back to article First pic of Ashton Kutcher as the great Steve 'jOBS'

The first official pic of Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs in the Apply-titled jOBS has been unveiled by Sundance. First official pic of Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs The Aaron Sorkin-scripted biopic will be premiering at the Sundance Festival next year, when legions of fanbois will be prepared to vilify any and all attempts to …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

    No matter how good/bad the story it, I fully expect that a good section of those who post here will villify the movie and even pelt the screen with rotten tomatoes/eggs/whatever just because it is about Apple.

    This post will be downvoted into oblivion but there is no disguising that some people hate Apple/Jobs with a vengance or blindness which is a shame.

    I will probably give the movie a miss as anything with Mr Kutcher in makes me cringe.

    1. Haku

      Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      It'll be fun watching the fanbois who love Apple but hate Ashton Kutcher wrestle with their emotions on tech/film forums everywhere :)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

        I read that as "wrestle with their emoticons on tech/film forums everywhere".

    2. frank ly
      Thumb Up

      @AC 06:47 Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      I've upvoted you in admiration of your defiant and probably self-fulfilling pessimism. Oh, ... wait a minute...

    3. Shades
      Stop

      Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      No matter how good/bad the story it, I fully expect that a good section of those who post here will claim the movie to be the Best Ever Movie and pelt the none believers with verbal diarrhoea and downvotes just because they don't adulate a company.

      This post will be downvoted into oblivion but there is no disguising that some people worship a company/businessman with a worryingly frenzied obsessiveness which is completely unhealthy.

      I will probably give the movie a miss as anything where people are undoubtedly going to woop, holla and cheer at a screen - and they will, they did when Apple announced places on a map! - will make me want to be sick in my mouth a little.

      There, fixed that for you.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Looks

      Looks like the start of a 1970's porn video.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

        No matter how good/bad the story it, I fully expect that a good section of those who post here will villify the movie and even pelt the screen with rotten tomatoes/eggs/whatever just because it has Ashton Kutcher in it.

        This post will be downvoted into oblivion but there is no disguising that some people hate Ashton Kutcher with a vengance or blindness which is a shame.

        I will probably give the movie a miss as anything with Apple in makes me cringe.

        ...

        Nah I'm just kidding, everyone hates Ashton Kutcher.

        1. nematoad

          Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

          Jobs I know about, but Ashton Kutcher, who he?

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

            > Jobs I know about, but Ashton Kutcher, who he?

            Isn't he Bruce Willis's son?

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4hLe7wBN4I

        2. Naughtyhorse

          Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

          I wasa thinking Kelso was the perfect fit for his jobsness.

          and Sorkin can do no wrong in my mind (alright the coke and nutcase fundamentalist women aside)

          I'll prolly torrent it :-)

          1. Naughtyhorse

            Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

            ah i had erased the facebook thing from my mind...

            okay

            apart from the coke,

            nutjob women

            and zuckerberg... bitch

            what has arron sorkin ever done for us?

          2. Lockwood

            Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

            What has 2 thumbs and can impersonate Steve Jobs?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

              "What has 2 thumbs and can impersonate Steve Jobs?"

              THIS GUY!

              1. Dave 126 Silver badge

                Re: Kutcher haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

                On film forums, it is the 3-acts in real-time structure that is raising eyebrows, not the subject matter. For some weird reason I'm thinking of the first act of The Producers.

      2. Andrew Newstead

        Re: Looks

        Because this bit is set in the seventies perhaps?

      3. Martin Budden Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Looks

        Which one?

    5. TeeCee Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      I'll give it a miss as it's scripted by Sorkin.

      Any sycophant who's had their tongue that far up Zuckerbitch's tradesman's entrance makes me cringe.

    6. Ian Yates
      WTF?

      Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      Either my morning coffee hasn't taken affect or you were very subtle in your own irony.

      "some people hate Apple/Jobs with a vengance or blindness"

      "anything with Mr Kutcher in makes me cringe"

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Apple haters can start getting their rotten tomatoes ready now

      "….some people hate Apple/Jobs with a vengance or blindness which is a shame"

      …..some people love Apple/Jobs vehemently, which is a shame… Fixed it for you.

      It’s just a bloody crappy tech co. He’s just a man. Nothing special.

      What is a shame is that retarded people want to place more kudos to the man/company than deserves.

  2. Sil

    Jobs deserved an actor

    I'm not a Steve Jobs fanboi but I think he deserved a true actor to impersonate him.

    Kutcher is a good third rate actor, doing an ok job in a crappy tv series.

    1. Captain DaFt
      Facepalm

      Re: Jobs deserved an actor

      Could have been worse... They could have cast Adam Sandler... Just saying.

      1. Sloppy Crapmonster
        Happy

        Re: Jobs deserved an actor

        Adam Sandler as Jobs, Seth Rogan as Wozniak. Brilliant!

    2. P. Lee
      Coat

      Re: Jobs deserved an actor

      Kelso has experience of the 70's.

      1. Corinne

        Re: Kelso has experience of the 70's

        Yep must admit that was the first thing I thought. I can never detatch Ashton Kutcher from that role in my mind, so will be very strange seeing him playing the part of a genius (whether you like him/Apple or not, he WAS a very smart man).

        Whatever way they go in the film there will be critical people. Anti Jobs/Apple people will accuse the film makers of treating him too gently, and Jobs/Apple Fans will accuse them of doing a hatchet job on the memory of their saint - no win situation. I won't spend money seeing this in the cinema, just wait for it to come round on Sky

        1. Martin Budden Silver badge
          Childcatcher

          @Corinne Re: Kelso has experience of the 70's

          "(whether you like him/Apple or not, he WAS a very smart man)"

          There are smart people, then there are people dumb enough to try to beat cancer by refusing their doctors' medications, instead relying on alternative "treatment" including juice diets and consulting a psychic.

          1. Corinne

            Re: @Corinne Kelso has experience of the 70's

            I'll give you that partially Martin - he was a very smart man in some ways, bloody nutjob in others. We all tend to have irrational blind spots, pity for him that his was fatal!

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Jobs deserved an actor

      "I'm not a Steve Jobs fanboi but I think he deserved a true actor to impersonate him.

      Kutcher is a good third rate actor, doing an ok job in a crappy tv series."

      Then Kutcher is the perfect choice for an imperfect man.

  3. taxman

    Who?

    See title

    1. Haku
      Trollface

      Re: Who?

      Dude!

      You HAVE to go and rent "Dude, Where's My Car?"

      1. Magister

        Re: Who?

        Sweet!

        1. Shades

          Re: Who?

          Dude!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Who?

            Sweeeeeet.

            1. This post has been deleted by its author

            2. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Who?

              Duuuuuude!

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Who?

                And then?

                1. Sorry, "Sorry that handle is already taken" is already taken.
                  Go

                  Re: Who?

                  Zoltan!

                  1. Onid
                    Thumb Up

                    Re: Who?

                    and theeeeen??

                    1. TheRealRoland
                      Happy

                      Re: Who?

                      "And then along came Jones!

                      Tall thin Jones

                      Slow-walkin Jones

                      Slow-talkin Jones

                      Along came long, lean, lanky Jones"

                      Showing my age here...

  4. Mike Tubby
    Paris Hilton

    Mr. Jobs or Mr. Black?

    Looks like a young (and thinner) version of Jack Black... perhaps he'll burst forth with a rendition of the "greatest song in the world" -- or a sonnet to Mr. Jobs?

    G

    Paris should listen to the Tenacious D album ;-)

  5. secret goldfish

    Two Jobs films

    I think the writer has either his/her Jobs films mixed up or simply didn't make the following more clear in the original article;

    There are two different Steve Jobs Bio-films being made and released -

    One is the lower budget independent film starring Kutcher (which is where this photo is obviously from) and another more high profile/bigger budget studio film being scripted by Sorkin.

    Then there's also the existing, older, made for tv HBO one 'Pirates of Silicon Valley' which while pretty cheaply made and over acted is actually surprisingly watchable and good for a laugh.

    In true Jobsian/Apple style, you will be able to see the Kutcher one first and then several months later be required to upgrade to the newer (and likely better) higher budgeted Sorkin scripted film.

    1. Fibbles

      Re: Two Jobs films

      Is 'Pirates Of Silicon Valley' the one that makes out Bill G to be an evil genius of the calibre only usually seen in Bond films?

      1. DJV Silver badge
        Happy

        Re: Two Jobs films

        But eveyone forgets the best one:

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrhmWkRfyAI

      2. Silverburn
        Joke

        Re: Two Jobs films

        Is 'Pirates Of Silicon Valley' the one that makes out Bill G to be an evil genius of the calibre only usually seen in Bond films?

        It's a documentary then...?

  6. Some Beggar

    bumfluff

    That's a very weak beard. Even in his sallow youth, Jobs had a better beard than that.

    I'm sure the acting and directing will be great ... but Beard integrity is very important for a nerd tribute film.

  7. ukgnome

    I haven't read the film synopsis so can someone tell me.

    Is this the one about a smelly antisocial drugged up hippy? Or the one about a tyrannical bastard hell bent on subjecting his will upon everything?

    1. Some Beggar

      I think it's the one about how they realised that The Social Network made tens of millions of dollars at the box office and was extremely cheap to film and Hey Look! there's another famous nerd let's cash in on that one.

    2. Naughtyhorse

      Is this the one about a....

      yes

  8. BlackBolt
    Go

    Not an Apple fan, but this could be interesting

    I'm not an Apple fan (I own no Apple devices at all) nor an Ashton Kutcher fan. Saying that I think this might be quite interesting.

    Jobs was quite an innovator in the field and had an undeniable presence in the IT industry, over a far greater remit than just Apple. A film that examines his personality and method of approaching a task / problem could be quite a cinematic treat. (...and I love cinema)

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Call me

    when they make a film about Dennis Ritchie, who died around the same time. A much more pleasant person who contributed far more to modern technology.

    1. toadwarrior
      FAIL

      Re: Call me

      You were his personal friend then and can back up your claim?

  10. PaulR79
    Coat

    Annual remake?

    With this being Apple related can we expect a slightly tweaked release every year?

    1. Cynical Observer

      Re: Annual remake?

      Of Course - but only if you're prepared to pay for it.

    2. Some Beggar

      Re: Annual remake?

      Oh you cynic.

      This film will be a revolution. It will be released in iMMersion - the patented novel all-sensory media format whereby iPhotons are propelled at extraordinary velocity until they dramatically collide with a screen coated in purest iSilver resulting in a pan-spectral iPicture that quite literally reflects into your puny mortal eyeballs.

      1. Sorry, "Sorry that handle is already taken" is already taken.
        Thumb Up

        Re: Annual remake?

        "This film will be a revolution. It will be released in iMMersion - the patented novel all-sensory media format whereby iPhotons are propelled at extraordinary velocity until they dramatically collide with a screen coated in purest iSilver resulting in a pan-spectral iPicture that quite literally reflects into your puny mortal eyeballs."

        iBalls, surely?

        1. Stumpy

          Re: Annual remake?

          Sure that shouldn't be iMax?

  11. Bod

    I'd far rather see...

    ... a dramatic Hollywood style punch up version of the Samsung v Apple war.

    With real nukes, as Steve said he was going thermonuclear over it.

  12. Parax
    Facepalm

    Announced 1st April

    So much for it being an April fool then :(

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wasn't Adam Sandler available?

    Isn't he normally the go-to man for such predictable dross?

  14. andy gibson

    Micro Men

    I think I'll re-watch BBC's Micro Men, probably one of the best retro computer dramatisations ever.

  15. IronSteve

    He's too handsome to play Jobs...IMO

  16. LesC
    Stop

    Oh, No

    BBQ Turkey Meatballs in Apple 013 contender.

  17. jaysel

    First pic?

    What about the pics that came out 6 months ago, with the same tagline " where's the turtle neck"

    To which I will offer the same reply - he didn't were turtle necks back in the 70/80's

    Come on Vulture Central - slow news day is it??

  18. Keep Refrigerated
    Trollface

    Synopsis for SJ movie, working title: "The Passion 2: Forbidden Fruit"

    Steve Jobs is in the garden of Apple, praying... Schmidt appears and tries to tempt him to endorse Android. Steve resists, his eyes bleed. "Father, why do they steal my IP?"

    Wozniak betrays him by appearing in the press extolling the virtues of Android and pleading with Apple to innovate and compete in the market. Steve enters the market, turns over the tables "I am going to destroy Android because it's a stolen product. I'm willing to go full crucifixion on this."

    Android captures Steve's marketshare, he is beaten and bruised in the overnight court of public opinion. So he appeals to Pontius Patent. Meanwhile a fanboi offers to carry his crucifix for him, but Steve rebukes him "You're holding it wrong."

    Finally they nail Steve to the cross, and put a sign above his head "The Creator of the Smartphone". He ascends to fanbois wet dreams. Mary Magdemedia-Correspondent weeps for the messiah.

  19. TheRealRoland
    Unhappy

    What makes this photo really scary...

    Is that by placing an old computer and an 8 bit rainbow-colored photo on the cube wall - people feel like being transported back into the 80s!?

    Amazing how cubes still look like that today.

    I hate cube world.

    1. Darryl

      Re: What makes this photo really scary...

      They still look like that because in most offices, they're the same damn cubes that were there in the '80's. If the user is really lucky, they've managed to get a new chair since then.

  20. W.O.Frobozz
    FAIL

    Too easy.

    No point on commenting on the actor playing the most holy Saint of modern computing. It's a comparison that writes itself.

    But I would like to see some kind of biopic that actually doesn't just glamourize either Bill Gates or Jobs. How about Woz for a change? Dennis Ritchie? Jay Miner? Jack "Scorched Earth" Tramiel? Nolan freaking Bushnell? Naah..let's just continue genuflecting to Steve Jobs and continue his ascendancy to Christ-like proportions. I guess I should look forward to the scene where Ashton Jobs personally solders together the first iphone prototoype in his underground garage.

  21. Neill Mitchell

    Is it in 16:9 or 4:3?

    Better still 2.35:1. That would make Jobs spin in his grave ;)

  22. Bob Merkin
    Angel

    Shouldn't it be called iOBS?

    Because in the Latin alphabet, Jehovah starts with an 'i'.

  23. David 45

    Film biopic of who, exactly?

    I really don't know why this film is being made. The guy was just a "difficult" CEO of a company that has made millions by conning folk that their kit is better than anybody else's. So much spin and high-grade cattle excrement, it's unbelievable. Still, if the fanbois really want their wallets made considerably lighter by buying Apple when there is a whole lot of stuff around that will do just as good a job, if not better, than I suppose that's up to them. As far as I'm concerned, Jobs was no icon, to be worshipped like some religious deity. He just wanted tight control over the products in order to milk even more for servicing and the like. In my opinion, the world would be a lot better without the arrogance of Apple.

  24. Bod

    What about the Bill Gates story though?

    Who's going to reproduce the sexy poses of Bill draped over a desk?

    I'm having nightmares just thinking about the original photos!

    Still, who came up with the desk pose first, Bill or Steve?

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