, and may end up bleeding when the tape is removed.

    1. hplasm

      Re: cruel

      It's bloody criminal...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: cruel

      i think they might have been using the tools to smuggle food into the prison...

      Ah, there's no ALF icon.

  7. Zog The Undeniable

    Nothing to see here

    It's just a delivery from the Catphone Warehouse.

  8. Thomas 4

    Morons

    I bet whoever came up with this plan is feline pretty stupid right about now.

    1. Simon Harris

      Re: Morons

      When they catch him, he'll be charged with committing a feline-y.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Morons

        That should give other wannabe criminals paws for thought. Even if things had gone purrrfectly, the miscreant would still have had to strip a bunch of gaffer tape from an angry cat, and probably got clawed in the eyes.

        I think it's easy to know who's guilty though. In cell 23 (or possibly not?) is prisoner 9512387 Schrodinger. I reckon it was him.

  9. JimmyPage Silver badge
    Coat

    Oh well

    paws for thought

    1. Lexxy
      Facepalm

      Re: Oh well

      It was almost the purrfect crime.

  10. Jediben
    FAIL

    After all that elaborate sellotaping

    You'd have hoped for it to go purrfectly.

    1. David 45

      Re: After all that elaborate sellotaping

      I expect there was a claws in the agreement but that was in by a whisker.

      1. Lexxy
        Coat

        Re: After all that elaborate sellotaping

        You gotta' be kitten me!

  11. mev

    Galore?

    "The powers-that-be at the jail said this was the first time an animal had been used to transport contraband..."

    ...or the first time an animal has been caught?

  12. frank ly
    Unhappy

    If the cat _could_ talk, it would say ...

    ... "I'll take you directly to the guy who did this to me, if you promise to beat the crap out of him."

    1. Colin Millar

      Re: If the cat _could_ talk, it would say ...

      Whaddaya mean "if the cat could talk"?

      Of course the cat can talk - as any fule no all cats can talk.

      They just haven't yet thought of anything that needs saying.

      1. Nunyabiznes

        Re: If the cat _could_ talk, it would say ...

        "Of course the cat can talk - as any fule no all cats can talk.

        They just haven't yet thought of anything that needs saying."

        They just haven't found a human they think is worth saying anything to."

        There, fixed it for you.

  13. Colin Millar
    Coat

    Maybe

    It was fish in the jailhouse night

    But then of course the drills etc wouldn't be needed

  14. Pet Peeve
    Coat

    ... In other news, a prisoner was put in solitary confinement after being discovered by a guard with a haddock down his pants.

    1. Pet Peeve
      Happy

      Or is that "an haddock"?

  15. ACcc
    FAIL

    This reminds me of the ever so effective CIA spy cat

    See here for details:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty

  16. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    Was this some kind of homing-cat? How are you supposed to get the cat to go to the right cell with the goodies? Or was it a generalised present, to whichever prisoner was lucky enough to find it? Alternatively you replace the kitty goody-bag with a webcam or tracking device, and see which cat the cell goes to. Assuming some sort of cat-whisperer, who's managed to train it to that kind of accuracy. Then execute them. Anyone who can train cats that well is a danger to society, and on no account should be released, in case they take over the world.

    1. Simon Harris

      "How are you supposed to get the cat to go to the right cell with the goodies?"

      following a sat-nav of course... It was a Tom Tom.

      1. hplasm
        Coat

        Shurly-

        Cat-Nav

        1. Simon Harris
          Happy

          Re: Shurly-

          "Cat-Nav"

          Nice one!

      2. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Simon Harris,

        Well played sir!

  17. Nifty Silver badge
    FAIL

    no attempt made to investigate then?

    Should've let the cat quietly return home... with a GPS tracker attached to it's collar

  18. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Coat

    Cat burglar caught "going equipped"?

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

  19. ukgnome

    It wouldn't of been caught it it had a frikken head mounted laser!

  20. LaeMing

    Well,

    now we know how Schrodinger's cat manages to keep getting out of that box before we can turn on the quantum gas!

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Smuggled iPhone?

    Was it jail broken?

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